He sat down and drew his chair so he could see her face. Shoulders bowed, clasping his hands between his knees, it appeared he was struggling to gather his thoughts. After a while, he glanced up at Suzanna and drew a deep breath.
And here it comes.
“I only want what’s best for you—you have to know that. And regardless of the confusing impressions you must have of him, my brother is the best. That he needs the grace and assistance of a feminine influence is beyond dispute, but he’s a good man. He’d give his life for someone he loves. If you would only consider his suit, he’ll take good care of you and give you the things you want. The things you deserve.” His face flushed as he cut a sideward glance toward the door.
Suzanna listened, her expression solemn.
“You’re the sister I never had and always wanted. I love you and cherish your friendship. But with Jason gone and your parents dead, what I want above all is your happiness. These are perilous times, and there are very few men of quality available who are in a position to marry. Julian didn’t suit you, and you were right to refuse him. Other than him, the men remaining are too young, far too old, impoverished, or otherwise broken in some way. There’s nothing for you here, and I see nothing changing in the coming years. I don’t want to see you wasted. You have too much to offer. You should have all the things you’ve always wanted. I watch you hold Jeremiah, and my heart breaks to see how much you long for a baby of your own. It won’t happen here.”
Suzanna fell back against the rocker and gazed at the wisteria blooming beside the porch. Beautiful, full, bursting with life. Bees buzzing from blossom to blossom, bush to bush, going about their appointed tasks. No problems, no choices, yet free. Why couldn’t she be like that?
Because she was a flesh-and-blood woman with a more complex life. Nathan only confirmed what she’d been thinking earlier.
. Marry? A man so different, living so far away? It frightened her.
His blue gaze captured hers, firm, determined, and a little bit sad.
“You might want to consider Jake’s offer. He would be the most fortunate man on earth to have you for a wife, and this way, you would remain in our family. You may not want to hear it, but Jake is exactly what you need right now. And you’re perfect for him, Suzanna. God help me, I never thought to hear myself say this, but it is an offer worth serious consideration.”
Suzanna raised her shoulders in consternation and set her cup aside. She’d promised herself she’d be open to taking a risk. What could be riskier than to agree to marry a relative stranger and move to a place she knew nothing about? She crossed her arms under her bosom, pressing to steady the butterflies that fluttered in her stomach and would not light. Slowly rocking to and fro, she pondered her friend’s words.
What on earth did she have to lose?
Nathan was right. His brother was in a position to offer her what no other man could. And Annie was right, too. There were no prospects for happiness here.
Did she truly have a choice? Should she take the chance?
Her shoulders dropped as she blinked away tears of trepidation and excitement.
“You win.” Capitulation. “I’ve got some thinking to do.” She patted his hand and headed up the path behind their house to the crest of the mountain.
Though it wasn’t safe for a single woman to be out on the streets at any hour, the back of Nathan’s property abutted a stand of woods leading to a bluff that hung over Shannon Valley. Rocks jutted from the bluff, and hidden by the foliage lay a path to a large, flat boulder stretching out and over the valley floor. Her special place—the place where she’d grieved the loss of her parents and Jason. Where she’d prayed for an end to the war and the restoration of her country. A place of solace where she came to be alone and consider the most important decisions of her life.
Inhaling a deep breath, she breathed in the aromatic scent of pine straw and earth. A mockingbird’s call sang in her ear, while strings of white clouds floated in the azure sky. Closing her eyes, she drank in the peace of the morning.
Locals dubbed the rock “Lover’s Leap.” She well understood the name. Macabre as it seemed, an aura of tragedy hung about the place.
According to legend, a beautiful Indian princess had leaped to her death there, following the murder of her lover, the son of the chief of a warring tribe. They had been forbidden to marry, and he was murdered by a jealous brave who sought her for his own wife. When the killer went to claim his bride, she was gone. The princess loved her fallen brave too much to live without him, and went to join him, to live forever in the presence of the Great Spirit. She leapt from the boulder and fell to her death. Her warrior lover had met her in the land of the dead, where the couple lived and loved throughout all eternity, never more to be parted.
A romantic story. Almost like Mr. Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. Once, a few years ago, Suzanna had felt like that Indian maiden. Devastated when she lost Jason, she’d come here day after day to grieve. She’d never contemplated suicide—it wasn’t in her nature—but a part of her died with Jason. A part of her she thought would never be resurrected.
She, like the Indian maiden, had wanted to retreat to a place where there was no suffering or pain—a place to escape the misery. She too had loved and lost, and could empathize with the maiden’s grief.
Suzanna whispered aloud to the floating clouds, “What should I do? Should I accept Jake’s offer? I’m tired of being alone. But is loneliness reason enough to marry a stranger? Nathan and Annie are right—there’s nothing holding me here—it’s a different world. Lord, tell me what to do!”
She’d read dime novels filled with rough cowboys and murderous villains, but the war had taught her such men existed wherever there were vulnerable people or a profit to be made. If she married Jake, would it be the fresh start she craved, or would she wind up feeling like a prisoner in an alien land?
So many questions; so few answers.
Perhaps that wouldn’t be so bad. Perhaps there she could lay her ghosts to rest and begin to live again. No more memories of the dead or dying, no more fear of walking streets and falling prey to lustful, greedy men. No more constant reminders of what could have been.
The rustle of underbrush and a muttered curse interrupted the silence. She’d recognize that low growl anywhere. Jake!
“Suzanna? Where in heaven’s name are you? I know you’re down here. Ouch!” He slipped on a rock, and his big body stumbled into the clearing. “May I join you?” He lowered himself beside her without waiting for an answer and glanced around. One leg straight, one bent at the knee, he relaxed and took in the surroundings.
“What is this place?” he asked.
“A private spot I’ve come to ever since I was a child. It’s where I do my best thinking.”
They sat for a while in companionable silence and let the breeze work its magic.
Suzanna met Jake’s steady gaze, and for that moment in time, it seemed she could see to his very soul. He let her in, let her see, and the real Jake stared back. Steady. Strong. Protective.
“Life isn’t a fairy tale, Suzanna. You know as well as I that happily-ever-afters aren’t guaranteed and endings are not always what we hope for, but I believe ours can be. I’ve worked hard…spent the last ten years building my ranch. Fought the land, Indians, nature. Sacrificed my youth. And now I want sons to inherit it someday. Is that so wrong?”
“Could you not find a wife on your own?”
“None that I would have—or want.”
“So you wrote your brother and asked him to procure one for you?”
“It isn’t like that. Where I’m from, women are scarce. Refined women, anyway. I don’t want a dance-hall floozy to become the mother to my sons. Where was I to find a quality, educated, genteel person?” Jake frowned. “Ah, Suzanna, why do you fight so hard against me? You do not object to me as much as you would have everyone think. I came all the way from Wyoming to find a wife. I believe I found her the moment I saw you holding you
r pretty petticoats over that boiling kettle of water.”
Capturing an errant strand of hair, he tucked it neatly behind her ear. The brief touch sent her heart into a slide. No, she was not immune to his charms. Quite the opposite.
“You smelled so fresh and clean. With the wind blowing your hair and dress, I wanted to steal you away right then and there, Nathan’s plans be damned.”
A rough tenderness crept into his voice, and he took her hand, his skin warm and calloused, his clasp firm. “Does it matter how or when we met? I don’t have to remind you, of all people, that life is short and chances for happiness fleeting. We need to grab hold of it while we can. My brother loves us both and wants us to have the best life has to offer. That’s why he sent for me. In his opinion, the best is you, and after meeting you, I agree. He and Annie love you and want you to be happy and safe. Is that so terrible a fate?”
She glanced away, tiny bumps crawling up her spine as his fingertips made lazy circles on the back of her hand. He made far too much sense, this cowboy suitor. Hard pressed to find fault with his reasoning, she knew her heart softened.
“I’m not a man of easy words, Suzanna. I can’t tell you how I feel, but I can show you. Give me that chance. My offer is a place to call your own—everything I have will be yours. You’ll never go hungry again. I’ll hold you close at night and keep you safe, and God willing, we’ll have a family to brighten our days and bring us joy.”
Her traitorous heart thudded in her chest as she straightened, smiled, and answered softly, “You’re doing very well for a man who claims to be short on words, Jake.”
He threw back his head and laughed, the sound of it echoing through her valley. “I’ve spoken more words trying to convince you to marry me than I’ve spoken in all my years in Wyoming. The question is…have they worked?”
Taking her other hand in his, he entwined their fingers: his calloused and worn, turned brown by the sun; hers, delicate, but just as strong. Though different in size, they fit.
“Does my touch repulse you, is that what holds you back? Are you afraid of the physical expectations of this marriage? Speak frankly, Suzanna, and let me put your mind at ease. Whatever prevents you from accepting me, let’s get it out and be done with it.”
Her breath caught. Repulsed? Far from it. His touch elicited desires in her body that no true lady would allow. Everything about him appealed to her—his appearance, his unique manly scent, the deep timbre of his voice, his strength, his masculinity. The promises he made.
Drawing her slowly to her feet, Jake wrapped his muscled arms around her and sheltered her in the circle of his embrace. Suzanna could feel his heart pounding a strong, steady beat in his chest. With one finger he raised her chin, and she could see the glint of desire in his eyes. Smoothing his hand gently over her face, he let his thumb trace the outline of her bottom lip.
He lowered his head, and her breath mingled with his. “I would never hurt you, Suzanna. This I swear. You need never fear me.”
His face hovered mere inches from hers, so close she could see the pores of his skin and the tiny lines that crinkled from the corners of his eyes. The bright silver-blue of his eyes darkened, and Suzanna felt a quickening pull at the center of her, where woman and man were intended to meet.
Waiting for that first touch of his lips was exquisite torture. He breathed into her mouth as her lips parted. Suzanna ached for the fulfillment of that kiss, ached as his nearness made her head spin and her blood turn to liquid fire.
“Jake.” His name escaped her lips, her voice unrecognizable, filled with longing.
He tasted of coffee laced with mint and a unique flavor that could only be him. His lips were surprisingly soft as he pressed butterfly kisses on each corner of her mouth. She sighed against him. The tip of his tongue teased her lips, and she heard herself expel a soft moan as she allowed him entrance.
Then he claimed her, covering her mouth in a rough and raspy exploration, coaxing the first tentative touch of her tongue in return. Pulling her closer, he slanted his head and deepened the kiss, drawing out her breath, making her knees go weak. Surrendering to each sensation, Suzanna couldn’t believe he’d mocked her desire for romance. Not after that first sweet taste.
His hand fisted the back of her dress, pulling her tightly against him. Her softening femininity pressed into his rock-hard chest until she could feel the pounding of his heart against her own.
What was happening? Never had she felt so on fire. She’d thought herself afraid to be with him, to be intimate, yet she was burning with desire and couldn’t hold back. She’d only been lying to herself. Afraid? No, the only thing Suzanna was afraid of was that she would never get enough of the man she held in her arms, never in this lifetime.
They melded to each other in the dappled sunlight, under the canopy of sheltering branches, while mockingbirds sang their songs and southern winds fueled their passion. When Jake reluctantly ended the kiss, Suzanna gazed weakly into his smoldering, midnight eyes.
“Marry me,” he demanded hoarsely as his big hands gently massaged her shoulders. “Marry me, and I’ll love you as you never dreamed a woman could be loved.”
In that moment, she believed him. Wanted everything he was offering. What else could she do?
His touch. His taste. His heart beating against hers… She took the leap—over the edge of the clifftop rock. Into her hopes, her dreams, her future.
“Yes, Jake. Yes, I’ll marry you,” she whispered as his lips again lowered to hers.
Before this moment, she could not imagine her life with him.
Now, she could not imagine her life without him.
Chapter Seven
Suzanna was exhausted.
The lack of sleep the night before, added to the stress of reasoning through the pros and cons of marriage, had drained her. Everything was happening so fast. One minute she was bemoaning her lonely existence; the next she was engaged in what amounted to an arranged marriage to a man who was part stranger, part fairytale. She felt like Nathan was on one end of a rope, Jake on the other—and she was the rope.
There had been no courtship, yet Nathan and Annie had presented her with a groom. What should it be called?
An expedient liaison?
Love at first sight?
Fate?
At some point, she’d made peace with the thought that she had made the best decision she could, and vowed to leave the rest in God’s hands.
“Have a little faith…” She could almost hear her mother’s voice call to her from heaven’s gates. Her decision made, her answer given, all that remained was to move forward and trust that it would all work out in the end.
Jake had walked her home and left her with a discreet kiss on her hand, mindful of the curious eyes spying from behind the lace curtains of her neighbor’s parlor. “You have some planning to do. When you decide how you want to proceed, I’ll help with the arrangements. You’ve made the right decision, Suzanna. For both of us.”
She spent the rest of the day in a tizzy, until she finally resorted to taking pencil and paper in hand and beginning a to-do list. What would she do with her house? When would they marry? She assumed it would be soon; Jake had made it plain he needed to get back to his ranch as soon as possible.
Myriads of questions fogged her brain, accompanied by the ever-present butterflies that she assumed would be her constant companions for the foreseeable future. Finally, as dusk settled, she left her desk and made a light supper. Knowing she would probably not sleep a wink, she poured a glass of her mother’s sherry, hoping it would calm her nerves, and dressed for bed.
She sat on the feather mattress and opened the drawer of her bedside table. All of Jason’s letters, tied with ribbon worn thin from so many readings. Her past. The man with whom she’d thought to spend the rest of her life. Now a precious memory. What would he have thought of Jake Cantrell? Would he approve of the man she’d agreed to marry? Would he understand?
Ah, Jason I loved you so
. I will always miss you—always love you. Rest in peace, my love.
As she crawled under warm covers, the image of Jason’s beloved face faded and was replaced by the strong features and imposing presence of Jake. While she could hardly remember what it had felt like to be in Jason’s arms, she could not ignore the appeal of being held by Jake. Tall, sturdy, heavily muscled, he made her feel so many things—most of all safe. She’d forgotten that sensation. Not having to worry about loss, or threats of danger, even hunger. Yes, this arrangement could offer her much. To her surprise, she turned over once and the next thing she knew, a bright ray of sunshine woke her.
Nathan knocked on her front door as she finished breakfast. He appeared nervous when she opened the door.
“May I come in? Annie is with Jeremiah, but I wanted to have a word with you in private.”
Suzanna frowned, puzzled. “Of course, come in. I was just having coffee. May I offer you a cup?”
“Gladly.” He sat and ran his hands through his hair.
She handed him the steaming brew, and he sipped it quietly. Finally, he straightened his shoulders and met her gaze directly. “Jake showed up at our house last night. He told us you agreed to marry him. That having been said, I feel I must ask… Are you all right with all this? With Jake? The marriage? Moving to Wyoming? I know I told you it was what I wanted, but I can’t help worrying I’ve pressured you into something you feel compelled to accept. Your happiness is the only thing that matters to me—I hope you know that.”
“Put your mind at ease, Nathan. You and Annie have done your best for me—you always have, and I love you both dearly. The decision is made; what will be, will be. What happens from this point forward is up to Jake and me. Have you seen him this morning?”
“He’s out riding, said he had some errands to run, arrangements to make. Suzanna? He’s my brother. I love him. I believe he has a good heart, and I know he will keep his word, be a good husband to you. Above all things, I want you safe and comfortable, under the protection of someone who cares for you.” He took both her hands in his, searching her face.
A Necessary Woman Page 6