“She is yours, Cantrell. You do not deserve her, but she has chosen. It may be that it was always so. Take her now, and go in safety. You will not see me again until I come for the boy.” Then he turned to her.
“Jake, may I?” Her tearful gaze wavered as she implored her husband.
“Suzanna, no!”
“Just a moment. Please.”
Jake reluctantly nodded and mounted, along with Pete, Hank, and the rest of the men. He rode his horse a few yards away, then turned his head aside, affording her privacy for her farewell.
Black Hawk dismounted and drew her to the side of the trail. Spotted Horse and the others formed a protective shield around them and kept their eyes on the ground.
He spoke softly to her in his own language. She didn’t understand the words, but she understood the meaning. The mighty warrior trembled before her. Though he sought to steal her from her husband, she believed he was a good man, and she felt compassion. The others saw only the Indian; she saw the man.
“Black Hawk?” she said softly, her hand hovering above his arm. “I will never forget you. Not you, your people, or the kindness shown me. But you and I were never meant to be. Not because of your heritage or mine—because before you came into my life I belonged to another.”
Breaking her gaze, he stared stoically ahead. “It is so.”
So many different kinds of love in the world. She thought of Jason, Julian, Nathan, Black Hawk. In her own way, she had loved them all and lost. All but Jake.
Black Hawk reached out to tenderly touch her hair. “This is what it means to be a man of honor. I did not know it would be so painful. I would try to forget you if I could. In my Indian heart I know you would not be content in my world. In my white heart, I know I could not be happy in yours. But from my Indian heart or my white heart, I will speak these words. You walk with me always, here.” He pounded his chest once, hard. “You will always be the wife of my spirit. Go now to your husband. Live long and well, my Su-za-na.”
She took his strong brown hand in hers and lightly squeezed his knuckles. No need for words; he had said it all. She couldn’t have gotten the words through the lump in her throat anyway. Her tears dampened his skin.
Almost under his breath, he promised, “If you need me, I will know. I will come for you. I will love you…always.”
Jake shifted in his saddle. “Wrap it up!” he ordered gruffly.
Her husband was growing impatient, and she didn’t want another fight to break out. That she’d had a chance at goodbye was a miracle in itself, but it was time to go.
No further words were spoken; it had all been said. She mounted and walked her horse toward Jake. He signaled to move out, and they started down the trail.
A queasiness filled Suzanna’s belly; she couldn’t fathom her feelings. Over her shoulder, she spotted Black Hawk. He sat tall on his gleaming white horse, his body stretched toward the heavens. He raised his feathered spear to the sky, and a loud chant wailed through the silence. He pointed the spear toward her, and the sad cry sounded again.
She had no way of knowing for certain what he said or what it meant, but she could guess, and it broke her heart. The sound of his goodbye ringing in her ears, she forced herself to turn her back, and smile at Jake and the men as if Black Hawk’s gesture meant nothing—as if he meant nothing.
The procession moved forward. She was on her way home.
****
He hadn’t missed what transpired between Suzanna and Black Hawk, and questions about what had happened ate at his gut. He was angry. Jealous.
Everything about her demeanor told him something wasn’t right. Something had happened in that village that had nothing to do with nursing sick people. Something between her and Black Hawk. No doubt about it. The Indian had put his hands on her; touched her hair. What else had she done with him? The thought of it made him sick. Acid burned his gut as he swallowed bile. Had she been unfaithful?
He glanced her way. For better or worse, she was his. If necessary, he would love her until her heart returned to him and him alone. God, he wanted her back. All of her, not just the shell of the woman he loved—heart, soul, body—every bit of her. She was his, she belonged to him, and he would never let her out of his sight again.
Suzanna looked about to break, fragile and confused. How had this happened? Never in a million years should he have allowed her to leave. Could he do it again, he would put his foot down, send medicine and another man to the Indian’s camp. This wouldn’t have happened.
Instinct urged him to reclaim his wife, that he needed to make her his again. Soon. Before the distance further damaged their relationship. But he had to be careful. Her fragility frightened him; he feared she might shatter at any minute. She was distant, pale and shaking. The ordeal had taken its toll.
He rode beside her and touched her elbow. She jumped. He moved them a little ahead of the others.
“Did Black Hawk hurt you?” he asked quietly, needing to know.
“Of course he didn’t hurt me, Jake. Do I look hurt to you? I was well treated and cared for.” She sounded irritated.
Should he not have asked? Not have cared?
He could see her heartbeat in the hollow of her throat, rapid and shallow. Upset. She struggled to maintain control, and he ached at the thought of what would have caused such distress. A sick feeling roiled in his gut.
Did she still love him?
Soon they’d be home and could be alone. Even though Pete and the men gave them a wide berth, he hesitated to press her and promised himself he’d handle her wisely when the time came.
And it eventually did.
It took them until just before nightfall to reach the ranch. Jake dismounted, walked slowly to his wife, and enfolded her in his arms.
Martha met them in the front of the house, a warm wrap for Suzanna in her hands, the appetizing smell of food emanating from the kitchen.
“You come with me, Miss Suzanna. I have hot water for your bath and a nice meal for your belly.”
“Thank you, Martha.” She smiled. It was the first smile Jake had seen since he rescued her.
Martha bustled her into the house and left to see the water brought in.
He couldn’t stand it any longer.
With one foot on the bottom step, Jake laid a gentle hand on her arm. “Suzanna?”
“Jake!” she protested tiredly. “Not now. I’m worn out. I…can’t even think. Can I just go to my room and go to bed? We can talk later. Please.”
“I know something happened out there. I just want you to know I love you, and whatever it was, we’ll get through it. You mean the world to me—you know that, don’t you?”
“I know, Jake. I know.”
She wearily climbed the stairs. Jake followed and saw her settled in their bedroom. Martha gently helped her to undress and brought her some food and a cup of steaming tea.
It was understandable—she would be exhausted from the journey down the mountains, and tired from taking care of an entire village of sick Indians.
But Jake feared worse. He feared it had something to do with Black Hawk and that damned cry he had let loose to the heavens. The Indian had fallen in love with her, stolen her—fought to keep her.
He only hoped that in time he could erase the memory of the savage from her mind. Only then would she be truly home and his again.
****
The next morning, she was subdued as she tried to go about her normal activities, and by afternoon the weariness had overtaken her again. “I just need to be alone for a few hours,” she told Jake.
He nodded, and she felt guilty. Her words hadn’t exactly been nice. Yet none of this was Jake’s fault. He had warned her not to go with Black Hawk. She didn’t regret helping the people of the village, but the cost had been high, and the chasm between them rested with her.
The strange distance that was between them was ridiculous. Jake was her husband. He loved her. She loved him. Why then did she sense such strain?
&
nbsp; She’d do whatever necessary to restore the closeness between them. Assure him of her loyalty and fidelity. Erase his doubts. She’d only meant to help, yet she’d made things so much worse.
Jake deserved whatever it would take to put things right again. He deserved everything. He came for her. Saved her. What more could she ask?
Of course she loved him. It was just that she’d been immersed in another lifestyle, another culture, away from her husband and friends. All she needed was time to make the transition from one world to another, to come to terms with her regard for Black Hawk.
Why did she feel so guilty? Could it be she’d been just the tiniest bit in love with him? Even admitting it to herself chilled her to the bone. No one could ever know. No one. Least of all Jake. It would destroy him.
Whatever her feelings, Black Hawk was not a part of her life. She had to forget him. She’d accused him of not honoring his vows to her husband. What of her? Had she honored her vows? Had she allowed herself to become emotionally entangled with another man and now questioned her commitment to her husband? All she wanted was to burrow herself into the covers of her bed and sleep for a thousand years.
Jake left her alone but checked on her from time to time. When she finally slept, he stalked out of the house and headed to the barn, where he confronted Hank.
“What the hell happened in the Indian’s camp?” he demanded.
Hank stared his boss down. “Not a damn thing you should be concerned about. Suzanna saved those people, and they were grateful for it. End of story. I saw the Indian wasn’t going to bring her back, so I took matters into my own hands. If they hadn’t shot me with that damn arrow, I’d have gotten her safe back home.”
“You know more than you’re telling,” Jake accused.
“Nope. Nothing more to tell. The Indian fell for her, and once I saw he was going to take her north, I got her out of there.”
“Did she want to come?” he asked quietly.
Hank drew himself up and walked right up to Jake’s nose.
“Miss Suzanna is the most honest, loyal, sweetest, bravest woman I’ve ever known. I hear you question her integrity again, you and me are going to have problems.”
Rolling his hat in his hands, Jake stared into his eyes. He wasn’t lying.
“Talk to your wife, boss. You’ll get nothing more from me.”
Then what was wrong with her? Why wasn’t she overjoyed to be with him, home safe and sound? It didn’t make sense. He stuffed his Stetson back on his head and stalked from the barn, doubt gnawing away his trust. He’d already given her his promise—whatever happened in the Indian camp would be worked out between them.
But the green monster of jealousy crawled up his spine. Another man wanted what belonged to him. It would be bitter irony that she had been so furious with him for sleeping with Little Bird before they were married if she had then slept with Black Hawk after they were married.
Jake glared his fury as he went, and Pete halted him as he strode by the corral.
“Whatever you’re thinking—stop. Suzanna doesn’t deserve it. Hank and I had a heart-to-heart when he got back. She didn’t do anything with the Indian, so put that right out of your head. I don’t understand you, boss. You have a woman like Miss Suzanna, and you doubt her? I mean, I can understand why she would doubt you, but her? Maybe Black Hawk was right, and you don’t deserve her.”
“What do you mean? The Indian said I don’t deserve her?”
“Hank said he wanted her to stay with him and his tribe, and head to Canada. He wanted to make her his wife.”
“She’s married to me.”
“I don’t think the Indian gave a tinker’s dam in hell about that. Hank told you what happened. She left with him, and before they could get clear, Black Hawk went after her. She made no bones about the fact that she was a married woman. She never…never said or did nothing to bring shame on you and your name. Why can’t you believe that? She’s a good woman; she wouldn’t dishonor you. Damn you, you stubborn cuss. You need her; we all need her. Keep this up, and you’ll ruin everything. Leave her be to get over all she’s been through, and treat her gentle. If you don’t, you’ll have more than me to answer to.”
“You and Hank,” he grumbled under his breath. Then loudly, “I didn’t accuse her of anything.”
“Naw. But you were thinking it. You mind what I say, Jake. You push, you might lose her for good.”
“Mind your own business, Pete.”
“Not a chance in hell. I mean what I say. You leave Suzanna alone, and give her some time to recuperate. You hurt her by word or deed, and you’ll answer to me.” A few of the boys gathered around, curious about all the commotion.
Hank took a stand beside Pete. “Count me in.”
“And just who the hell are you, Hank?”
“A former employee of the world’s biggest jackass. You pay me what you owe me. I’m done.”
Two of the hands stepped forward. One of them removed his hat and stared at his boss. “Hank goes, I go.”
Two more men joined the mutiny, hats in hand, daring Jake to press the point.
What did they think he would do to her? Lock her up in some cage and throw away the key? He loved Suzanna—she was his business, not theirs.
Furious at being challenged, Jake stared them down. Pete had already declared himself Suzanna’s champion, but Hank and the rest of them?
Was every goddamned man on this ranch in love with his wife?
Tough. She was his and his alone. It was time she and the rest of them accepted it.
****
Suzanna was halfway down the stairs when he reached her. Over her protestations, Jake slipped his strong arm under her knees, and carried her like a child right back up and into their room.
She resisted at first, then relaxed in his embrace, drawing out his smile as he felt her breathe him in. He held her and let her take in the scent of him. This was Jake. This was home.
Her fingers traveled the length of his forearm, bicep, shoulder, until she burrowed her hand under the dampness of his shirt. Perhaps this was what she needed after all.
“You said every woman needs a little romance—it’s the glue that knits a marriage together. Is this romantic enough?” he breathed the softly spoken words over her face, his lips lightly brushing hers.
He had rushed up the stairs with her in his arms, stolen her away to their room, and kicked the door shut with his boot.
One brow raised, a wicked sparkle appeared in his eye and a question in his gaze. “Well?”
Suzanna giggled. “Rather like a novel I once read. The hero, consumed with lust for the heroine and not taking no for an answer, determined to make her his. And so on and so on and so on.” She bit back a smile. “I’m a huge believer in romance.”
“Still tired, madam?” he asked, as his gaze raked her body.
“I’m feeling a bit stronger,” she teased, touching the tip of her tongue to the top of her lip.
“Ah-hmm,” he growled, and released her, sliding her down his body.
Suzanna nestled into him, loving his strength, wanting to recapture the magic that made her heart beat and her blood heat. She wanted to be his again, to seal their love with each kiss, each caress, each shared pleasure, the way it had been before the Indian camp.
She’d sensed his doubt—felt the uncertainty of his jealousy. Far from offending her, it proved the measure of his love for her. So it was time to put to rest his doubt and love him in return.
For a moment they stood still, holding each other close, reacquainting themselves with the planes and textures of skin and bone.
Her hands traveled the breadth of his chest, ran up his arms, around his shoulders. “You’re such a beautiful man.”
Gazing deeply into her eyes, Jake slid his hands around to her nape.
“Every damned man on this ranch threatened to quit if I don’t give you time to get used to me again, but I can’t keep my hands off you, Suzanna. It’s been too damned lo
ng. Tell me you’re all right; tell me you’re not hurt. Anything else is not important. I love you. I will always love you. Leave that place in the mountains that’s confusing your mind, and come back to me.”
“I told you, I’m not hurt. I can’t talk about it right now, Jake. I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to think. But I’m beginning to feel. Just kiss me, Jake. I need one of your…”
He didn’t allow her to finish. His lips claimed her; his mouth drowned her words. Not a sweet kiss. A ferocious kiss, full of hot desire and demand. His tongue teased, his teeth tugged, his arms wound like a vise around her body. She sighed into him.
He deepened the kiss, inhaling her, and she reveled in his passion. Over and over he devoured her mouth, her face, ears, the intimate joining of neck and shoulder down to her swelling bosom. His lips warmed her, coerced her, seduced her.
She shivered beneath his touch, then caught fire. Suzanna traced the outlines of his arms and shoulders, exploring the ridges and valleys of muscle and bone, reacquainting herself with his body, delighting in his desire.
She ran fingers through his hair—she loved the feel of his hair sliding through her fingers. Pulling him closer, opening to him while he sucked and teased her tongue, plundered and aroused her mouth, she melted. If only he could absorb her. That’s what she wanted—to be so close that she was a part of him…skin, flesh, and bone.
“Jake,” she murmured, and her other hand found its way around his neck. She whimpered when he broke the kiss.
Setting her in the center of their big featherbed, he watched while she settled into its softness, his gaze making her feel feminine and beautiful.
He shrugged off his jacket and sat down on the mattress. Bracing his arms, one on each side of her, he took in every inch of her loveliness. They looked at each other for a long time, until Jake finally broke the silence.
“I missed you so much, Suzanna. I missed having you close beside me at night. I missed the feel of your sweet body against mine. You’ve made a place in my heart. You are as necessary to me as the air I breathe and the water I drink. I don’t like it when you go away. I don’t want you to leave for even a day, and I don’t ever want you out of my sight again. I was miserable without you.”
A Necessary Woman Page 24