Had it really happened or had she dreamt it? Had she really fallen head over heels in love with a man she’d only just met? Her heart had pounded like that of a star-struck schoolgirl the entire time she’d been near Ben. But why? She was twenty-eight, almost twenty-nine. Ben was considerably older. Michael was a year younger than her. And the two guys she’d briefly dated before Michael had also been younger. Maybe the attraction was because Ben seemed more mature. A gentleman. Not a fun loving twenty something.
Tessa sat with a start. What am I thinking? This is silly. I know nothing about the man. He probably isn’t even a believer. She hung her head and closed her eyes, but the image of Ben leaning against his car wouldn’t leave her mind.
Finally she reached for the well-worn and dog-eared Bible her mother had given her when she turned fifteen. She normally used a Bible reading plan, but today Tessa opened to a random place and read the first verses her eyes settled on, verses from Psalm 119: “Blessed are those who keep his statutes and seek him with all their heart – they do no wrong but follow his ways. You have laid down precepts that are to be fully obeyed. Oh that my ways were steadfast in obeying your decrees!”
Tessa allowed the words to sink into her heart and mind, and after a short while her spirit quickened and she bowed her head. “Dear God, I’m sorry for acting so immaturely last night. I want to follow You with all my heart, You know that, and I’m sorry for not trusting You. Oh that my ways were steadfast in obeying Your decrees.” She clenched her hands together and took a slow, deep breath as she rested in God’s presence. “Lord God, please help me to seek You above all else and to know Your will. You know what I’m like, Lord God. I want to do what’s right, but so often I make rash decisions and get it wrong. I’m sorry for acting so stupidly last night, but oh God, I can’t help wondering if You brought Ben and me together, or if it was just a coincidence? Will You give me some direction? Please Lord God. Thank you. Amen.”
Ben Williams stepped into the glass-enclosed elevator of the Elizabeth Macarthur building and waited for the lift to take him from the lobby to the fourth floor. Usually he was impatient, but not today. His mind was on Tessa Scott. He’d hardly stopped thinking about her alluring smile and happy demeanour since meeting her at the puppy training class. The way her light brown hair bounced on her shoulders and her cornflower blue eyes always seemed to be smiling were etched on his mind. Not since Kathryn had left had he felt this way about another woman. Maybe at last he was moving on.
The elevator doors opened. Ben exited and took a left turn down the hallway to the counsellor's office. The nameplate on the office door read Stephanie J. Trejo, Interim Social Worker. Her familiar steady voice called for him to come in when he knocked.
“Mr Williams, you're on time. Come in.” Stephanie stood and shook his hand. “How are you?”
He grinned sheepishly at her. “I’m good, thanks.”
Stephanie’s eyes widened. “That’s a first, Mr Williams. But I have to say I’m pleased to hear it.”
She directed Ben to the armchair opposite her desk.
“What’s brought on the change?” Stephanie shifted some magazines off the other armchair and took a seat.
“I took your suggestion and bought a dog.” He paused, studying the young woman before him. He was seeing her because his doctor had suggested he talk to someone about his breakup and had referred him to this centre. Never in his wildest dreams had he thought he’d be assigned to a young intern, and a female at that.
Ben didn’t really enjoy the sessions and hadn’t warmed to her at all. How could a young woman like her be able to offer him any advice? She’d probably never had any real problems herself, and wouldn’t have a clue about what he’d been through or was still going through. Despite that, she acted professionally and he was happy to let her explain the various stages of grief she believed he was going through, but if he had to open up with someone, an older male would have been preferable. Someone who’d seen a bit more of life. Maybe he should get another referral rather than keep wasting this woman’s time. But maybe he wouldn’t need to be coming much longer… Strange how comfortable he’d felt last night talking with Tessa. But that was different.
“A dog! That’s great! What did you get?”
“A Scottish Terrier. Pure bred.”
“What does your son think?”
“He loves her. It’s only been a few days, but instead of watching television after school, he’s coming home and playing with her. If I get home early enough, we go to the park and walk her.”
“Seems like having a dog is paying off already. And if you’re going to the park with your son, that’s progress. But what about you, Mr Williams? How are you feeling?”
Ben steadied his gaze on the woman. Normally he’d guard his feelings, but something had happened last night when he’d met Tessa Scott and he had a real desire to share it with someone. But talking about it would make it real. Was he ready to take the step from fantasy to reality? He’d probably got it all wrong, but he steeled himself and took a deep breath.
Ben held Stephanie’s curious gaze and slowly released his breath. “I’m good. We took Bindy to her first training class last night.”
“Really? And how did that go?”
“It was … good. I think Jayden enjoyed it, too.”
“Was that a smile?”
He averted his gaze and tried to remove the grin that had grown on his face.
“Maybe.”
“Come on, Mr Williams. What happened at dog training?”
He let out a small chuckle and shook his head. What am I doing? I probably read too much into Tessa’s friendliness. And she’s most likely got a boyfriend anyway.
“Nothing. The trainer’s very skilful, and Jayden can't wait to go back. That’s a real plus.”
“There’s more to it than that, I’m sure. Come on, tell me.” Leaning back in her chair, Stephanie tapped her pencil as she studied him.
Ben let out another chuckle. He couldn’t believe it. How did I get myself into this? He ran his hand through his hair and met her gaze. Although the air was on and the room’s temperature was pleasant, his palms were clammy.
“Guess I may as well tell you.” He shrugged defensively, all the while holding Stephanie’s gaze. “I got talking to a young lady, that’s all. She was very friendly - she even spoke with Jayden.”
“Guess that explains why you're in a better mood today.” A slow grin formed on Stephanie’s face, and her eyes lit up. “Do you plan on asking her out?”
“Come on, Ms Trejo, I only just met her.” But as stupid as it sounded, the thought hadn’t left Ben’s mind. But he wasn’t telling Ms Trejo that. He shuffled in the chair and crossed his arms. “No. I don't. Not yet, anyway.”
“Sounds promising though.” Stephanie smiled, an expression he couldn’t pick flashing across her face.
Ben shrugged without enthusiasm, trying to play down how he really felt. “We’ll see. We only just met. And besides, I don’t know if I want to get involved with anyone after how things ended with Kathryn.” And that was the truth. Kathryn’s sudden leaving had thrown him so much he felt anything but confident when it came to relationships.
Stephanie straightened, her face becoming serious. “I can understand that, but Kathryn left more than a year and a half ago. It might do you good to start dating again.”
Ben looked out the window. Start dating again? He fingered the faint indentation where his wedding band had once sat. More than a year had passed, but he still thought about Kathryn. Her leaving had come as a shock. She’d never indicated she was unhappy. Or had he just missed the signs? He’d probably worked too hard and not paid her enough attention, but he couldn’t understand how she could have walked out on Jayden like she did. What kind of mother could do that to her child? What had he done so wrong to cause her to do that? A dull ache settled in his chest. No, he wasn’t ready to date again. What was he thinking? Why risk going through all that again?
Stephanie studied him, awaiting his response.
Ben stood slowly and walked to the window, placing his hands on the ledge. Below, the street bustled with people either going to or coming back from lunch. That’s where he needed to be. Work. Where he was busy and could keep his mind active and off Kathryn. And Tessa.
No, he needed to let go of Tessa, not that there was anything to let go of. He wasn’t ready to even think about dating. Maybe he never would be. He turned and picked up his briefcase. “No, I don’t think I can. I need to get back to work, Ms Trejo.”
Stephanie rested her elbows on her desk and held her head in her hands. She’d got so close, but not close enough. She let out a frustrated sigh. Would Ben ever trust her enough to open up to her? She glanced at her watch. Gwen was due in twenty minutes. Just enough time to snatch a quick bite to eat and a coffee and review her notes from her previous session.
Gwen was another one causing her grief. It didn’t seem to make any difference what Stephanie said, Gwen was still determined to have her double mastectomy. Seemed she was more concerned about an illness she might never get than about saving her marriage. Her husband had stopped coming with her, and according to Gwen, was already making plans to move out.
How could someone who said they trusted God be so self-absorbed and uncaring about their marriage? But then again, her husband didn’t seem willing to understand Gwen’s fears, either. They’d hit a brick wall and neither was willing to budge. Stephanie shook her head. Some marriages seemed such hard work. If only they’d be prepared to really listen to each other, but both were as stubborn as the other. Stephanie had just about given up with them, but she knew that wasn’t good enough. She prayed that today there might be a breakthrough of some kind.
Stephanie had just finished her sandwich and coffee when she received a phone call from Gwen. She was sorry for the late notice, but she wasn’t going to make it today, in fact, she wouldn’t be coming back. Her operation was booked for the following week, and her husband had already moved out.
“Oh Gwen, I’m so sorry to hear that. Is there… is there anything I can do to help?” Stephanie was almost lost for words - Gwen’s news, although not unexpected, was a shock all the same.
“No, I don’t think so. I got a cancellation, and now it’s happening Tom just walked out. I’m almost glad, as he’s hardly said a word to me for weeks. I’ll just be glad to have it done.” Gwen’s voice caught in her throat.
“You must be nervous, Gwen, and a little sad. Please remember I’m here if you want to talk about it either before or after the operation. And I’ll keep praying for you and Tom. I don’t believe this is the end for you. Maybe he just needs time to get used to it.”
“Thank you Stephanie, I’ll keep it in mind.”
No you won’t… you’re just saying that.
After Gwen hung up, Stephanie tried to finish Gwen’s case study report, but her feeling of failure didn’t help one little bit and she struggled to write more than a couple of paragraphs. Another one to take home.
Chapter 6
As she did most Sunday mornings, Tessa sat in the passenger seat beside Stephanie on the way to church. She didn’t feel like talking, but Stephanie chatted away, attempting to draw her in. No matter what Tessa tried, she couldn’t shake off the dull feeling that still accompanied her most days and nights. Yes, going back to work had certainly helped, and having Sparky welcome her home every night with more kisses than she could cope with cheered her a little, but although she sought God’s guidance and direction every day and wanted to put God first, Tessa’s heart was heavy and she struggled to remain positive.
Truth was, her weekends had become boring without Michael. They’d always done something exciting and fun on their days off, but now, everything was just mundane. Sparky provided the only brightness in her life. Tessa’s heart warmed a little as she pictured him running around with the other dogs yesterday afternoon at the off leash area. He’d had such fun! But while she’d been there, her focus had been drawn to the happy couples riding along the cycle path beside the river, and memories of the times she and Michael had ridden along those same paths made her melancholy again. Maybe she should go for a ride, but riding on her own didn’t appeal. Stephanie wouldn’t come, so no use asking her. Maybe Elliott. But even if he agreed, it wouldn’t be the same.
“Hey, what’s up, Tess?” Stephanie cast Tessa a concerned look as she brought the car to a stop at a red light. “You’re very quiet. Is everything okay?”
Tessa shrugged and spoke quietly as she stared out the window. “Yes, I’m fine. Just a little down, that’s all.”
“Some good old-fashioned worship should do us both good.”
“You’re probably right.” Tessa turned her head and smiled fondly at her friend. Despite Steph’s outward cheeriness, work was causing her a great deal of stress, and most nights she’d come home and spend hours poring over her cases. She was even wondering if she’d chosen the right career path and whether she’d even finish her course.
They arrived early as it was Stephanie’s week to play the organ. Tessa chatted with several of the older church members as well as her parents while she waited for the service to begin. Although she loved the older members dearly, many of whom she’d known since she was a little girl, occasionally she went to one of the larger churches where the congregation on average was younger. But whenever she’d seriously considered a permanent change, pangs of guilt hit her. Gracepointe was home.
Here she’d learned about Jesus and the Bible, and the Sunday-school classes she’d attended had paved the way for her eventual decision to give her heart and life to Christ. Yes, Gracepointe was home, and now as Tessa stood to sing “How Great Is Our God” with the rest of the congregation, her soul lifted, and she reaffirmed her commitment to follow Christ. She also apologised again to God for being so down and not trusting Him enough.
After the service was over, Tessa had a cup of tea and chatted again with several other members before settling back down in the sanctuary to wait for Stephanie. She’d forgotten the choir had asked her to accompany them while they practiced for an upcoming concert.
As she sat in an empty pew, Tessa’s mind drifted to Ben. She couldn’t help it. Even though in the end she’d agreed with God not to think about him unless God gave her a positive sign, she struggled to keep her thoughts off him and looked forward keenly to seeing him and Jayden again at their next puppy training class. Surely it couldn’t hurt to be friendly.
Tessa jumped when Gracepointe's long-time pastor appeared beside her. She hadn’t heard him come in, so lost she’d been in her thoughts.
“I'm glad I looked in here, Tessa. I was just about to lock up.”
Tessa smiled apologetically at the old pastor she loved like a grandfather.
“I'm just waiting on Stephanie. Sorry, Pastor Stanek.”
“It’s no problem, dear. Sit here as long as you like.”
“I don’t want to hold you up.” Tessa grabbed her bag and Bible and made to leave.
“Please don’t leave on my account, I can lock up later. You looked deep in thought. Is everything okay?” His kindly voice warmed her heart, but she felt a pang of guilt as her mind had been on Ben and Jayden, and not on God. Just as well he couldn’t read her mind. “Yes, it is. Thank you. I enjoyed your message today.” She smiled warmly at him. “I really needed to be reminded that God’s in control even when I don’t understand His plans.”
“Well, I’m pleased to hear that. I always pray that my preaching will draw my congregation closer to God and encourage them in their walk.” The ingrained lines around the pastor’s eyes creased further as he patted Tessa’s hand and returned her smile.
When tears pricked Tessa’s eyes, she tried to push them away. Why did she always get emotional around Pastor Stanek? Maybe it was his kindly manner, but he managed to get below her surface so easily, and it was embarrassing. She chastised herself and lowered her head so he couldn’t see her eyes.
&nbs
p; “Is there anything in particular, dear, I can help you with or pray about for you before I leave?”
Tessa shook her head but then stopped. She was so used to doing that – saying she was fine when she wasn't, saying no when she meant yes, and yes when she meant no. Maybe she should open up to him. After all, he knew her as well as anyone. In fact, he probably knew her better than most, even better than her parents.
She wiped her eyes with her other hand and took a deep breath.
“There is something you might be able to help me with.” Tessa lifted her eyes and looked into his kindly face. “I know this might sound silly, but after my breakup with Michael, I've been wondering how I’ll know when God brings the 'right' person into my life. I’d always thought Michael was the one, but then…” Her voice faltered, and she swallowed the lump that had risen in her throat.
“Ah Tessa. It’s dangerous for people to think that God has one perfect person out there for them to marry. Of course, God already knows whom you’re going to marry, if indeed you do marry at all. But if you search endlessly for the 'right' one, you'll probably never find him because there is no perfect spouse.” Pausing, he indicated they should take a seat. He took her hand.
“Too often people expect God to miraculously bring the right person into their lives, but that’s usually not what He does, Tessa. God leaves it entirely up to us to make a wise choice. He’s set only one condition – and that is that believers should marry fellow believers.
“I'll give you the same advice I gave to your mother when she wanted to know if Telford was the right one for her.” Tessa looked up, wondering if she’d heard right. Mum having doubts about marrying a man as loving, strong, and hard-working as her father? No. He must have got her confused with someone else.
“Ask God to give you wisdom and discernment in your relationships,” Pastor Stanek continued. “Regardless of what interests you may share, keep Christ at the centre of all you do, and ground yourself in His Word. Make sure that the one you run after is running after God. And pray, Tessa. Pray for God to prepare you for your husband. Pray for God to prepare you to handle all the joys, tears, heartache and commitment that go into making a godly marriage.”
Tender Love: A Christian Romance (The True Love Series Book 1) Page 3