by Brook Wilder
He didn’t beg. But for her he might. He wanted to talk to her, hear from her own mouth what was troubling her. He wanted to try and alleviate whatever worries she had going on inside her own head. He wasn’t going to get mushy, he wasn’t imagining them holding hands or making out like he was some high school punk but he wouldn’t deny the images flashed through his brain a few times and they made his stomach do things they hadn’t done since he kissed his first girlfriend when he was fifteen.
“I’ll set up the meeting tonight,” Link said, coming over and putting a strong hand on Chance’s shoulder, squeezing. “We’ll start this up first thing tomorrow morning over coffee. Everything good in my life happened over coffee. Asking your mother out, getting this new bike. I’ve got a good feeling about it.”
Chance gave a thin smile, trying to at least pretend to share in the optimism but it wasn’t exactly at the front of his mind, which was an even bigger mistake. He was placing the fact that this girl was avoiding him after sleeping together in front of the turf war they were about to get into if this all went south. His priorities were completely out of alignment and if he didn’t get things together soon he could easily end up getting someone killed with his carelessness.
“I want to hear what you hear from them tonight, first thing,” Chance said, turning to Link. “No one knows before I do.”
“Aye, aye, captain.”
His tone was joking but his face was serious. He gave Chance’s shoulder another frim squeeze and Chance took a breath and nodded. Link was the only one to ever see the vulnerability that Chance so desperately tried to hide. He saw it because he helped make it disappear. He helped mold Chance into who he was, he had to know all his faults if he was going to make him into a leader worth following.
So, in a way, Link was the only one truly following Chance. He knew about his weaknesses and his second guessing and chose to follow him anyway, take his orders without questions of his own. He never asserted his age over Chance and he never tried to tell him that he knew better. He presented facts and arguments to Chance who then made his decision. He gave him the ability to have agency and freedom in his own organization. He was grateful for that, so of course he had to give Link the chance to try out his own plan. Moose was his right hand and best friend but Link was the man who had been there for him since he was a kid.
It was time to return to him the faith he’d once given Chance.
***
Setting up the meeting was a fairly easy affair. Link made a few calls and his old buddies were happy to sit down and chat with them. Though the first blunder in what ended up being an entire series of them was that they wanted to meet that night, wanted Link to buy them a round of beers, and then they would talk. When Link dictated to them his terms, that they were meeting in the morning, over coffee, and it would be a serious affair, the air of friendship between them cooled dramatically.
“I think I should be there,” Chance said the following morning when Link was getting ready to leave.
“If you’re there it will complicate everything,” Link said. “This is a meeting between friends who want to try and talk something out. You show up and it sounds like we’re trying to order them around. Just be patient and stay out of it. Maybe go out for some coffee and breakfast yourself, take your girl.”
She wasn’t his girl. She was still avoiding him. She’d rode with Kat back to the house and Chance watched her go. Then he decided to ride to the nearest dive bar and downed three beers in about an hour. This morning, she was awake but she hadn’t left the guest room yet. He could see the light on under the door and could see the shadow of her moving back and forth. It was possible she liked to get ready on her own but he thought it more likely that she was hiding from the sound of his voice.
“I could use a meeting of my own on that one,” he said with a sigh.
“I would offer you some advice, kid, but I’ve got far more important things to worry about,” Link said, slipping on his leather gloves. “We’ll talk about that situation later.”
Chance nodded and watched Link leave. He was then left in the quiet of the house, the smell of coffee filling the air and the low sound of the radio tuned in to the classic jazz station because sometimes Link could be such an old man when it came to his music choices. Chance walked over, poured himself some coffee, and sat down at the table. He let out a sigh he was pretty sure he had been holding the entire night.
He heard a door open behind him and then some shuffling. It was followed up with a slight gasp from a female and he turned to see Hannah there in pajamas still.
“Hey,” he said, nodding.
He nodded back but dropped her eyes again and went straight for the coffee maker. She must have thought he left with Link. Chance had a bitter chuckle to himself, sorry to disappoint. She poured the coffee and then stilled. She was standing behind him, drinking it by leaning against the counter. She wouldn’t even sit at a table with him. He wasn’t going to entertain the self-deprecating thoughts of how he may have not been all that great and she could have faked it but he could feel her, how wet she was, how much she shook. No woman could trick her anatomy, no matter how good she was at letting out high pitched moans all night.
She’d enjoyed it, but maybe that was all. Maybe she had no underlying feelings as he did, maybe she decided after that the tension was broken, she didn’t need anything else from him. He’d probably deserve that a little bit, if it was true. He wasn’t exactly Prince Charming when it came to women in the past and he often dumped them unceremoniously the next day and stopped returning their calls or text. Now he was getting that from a woman he actually cared about, the first time in a long time he thought he might find something real.
He couldn’t take the stiffness in the kitchen and it was clear she was not about to start a conversation with him. So he got up and walked out, taking his coffee with him. He stepped out onto the front patio and took in the morning air there. The sun was cresting over the faux horizon created by the houses along the street and it was just now hitting the grass of his mother’s yard. He sat down in the old rocking chair his grandfather had given her as a housewarming gift that she still managed to keep standing. He took a sip of his coffee and sighed, hoping Link had better luck with the situation than he was having with the girl sitting in his mother’s kitchen.
***
Turns out it was apparently just a little too much to ask for at least one thing to go right in Chance’s life. He spent the entire morning on the patio until his coffee went cold and he downed in one, cringing gulp. It was around that time that Link returned on his bike. He took off his helmet with a grim face. He quickly marched over to Chance and lifted him up by the collar of his shirt, dragging him back into the house.
“What the hell?” Chance said, shoving the bunched fist off his clothes but Link was already moving to lock the door behind him. “This is the picture of a meeting gone absolutely correctly.”
Link glared at him and nodded for him to follow into the kitchen. Hannah was gone, having retreated back into her bedroom again. Chance ignored it for now and Link didn’t even seem phased. He went right to the kitchen sink, turned the water on the coldest setting it could go. He cupped the water and brought it to his face in a dramatic splash. He dried his face with a dish towel hanging off the handle of the dish washer and then he came over to drop into the seat across from Chance.
“I’m taking it that things went exactly the way we wanted.”
Again, Link glared. “The entire situation is fucked.”
Link did not often curse. He said it was something the younger kids did to try and feel tougher. “What happened?”
“They were playing a bit of a game with me,” he said. “The older guys are more receptive to the idea. They were talking it out and we were getting somewhere. But then those fucking punks walked in.”
Chance got up and poured him a glass of water from the tap. He brought it over and set it in front of Link who greedily took several swigs
of it until it was gone.
“They said they knew you and what game you were playing,” he said. “Then went on and on about how you’re hiding this girl they technically own and you were fucking her without paying them and all sorts of other garbage. It pissed off my guys. I had to run.”
“I’m sure that looked good.”
“It was run or get dragged outside and beat with a crowbar. You have to pick your battles.”
Link was glaring. Chance could see the sheen of sweat across his forehead that seemed to be forming a near halo just below his hairline. For all his breathiness and urgency, his face was pale with fear. It was not a look that Chance was used to seeing on him. Link had always been the strong and confident one. He’d always warned Chance against being overly emotional, against being emotional at all. You couldn’t react to situations based on impulse. But here he was, he ran out of a deal in fear for his own life.
“So what now?” Chance asked. He didn’t want to be insensitive, Link was his friend and the closest thing he had to a real father. But business came first, they both knew that.
“Call a meeting,” Link said. “As much as I don’t need my failure dragged out in front of everyone, we need to let the guys know. We need to see what our next move is.”
Chance nodded. “I’ll meet you at the clubhouse.”
***
Chance let Hannah stay in her room. It would be easier for his though process if she wasn’t there to occupy his mind. He could focus on the debate, the task at hand. He had to give his guys his full, 100% attention, especially now. A deal had been blown and Link was sent off running. They had issues before with the Black Death but now things had gone from tense to downright threatening.
He got on his bike and did a few laps before meeting everyone at the club. He had to think of a way to approach this. It wasn’t just an embarrassment for Link. Chance had trusted him. He’d maybe even shown so favoritism in picking his plan over Moose’s and not only had it not worked but it made the situation ten times worse. It was not only a failure but could show a lack of leadership. Chance wasn’t the only option to lead the club. Others were in line, their fathers and grandfathers serving as founding members. They could vote no confidence in his leadership, they could kick him out completely.
All because he had to get heart-eyes over a girl like a goddamn teenager.
He pulled his bike into the clubhouse lot. All the bikes were already there. He took off his helmet, ignoring how it seemed to have a permanent scent of Hannah’s shampoo. He set it down and moved inside with as much swagger as he could muster, squaring his shoulders as best as he could.
When he entered the room, it was already in a frenzy. This wasn’t the usual din of conversation and jokes. These were arguments. People were in debates with each other, others were trying to moderate the situation and when Chance walked in, everyone seemed to stop. They got quiet, settled themselves down, and watched him walk to the front of the room.
“So, we’re in a situation,” he said.
“Got that fucking right,” Ben said.
“Shut up,” Chance warned. “Things have gone from bad to worse with the BD, there’s no getting around that. It’s not one’s fault. The situation is just complicated.”
“I think there’s plenty of fault.”
“Ben I swear to God I will throw you out of here with my bare hands. We had two ways to proceed, the one we chose didn’t work. So now we’re going with plan B. Moose will use his connection to the Old Lady in the BD to try and get some intel or at least broker some kind of meeting to square this away.”
Moose stood proud, full chested, nodding in the corner like a soldier ready for duty.
“From there we’ll decide what to do.”
Chance looked at Ben and dared him to make a comment, dared him to say what they both knew he was thinking. He wanted to give up Hannah, let Gabe rot away in his heroine-induced fog. And it was clear from Chance’s glare that he wasn’t going to let either of those things happen. As awkward as things were with Hannah, she was important to him, he couldn’t deny that, and he didn’t care if Ben knew.
Ben didn’t say anything, he huffed and turned and walked out. Chance wondered if he should put some guys out to watch him, to keep him from making anything worse by overreacting or trying to flex his muscles a little too much. For now, he let him walk out. He’d deal with Ben another time. He had one problem to solve at a time and right now it was getting things sorted with the possible war they were going to start with the Black Death if they didn’t get the situation under control.
Things like Ben and Hannah had to take a seat. That was part of being a leader, putting your personal issues aside and dealing with them when you could so long as they didn’t make you a bad leader. He cleared his throat and walked over to Moose as the chatter around them came back to full volume, this time less angry than before. They had plans to make, Chance’s personal issues could wait for another day.
Chapter 15
Moose went off to get in contact with Cindy himself after a few days of speaking to her over the phone and planting the seeds of nostalgia. Chance told him they didn’t have time to completely immerse themselves in the rekindling of an old friendship. If she knew she was being used she’d just have to deal with it. Moose wasn’t over happy at the idea of that but he decided to go for it anyway.
“She agreed to meet for coffee,” Moose said a few days later.
“How urban college student of her,” Ben said.
He’d been a pill the past few days and Chance was seconds away from leveling him with a punch at any given moment. He had a permanent sneer on his face that was grating to Chance’s patience. Between Ben’s attitude, the need for swiftness with Moose’s plan, and the confusion over what to do about Hannah and her avoidance of him, he was ready to explode. If Benn didn’t watch out, it was going to be him that got the brunt of Chance’s anger.
For now, Chance ignored him, turning to Moose. “Bring her back here. Get coffee to-go, I don’t care. We need to move fast on this and the less time you two spend out in the open the better it will be.”
“Aye, aye captain.”
Moose took off leaving Chance and Ben there in silence. Chance took a breath and let it out, going to sit down with his beer while Ben just continued to chuckle to himself like he knew exactly when the world was going to end and was choosing not to tell anyone. Maybe Chance should take up meditation, some of that eastern medicine crap. Or maybe he should just break a glass on Ben’s head to knock the smirk right off his face.
Instead he drank more of his beer and glared into the wall behind the bar. He squeezed tightly on the handle counting the seconds until Moose returned.
“You need to relax, chief,” Ben said. “I can get you some stuff for that.”
“I want a clear head.”
“Is that why you’re pounding pints?”
“I’ve been drinking beer since I was 13, it’s going to take more than a pitcher of Bud Light to mess with me.”
“If this goes south too, you know I’m always willing to offer my services in any way.”
Chance knew what kind of services he wanted to offer. He wasn’t going to hurt Gabe, as much as he wanted to be done with this mess, it would kill Hannah and he knew, even now, he still cared. God he wanted to just bash his head against the nearest brick wall and be done with all of this.
He finished the beer in silence and left without saying a word to Ben. He walked outside. He couldn’t escape far, he told Moose to meet him here when he was done. He wondered if he should call back home, see if Hannah was around. It was strange the way he was craving her presence more and more in his life. It was her face he thought of when he asked himself how would he see himself calm. It wasn’t even her face in the throes of passion and in the middle of their orgasms, it was the way she looked after. He pictured her curled up into his bed, quietly breathing as she was between sleep and wakefulness. She seemed so calm and sincere.
&nbs
p; He was sure he literally felt his blood pressure drop just thinking about it. It was a mess. He was a gang leader, a bike rider, he’d beaten men up so bad they had to go to the hospital. And here he was, practically swooning over some girl. Ben was chuckling away about it. And she was avoiding him, he felt like such a high school boy, pining his way after a girl, wondering if she was going to say yes to his request to ask her to prom.
He didn’t smoke often. It had been a habit his father had gotten him into so he didn’t often like to give in to it. It would be like giving in to every scary thing he felt about himself. Everything he was afraid of becoming was encapsulated in his father but fuck he needed a cigarette right now. He pulled out the package of tobacco and the filter paper and set to rolling it. Link had been the one to suggest he try hand rolled cigarettes. He said it would help Chance focus, give him a task when he was stressed out, and maybe even keep him from smoking too many if he knew he had to put in about 10 minutes of effort to get them rolled up.