iPod from my bag and crawled into bed. I listened to “Monster”, thinking that that song seemed to describe me.
8
Jake
Damn it! How in the hell did she manage to get a very different message than what I had been trying to say? First, I was pissed at Claire and at how she behaved around Emily. Now, Emily thought I was just using her to stay away from Claire. I had to fix this.
Leaving the distracted Drake and Mike, I walked down the hallway, ignoring the pictures this time, and straight to the doorway into which I had seen Emily disappear. I knocked three times. No answer. I was going to talk to her whether she liked it or not. Probably a ‘not’. I knocked three more times with the same result.
I cracked open the door and called her name. She didn’t answer, but I saw her lying on her back, staring at the ceiling. Her room didn’t look anything like mine. Where mine was full of electronics and had clothes everywhere, Emily’s room had a bed, a nightstand, and a dresser. My walls had a few posters and pictures of my mom; hers had nothing but white paint.
The size of her room didn’t help at all with how empty it looked. I closed the door behind me, but Emily still didn’t acknowledge me. Walking closer, I could hear the familiar sounds of the song she was playing in class the day I first talked to her.
Finally, I came into Emily’s line of vision when I stood beside the bed. She glanced at me and then went back to staring at the ceiling. Good to know which she preferred. She was lying in the middle of the bed, leaving plenty of room on each side.
I took a seat, leaning my back against the headboard, and reached down slowly to pull out one of her earphones. I didn’t know what happened to her, but I knew I needed to proceed with caution. The music became clear, but I didn’t recognize the song because the lyrics weren‘t clear enough for me to hear. Emily didn’t even take her eyes off the ceiling for a second. “What song is that?”
Without hesitation, her quiet voice spoke. “Monster.”
All of my anger washed away with that one word. This time, my voice was soft. “You don’t really think that you are a monster, do you?”
She flicked her eyes over at me. Her eyes instantly watered and a tear escaped.
“Aw, Sweetness, come here,” I whispered as I pulled her up to hold her. Her tears flowed easily, quickly soaking part of my shirt. “I don’t know what happened to you, but you are a good person, Emily. You have a huge heart and you are caring, thoughtful, hardworking, and loving. Drake thinks you are so fun. Do you want to talk about what happened to you?” I glided my hand up and down her back to soothe her. She shook her head. “Okay, that’s fine.”
After about thirty minutes, Emily had quit crying. She was clutching to me for dear life. “I don’t know if I can do it,” she whispered into my chest.
“Do what?”
“Trust. Believe. Let go.”
“You have me, Drake, and your dad to help you.”
“Why?”
“Because we know that you are worth it.” God, I hoped she believed every word, because she was worth it.
“Ok.”
“Ok.” We sat there in silence for five minutes before I spoke again. “And, Emily, I didn’t spend the day with you just to get away from Claire. I spent the day with you because I really wanted to be a part of the person you are when you are with Drake.”
She didn’t say anything, but she did slightly squeeze me tighter. We sat there like that until she fell asleep.
Three hours later, my whole body was tingling and I was dying to move. Mike opened the door and said, “Supper is ready.” I nodded and he was gone again.
Lightly, I shook Emily and called her name. She mumbled something incoherent, but she sat up and rubbed her eyes. “It’s time to eat.”
“We just ate.”
I laughed, took her hand and led her to the door. “That was hours ago.” Suddenly she stopped walking. I turned to see why. She seemed unsure of herself and of what she wanted to say. “Emily?” She glanced up at me. “Everything will be okay.” She nodded.
I turned to walk out, but stopped myself short and turned back to her. “Will you please try to make eye contact?” Pausing and deciding to take a chance, I told her that I really liked her eyes. She gave a small smile and, satisfied, I led her into the kitchen.
The aroma of steak and baked potatoes filled the house. Drake gave me a confused look, and then decided not to ask. We sat down at the kitchen table and began to eat.
“When is your next game, Jake?” my little brother asked.
“Tuesday,” I replied.
“Oh! That reminds me. Emily, honey, this came in the mail yesterday.” Mike stood and walked over to the stack of mail beside the microwave. He returned with an envelope, promptly handing it to Emily.
A smile broke across her face and excitement was clear in her eyes. She ripped it open and held two pieces of paper up.
“Well, what is it?” Drake asked.
“It’s two tickets to the hockey game Thursday night,” Emily replied, the smile still stuck on her face.
“What game?”
“The Pens are playing the Canes in Raleigh Thursday. Dad and I are going to see them. I love the Pens and it’s been a while since I’ve seen them play.”
Drake just burst. “An NHL game? I have been dying to go to a game all my life!”
“You go see me play hockey all the time,” I pointed out.
“But you are not in the NHL. There is a big difference Jake. This is huge Emily. I can’t believe you get to go.”
Before Emily could say something, Mike cut in. “Well, if you boys want to, you are welcome to join us…that is, if Emily doesn’t mind.” I glanced over at her, smiling to reassure her when she glanced at me.
“Of course not,” her voice was clear, but lacked the confidence of when she spoke to Drake.
As we ate, Drake was oozing excitement and anticipation. We talked about the upcoming games, both the NHL one and mine. We talked about school some too. Emily tried to talk more, but I could tell she was struggling. I did an imaginary fist punch up in the air when she would look at me, even if only for a second.
I really hoped she could overcome whatever damage there was. I wanted to see that side of her. Once supper was finished and the dishes were cleared, it was time to get Drake home. The week was starting and he needed to get ready for the next school day.
The drive home was eerily quiet. Drake must have been exhausted. Once home, I had him shower, change, and brush his teeth. Dad was passed out downstairs. I tucked Drake in after turning on his night light and I was almost out the door when he called my name.
“Jake?”
I turned. “Yeah?”
His voice was soft and serious. “Do you think Dad will get better?”
“Of course.” I walked back over and sat on the edge of his bed. “We have to have hope, Drake. He will get back to his old self; he just needs more time.”
Drake nodded and seemed content with my answer. I kissed his forehead without the objection that he was a man now. I walked out, turned off the overhead light, and closed the door. I made my way over to my room across the hall.
I changed into basketball shorts and tossed my shirt on the floor to begin this week’s dirty clothes. I plugged in my phone so it could charge throughout the night and fell back onto my bed. I leaned over to turn on the lamp and opened the top drawer of my nightstand.
I pulled out the picture of my family and traced my thumb over my mother’s face. We were so happy. This was the year before we found out about her cancer. It was just before a family vacation and we were going to Hawaii. We were all matching in geeky flowered shirts and beige shorts. Our grins were cheesy, but our happiness and love for one another was evident. That was my favorite vacation.
We had the most fun on that one. It was as if we all knew it was going to be our last vacation as a happy, healthy family. I sighed and put the picture away. I stared up at the ceiling thinking of how much
I missed her laugh. She could never fake a laugh. It was always real and sounded like heaven. Her laugh could bring a smile to any one’s face.
She could tell the best jokes and loved to get into a political debate. She was without a doubt the best mom I could have asked for. I just missed her.
I was lying there awake thinking about her when my phone beeped around one. Checking the text on my Blackberry, I saw it was from Emily. She asked if I was awake. What was she doing awake? I replied with a yes and it was seconds later that I received one back.
Want to go for a walk? I’m outside, went running.
She was running? She was outside my house? I quickly texted her back to let her know I would be down in a minute. It was chilly outside with the transition of summer to fall. All I had to do was grab a hoodie and slip on some shoes.
I quietly crept downstairs and out the front door. There she was, waiting at the end of the walkway. Stuffing my hands in my hoodie, I smiled and said hello.
“Hey.” She wasn’t looking at my face, but my chest.
“What are you doing out here?”
She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, and then stuffed her hands into her jacket pockets. “I woke up from a nightmare I can’t remember and then I couldn’t go back to sleep. I needed to move so I went for a run. I ended up stopping here to take a break. I saw the light and thought it might be your room. So here I am.”
“Here you are. Do you know that, even though there are street lamps, it is dangerous to go running at one in the morning?”
She giggled and nodded. She glanced up at me and said, “Are we going to walk or not?” I smiled and we began to walk. “Why were you awake?” She asked.
I was quiet for a minute trying to decide whether or not to tell her the truth. Figuring I had nothing to lose I said, “I was thinking of my mom. She died from cancer a year ago.”
Emily stopped walking and reached out to touch my arm. I faced her and tried to hide the sadness from my face. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered, looking directly at me now. Next thing I knew, she was hugging me tightly and repeated her apology.
I clutched her tighter to me and rested my chin on the top of her head. Taking a deep breath, I confessed, “Sometimes, I just really miss her.”
She leaned back and once again looked directly at me. “What was she like?”
“Let’s get to the park and I’ll tell you all about her,” I told her. Our hands returned to our pockets and we walked the short distance to the empty park.
We sat down on a bench under a light. After a few minutes, Emily surprised me once again. She took my hand, intertwined our fingers, and hugged my arm resting her head on my shoulder. She was trying to give me strength. She amazed me. Here was a girl who was scared of others and she was giving me strength.
I began to tell her about my mother and her jokes and how she was a strict mother, but so fun and full of life. I told her about how well she took care of us and always made sure we were respectful. She always made sure we were happy. If we had any questions or if we needed to talk to someone, she was always there.
“She sounds like she was a wonderful person,” Emily said with a clear voice.
“She was,” I replied. We sat in silence for about ten minutes while I collected myself. “You really shouldn’t be running at night, you know.”
She laughed a quiet laugh and said, “I know, but that won’t stop me.”
I leaned my head against hers. “Are you really okay with us coming to the game with you guys?”
“Yes. I mean, my dad is going so if I’m going to be a little uncomfortable, then I might as well add you two to the bunch. Plus, I really wanted Drake to go. He was too excited about it.”
“Oh, I see. You just want my brother to go. Tsk. Tsk.”
She laughed. “I wanted you to go too.”
I looked down at her with a raised eyebrow. “Oh, really?”
She laughed again and said, “Absolutely…just not
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