Looking at her, he was glad he’d at least done something right. It was a small thing, that wink, but his spirits lifted because of it. She’d made it clear earlier just how little she thought of him. In his mind, he’d done the right thing by setting her free from loving him…but knowing that she still harbored such bitter anger at him didn’t fit right.
It didn’t fit right at all.
“That’s a big bird!” Cody exclaimed, the next morning, as Bethany pointed out a bald eagle soaring above them not long after they’d ridden out of camp. “Look at it, Mr. Nate.”
He’d insisted on riding up front with Nate, and that had meant Bethany rode up front, too. Ever since she’d told Cody about him being an animal rescue responder, the little boy had looked at him like he was his favorite hero or something. It made Nate uncomfortable. But Bethany had been smart last night when she’d brought the subject up. It had eased the boy’s worries over the horses, and it had also given them something to focus on other than the uncomfortable situation they were in.
They were managing better to carry the pretense of normalcy over this morning. The conversation around the fire had lessened the tension between them—to some degree. But he’d lain awake late into the night, thinking about the anger she’d shown when they were standing by the horses. He pushed the thoughts aside, though, and concentrated on what Cody was saying.
“It’s pretty big,” Nate said, pulling his horse to a halt, as he let the group watch the majestic eagle soar on the breeze. Its wingspan looked to be nearly ten feet across. There was nothing more beautiful than to watch an eagle gliding across the sky, especially being able to see its reflection on the emerald waters of the lake below them.
“His nest is probably in the trees, here on this lake,” Bethany explained to Cody and the rest of the group. “From this point on, we will most likely see several eagles.”
“Some might not look like bald eagles, since they don’t get their white head until they are about four years old,” Nate reminded them.
“So you might see some of this one’s kids flying around out here,” Bethany added, as Nate began leading the group forward again.
They all rode along, talking among themselves. Nate was very aware of Bethany behind him.
“I’m adopted,” Cody said suddenly. “My mom and dad said I was special and that’s why they wanted me. You got any special kids, Mr. Nate?”
Being waylaid by a seven-year-old boy was the last thing he’d expected. “Um, no,” Nate managed. “I don’t have any kids. I’m not married,” he added.
“Why not? You’re old like my dad. You’re s’posed to have a wife, ain’t ya?”
A startled sound came from Bethany and he caught her eye then looked away feeling trapped. The last thing he wanted to do was talk about not having kids in front of her. Or his lack of a wife.
“Not everyone gets married, Cody,” Bethany offered.
Nate glanced at her again, relieved that she was helping avoid this subject. “Not everyone has kids.”
“Why not?”
The kid was a persistent little tyke! “Oh, lots of reasons,” Nate said, praying for a bear to step out and distract Cody.
Bethany shot Cody a dazzling smile. “You’re special, all right, and your parents are very blessed to have you. One day, I’d love to have a little boy just like you. Do you think there’s another little fella out there like you?”
Cody nodded, sitting up in his saddle excitedly. “There’s plenty of ’em. I can remember them for you if you want me to.”
On that one, Nate decided it was time to head out again. The number of children who needed good homes were mind-blowing. But Bethany could have her own children, and there was no way he was getting in the way of that happening…not that he felt she would ever let him back into her life. Her words last night had proved that she despised him and was only tolerating him until they got back to Treasure Creek.
But what had he expected?
Nate planned to be at the cliff by daybreak. He’d just finished getting the horses into the small corral beside the lean-to barn and was checking his climbing gear for the next morning when he planned to rappel down to the crevice. The soft sound of footsteps on grass signaled someone approaching, and he glanced over his shoulder just as Bethany stepped into the barn. She looked from him to the ropes and rappelling devices, and to his surprise, her eyes widened in alarm.
“Nate, no! I knew this was the same cabin near your grandfather’s cliff, but I didn’t realize—surely you aren’t thinking about looking in there again?”
“I told you I was looking for signs of the treasure.”
“But I just thought you were looking around here for a cave entrance or something like that.”
He laid the metal device down that would ensure his safety during the climb. “I am. But I’m thinking my grandfather figured that crevice was a cave entrance that connects topside around here. I’m on my way now to scout about and check out the cliff before I make my pass in the morning. I know you can handle getting everything set up for the night.” He made certain he said she could and didn’t make the mistake of questioning whether she could or not. Still, she didn’t look happy.
“This is a bad idea. Are you sure you want to do this? You know the odds of that treasure being in that cave are remote. I had no idea you were planning on rappelling. Has Amy sanctioned this? It’s too dangerous, especially alone.”
It hit him that she was worried about him. “There is enough of a chance that I can’t ignore it, if it could help the community. It’s time I looked once more.”
“But what if something happens? You know as well as I do that it will take time to get a rescue crew in here.”
“I’ll be fine. Nothing is going to happen.”
She crossed her arms and looked less than convinced. “Nate, I was there when you slipped before.
Remember?”
Bethany had been a basket case when he’d slipped on the climb when he was eighteen. After it was over and he’d gotten his gear off, she’d been so mad at him that she almost broke up with him. She’d cried uncontrollably. He’d known he loved her that day.
Known what it felt like to be cherished by a woman.
“I remember,” he said, holding her gaze, wishing he could hug her close and whisper that everything was fine. “I’ll be back, I promise,” he mumbled past the frog that had lodged in his throat, as he strode out of the small barn and away from her. He headed to the edge of the pine trees, to the path that would lead him to the ravine.
Chapter Nine
“Here comes Nate!” Cody yelled, just before all daylight disappeared. He’d been asking about him all evening and watching the trail for his return. Now he tore across the yard, his little red coat a flash in the dusk. “Nate, whatcha been doing?”
Nate patted his shoulder as they fell into step. “Just looking at the trail. What have you been doing?”
“Helping Bethany get the fire going and stuff. I’m getting real good at it. You should have seen me.”
“I’m proud of you. Your mom and dad are going to make a real mountain man out of you.”
“Oh, yeah, I told them I want to grow up and do what you do. Rescue animals and climb mountains.”
Despite her worries, Bethany smiled. It was obvious Cody adored him. Nate needed his own children.
“I think that’s great. I know I’ve always enjoyed what I do.” He looked kindly at Cody as he took a seat around the campfire with the rest of the group. Cody sat down on the log beside him.
Bethany was anxious to talk to Nate, but she didn’t like how upset this was making her. Nate had always been such a dedicated hardworker. He’d loved his grandfather, and his death had haunted him. She’d known this when they were dating and had tried to get him to talk about it, but he wouldn’t.
Nate McMann had been raised by men who felt that a man wasn’t supposed to be vulnerable, and was supposed to be strong and honorable at all times.
&nbs
p; It had been the last part that always got her—how had breaking my heart been honorable? The only thing she could come up with was that he’d realized telling her the truth was more honorable than living a lie. She guessed, as hard as it was, that he’d been right. She wouldn’t have wanted to find out later that she’d been living a lie.
Most likely, Nate had honored his dad and granddad by breaking off their relationship. So what was she doing sitting here, worrying about him rappelling down the side of the cliff where his grandfather died. Nate didn’t need her concern, and he certainly didn’t need her trying to be a mother hen to him. She’d made it for five days, and if she could get through tomorrow she’d be back in Treasure Creek by nightfall—and this would be over. Treasure Creek might not be large, but it was huge compared to the confines of a group hike in the wilderness.
“We’ve had a great time,” Robert said. “This experience has been our first vacation as a family, and,” he slipped his arm around Shelly and they smiled at each other, “we’ve had so much fun, we may make it an annual tradition.”
“That goes for us, too,” Lisa said, clutching Ely’s hand. “Even with me falling off my horse.” She looked pink in the firelight. “Seeing that bear is what I’ll remember the most.”
“Hey, what about me?” Ely teased, looking stricken.
“I meant, after you, the bear is what I’ll remember the most.”
“Ely, you know that’s what she meant,” Bethany teased.
They were a cute couple, a bit annoying with their public affection, but still adorable. Bethany would love to see them in a few years. She had a feeling they would be just as crazy about each other as they were now.
Everyone had a good time teasing the young couple over the next few minutes. They all talked about the different things they’d seen during the trip and how quickly it seemed to have come to an end. Nate reminded them that they still had another day to finish out before the van picked them up and carried them back to Treasure Creek.
Bethany realized that, rather than be excited to be free of Nate as she’d thought, the idea saddened her.
It hit her as she stared across the campfire at him, that this might be the only chance she’d have to try and get answers to the questions that had plagued her all these years…but did she really want to push for clarity? Would he think she was still hurting after all these years? Even if it was true, did she want him to know that? The very thought had her sitting out on the porch later after everyone else had turned in for the night.
It was a cold, clear night. Tugging her coat close, she tucked the woven blanket around her legs and watched the northern sky. It was the perfect night for the northern lights to put on a show. She’d seen the aurora borealis many times growing up, but the night had to be just right for the beautiful lights to show up here, this far away from Anchorage.
The door creaked, and Nate walked out of the cabin. He didn’t look her way, but closed the door after him and walked to the edge of the small porch. Just like that, the air seemed charged with electricity, and to Bethany’s surprise she spied a glimmer of light radiating in the northern sky.
“We’re about to see a light show,” Nate said, staring at the distant threads of glowing green streaks eerily crossing the sky.
It was as if God had just taken a luminescent can of paint and tossed it across the Heavens in a swirling pattern. Bethany gasped at the beauty.
“I’m always amazed at how beautiful it is,” she said quietly.
He nodded, still not looking at her. “‘God showing off’ is what my grandfather used to call it.”
Feeling a chill, Bethany pulled her blanket closer. It was easy to feel distant from God, but watching the magnificent display of beauty made it far too hard to maintain that distant feeling. It was as if He were standing beside them saying “Watch this, I’m doing it just for the two of you.”
She couldn’t say that though, it would give away the feelings slugging away inside of her. How would she ever feel close to God again when she couldn’t get past the resentment she felt? When she didn’t say anything, Nate turned toward her. He was five feet from her, but the night was so alive with light that she could see him well.
“I know we are skirting around issues that deal with what I did to you ten years ago.”
Bethany clasped her hands together tightly. This was unexpected. “It’s to be expected,” she said.
He gave a short laugh, more of a grunt than anything. “Yeah, you’re right.” He cleared his throat, shifted from boot to boot and looked uncomfortable. “Hurting you was the last thing I ever wanted to do.”
Her heart felt as if it were in a vise grip. “I guess it couldn’t be helped.” Her knees were weak even sitting down. “The truth was the best thing, even if it did hurt.” It was true, and they both knew it. The stricken look that the words brought to his expression confused her. He looked as if she’d just slapped him or something.
“Yeah, right,” he grunted, turning back to watch the light show. “I guess we should get everyone, so they can see this.”
Bethany couldn’t face the group right now. “Why did your grandfather believe the treasure was hidden around here?” she asked, struggling. Changing the subject and using something she was really interested in seemed logical. She hated to deprive the group of seeing the northern lights, but she couldn’t do anything else. Nate stepped off the porch and sat on the edge, obviously deciding the same thing.
“My grandfather grew up hearing stories from his dad about Amy’s great, great grandfather. I thought I told you all of this.”
“You did,” she said, stilling the drumming of her heart. Relaxing a bit. “But it’s been years since I thought about it, and I want a refresher. If I’m here, I need to understand it all.”
“My grandfather heard the treasure map story from his dad. He talked of a cabin with an underground cave entrance near it. The cave’s other entrance was a crevice on the side of a cliff. Best we can figure is that grandfather found this place and believed it was the cave. When he couldn’t find the entrance near the cabin he decided to lower himself down to the crevice.”
“And your dad found this out only after reading it in your grandfather Chester’s journal after his death, right?”
Nate nodded. “Chester had spent a lot time searching for the place, and Dad never knew it. Dad never believed there was an actual treasure. But…” Nate’s words drifted off as he met her gaze and he gave an almost imperceptible shrug. “After being raised believing that a man’s honor is everything, it bothers me to know dad doesn’t put much merit in granddad’s journal. It bothered me in high school and it bothers me now. Dad always believed that the real treasure here in these parts isn’t the treasure that enticed people over the Chilkoot Trail, but the land itself. The beauty of the place—and being privileged to live here.”
Bethany knew Nate believed that, too. He also believed a man’s honor was everything…again, that was what always bugged her the most. Nate was a man of honor, and even after he’d tore her heart out she’d not doubted it. But why had he strung her along?
Standing, restless and wobbly kneed, she walked to the far edge of the porch. The haunting sounds of night animals drifted on the cold breeze, echoing the past that still haunted her.
“Nate…”
She faced him across the ten feet between them. It was time to be bold and get to the heart of this. It was the only way to put it to rest. The only way for her to move forward. That was why she’d come back. Not in some pathetic hope that he would have come to his senses and realized that he really did love her after all. She came back to find out answers, before letting all hope of him go in her heart of hearts.
“Nate,” she started over, having gathered her thoughts, “I’ve been distant from God ever since you broke up with me. I guess I blamed Him for your lack of love for me, and I lost the will to connect with Him. No, don’t say anything,” she said, when Nate opened his mouth to speak. “I need to say this.
I came on this trip to have closure about what happened between us. Yes, I haven’t had it all these years. I didn’t take your rejection well, and I’ll admit that it’s been hard.”
His jaw jerked and he looked away. “I’m sorry.”
Bethany could distinctly hear the sincerity there. “I know, looking back, that I may have been part of the problem. I mean, we were young, and I did have conflicting dreams. You probably felt overwhelmed by my plans to pursue a career that meant leaving Treasure Creek behind. And then for me to talk almost in the same breath about marrying you and having children—I guess I just expected us to be able to do it all. I guess I just believed you could give up all of this, and that life with me would be enough.”
He didn’t say anything, just kept staring out at the northern lights. “I’m trying to say I’m sorry for my childish thoughtlessness.” She laughed harshly at a truth she’d never liked.
Nate stood up abruptly. “Don’t ever apologize for that. You had dreams. I loved your drive, your energy—” his earnest words halted, as he yanked his hat off and crammed his hand through his blonde hair.
He looked so youthful in that moment—the young man she’d loved so much. Hardworking and earnest, he’d wanted to be just like his dad and grandfather. She knew when she’d fallen in love with him that their life goals weren’t compatible, but she’d been unable to stop herself.
He was all about the ranch—breaking horses, working cattle and carrying on the family legacy; she on the other hand wanted to see the world by doing weddings all over the globe. But that took sacrifice and hard work building a name in a large city such as San Francisco.
In her naive mind she’d assumed love would work everything out.
A thought struck her. It was a faint glow of almost untouchable hope…surely not—it had been Nate that worked her future dreams out when he’d changed his mind about loving her. When he’d walked away, there remained only one unhindered path for her to take. He wouldn’t have told her he didn’t love her so that she would go to San Francisco…would he?
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