She should have been given the right to make up her own mind. Even if it had been rejecting him. Had that been what he was most afraid of?
The idea slammed into him. He never really addressed that point. He’d made his decision based on her giving up her dreams of success and of children, because she loved him so much. But what if she’d not chosen him? What if she’d sat back and taken in the entire picture and realized that the best thing for her to do was to make the smart decision and leave him behind? The very idea, just the thought of her rejection, knocked the wind out of him.
Had it been arrogance on his part to think that she would have taken pity on him and chosen to stay? Or that she could have loved him despite his inability to father her children.
Nate pressed the brake and pulled his truck to the side of the road. She had a point… “If you had loved me, you would have believed enough in me to trust me to make the decision that was right for me.”
No, he’d loved her. He’d loved her with all his heart and soul—still loved her with every fiber of his being. There just was no way that wasn’t the truth, but he should have given her the choice—trusted her to make her own decision.
Trusted her to walk away from him, if that was what her decision might have been. All these years she’d felt rejected.
Nate crossed his arms over the steering wheel and dropped his forehead to rest on them. How would he have felt if it had been he who had been rejected?
How had he missed that?
Dear Lord, I did take the easy way out.
The knowledge hurt and shamed him.
When the doorbell rang at nine-thirty, Bethany’s heart kicked up. Had Nate come back?
After Joleen left, she’d been restless and confused. Had she been too hard on Nate? The look on his face when she accused him of not loving her hadn’t phased her during the height of the moment. Now, given time to reflect, it was as clear as day. He’d believed he’d been doing the right thing. Did it matter, looking back now, that she thought he was wrong?
His choice hurt. It crushed her, really. But could she forgive him?
Hurrying downstairs, she pulled the door opened. Joleen stood there dabbing her teary eyes. “Oh, Bethany, it was horrible. Just horrible!”
Alarmed, Bethany took Joleen’s arm and gently pulled her inside. “Come on,” she said gently. “Come upstairs and let me fix you a hot cup of tea, and you tell me what was so horrible.”
“Oh, Bethany, I couldn’t talk. I knocked my tea over, I was so nervous. When I did talk, I was like a bumbling idiot! And he wouldn’t talk. It made me terribly nervous and I rambled and rambled and rambled,” she rambled.
Hugging her, Bethany led her back up the stairs. “It’s going to be okay, Joleen. I know it is. You were both nervous. That’s all.”
“No.” Joleen said, sniffling as she sank into the kitchen chair Bethany pulled out for her. “He’s been hurt, betrayed by the person he loved. He just can’t move forward, even after all this time.” She sniffed. “I was betrayed by my husband, so I can understand his hesitancy.” She sighed. It was a sigh packed full of pain and loss.
Bethany grabbed two cups and filled them with water, then stuck them in the microwave while listening intently to Joleen. “I’m so sorry.” Bethany thought of Nate and how she’d felt betrayed by him.
Joleen dried her tears. “Don’t be. I’m okay, I’m stronger than I look and I’m trying to move forward. I—well—I’ve forgiven my ex and am trying to move on. I’m just not having much luck. I got my hopes up with Harry…I really thought coming here would be a good thing. I mean, all these fine, strong men…Honestly, that article was right on the money about them being hunks. Why, gracious me, just look at your Nate. That cowboy is so strong and handsome, and looks like he would ride in and save the day. You know what I mean—he’s got the look—steadfast, I’m your man kind of look, and it’s all directed at you, Bethany. That’s something to cherish. That’s something to grab hold of like it was Klondike gold, and never, never let go of—believe me, that’s the treasure in life, and it isn’t easily found.”
Bethany wanted to deny it all, but she couldn’t. Nate did have that look. He always had. And when he looked at her, she always—always—felt exactly the way Joleen had just described it.
But he’d betrayed her.
The microwave dinged. Lost in thought, she opened the door, pulled the cups out and dropped the teabags into the water.
He hadn’t meant to betray you.
“Bethany, are you all right?”
Turning, she smiled at Joleen. “This is about you, Joleen. Are you all right?”
Joleen looked kindly at her with her big brown eyes. “No, honey, today you have been about the best friend I’ve had in a really long time. I’ve come here crying on your shoulder, and you’ve been so wonderful to me, and it has suddenly dawned on me that you look like you could use a friend. What’s happened? I know I talk a lot, but believe it or not, honey, I really am a good listener.”
Bethany didn’t think she could sleep after Joleen headed back to her boarding house around the corner, but she did. She was exhausted. Joleen was a great listener. Bethany told her everything, how Nate had told her he didn’t love her to cover up the news that he couldn’t have children, because he thought he was doing what was right by her. She told her how it hurt and how she’d struggled all these years, trying to move on, and that she hadn’t been able to. She told her how Nate’s larger-than-life shadow had loomed over every relationship she’d tried to have. And again, how betrayed she felt.
Joleen reminded her that he was a man—that he sounded like the kind of man who wanted to do right. Bethany agreed. That was exactly how he was. He lived by a code of honor, and she loved him for the way he was.
If she loved him for the way he was, had she put him on a pedestal? Joleen had asked her that. Did she not think that, whether she agreed or not with what he’d done, she should forgive him simply on the basis that he’d done what that code and his heart had led him to do? That, yes, in Bethany’s heart, she hadn’t agreed, and from Bethany’s point of view, it had been the wrong way to handle it—but that was something that couldn’t be changed.
Bethany had stared at Joleen and nodded. These were the facts, and nothing—no explaining, no anything—could ever change that.
Joleen had stood and given her a really hard hug, leaned back, looked into Bethany’s eyes and said, “If this is the case, then nothing will ever change what happened in the past. So you, Bethany, have to decide if you are going to let that continue to hold you back. You need to decide if you still love Nate McMann. If you do—then what are you going to do about it?”
Bethany was still thinking about everything the next morning, when she left her apartment and walked downstairs to the shop. God was dealing with her in a heavy way as she moved inside and turned on the lights. What did she want?
She did love Nate. Always had.
Bethany flipped on the switch of her computer and her e-mail alert signaled that she had mail. Absently, she clicked the mouse and saw something from Shelly. It was a picture of Cody, smiling and hugging a puppy. Her heart tugged at the sight of the little boy.
The door of the shop opened and Casey Donner poked her head inside. “Hi, Bethany, I know I’m supposed to be meeting with you this morning, but I need to reschedule. All the tour guides and I have been called in for an emergency meeting right now. Penelope Lear is missing. They’re about to man a search for her.”
Bethany thought of the pretty woman and gasped. “How long?”
Casey looked serious “She hasn’t been back to her hotel since Saturday morning.”
“That was the morning I saw her buying supplies for a trip into the wilderness.”
“That’s what they’ve figured out. They think she went on a hike by herself and never returned. I have to run.”
Bethany hurried to the sidewalk and watched Casey run across the street and toward the tour company. As she watched,
she saw tour guides pulling into the parking lot and heading inside. This was serious. A woman like Penelope had no business out there alone. None. The danger was high this late in October, with the weather turning. She saw Nate and her heart kicked in. He hopped from the truck, his face grave. His hat low over his eyes, he flipped his coat collar up and glanced her way. Even at this distance, his blue eyes pierced her heart.
She was walking before she realized it. He didn’t move, just stood by his truck and watched her. What was she doing? The question clanged in her head as she hurried across the street.
Going to get the man I love, that’s what!
“Nate,” she gasped, breathless from the near-freezing air burning her lungs. She didn’t have on her coat, she realized, as the air cut through her sweater. She didn’t care. He was going on a search-and-rescue mission. She knew he was excellent at what he did, but anytime he went into the wilderness there was danger. There was always the chance that something could happen and he might not return.
She knew she had to speak to him.
She was startled when he opened his arms to her.
Without hesitation she stepped into them. “I love you, Bethany. I always have and I always will. I’m so sorry. I know you can’t forgive me, but I wish you could—”
“No, I’m sorry. I was too hard on you. There is nothing to forgive. You did what your heart told you to do. And I’m doing what mine tells me to do right now. I love you, Nate. I want you and our children.
Please tell me you still want that.”
He looked at her as if she’d slapped him. “I can’t—”
“Yes, you can. I’m convinced that God put us on that tour with Cody to show us His plan for us. He has a child, or children, out there for us to adopt.
But even if we can’t, I understand that my life will never be complete without you in it. God brought me full circle, back to where you are. Back to where my heart is. Nate, I want to spend my life with you.”
Joleen had told her she needed to go after what she wanted, and that was exactly what Bethany was doing. And it felt so right. So perfectly, wonderfully right, as she spoke the words. And watching Nate’s eyes light up reassured her of his feelings.
“I love you, Bethany Marlow—have never stopped loving you. I have made the worst mistakes of my life, where decisions about you were concerned. But in doing that, I never once meant to hurt you. I only wanted what was best for you.”
“I understand that now. I’ve made mistakes, too, where we’re concerned, and I’m sure we will both make more. But, if we love each other and we vow to be open and honest with our communication from here on out, and work together like God wants us to, then we can overcome anything together.”
Nate hugged her tight. “Are you sure?”
Bethany nodded.
“You’d better be, because this is the only chance I’m giving you to back out of marrying me.”
She laughed. “Mr. McMann, you’re stuck with me for the rest of your life.”
“Bethany, darlin’, I love you with all my heart and soul.” He dropped to his knee, right there in the parking lot.
Bethany gasped as the cold wind hit her full force, but she didn’t care. Nate was looking up at her with the most gorgeous smile—one that instantly warmed her from the inside out.
“Bethany, will you marry me?”
All these years. All that time.
“Yes.”
It was a simple word that held such marvelous promise…such new beginnings.
“Yes!” Nate grabbed her off the ground and spun once, then his lips found hers and he kissed her with so much heart that, as far as she was concerned, all the cold in Alaska disappeared.
“Come on, darlin’,” he said too soon. “I need to get you out of this cold and go help locate this Penelope Lear.”
“I’ll help, too,” Bethany said, as he took her hand and they started toward the building. The snow had started to fall as they kissed, and the soft flakes felt like icy feathers as they landed on her face.
Glancing at Nate, her heart was so full of love—and confidence. That Now Woman magazine article had been right when it called all the guides from Alaska’s Treasures tours hunky—but they were so much more than that. They were experienced, capable and heroic men of the Yukon, if anyone could find the treasure to save the town, they would. But more important, this lost woman—if she really was lost—could count her blessings, because these men were the best men for the job of finding her and bringing her home safe…. Bethany said a prayer as Nate held open the door for her. She looked into his eyes, thanked God he was hers, and together, they went inside to the warmth.
The place was packed. Reed and Gage were at the back with the maps, and everyone was gathered around them. This was real.
“We still need to be on the lookout for Tucker while we’re out there,” Reed was saying.
Jake was standing beside Alex, looking grim. “I know time is running out,” he said. “But I feel like there’s still hope for Tucker. He knows this country. This woman doesn’t. Time is of the essence.”
“The conditions are getting worse out there,” Reed said. “You’ll all need to be extra careful. We don’t want to lose anyone. We only want to bring Tucker and Penelope home.”
“Oh, Nate, you’ll be careful.”
Nate turned to Bethany. “I need to tell you this before everything gets crazy. I want to adopt a houseful of children with you, if possible. You need to know that I want you to have everything you’ve ever dreamed of. I realize that the town might never find the treasure it’s looking for, but this, right here, is the important stuff. I’m going out there, and if God’s willing, we’re going to find Penelope and Tucker. But rest assured that I’m coming back to you. God has blessed me with a true treasure in your love, and nothing can stop me from coming back to marry you and starting out life together at last.”
Bethany put her arms around his neck and kissed him again. “And I’ll be waiting,” she murmured against his lips.
Somewhere behind them, she heard Amy’s smiling voice. “Well, it’s about time, you two.”
She was right, it was.
Dear Reader,
I hope you enjoyed Yukon Cowboy. I’ve never worked on a continuity before but I enjoyed working with the other authors on this project. I loved researching Alaska! What a beautiful place it is.
Bethany and Nate really had a problem. But even before Nate broke off their relationship they were headed for trouble because, though they were in love, their life goals didn’t match up. I enjoyed exploring their situation and I hope you enjoyed watching them come to understand each other. I always enjoy seeing where God leads me in reconciling my characters’ differences.
Now that I’ve finished Yukon Cowboy it’s time for me to leave Treasure Creek and return home to my Mule Hollow series. I sure hope you’ll come visit me there when Yuletide Cowboy hits the shelves in December 2010. Goodness, God has been good this year—it’s been busy and full of ups and downs but God is always, always steadfast and sure! I pray God gives you blessings and peace in all that you do.
I love hearing from readers. Please contact me at debraclopton.com or P.O. Box 1125 Madisonville, Texas 77864.
Until next time, live, laugh and seek God with all your hearts.
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
As a teenager Bethany had big dreams and believed she could have it all. If Nate hadn’t called off their relationship what do you think would have happened to them?
Given the circumstances, do you think Nate did the right thing? Or do you think he acted rashly?
Bethany told him, when the truth finally came out, that she didn’t think he loved her at all since he didn’t trust her enough to tell her the truth and let her make her own decision. What do you think?
Why had Bethany distanced herself from God? Have you done this?
What do you think about Delilah? Have you ever known anyone like her?
What do you think abo
ut Joleen? Have you ever known anyone like her?
What do you think is the difference between Delilah and Joleen?
Nate was raised to be a man of honor, and yet he felt like his father hadn’t been totally honorable in the way he’d treated his grandfather. Being honorable in every situation is hard because people make mistakes. Do you think honor is disappearing from our society? Why or why not?
Jesus was the only perfect, completely honorable man who ever walked the earth. Does knowing and understanding this make forgiving others who fail you easier?
When Nate realized that he’d taken the easy way out by not giving Bethany a choice, he is upset. What had he been afraid of? Her rejection? Or her pity?
When he put the shoe on the other foot and thought about how he would have felt had she done the same thing to him, what did he feel? What would you have felt?
Bethany found her way back to a personal relationship with God partly through praying for Joleen. Why is that? Do you think serving others and being concerned for others helps us put things into perspective? Why or why not?
What about this book hit home with you the most? Discuss this with your group.
Have you ever been distant from God? What circumstance pushed you away from God? What pulled you back to Him?
Were you happy with how Nate and Bethany worked their problems out? Why or why not?
Special thanks and consideration to Debra Clopton for her participation in the Alaskan Bride Rush series.
ISBN: 978-1-4268-6940-2
YUKON COWBOY
Copyright © 2010 by Harlequin Books S.A.
All rights reserved. Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utilization of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including xerography, photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, is forbidden without the written permission of the editorial office, Steeple Hill Books, 233 Broadway, New York, NY 10279 U.S.A.
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