Nora didn’t know how to respond. Marry Stephen? So she could spend the rest of her life being compared to his late wife and come up wanting? How was she supposed to compete with a perfect ghost? Courtney had been a doctor—a surgeon—who healed dying children. She, Nora, was a hairdresser. But she couldn’t bring herself to tell her mother about Stephen’s past. It was all too embarrassing.
“Next you’ll be saying that the gossip will be a problem.”
“It will,” Hattie said evenly. “Lone Star Canyon is a small town. People talk. You’ve learned that lesson, too, Nora. You remember what happened when your father left. What about when a girl got pregnant in high school? Was society at large very forgiving?”
Nora slowly shook her head. She’d heard the whispers, sometimes the shouts. Her beauty shop was a microcosm for life in general, and she knew for a fact that gossip made the wheels of life turn.
“There’s another reason you need to think about marrying Stephen,” Hattie told her. “And this might be the most important reason of all.”
Nora resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “I can’t even guess what you’re going to say now.”
“Just that you’re already in love with him, and if you don’t take a chance on making this work, you’re going to regret it for the rest of your life.”
She hadn’t thought anything could stun her more than finding out she was pregnant, but she’d been wrong. In love with Stephen? “That’s not possible. In love with him? I don’t even know if I like him.”
Her mother didn’t say anything, but she didn’t have to. Her wise brown eyes spoke volumes about one protesting too much.
In love? With him? It had been sex and nothing more. Just passion and the odd bit of conversation. All right, he was vaguely amusing from time to time and he didn’t annoy her as much as other men did. She might have been oddly put out when she’d found out about Courtney, but that had been because she’d been concerned about being involved with someone who was in love with another woman. Her worries hadn’t been about the state of her heart. Rather she’d been aware of potentially violating her moral code—she didn’t have relationships with married men. That was all. She certainly hadn’t been jealous.
“I don’t love him,” she said firmly. “I don’t think I’m capable of loving a man. I gave that up a long time ago.”
“You’re speaking as if you think we get a choice in the matter. We don’t. The heart has a mind of its own.”
“Not my heart. It toes the party line.”
But there was a sinking sensation in her stomach as she said the words and she had a horrified feeling that her mother might have gotten it right in one.
Wednesday evening Stephen sat on the steps of Nora’s front porch. He hadn’t seen her in four days. He’d left her phone messages, both at home and at work. He’d tried to corner her before she entered the shop and when she left. He’d even barged in this afternoon at two, expecting to find her working her magic on one of her clients. Instead her chair had been empty and he’d found himself backing out of the shop without bothering with an explanation.
The soon-to-be mother of his child was doing a damn fine job of avoiding him, but he wasn’t going to let her continue any longer. He’d decided to park himself in front of her house for as long as it took. Eventually she would have to come home.
As he sat in the darkness of the spring evening, he wondered if she was nervous about being pregnant. The news had been unexpected for both of them, but while he would have nine months before his role became active, she was dealing with the reality of the baby every day. Even before the baby began to show, there would be physical manifestations only she could experience.
On his good days he allowed himself to be excited about the prospect of being a father. He’d dreamed the dreams before and had lost them all. For a while he’d lost himself as well. But he was working hard to convince himself that this pregnancy was different, so the outcome would be different. He already knew the mother was very different. Nora was many things, but she wasn’t a replacement for Courtney.
They were both smart women, so the baby would probably be blessed with intelligence, but the likeness ended there. Courtney had been driven toward success to the exclusion of nearly everything else. Nora was more involved in her life. She had people around her whom she cared about. Despite the prickly exterior, she was soft and giving on the inside.
Physically the women were very different. He smiled at the thought of a little girl with Nora’s flashing brown eyes and fearlessness. An image came to him—of Nora holding her baby tightly in her arms.
She would be a good mother. Practical, giving yet firm, teaching her child to believe that he or she could touch the stars. Hers would be a house of laughter and love. Then he wondered what role he would have in that house. Theirs would be a marriage based on practicalities.
Was that wrong? Stephen wasn’t sure, but he knew he couldn’t let her walk away. He had to be a father to the child—he had to be a part of the baby’s life. There was an ache inside of him that wouldn’t go away, nor would it let him abdicate his responsibilities. Which didn’t answer the question of marriage. All he knew was that by being married to Nora, he could maintain the illusion of control.
He knew it was an illusion. He’d been married to Courtney and he hadn’t been able to save her. He still remembered what it had been like when he’d arrived at the hospital where she’d been taken after she’d collapsed. He’d been too late to help, too late to be there as she breathed her last. Too late to tell her he was sorry. Instead he’d stood at her side and had taken her cool hand in his. He’d told her he loved her, even though she couldn’t hear the words. He’d wanted to tell her that if only he’d known, he wouldn’t have insisted.
But she was dead and there was to be no absolution for his sin. Instead he’d been led away to the room that held his tiny stillborn son. So perfect, so near to life, and yet gone. Stephen had touched the miniature fingers and toes, and he’d wept. Because he couldn’t find it in his heart to be sorry that he’d wanted a child.
That was his greatest sin. That he might have insisted, anyway. So instead he’d promised her he would love her forever. That he would love only her, no matter what.
A sweep of headlights cut through his thoughts. He glanced up and saw Nora pulling into her driveway. She turned off the engine and the lights, then stepped out into the night. He rose to his feet.
She didn’t act surprised when she looked at him, so she must have seen him when she’d pulled in. She also didn’t look especially happy.
“What do you want?” she demanded.
“We have to talk.”
She headed toward him, then stepped past him to the front door. After opening it with her key, she turned back toward him. “I thought men were supposed to hate having conversations with women. I thought you all went out of your way to avoid anything remotely resembling an intimate discussion. But here you are, wanting to talk. Why is that?”
“You’re just lucky.”
Her eyebrows rose. “I can think of many ways to describe my condition, but that’s not one of them.” She jerked her head toward the interior. “You can come in if you’d like.”
The invitation wasn’t gracious, however Stephen figured it was the best he was going to get. He crossed the porch and stepped into the warm, welcoming house.
Nora had already tossed down her purse and stepped out of her shoes. She stood in the center of the living room, her hands on her hips. “Let me guess,” she said, turning to face him. “You want to talk about getting married. Is the new plan to simply show up everywhere and wear me down?”
He couldn’t help laughing. Trust Nora to cut to the heart of the situation. Whatever worries he might have about their life together, he didn’t have to be concerned about being bored.
“I’ll do what I have to,” he told her. “Whatever it takes to get you to agree. We both know that getting married is the right thing to do.”
He might know it
, but she hadn’t decided, Nora thought to herself as she glared at him. She hated how good he looked, just standing there. She’d decorated her house based on the assumption that she would spend her life alone. Feminine colors, ruffles, pillows and soft lines decorated nearly every room. Stephen should have looked out of place amid the English country floral print on her sofa and club chair, but he didn’t. Instead he just looked tall, handsome and masculine.
She really hated that, although not as much as she hated how her heart had fluttered when she’d seen him waiting for her on her porch. She’d been avoiding him because she needed to figure out what she was feeling and what she was going to do. She didn’t know either, yet, but she suspected he wasn’t going to give her any more time.
Marriage. He wanted to marry her. Nora thought about all she and her mother had discussed a few days before. That it might be the best thing for the baby. That Nora might be falling in love with him. She could accept the former but she hated the latter. She didn’t want to be in love with anyone. Not again. Love was a one-way ticket to the land of broken hearts and she didn’t want to go there again.
There had to be a thousand other ways to make this situation work, she told herself as she met his hazel gaze. There had to be. Unfortunately, she had a bad feeling that her mother had been right. Which explained why her chest seemed to get tight every time she saw Stephen and how he made her crazy, but in a good way. But marriage. That was so extreme. And dangerous.
“I’ll never be Courtney,” she said, then pressed her lips together. She hadn’t meant to say that, exactly.
Stephen took a step toward her. He’d obviously come straight from his office, because he was still dressed in a white shirt, dark slacks and a tie. She liked him in his business clothes. She also liked him in jeans, although her current preference was for him to wear nothing at all.
“I didn’t expect you to be anyone but yourself,” he said. “This isn’t about anyone but us. You, me and the baby.”
She wanted to believe him, but she had her doubts. She suspected one of the reasons he was insisting on being so closely connected with her and the child was that he’d already lost one family. He wanted to make sure that didn’t happen again. She didn’t blame him exactly, but she hated the comparison.
“Just because I’m not a doctor doesn’t mean I’m any less a person,” she told him.
He drew his eyebrows together. “What are you saying? This isn’t about your intelligence, is it? You have to know you’re one of the smartest people I’ve ever met. It has nothing to do with where you went to school—it’s about who you are inside.”
“I know that.” She did know; she was just glad he’d figured it out, too.
She dropped her hands to her sides and walked over to the sofa. Once there, she perched on the edge of a cushion. “I have very definite ideas about marriage. Especially where men are concerned.”
He joined her on the sofa, although he relaxed back against the cushions as if this was an ordinary conversation. As if he didn’t have a worry in the world.
“I’m aware that you have opinions about nearly everything,” he said, his voice low and teasing. “I want to learn every one of them. So tell me about your thoughts on marriage.”
“I only want to get married once. Having a child is a lifetime commitment. If your intent is to do this for a couple of years and then bail out—I’m not interested. To make this work, I expect you to stick around. The fact that you don’t love me shouldn’t have anything to do with it.”
“Agreed,” he said easily. “I had a long-term commitment in mind as well. I’m not looking to leave.”
She swallowed. Thank goodness he hadn’t caught her slip. Saying “you don’t love me” was much more specific than saying “we don’t love each other.” But he hadn’t noticed. She would have to be more careful. She didn’t want him figuring out her secret.
He moved closer to her and cupped her face, gently forcing her to look at him. “I know you’re scared, Nora. You have a history of men walking out on you. I want you to know I’m not like them. I don’t know why your father ran off, but I’m certain it had nothing to do with you. As for David Fitzgerald—the man was an idiot. You’re a prize and he should have seen that.”
He rubbed his thumb over her mouth. “I didn’t propose lightly, despite how it might have seemed. You’re going to be a constant challenge. You’re beautiful and sexy and funny and caring. I want to have a successful marriage based on affection and respect. I think we can manage that, don’t you?”
She nodded because she couldn’t speak. Not with him touching her like that. Just the feel of his thumb on her mouth made her shiver all the way to her bones. His erotic stroking made it impossible to think. But she had to think. She had to be conscious of what he was saying and figure out how she was going to respond.
“You left one thing out,” she told him, pulling away slightly so that he dropped his hand to his lap. “In addition to affection and respect, we’ll also have sex.”
He grinned. “I do expect that part of our marriage to be amazing.”
His words should have pleased her but they didn’t. She wanted more. She wanted it all.
Nora closed her eyes and tried to think. This was her reality. She was pregnant by this man and he was going to hound her until she gave in to him. Which meant they were probably going to get married. If she’d been able to walk away from her life and hide out somewhere for a couple of years she might have a chance at forgetting him. But that wasn’t an option. So she would have to learn how to make peace with her decision and keep herself and her feelings safe.
“Say yes,” he urged.
She looked at him. “If you leave me the way Russell left my mother, I’ll hunt you down like the dog you are.”
“I wouldn’t expect any less. Say yes.”
She hesitated. He was going to break her heart. He was going to shatter her and scatter the pieces to the winds. And there wasn’t anything she could do about it.
“I don’t want to say or do anything until after Jack and Katie’s wedding next week. I don’t want to take away from their special day.”
“Is that a yes?”
She nodded slowly. “Yes, Stephen, I’ll marry you.”
He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. She found herself pressing against the familiar strength of his chest and reveling in the glory of being close to him. He felt wonderful and warm and everything she could have wanted.
His mouth came down on hers. The melting began instantly inside of her. Fire licked through her as she felt her resolve drain away. Gathering what little strength she had left, she pressed her hands against his shoulders and pushed.
“There will be none of that until after the wedding,” she said firmly.
He looked as if he was going to protest, but instead he nodded. “If you insist.”
“I think it’s best.” Mostly because she needed time to get herself together.
He took her hand in his and lightly stroked her fingers. “What do you want to do about a wedding? Something formal? We have a little time until people figure out the truth.”
A wedding. She hadn’t thought about the details of getting married. “Nothing big,” she said. She couldn’t face that. Not when they weren’t marrying for the usual reasons. “Let’s just fly to Las Vegas after Jack and Katie’s wedding. That would be easiest. We’ll tell everyone we eloped after we get back.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
He looked pleased—probably because he was getting everything he wanted. What about her? What did she want?
“Is this relationship going to be what you offered me before?” she asked. “Friendship and sex, only this time we’ll be married and eventually parents. Is that what you expect?”
“What else would it be? Don’t you think anything else would complicate the situation?”
“You’re right, of course,” she said, giving him her best smile.
But to her the future l
ooked cold and empty. Living with and loving a man who would never love her back. Spending her life knowing she would always be his second-best wife.
Chapter Thirteen
T he sound of soft music and laughter filled the Darby family room. Nora forced herself to keep smiling, reminding herself this event wasn’t going to last forever…even if it felt like it.
At least the wedding had gone off perfectly. A spring storm had blown through in the night, making the eleven o’clock outdoor ceremony impossible. But Hattie had planned for that possibility. The furniture in the living room had been put out in the garage, leaving space for the ceremony. Garlands of fragrant flowers graced the tall windows and a long white cloth had defined the center aisle.
Nora smiled as she remembered the happiness in her brother’s eyes as he’d taken Katie to be his wife. Shane, Katie’s son, had beamed with pleasure at the thought of finally having a dad.
After congratulations and pictures, everyone had moved into the family room where there were several round tables set for dinner and a buffet by the fireplace. A table in the corner held a beautiful four-tiered wedding cake, decorated with cascades of delicate violets.
“What are you thinking?” Stephen asked as he came up behind her and placed a hand on her waist.
“That my mother did a fabulous job pulling everything together in such a short period of time.”
She allowed herself to lean against him, grateful for his physical and emotional support.
“I’m impressed,” Stephen told her, speaking directly into her ear. “When I woke up and saw the rain I was concerned that everything might be ruined. Instead the arrangements are such that if I didn’t know better I would assume this was the plan all along.”
Nora nodded in agreement, then turned so she could watch her mother move through the room, speaking with her guests and making sure the event continued smoothly. Hattie paused by her new daughter-in-law and the two women laughed together.
They were a study in contrasts, Nora decided. Her mother with her thick, long dark hair and snapping brown eyes. Katie was petite, a blue-eyed, blond-haired china doll. As the bride she wore a fitted, cream-colored gown that fell to the floor. A scattering of seed pearls gave the silk texture and dimension. A beautiful diamond-and-pearl necklace rested on her collarbone, a gift from her new husband. From across the room Jack gazed at his bride, love shining from his eyes.
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