"I can't help it," I answered guiltily. I bit my lip, pausing. "Stop looking so irresistibly sexy and I won't stare so much."
He snickered under his breath and rose to his full height. He slid his hands in his pockets. "I found nothing of interest. What are we missing?"
I knew by his racing thoughts that the question was more of a musing. He was growing frustrated. He wasn’t used to not getting his way and it was showing.
"We'll find it. It has to be here." I reassured him, absently rubbing the front of my jeans pocket. Tucked safely away was the key from Garrett's book. We had to find the journals. Our past and future depended on it.
Turning back around to my box, I’d knelt back down and was digging when I heard his voice.
"You are convinced these journals will explain...our missing link?"
My hands stilled and I nodded swiftly, glancing over my shoulder at him. "Yes. My mother told me...in the vision I saw you as a human. And I saw myself...but not as a human. I need to know what I am...who I am."
Stefan rubbed the toe if his boot on the attic floor. His mind searched mine for the vivid memory of my vision. "I wish I could recall that memory you have. After the change, our human recollections fade when we do not actively attempt to remember them," he said bitterly and looked up, meeting my stare. "I loved you then. It was apparent in your vision. I do not need a human memory to remember that kind of love. I can feel that in my soul, my very bones." He pressed his hand against his chest for emphasis.
The faintest of smiles tugged at the corners of my lips. I stood up and brushed off my hands. “And I loved you. Stefan, I don’t need reassurances. I just want to know the truth. The good and the bad.”
His mind whirled angrily. His frustration filled the bond between us. His eyes closed and he sighed deeply. When they reopened, his mood had settled.
"We are miles from humans, yes? Perhaps you should see how fast you can move. We should clear our minds and stretch our legs." He caught my lips with his own before taking my hand, leading me down the steps from the attic. He stood on the porch, listening to the night sounds of the country, the wind dancing through the trees, rustling the leaves.
“We should stay close to the house. It feels like rain.” Squeezing my hand, we took off in a sprint to the edge of the woods. Once we'd reached the safety of the trees, we blurred through the heavy foliage at a speed I'd never imagined possible.
The moon was high in the night sky, illuminating our path as it slipped from behind a cloud. Neither of us needed the pale light, yet I found it reassuring to see where my feet landed. Rich green passed in a blur as my eyes easily focused on my surroundings as if I was walking instead of streaking through the trees, so fast my hair streamed out behind me like sails snapping in the wind.
As I glanced at him, our eyes met and his happiness seemed to radiate from within him. My mother's words echoed in my mind, "See, he loved you even then. He doesn't remember the love you shared then, Josephine. The key for you both to remember is in the journal."
I ran at his side, my mind reliving the memory of being with him when he was human. I had been with him for months and my feelings and my need for him only grew stronger with each passing day. I couldn’t help but wonder what our bond would be like in 50 years…or 100. I’d still not adjusted to the idea of eternity. It was mystifying to think in 100 years we’d still be standing together, our love growing stronger. I worried that our connection to one another would deepen, meshing us together until we were unable to be apart, even for a moment without feeling the crushing blow.
He stopped abruptly and turned, crashing his lips against mine with a brutal intensity that he'd never used before. I clung to him just as fiercely, only dimly realizing that he'd brought us to a clearing. All of the emotions that I'd been trying to force down grew too great to bear. As I broke our kiss, I sobbed into the night. He crushed me to him, holding me tightly as we sank to the soft grass.
I must have sounded like a wild animal. There weren't words to express what I was trying to say, but throaty wailing and half-choked cries escaped my throat as I tried to tell him what I needed him to hear. All the frustration from the last few months unleashed with no end in sight. He caught my face in his hands and leaned down, his lips ghosting over my brow, his softly accented voice a whisper. "Do not worry about what we cannot change. Many would be envious of what we share, the bond we have. And I will be here beside you.”
Stefan had been expecting me to snap. And selfishly, I let him comfort me.
My outburst ebbed and we sat wrapped around each other. Our foreheads pressed together and I stared into his blue eyes, seeing the same fear and concern reflecting back to me. We were both tumbling over and over in the slipstream of fate, grappling to hang on to each other.
His lips crushed mine again, and I opened myself to him as we poured out our fears and desires in wordless communion. His hands gripped me roughly, his lips and tongue desperate against my own. My hands clawed against his flesh, as if I were trying to pull off pieces and bring them into myself. I couldn't bring him close enough, couldn't hold him tight enough to my heart.
Our desperation began to merge into passion, and I was swept up again in my need for him. It began to rain, the drops streaking our faces like tears in any other circumstances. I wound my fingers into his hair, melding myself to him. His mouth moved along my neck, and I whimpered as he nipped at me with his teeth. I felt an urge to possess and be possessed by him that I had never felt before. If I could have climbed inside his skin, I would have. My hands moved feverishly against his chest. I stroked muscles that I'd already memorized, following with my teeth and tongue as I made my way along his body, tasting and touching him. The rain enhanced his natural scent, and I buried myself in him, practically wallowing in his arms. And it still wasn't enough.
We didn't need to speak. The bond between us had exploded, blowing any remaining barrier wide open. I could decipher every emotion flooding from him. His lust and passion was strongest, but the undercurrent of love was powerful. I felt the strings that tethered me to the world begin to loosen. Gravity ceased to exist, and Stefan was the only thing that was keeping me from flying away into nothing.
The sky opened up and rain poured over us. It did nothing to stop the desire coursing through me; I was consumed by fire. No need for blood had ever been or could ever be as strong as my need for him at that moment.
He gave and I took. I offered and he accepted. Without him I’d lived a half-life; with him I found my true existence. I gave myself willingly to him, feeling as if my soul opened up and I found hope there, in the center of everything where I couldn’t tell where I ended and he began.
My fingernails raked down the sculpted muscles of his back, my hands gripping his ass and pulling him into me. He wordlessly answered my request, his lips demanding more. I pulled my mouth from his and I cried out into the clearing, the rain washing over me. As if on instinct, words fell from my lips that were foreign to me, yet strangely familiar. "Vilja muna orr elska."
I wanted and needed him to be willing to remember our love. I told him in the only way I knew would make the biggest impact. I spoke to him in his ancient language.
His entire demeanor changed. His strong hands laced through my wet hair, his blue eyes boring into mine. A flash of recognition shadowed his handsome face. "It was you. Minn sal, minn if. Minn muna hjarta ykkarr."
"Stefan...it always has been," I whispered. When my fingers touched his skin, his flawless pale skin began to glow as the night on the rooftop in New York. I let my hands trail over the features of his face, mesmerized by the white light that illuminated us "It always will be."
His voice was barely audible, yet filled with emotion and wonderment. "Min mystiska gudinna. Du är verkligen fantastiskt ... du är mer.”
I climbed him like a tree, wrapping my legs snugly around his hips. "I want to feel you. All of you."
His eyes were transfixed on mine, our bodies lighting up the darkness li
ke lightning flashing across the night sky. Our lips met again and every nerve short-circuited and for one brief moment, I could feel my silent heart come to life and beat a single time.
Our trembling bodies lay in a heap on the wet grass, rain pouring over us. Stefan's face was buried in my neck, his heavy frame draped over me. I held him tightly, physically and emotionally spent. We could have been in the clearing for minutes or hours; time had no meaning. My fingers drifted through his wet hair aimlessly, his massive body shielding me from the pelting downpour.
The sound of Stefan's voice brought me out of my almost trance-like state. "You spoke to me in my native tongue."
"Hmmm?" I murmured. “It was how you used to speak to me. The memories…they come and go. Something about this moment, this setting seemed familiar in some way.”
Stefan was silent and non-committal. I could feel his apprehension about uncovering his past. Our past.
Taking a deep breath, I chose to change the subject. “I want to marry you. And I don’t want to wait.”
In one of the few times since Stefan and I had been together, I’d stunned him speechless.
***
The smell of freesia and roses filled my nose. Breathing deeply, I closed my eyes and smiled softly.
Hesitating in the doorway of the living room, I wasn't sure I'd ever seen anything so beautiful. I'd seen Stefan so many ways: dressed up, completely nude, and seen him come to my rescue like an avenging angel, but never was his face this stunning. Every bit of his nearly 1000 years faded away from the hard edge of his eyes and the tension in his shoulders. It left him relaxed, appearing so young and beautifully angelic. His hair fell heavily over his forehead like a golden waterfall. He was dressed from head to toe in black: an expensive black suit, a crisp black dress shirt and leather shoes. It made his pale skin luminous, his blue eyes striking as he watched me walk towards him, stepping over blood red rose petals.
My ivory dress was the softest cashmere, the simple lines of the dress clinging to my curves. My hair hung on loose waves over my shoulders. My heels clicked over the wood floor softly. Knowing he was waiting for me made it difficult to keep up the charade of being human.
It was the knowledge that my other half stood waiting at the fireplace that made me want to rush to him. Even a moment away from him seemed too long.
Surrounded in an arch of flowers, I joined him and took his outstretched hands. Our fingers wound together, the joy flooding the bond threatening to bring me to my knees.
"Stefan Lifsten and Josephine Anderson, you wish to be joined in marriage?"
Neither of our eyes faltered as we gazed at each other lovingly. Our voices rang out in unison, my clear alto blending with his deep lilting baritone. "Yes."
Somehow, Stefan had managed to find a justice of the peace willing to marry us at a moments notice. He'd arranged everything, making a spur of the moment dream a reality. I’d woken up this morning to his absence and a note, followed by a steady stream of deliveries and strict instructions to avoid the living room until I received his signal.
Who said chivalry was dead?
"Before the witnesses in attendance, I ask Stefan. Will you take Josephine to be your wife and love her in distress and pleasure?
"Yes," Stefan said. He squeezed my fingers. His blue eyes were soft in the late afternoon sunlight.
"Before the witnesses in attendance, I ask Josephine. Will you take Stefan to be your husband and love him in distress and pleasure?
I didn't hesitate for a moment. I'd never been more sure of anything in my life. "Yes."
"Mr. Lifsten said you'd recite your own vows. Go ahead, Mr. Lifsten."
"I, Stefan Lifsten, take you, Josephine Anderson to be my wife. I ask that you stand at my side during both joyful and sorrowful times. I promise to devote myself to you until we are parted in death.” With those heartfelt words, his blue eyes shimmered with unshed tears. He slid a plain, platinum band over my finger and his crooked smile of happiness nearly broke my heart.
“And Josephine, it is your turn now.” The justice of the peace nodded at me kindly. He held out Stefan’s matching band and I took it with unsteady fingers.
Staring up into his handsome face, I took Stefan’s hand. I took a deep breath and repeated the vows back to him. "I, Josephine Anderson take you, Stefan Lifsten to be my husband. I promise to stand by you in good times and in bad, to love you and cherish you until death parts us.”
As my fingers pushed the ring over his long finger, my eyes met his again. I'd never seen him so happy. Pure joy radiated from his face. If I had to pick a moment I wanted frozen in time, it would be this brief second that I’d want to capture to remember for an eternity.
"I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss your wife."
The pride he felt at those two words was apparent when his hands reached for my face. His soft lips met mine as my arms circled his neck. He rose up and lifted me off my feet in his arms. His tongue swept across my lower lip, tangling with mine.
I could have lost myself forever in that kiss. The knowledge that we were tied together in every way possible way filled me with a happiness I thought was unimaginable.
It took the gentle cough of the justice of the peace and our witnesses for us to part. We signed all of the necessary paperwork in record time. Stefan was hurrying them along. It seemed he was anxious to get me alone.
We followed them outside, waving our goodbyes. We watched them disappear down the driveway in their sedan, waiting until their taillights disappeared into the distance.
In a blur, he had me in his arms. I started to protest until I realized what he was doing.
He was carrying me across the threshold, honoring the human tradition of marriage.
Once inside, Stefan set me on my feet and cradled my face in his hands. His lips were as light as feathers against mine. I felt his fingers and lips travel down to my neck, caressing my skin softly. My body trembled at each little kiss, relishing every touch…simply because each one touched my very soul and his love was evident in every kiss and in every move he made.
When I raised my hands to touch him, he immediately took ahold of them. Struggling against him, his hold on me was gentle but firm.
"I have indulged your sexual appetite for far too long, Josephine. It is something I mean to rectify from this moment on." A playfully wicked smile was on his lips, his painfully beautiful face sinister in the glow from the fireplace.
"Play nice, Mr. Lifsten." I whispered. Ripples of his desire flitted over my skin and sank into me.
"Ah, you should know I never make promises. Inga löften, vackra. All I ask is that you hold on to your energy, draw out the release as long as you can." His lips were so close to mine, I felt each word as he spoke. His fingers moved to unzip my dress, letting the fabric lay at my feet in a pool of white cashmere. "Will you try?"
As he awaited my answer, he moved on to the task of unbuttoning his dress shirt. It fell open, exposing his broad, muscular chest. He smiled his sexy, crooked smile, shrugging his jacket and shirt off over his shoulders and down his arms, throwing them to the side in a heap on the floor.
The heat from the fire raging through my body made me feel as if I were blushing all over. His blue eyes stopped roaming when they locked onto mine. The passion reflected in his swirling sea blue eyes made him look as if he were burning inside. And there it was. It was the look, the smile that Stefan only gave me. It was the feeling I was waiting for. It barreled through the bond and if I was human, I'd never have survived it.
His unbridled lust hit me with a force I'd never felt from him before. His hands were a blur on my waist, moving upward slowly against the soft planes of my stomach. His hungry eyes strolled longingly over my body. As his hands reached my breasts, he ran his thumbs gently back and forth over the lacy fabric, my nipples pebbling under his firm touch. All my muscles seemed to contract within me, sending waves of lightning shooting through my veins, but I held it back as he had requested.
> His mouth was on mine, as if he couldn't kiss me deep enough, hard enough or long enough. There was no way I would be able to hold the intense energy inside much longer. When I thought I couldn't take another second, his mouth was gone and I was left gasping for breath.
"Stefan, please! Du spelar inte rättvist." I leaned into him trying to recapture his mouth, but he pulled away, his only response his infuriatingly beautiful smile. He enjoyed my easy transition to pulling his native tongue from his mind and relished my futile attempts to break him.
"Ah, Josephine. I never play fair. You have destroyed me with your love. I shamelessly covet it. One day in the next century you will accept that fact." He smiled again softly as one of his hands released me. I heard the sound of his belt unbuckling, sliding through the fabric and falling to the carpet.
Finally.
"Close your eyes, vackra. If you open your beautiful eyes I will stop." His voice was pure sex, lilting and husky. "And I do not want to stop."
Reluctantly obeying his request, I was suddenly swept off my feet and on my back of the thick rug in front of the fireplace. Closing my eyes, I heard the unmistakable sounds of rustling fabric. My breath hitched in impatient gasps until I felt his naked legs against my own. His rough fingers grasped my silky panties and with a gentle tug they were ripped, pulled from under me in one swift movement.
Kissing his way up from my stomach to my breasts, I arched my back and wrapped my legs around his. My hands slid smoothly down his velvet skin to rest upon his ass. He teased me unmercifully. He would touch me, pressing his powerful body against mine. He'd come so close and then at the last moment, would retreat. I tried to pull him closer, but he was much stronger in strength and sheer will.
"Stefan," I moaned. I was pleading and desperate. "Please! I can't…"
"I need you as I have never needed you before." His voice was smooth like honey, causing an icy shiver to move down my spine. His mouth feathered kisses over my cheek and down my neck, eagerly kissing and licking his way down my throat until his mouth touched the crook of my neck. I gasped at the sudden icy feeling that swept through me.
Ascend (The Vampire Destiny Series Book #4) Page 9