“I won’t leave until I have her body with me. She doesn’t deserve to be left down there,” I say quietly, trying not to push Ival too far while knowing I won’t back down from this.
“Well, that is too bad.”
“She saved us, Ival. We are in the air right now because of her. She is the reason Jeprow is now dead. She can’t be left down there.”
Ival stares at me for a long time, his gaze giving nothing away about what he’s thinking.
“You will get some rest, and tomorrow, you will fight in this war for your people. You will do as I say. Then once this war is won, I will commission men to search the spaceship and find her. She is dead, brother, staying down there for a few more days or weeks won’t make a difference to her.”
I bite my tongue, wanting to demand I be allowed to search for her now, but I’m honestly too tired to fight with Ival any longer. The fact that he’s willing to search for Mattie’s body at all is a big step for him. I mostly expected him to say no, and for me to have to search on my own.
I hate leaving her down there, leaving her alone on a planet she doesn’t know, surrounded by Claws which have done nothing other than hurt and torment her.
Ival might want me to rest, but there is no way I will be able to until her body is out of that water. Perhaps even after that, I will still not be able to find any peace.
***
I slip out of my suit, leaving it wet on the ground by Jeprow’s body. No one has spared him another thought. Once Ival has publicly shown his death to our people and Jeprow’s, then he will no doubt be burned and written out of our history. The war won’t, of course, but Jeprow will be known as a nameless and faceless coward who lost this war.
If I was capable of feeling anything right now other than my grief for Mattie and Riley, then I might feel sympathy for Jeprow’s soldiers. They were brought up in a brutal environment, taught only to hate and fear, and told to despise us above all else. They’re fighting a war they don’t understand, and it all started because we left our women and men behind. We left them the tools to start this war, and most of us have paid the ultimate price for that.
Mattie paid with her life. Riley never even had a chance. Now I have to tell her sister and friends that she is gone, that our baby is dead.
How am I supposed to do that? How is it fair that Mattie saves us all, but she only gets death while I’m left here alone to pick up the pieces? How am I supposed to go on without her? Without Riley? We were meant to be a family.
Time slips away from me, and before I know it, I’m transported out of the spaceship and am standing alone outside of a small, makeshift tent. We’re close to my home and the place where Jeprow stole Riley from us. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to enter that house again. I will definitely never be able to enter the room I was held in without breaking down.
I shiver as my stare shifts back to what is in front of me. Our guards are patrolling outside, keeping the occupants inside safe where I know there will mostly be the surviving members of the twelve families who have the ability to become leaders. With my family in trouble, they would have protected these families in preparation for one of them to step up. They all needed to be protected above even our own people to ensure Oden’s future.
I take a deep breath, placing one foot in front of the other until I enter the tent and feel the warmth of being inside hit me. I didn’t even realise I was cold before.
In the corner I see Hannah, Lisa, and Hope. I don’t spot Logan but notice the quick movement by my feet. I glance down in time to find him diving into my legs, holding on so tightly I fear he might actually hurt himself.
“Logan…” I whisper, my voice sounding hoarse. As I reach down and lift him up into my arms, he wraps his arms around me tightly, his legs doing the same. I get the feeling he doesn’t plan to let go of me for a long while.
I hug him back, needing the contact and support more than I fully comprehend. My arms lock around him, just as hesitant to let go of him.
“Where is she? Did you get Mattie?” Hannah rushes over, smiling in relief as she glances over Logan and me. Lisa and Hope trail behind, but Lisa has already read the look in my eyes correctly. She gasps, hugging Hope closer to her.
“I’m sorry, Hannah. I wasn’t able to save her,” I say, the words feeling like sandpaper in my mouth.
“What do you mean? She’s alive, though, isn’t she? You can get her back. There’s still hope!” Hannah rushes to say, her eyes locking with mine.
I lose myself a little then, seeing Mattie’s deep blue eyes reflected in her sister’s gaze.
“She sacrificed her life so we could defeat Jeprow. Already, we are winning this battle. It should all be over in a few days.” I sound hollow. I don’t even really feel the words coming out of my mouth now. Numbness is washing over me, even robbing me of the comfort Logan’s hug gives me.
“Riley?” Hannah whispers, but she knows that, with Mattie gone, so is Riley.
“I’m so sorry, Hannah. I failed her and our boy. I failed everyone.” My eyes drop, unable to see the devastation on her face for a moment longer. It’s why I don’t see her slap coming. My cheek stings from the impact, and then I’m too shocked to resist her when she rips Logan from my arms.
He begins crying, not understanding what is happening, however she quickly hurries him out of the tent with Lisa and Hope following behind. When I take a step in their direction, one of our soldiers blocks my path.
“Drym informed us you were to do nothing but rest. There is a bed set up in the corner, and we have orders to not let you leave there until the morning.” The solider nods at a bed, a clean change of clothes resting on top.
“I have to make sure they’re all right—” I again try to move towards the exit, yet I’m blocked once more.
“I have men watching them. They will remain safe under our guard,” he promises.
I have no desire to follow orders from this soldier, but understand that forcing my presence on Hannah and Logan won’t help them. They are mourning the loss of Mattie, just like I am. There is no reason they will want to spend time with the person who was supposed to protect her and instead allowed her to be killed. They hate me just as much as I hate myself, and I can’t blame them one bit.
Therefore, I turn towards the bed, moving around the screen set up to change, and then sit down on the uncomfortable bed. There are several set up. Most families are using them to gather around and console each other. No one is paying me any attention; no one except the soldier whose orders are to watch over me to make sure I behave.
I’m itching to get back out into the water to find Mattie. I won’t stop until I do. It might not change anything, but she deserves to be laid to rest on Earth.
I close my eyes, wallowing in my grief. For hours, I feel only pain and loss, falling into a restless sleep where I dream of Mattie’s accusing eyes, demanding to know why I failed her. Why I let our baby boy down. I only wake when somebody knocks into me.
Opening my eyes, I see Logan crawling up onto the bed.
“Logan?” I croak out, my gaze shifting around us to assess what is happening. I hear Hannah in a bed a short distance away, sobbing while Lisa rubs her back. Hope is asleep at the foot of the bed.
“Is she really gone?” he whispers, crawling onto my stomach and resting his chin against my chest.
“Yes,” I whisper back. I wrap an arm around him to keep him secure and use my other hand to pat his hair away from his face.
“Can’t you bring her back?” he begs as he shifts his cheek to rest over my chest.
“It doesn’t work like that.”
“Why?”
“It’s just not how life is.”
“Where is she now, then? Is she with my daddy?” He lifts his head, his gaze searching my face. As tears run down his face, my heart breaks again seeing his suffering.
“I think she is with him. They are probably having a chat about the brave boy they both loved so much.”
; “Why do people keep leaving me? Did I do something wrong?”
“No, absolutely not. This is not your fault, Logan. None of this is your fault. Your father died protecting innocent people; he died a hero. So did Mattie. I was the one who wasn’t able to keep her safe. I failed her.”
“So it is your fault that she’s dead?” He doesn’t sound accusing; he sounds more curious and sad.
“Yes.”
I wait for him to push away from me. Wait for the words screamed that he hates me and never wants to see me again. They don’t come, though; not from him. He just stays where he is, content to be in my arms, and slowly begins to fall asleep.
Just before he drifts off he says he misses Mattie, and then I hear his breathing deepen and his tears stop falling.
“I miss her, too,” I whisper, holding him tighter and shedding some of my own tears.
Chapter 14
Mattie
I wake to the sun glaring down into my eyes, my back on something soft, and my body unbelievably sore. I feel disorientated and confused. It takes me several attempts to rise, and when I do, my neck twinges painfully, my back spasms, and my head pounds as if a sledgehammer is knocking against it.
I feel the breeze against me, and when I glance down, I find my shirt ripped open, exposing me to the cool wind. I notice the bruises covering me, but my eyes zero in on the scar along my stomach and everything comes back to me in a rush. The tunnels, losing Riley, the spaceship, and the fight with Jeprow.
I recall us crashing into the ocean and my lucky break to find an exit in the hatch I had opened earlier. I remember swimming away from the fallen spaceship as it gathered speed in its descent to the ocean floor as water filled it inside and weighed it down. I never intended to survive that. I know it was only my natural survival instinct to fight that kept me going.
A crushing weight pulls me back along the ground, and I shiver against the cold seeping into me. My clothes are still wet, my skin damp, and I am chilled to the bone.
My thoughts return to Riley and the emptiness that now lives inside me. How can everything have gone so tragically bad? How did I ever let it come to this? My only job as a mother was to protect Riley, and I couldn’t even do that.
Disappointment and exhaustion drags me down, forcing me inactive. I vaguely hear noises in the background. I hear screaming and random bouts of gunshots. There are definitely some crashes and explosions. Nothing really filters through my mind enough for me to give a shit about what is happening, however. I’m aware of these things, but I can’t bring myself to care.
My consciousness fades in and out. Time moves, but I don’t. Not until a soldier stumbles upon me.
By this stage, I have no energy to move, none to answer the questions the man asks me once he runs a scan over me. He no doubt realises I’m human and can’t understand the words he’s spoken. He carries me away from the water, his body heat feeling like I’m touching the sun. It both burns and draws me in.
I am taken to an area set up with beds where easily hundreds of people are inside. All of them appear injured in one way or another. When a boy, no older than fourteen, who has what must be two broken legs, stares at me with sympathy, I know I must look awful.
The soldier places me down on a free bed, then takes his own shirt off and moves my arms up so he can place it over me. He then leaves to get a doctor and I lie down on the bed, my back relaxing into the warm and dry surface.
It takes a while before someone sees me, and by then, I fall asleep as they assess me.
I jolt awake several times as they scan over me and then begin to treat me. The doctor makes me drink water and feeds me a pill. It is something foreign that instantly warms my entire body up.
I feel awful, but an injection later, my blocked nose, sore eyes, and raw throat disappear. Another injection later and the sick feeling and cramps in my stomach recede. The doctor then rubs a solution into my face and the visible bruises over my arms, legs, and stomach. I don’t say a word during any of this.
When she offers me food, my mouth automatically clamps shut. I might physically be feeling better, but that doesn’t mean I have any sort of appetite.
This begins my lengthy stay here. Treatment, ointment to help with my swelling and bruises as well as constant insistence that I eat something. However, I can’t bring myself to eat anything, which I think might delay my healing, and it keeps me confined in this place.
I don’t talk to anyone, not even my own people. I listen to them, though. It takes eight nights for the creatures to be eradicated. Then another three nights before Jeprow’s women and men are all rounded up. Then war on Oden ceases. I’m not sure how much time passes between the end of the war and the announcement that all humans will be returned to Earth over the next several weeks. Ival, in a speech, acknowledges that humans have helped fight his war, and for their service, he will not pursue Earth for their collection.
He’s actually kept his promise. My body has felt numb since I first woke up after the crash, but this is the first time I’ve felt something close to penetrating it.
Even though I’ve had nothing to cling onto when I was trapped on that spaceship—no hope of surviving and no point in even wanting to survive it—Ival made me a promise that I had to believe in, just so I could find the fight in me. Deep down, though, I didn’t think he would keep it. I merely assumed he was lying to get me to do what was needed. Even without Earth being returned, at least Marduke’s people could fight back and have a chance of winning. Humans could stop being sacrificed and killed.
Now I hear the news that we are going back to Earth and that they have dedicated several of their fleet of spaceships to the task, and I can’t even muster up any real excitement from that.
I want to go home. I desperately want to see Logan and Hannah—if he hadn’t been lying about them being alive. I just don’t know how I’m supposed to face them, face this situation I’m stuck in.
I betrayed my people and home planet when I fell in love with Marduke, and then I failed him when I lost our baby.
I’m nothing like the person I used to be back before this invasion started. I changed when those machines began attacking us. Now I don’t know who I am or what I’m supposed to do. All I know is I’m a failure, and I am lost and stuck in my mourning. I don’t ever see an end in sight. I don’t know how to cope with anything. I don’t know how to be human anymore. I don’t even know how to feel.
My thoughts are stuck on a continuous loop—witnessing all the death and loss I have seen, watching the destruction on Earth, Roth, and now Oden. Nothing feels real. I’m not even sure I want anything to be real again.
I live in this daze for weeks after the announcement is made that we will be returning to Earth. I’m only surrounded by people who are at death’s door along with people like me—people who are unable to cope with what has happened to them, and are now under observation. Everyone here appears to be haunted and lost. Because of this, we are some of the last to be moved. I embrace the forced sleep I am placed under while they ship us back to Earth.
Since they can’t exactly take everyone to every continent needed, they have dropped everyone in different places. By the time I find myself in London, the war has been over for almost two months and things on Earth are moving again.
There is an effort being made to fix cities that have been destroyed, supply food and water to everyone, and get back some semblance of life as it was before. Once electricity, running water, and other amenities are placed back in order, the airports begin running again to try to get everyone to where they need to be. There is no need for money now. No need to book tickets or have passports.
There is a sense of support and love for one another in the air. People who can help are, and there aren’t any big companies right now trying to make a profit. Food, beverages, and petrol are being handed out freely. Free rides and a place to stay are easily available to everyone. There is charity and good will everywhere I look.
It warms
me a little to see our humanity and goodness coming out. I’ve seen bursts of anger and definitely tears and tantrums, but mostly, everyone understands that most people have lost everything. There are no winners and no one better off here. We are all in the same boat, and everyone is eager to help others and ease as much pain as possible.
I’m in London for over a month before I attempt going to the airport. I’m both homesick and terrified of going home. I’m desperate to see Hannah, to see with my own eyes that she survived, but seeing her means facing what has happened to us, to me, and to Riley. I’m not sure I’m ready for that. However, after a month of drifting along, not moving forward and getting nowhere, I decide it is time I go home.
Therefore, I hitch a ride to the airport. I expect there to be crowds of people trying to get home, but there aren’t many people at all. Either the reason for that is most have already been transported home, or there aren’t many people left alive after the invasion and war. I shudder to think about how many humans have died. Too many, that’s for sure.
The majority of incoming people now are ones from the other planets. Their war was still raging after Oden was under Ival’s rule, as a result in some cases, they are just being released back to Earth now.
Every single person I see has signs of the war they have been through—the haunted eyes, the physical injuries, and every single person appears gaunt. I don’t see any overweight people. Even bulky women and men—who I assume would have had solid, heavy bodies before the invasion—have bones that are now exposed. The worst is seeing the children and the affect the war has had on them. They look sad, frightened, and unsure of everything. I hate to think how many are now orphaned.
Glancing around the airport, I find signs which announce when flights will be taking off and where to. Flights around Europe and even to America are often, but ones to Australia are far less frequent. There is one happening in two days, and after placing my name down on a list, I decide to sleep in the airport to wait.
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