The record label knows I’m with you. They know I have a daughter. They know I’m a family man. They are good with that. They accept it, embrace it even. You will never be hidden away again.
If you want to leave me because you just don’t want to be with me, that’s fine. It will hurt like a bitch but I’m a big boy, I’ll get over it. But don’t let it be because you’re afraid.
Now, the ball’s in your court.
You make the decision.
This is your one chance to make the call.
I’m going to pick up our daughter and take her to dinner. That should give you enough time to think.” His voice was firm, holding the bitter edge of anger.
I stood stock still, afraid to breathe.
The sound of the front door slamming closed jarred me back to life.
What had I done?
Chapter Thirteen
Lenny
I was sick to my stomach, riddled with doubt. Bile burned at the back of my throat. My stomach tied with knots.
Kicking a dent in the fender of the car didn’t help. It didn’t make the red-hot searing pain in my chest go away.
It only served as a reminder of how stupid I had been. How irrational I had acted. My own words tormented my ears.
I knew Makayla was hurting. I saw the shadows that haunted her eyes. I knew they were there. I let the excitement of being picked up by another label cloud my judgment, erasing all the progress we had made the past two weeks.
Now I was paying the ultimate price. My skin felt tight. My chest weighed heavy with lead. I was riddled with insecurity.
I didn’t know if Makayla would be there when I returned. I wasn’t worried about her physical presence, but her emotional presence. I knew she would never leave Avery.
I had no doubt in my mind she would be there waiting for our little girl. I only hoped she would be there waiting for me as well.
The thought of her leaving was like a sledgehammer to the chest, crushing my heart stealing the breath from my lungs.
I was too wound up from the fight I had with Makayla to think clearly. I needed to clear my mind before I picked up my little girl.
I took my time to the daycare taking the scenic route around town. The short trip should have taken me fifteen minutes. I was able to stretch it out for an hour, cruising around the town I grew up in, the place I called home.
The drive didn't solve my problems. It didn’t sweep away the blinding ache in my chest. It did, however, allow me time to think, to reflect.
No matter Makayla’s decision, I wasn’t leaving. I wasn’t going to quit on her. It didn’t matter what I said.
I couldn't.
I wouldn’t leave her.
We fought too hard for too long to just throw it all away. My daughter would not grow up without her father. With renewed determination, I steered the car into the daycare parking lot.
I was greeted at the door by the squeal of girlish laughter. “Daddy,” My name from her lips was a soothing balm to my wounded heart.
Picking my little girl up in my arms I spun her around, cherishing her giggles of delight.
“Where do you wanna go for dinner, Princess?” I asked as I gathered her tiny pink backpack drowning in sequins. I slung it over my shoulder, proudly brandishing the bedazzled spectacle while Avery though over her options.
“I want pizza.” She shouted nearly blowing out my eardrum.
I chuckled despite the ringing in my ear. “Pizza it is.” We waved goodbye to the brave women holding down the daycare.
Avery spent the drive to the restaurant giving me every detail of her day. I smiled as my daughter carried on in the backseat, without a care in the world.
I laughed as she told me about the story one of the teachers had read. It was about a boy who lived in a giant peach. “Can we live in a peach, Daddy?” Her wide blue eyes peered at me through the rearview mirror, pleading for me to say yes.
“How did the boy like living in the peach, Princess?”
She stopped to think about the story, her little mind flickering through the mental images she created as her teacher enchanted them with the tale.
“I think he liked it.” She surmised after a moment of contemplation. She looked exactly like her mother as she sat there so sure of herself. I felt the tug on my heart, the pain still raw.
“What about it did he like?” I probed loving the way she looked as she thought the story through.
“He liked to eat it. Peaches are yummy.” She smiled at her conclusion, dimples digging into her plump cheeks.
“How about after we have dinner we try to find some peaches to eat?” I offered, aching to bring another smile to her angelic face.
“I like peaches, Daddy.” Her eyes lit up at the idea of having peaches after dinner.
“Me too, Princess.”
After dinner at the local pizzeria, Avery and I made a trip to the local grocer. With a bag of peaches and a gallon of ice cream, we were set for the evening.
“We’re going to have peaches and ice cream?” she exclaimed when I told her our plans for the evening.
“Do you like peaches and Ice cream?” I asked hoping I had made the right decision.
“I’m a kid.” She deadpanned making me laugh.
“Yeah, you’re right. Maybe we should add some whipped topping and some cake?” Her eyes widened taking up half her face.
“I love you.” Those three words slew me.
I would buy out the entire store just to hear them again.
“I love you most, Princess.”
Chapter Fourteen
Makayla
I could hear them downstairs. Lenny’s deep baritone singing silly songs as Avery’s laughter rang through the house, followed by the banging of pots and pans, as she and Lenny moved throughout the kitchen. Tears stung the back of my eyes.
The sweet smell of sugar permeated the air. They were baking, what, I wasn’t sure.
Unless Lenny had taken culinary classes while away, I knew it would be a simple recipe. He meant well, but he was no pastry chef. Boiling water was about as good as he got when it came to matters of the oven.
The muffled laughter of the two left my heart heavy, limbs drained. Closing my eyes I could imagine the two of the baking up a storm, flour coating their cheeks. The kitchen would no doubt be a mess by morning.
It was well past Avery’s bedtime. She should have been in bed hours ago. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him. I had a sinking suspicion he already knew. A nagging in the back of my mind said this was all just a test to draw me out.
I stayed in bed.
I didn’t want to be the dark cloud that crashed their little party.
I would allow them this one night.
I would allow Lenny to break the rules, keeping our daughter up late, feeding her sugary foods, while I cowered in my misery. Hiding away from the world.
Had I not been so selfish I would have been down there with them. We would have continued on like we had the past couple of weeks, a happy family.
Instead, my self-doubt and insecurities had reared their ugly head. I had spewed forth all of my fears and told Lenny to leave.
I was ashamed of my actions. Disgusted with myself. I hid away in our bedroom, the covers pulled tightly over my head.
Avery’s tinkling laughter ringing around the room caused me to burrow deeper, tugging the blanket in tighter.
I listened in on their private moment. Feeling like an outsider in my own home, in my own family. A role I had cast myself.
The two stayed up for what seemed like hours. Their laughter finally drawing to an end when Lenny walked Avery to her bedroom, tucking her in tight. I was sure when I no longer heard him walking around that Avery had conned him into a bedtime story.
I waited patiently to hear him moving around. The anticipation of what he would do next had me on the edge of the mattress.
Would he go back downstairs to sleep on the couch? It was a possibility.
Would he
bend his long limbs around our daughter and share her twin sized bed? The thought was rather unlikely.
My mind scrambled thinking of the possibilities. Two warring in the forefront more than others. Would he ignore my plea to leave and sleep in the bed beside me? I silently hoped.
Or would he leave, seeking refuge elsewhere. That particular thought caused my already wounded heart further ache.
The sound of the bedroom door opening seized my heart. Still hidden beneath the blanket, my ears strained, catching his movement.
The rustling of clothing sent my heart skittering in my chest. Fear, joy, nervousness all warring within the rapidly beating organ.
A thin breeze of air skirted up my back followed by the dipping of the bed.
I lay there frozen.
Lenny’s even breathing filled the air. His body lay motionless under the blankets beside me. Our California King sized bed had never felt smaller.
Chapter Fifteen
Lenny
I knew she was awake. I could hear her erratic breaths filling the silence of the room. I didn’t call her bluff. Instead, I used it to my favor forcing her to stew beside me.
She wanted me gone.
I wanted her to open up and talk to me about whatever demons were haunting her. I wanted her to give us a chance.
Neither of us would be getting what we wanted tonight. Instead, we would both suffer in silence.
I ignored the urge to pull her into my arms. My hands itched to hold her, to feel the silk of her skin beneath my grasp.
Stuffing down the desire I turned my attention to the heat I felt from her body, radiating beneath the blankets. I was a sadist, plain and simple.
I longed to pull her into my arms, wrapping her in my embrace.
Through steel will I refrained.
Tonight.
I would give her tonight to work through whatever craziness she had going on through that beautiful head of hers. Tomorrow was another day. Another chance to prove to her I wasn’t going anywhere.
I didn’t miss the way her body leaned toward mine. I didn’t miss the fire burning between us, the flames burning brightly under the cover of darkness.
Even if her mind was telling her this was a bad idea, her body knew where she belonged. Inch by painful inch her body moved in closer to mine.
Seeking.
Searching.
I wouldn’t deny her. To deny her would mean to deny myself. I was a selfish bastard.
Chapter Sixteen
Makayla
I woke up cocooned in the shelter of Lenny’s arms. My body sought him out in the night against the wishes of my mind. My heart surged at the fact he didn’t turn me away.
Small steps.
What I said to him last night remained true. I wouldn’t survive losing him again. And yet, I didn’t take any extra measure to ensure I didn’t end up in his arms.
In fact, I took advantage of the fact that he was still sound asleep to lay there a moment longer, soak in the heat and comfort of his body wrapped around mine.
It felt like a lifetime ago since we had woke up tangled in one another’s arms, when in fact it was only yesterday. What a difference a day makes.
How two people so madly in love could end up on two completely different ends of the spectrum was beyond me.
It pained me to move, to extract myself from his body. But I couldn’t lay here a moment longer.
I couldn’t bring myself to face him so soon after our fight. I held strong, gently lifting his arm just enough to slip under.
I winced in alarm as his arm fell to the empty mattress. I watched with bated breath to see if he would stir.
With a soft grunt, he rooted around blindly, snagging the pillow I had been laying on, pulling it into his chest. His arms wrapped around the thick down square, pinning it to his chest.
A small smile tugged at my lips as he inhaled deeply, moaning lightly against the scent of my shampoo in his sleep.
I eased myself out of bed; periodically looking back to be sure he was still asleep.
With careful steps, I padded through the room, gathering my clothing for the day. With each step I looked back at the bed, ensuring not to disturb Lenny’s sleeping form. I felt like a burglar in my own home, creeping around in the shadows to avoid detection.
I showered at lightning fast speed. Skipping over my hair. I would use the dry shampoo I kept on hand for emergencies.
Every second I spent in the room was a second closer to Lenny waking up. A second closer to me having to face my fears. I was working against the clock. Time was no friend of mine. I was banking on the hope that Avery had worn him out enough for him to sleep in.
Showered and freshly dressed I gave Lenny one last long look before I slipped out of the bedroom and into Avery’s.
Our little girl was still asleep. Her long dark curls spread around her like a halo. Allowing her to sleep in a few minutes longer I busied around in her room, laying out her clothes, packing her bag, and getting her bath ready.
“Come on baby girl, it’s time to wake up.” I gently coaxed the tired three-year-old to wake.
Her eyes shot open at the sound of my voice as I brushed her hair out of her eyes.
“Mommy.” She exclaimed her voice still heavy with sleep.
“Come on, we have to get a bath and get ready for school.” I reminded her ushering her out of the bed and into her adjoining bathroom.
“Is Daddy taking me to school today?” I ignored the question, offering a smile in place of an answer.
How could I tell my little girl what I didn’t know? How could I tell her that I had screwed up so royally that I wasn’t sure when she would see her daddy again?
Of course, I knew Lenny would never stay away from her, but it wouldn’t be how it’s been the past two weeks. She wouldn’t have him in her life every day like she has grown accustomed to.
The thought sat heavy on me. Weighing me down.
Bathed and dressed Avery sat patiently at the dining room table as I poured her a bowl of cereal.
After their long night baking, I expected to walk into the kitchen to find it destroyed. Instead, it looked exactly as I had left it the night before.
“Do you like what we did?” Avery asked motioning wildly toward the spotless room.
“Did you and Daddy clean?” I asked, digging for insight as to how the two spent their evening.
Dark curls bobbed up and down on her delicate shoulders. “I was a big girl and helped clean up the mess.” She said proudly around bites of cereal.
“You are a big girl. Did you guys have fun?”
Her little head nodded eagerly sending her curls bouncing around.
“We had peaches like the boy in the book. Daddy put them on cake and ice cream. It was a birthday party for our belly.” She laughed as milk drooled down the side of her mouth.
“That sounds like so much fun.” I smiled wistfully as I wiped down the counter in an attempt to stay busy.
I wished that I had been stronger. That I hadn’t let fear override my feelings for Lenny. I wished for so many things that I knew would never be. Most of all I wished that we had never fought, that the aching hollowness of my heart had never brought such horrid things from my mouth.
“All done.” She exclaimed pushing her bowl away.
“I’ll get that, Princess.” My eyes shot up at the sound of Lenny’s voice. I was so engrossed in my thoughts I hadn’t heard him enter the room.
Lenny was dressed in a slate blue t-shirt that molded to his body, the bands around the arms tight, straining against his biceps. Teasing lines of black ink peeked out of the sleeves. A pair of loose fit jeans hung low on his hips. His hair was still damp from the shower. The dark purple bruise on his neck had begun to fade, now turning a medium pink. I looked away as a blush crested my cheeks at the memory of that night.
He must have woken up just after I left the room. Taking in his frame as he tended to our daughter was like a punch to the solar plexus.
“Daddy, are you going to school with me?” Avery sang out from her perch in Lenny’s arms as she helped him carry her bowl to the sink.
“Not today, Princess. Daddy had to go to work.” He replied glancing up at me.
Our eyes met. It was then that I noticed his aviator sunglasses were perched on the top of his head. Glancing down I noticed the black Chucks on his feet. He was dressed to go out. Bile burned at the back of my throat.
“Are you going away for a long time again?” Avery asked her voice sounding so small and frail as she clung to his neck, her arms wrapped tightly around him.
My throat closed up, as I choked back the tears threatening to fall.
Lenny was leaving and it was all my fault. I never wanted my little girl to feel the heartache of saying goodbye to a parent. But wasn’t that what I had done by telling Lenny to leave? Was I not guilty of the same thing I blamed his music for?
“Never, Princess. I have to go on a small trip. But I’ll be back soon. I promise to be home in time to tuck you into bed. How’s that?” He promised pressing a kiss to her cheek.
Relief swamped me, thinning the air enough to breathe. I turned my back to the two afraid of what Lenny would see when he looked into my eyes. I wasn’t ready to face him. Not yet.
“Give me some sugar before I go. Remember, I’ll be home to tuck you into bed.” I listened as the two said goodbye to one another. Regret at my soul.
Chapter Seventeen
Lenny
Jeremy Epps stood tall at the head of the conference table surrounded by his team. His dark suit tailored to fit his frame. He emanated an air of superiority amongst the men and women around him dressed casually.
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