by Amber Dane
With her back aching Alexa stretched to remove the kinks. Her heart heavy she trailed her fingers over the new growth of whiskers starting to cover Rourke’s jaw. After washing and drying her hands in the washbowl, she crawled nigh blind with sleep deprivation up onto the bed and did what she had nightly since his return, curl her body around his. Sleep came to her instantly.
That’s how Rourke woke to find her three more long days and nights after his fever finally broke. He had to blink several times; his eyes were sensitive to the morning light streaming through the windows. God he felt as if he had been struck by that mace once again, but this time against his head.
Her clean scent and the heat from her body cleared his senses. He moved.
He groaned. God’s teeth! His limbs felt like they were on fire. He reached out and touched her back and she shot straight up.
Alexa looked wildly about, disoriented for a second before her hands patted him from chest to gut. Her lids closed again and she said in a hushed whimper, “All is well. Shh. Shhhh. All is well.” Her soft soothing voice of exhaustion pulled at him.
She moved to climb off the bed. “I’ll get a cloth. Hold on. I’m right here. Hold on.”
Rourke watched her, confused. First he thought she still slept. He’d heard of people doing this. But when she turned and faced him her eyes were wide open and met his gaze.
The clay washbowl she held in her hands crashed to the floor and shattered.
Aye. She was definitely awake. Her shout tore his chest open.
“Rourke!”
She was at his side in an instant. Rourke was stunned to see the bright tears spill over and down her pale cheeks.
When her hand cupped his cheek, it trembled and he knew, for all the rest of the days in his life that he would never forget what he saw so openly in her gaze. Happiness and sorrow shone brightly in her amber luminous depths before those long lashes shut out the beauty of them. She laced her arms around his neck and clung to him as heavy sobs racked her body. He wanted to hold her tightly to him, but he found he’d only one arm free and was too weak yet to move the other to apply any pressure.
Hoarseness and phlegm choked him. “Alexa.” He had to call her twice before she lifted her tear ravaged face. “Why do you cry so?”
Whatever it was must have been too great for she only shook her head, choking and gagging. Rourke smiled or hoped he did and patted her back gently with his free hand.
A loud banging sounded on the chamber door. They ignored it. “It is alright, hellion. Whoever has caused you such great pain; I will make it so they rue the day. Come now. Be still your tears.”
He was surprised to hear her laughter mixed with her painful sobs burst from her. She leaned over him and pressed a wet kiss to his lips. He groaned when she pulled away. God, he missed her!
“Oh, Rourke. ‘Tis good to see you back. Hold. That racket no doubt is your man.” A grin spread over her flushed face. She crawled off him and went to the door. She opened the door and Goran spilled into the room with a fist raised to knock again.
“My lady! My lady! You are well- what-“
“Cease your shouting man. We are not deaf in here. What the blast do you mean by aiming to break down our chamber door? Ho!” Rourke let out a shout as his friend nearly lifted him clear from the bed in a bear hug that would have crushed a lesser man tied by one arm to the bedpost.
He heard Alexa’s warnings and the sound of her fists on Goran’s back to release him. When he did, Rourke was stunned beyond words to see that his friend’s eyes were moist. Goran turned away and walked across the room to the hearth.
“Will someone please tell me what goes on here?” Rourke tried to affect a strong bellow, but it came out in a low craggy growl. Alexa shushed him and sent Goran a dark gaze before she climbed back on the bed next to him, a worried look upon her face.
"Do not sulk, hellion. ’Tis most unbecoming of you as are your tears.” Rourke told her in attempt to lighten the mood. “I wish to see you smile again. It chased away the images of that horrible dream I was having.”
Her crestfallen look stung him.
"You do not remember what they did to you?” came her strained response.
"Nay. I do not,” Rourke muttered, hearing Goran approach the bed. Her fresh tears broke his heart and he knew he'd carried his teasing too far.
"I don’t know if 'tis a blessing or not, "Alexa started and let out a cry when he snatched her in a tight embrace with his free arm.
"I jest with you, Alexa."
Rourke was not at all surprised when her hands gently pushed at him to free her.
Her voice was angry. “This is not a jesting matter. Rourke! Why you...oh!"
He reached up and cupped her cheek, a smile curling his lips as he said softly, "I thought 'twould be better and less pain for you were I to say I did not remember. I wish for your tears to cease, Alexa. ‘Tis not you, my hellion.”
What he didn't want more of, poured from her even more and he groaned. Goran scoffed in the background and shook his head.
"To spare me is a noble gesture, but that, is most unbecoming of you." Alexa told him.
Rourke’s healthy chuckle filled the room. Goran joined his friend and Alexa’s whole being warmed at the sound. To hear it almost caused more tears to well in her eyes as she took in every inch of his beautiful face. Not caring that Goran bore witness to her affection for her husband, she leaned in and kissed Rourke softly on the lips. She felt him stiffen beneath her and she whispered against his lips. "This is no jest, Rourke. Thank you for coming back to me."
‘Twas his time to feel the heat of a blush rise to his own cheeks. Clearing his throat Rourke looked over to an uncomfortable Goran who had retreated back to the hearth.
When Goran’s serious gaze met his, Rourke nodded. He knew his friend wanted to know if it was all right to continue.
Clear memories of the whispers she’d spoken to him when he’d been locked away in that hell of a fever surged through him.
He squeezed her hand and heard her soft intake of breath next to him. But he didn’t look at her again. He would always want her at his side from now on and Rourke swallowed as more warmth pierced his heart. His eyes returned to Goran in signal to carry on.
“Darc Renald asked me to pass on his apologies for not being here. He had wanted to remain to speak with you further on this, but he was called away by William to see to a matter regarding a Sax-, ahem, a northern lord that has caused a personal ill against the king’s brother Odo. He went on further to say that when you are well, up and about, that you and my lady visit him anon.”
Rourke gave a curt nod and looked to Alexa.
Would she wish to go to his home?
To Normandy?
She smiled down at him and his heart nearly burst with the warmth in her shining gaze.
Her eyes still brimmed with tears and worry, yet she said nothing and instead, crawled off the bed. She went to Goran and pushed him from the room.
“That’s enough for now. He has only just awakened and more talk can come later. For now, please have Margaret bring me a tray of fresh fruits and bread. He needs more than broth now.”
“Aye, my lady.” Goran didn’t protest and smiled at her. He turned when Rourke called out to him again from the bed.
“Thank you for everything, Goran.”
Goran gave a nod and left.
Rourke watched his wife close the chamber door and lean against it, her eyes on his. She was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. Her tall statuesque frame and bountiful curves enticed him even though his body was sore.
He wanted to hear the words she’d spoken to him again, but he would not ask. She would tell him again when she was ready. Right now, he just wanted to look at her.
Rourke’s eyes widened a fraction as he watched her. She was dressed in one of his tunics and he was glad. Rather she wore them than fashion another rope for escape. He smiled with the memory of her climbing down from their bedchamber w
indow in her attempt to escape. He blinked back the surprise moisture that welled in his own eyes.
He loved his hellion.
Her passion, like no other and she was his.
Testing his arm that was tied to the post, the memory of when he had bound her to the bed came back to him. He closed his eyes in shame over all that he’d done to her.
He must have made a sound for she flew back to the bed.
“Rourke?”
The worry in her voice had him open his eyes and he smiled up at her. Huskiness filled his tone when he made his promise to her. “I will never hurt you again, Alexa.” A perplexed look crossed her brow and Rourke patted the spot next to him. “Come. Sit. Tell me about these wounds that itch me like lice burrowing under my flesh and how long I have truly been gone.”
THIRTY-NINE
Rourke’s wounds healed at a rapid pace over the next several days and continued to heal without signs of any infection or alarm over the weeks that passed.
During this time, Alexa found he was not the best patient in the world. He had a hard time listening not only to the healer, but her and Goran.
They argued.
Nay.
She argued mightily.
He demanded.
In the end she won, most of the time. Alexa laughed lightly to herself as she watched him now practicing near the window holding his sword in his left hand. He was steady on his feet, but his movements slightly stiff. The wound in his head had affected his balance the healer had said. He wasn’t out of the woods yet. Only time would tell if his normal balance would return.
During this healing time, Alexa noted the subtle changes in her Norman.
He had shown her a tender side to him that melted her heart and caused it to flutter and a blush to rise to her cheeks more often than she’d believed possible. Yet, the more he struggled to return to normalcy, the limits and restraints of his body soured his mood and his anger showed.
Oh, he tried to hide it, but she had come to know him very well of late, with much of her time spent in his presence.
He snapped and growled at servants, but used to it, they viewed it as a sign he was back to his old self. Some were pleased with that. Alexa wasn’t.
His confidence had taken a blow and he was having a difficult time getting it back.
The one day, he refused to speak to her after she’d left him and Goran to themselves for over an hour when the missive from King William had arrived. The king was glad to hear that he lived and wished him a speedy recovery.
She had thought to be around another male would be good for him. But he almost seemed angry that she’d dared leave his side. Alexa had known it was more than that.
She had overheard part of their discussion before she’d left the room. It had been about his capture and the person behind it. Whoever this Raven character was, it ate away at him night and day that no body had yet been found or if this man still lived. When she’d questioned him on it, he shut her out. He just wanted to get back to a condition where he could go hunt this Raven character down and kill the bastard. Alexa itched to have her sword at her side, watching him now. Were he ever found, she would behead this Raven herself.
She tried to understand the trauma Rourke had suffered and the anguish he struggled with daily not over just the physical part of what had happened, but the mental as well.
‘Twas why she had not been able to bring herself to reveal the news of the babe to him. She wanted it to be a happy moment when she told him.
Lifting her gaze from the ledger she had been looking over, she was surprised to see him staring at her, the sword now hanging at his side.
He was not smiling. Alarm raced through her and she asked him, “Are you well?”
His naked chest rose with the deep breaths he took and he turned from her. A sheen of sweat covered his scarred back. Alexa rose from the bench ready to go to him when his harsh words stopped her.
“I need to be alone.”
“Of course. I’ll be back-” she started.
“Nay,” he said turning back around to face her. His green eyes steady on her. “You stay. I’ll be back.”
She started to argue, but decided against it. He had ventured outside many times since waking, but with Goran or a guard at his side. He was more than capable of walking around by himself, she assured herself.
She nodded and was surprised when he reached out and let the back of his knuckles caress her cheek.
“I shall be right back. I promise. I’m indebted to you, but nevertheless we both need a break from this coddling, Alexa.”
His words stung and Alexa stood in the middle of the room long after he left, staring at the door.
Rourke rested his head against the chamber door, both his hands spread on the wall to stop himself from returning to her and taking her in his arms. Her hurt look had cut through him and he wanted nothing more than to tell her how much she meant to him. The gratitude he had for her steadfast diligence in seeing him well, overwhelmed him. He’d yet to regain all his abilities, his senses still off kilter slightly and he suffered sporadic bouts of dizziness. Yet, he did not mention any of it to her.
Rourke knew, come more time the oddities would pass. The road to recovery had been made much easier with Alexa at his side. He inhaled sharply and smiled even now at the way she fawned over him. He loved her all the more for it.
Readily, he admitted to himself his own deceit when he'd feigned a bit here and there just to feel a lingering touch, a gentle caress of her soft hands upon him. But now he had a new concern. Rourke took a step back from the door and looked down the hall to the two soldiers leaning against a wall. They cleared their throats and stood at attention. His brows creased for a different reason, however. He’d noted the tired lines around Alexa's eyes and mouth, along with her peaked expression he'd witnessed when she'd believed he'd not been watching her. Rourke released a heavy sigh. He was partially the blame for putting it there, he knew.
As much as he enjoyed the strengthening of their bond and fondness for one another, he had come to realize his injuries had taken a deep toll on her too.
He had said he’d profess his love if he returned to her and he thought he had.
He’d tried to express his love in actions, with gentle caresses and light kisses every chance he'd gotten.
But she did not seem to notice the depth of his devotion and gratitude. Rourke grunted.
Time had come for him to stop hiding behind her skirts and climb over that anxious rock and start being lord and master here once again.
‘Twould be some time before he'd be able to swing his axe as skilled as before or if ever again. Raven had thought to tear his arm off, but he had failed. Still Rourke knew he'd never possess the full range of motion of those muscles ever again.
However, it made him no less of a man. His swordsmanship had returned with a flourish tenfold as had his fine marksmanship with his little daggers. He’d yet to miss a beat and had split the wooden staff in two last eve during practice.
Had he not thought himself how weary he’d grown of battle? Aye.
He wanted to make a life with Alexa.
It no longer mattered if she were barren or not. If a child came later, he would be ecstatic. If not, he'd love her no less. She was his whole being and he needed to make it known. Hearing her move about in their chamber drew him from his thoughts and he turned and walked down the corridor.
He had a surprise for her that he hoped returned the smile back to her face. And he would see it there afore he left to see Raven’s head on a spike. Whistling a light tune, Rourke descended the stairs two at a time.
Later that evening Alexa tried to still her feet from going in search of Rourke as well as bite her tongue not to ask after his whereabouts. Just when she believed she’d go mad with worry, she turned at the sound she heard coming from the other end of the dark corridor she just entered. Rourke was walking toward her.
He emerged from the shadows, his hair brushed back off h
is broad forehead and he was staring at her. She stood rooted to the spot.
When he reached her, he said nothing but took her hand in his and pulled her behind him back down the way she’d come. Alexa quickened her pace to keep up with his long strides as she waited to see where he was leading her. She asked but once where they were going and he did nothing more than flash her a weird look. She harrumphed over his odd behavior and just as she was about to pull back and resist, she froze.
Seemed the entire inhabitants of the manor now filled the hall that had been empty just moments ago, watching them.
Anxious, she looked about and found Goran near the raised dais. He gave her a smile and simply nodded. Even more confused, Alexa turned to her husband, but he pulled her forward until they stood near Goran.
“What goes on here?” Alexa demanded in a firm whisper when he released her hand and made to walk away from her. She was still slightly perturbed over his earlier need to be alone.
At first she didn’t think he would answer, but then he turned and winked at her. “Wait.”
Alexa would have argued had she not heard the chuckle Goran unsuccessfully tried to muffle. She twisted her lips. Something was afoot.
When Rourke returned Alexa forgot all else when her eyes fell upon what he carried.
Weakness in her legs caused her to stumble back against the bench and she sat down hard, a tightness started within her chest. The room was so quiet.
He held out her sheathed sword to her.
Alexa stared agog as he unsheathed the shining steel for a brief second before sliding it back home, hard. Her heart jumped. So overcome with emotion at how he presented her treasured weapon in front of all, she could only stare at her weapon, speechless.
After a moment she reached out and pulled her hand back just as quickly. His soft teasing whisper for her ears only did not break the spell.
“I can always put it back if you do not wish to have it, hellion.”
She reached out again with both hands and was surprised that they shook. Her eyes never left his face as both her hands closed over the sheathed sword.