by Etta Foster
“That does sound like it would be nice. Do you mean taking a day once a month to get away from the house, just to enjoy ourselves?” Gavin asked, leaning back on the bench and wrapping his other arm around her waist. “Maybe we will.”
“Sounds good to me,” Jessica said, closing her eyes with a smile. “I'll accept maybe for now. I do want you to do one more thing for me, though.”
“What's that?” Gavin watched as she rose from her seat and turned to face him, her hands clutching the skirts of her dress.
“Tell me how you feel about me,” she said. “Right here and now.”
Chapter 20
They ended up leaving the hotel that night, which somewhat surprised Coralee. She would have thought they would be spending the night, but upon further reflection decided it would have been a waste.
It took at least two hours to get back to the ranch from town by wagon, and they had both been drinking. Gavin assured her that he could handle it, so she simply went along with him.
The ride home was filled with singing songs they both knew. They sang The Star Spangled Banner just for the fun of it, punching their fists in the air as a sign of patriotic solidarity. They laughed all the while, and just having a conversation with Gavin proved to be more than she had ever wanted. He was charming and funny, had a nice baritone singing voice, and was even beginning to show more of his sensitive side to her.
He even told her that he was falling for her. To hear him tell her that she was proving to be everything he had once dreamed of having in a wife almost made her break down in tears of joy. He was such a sweet man, and she couldn’t for the life of her imagine disappointing him now.
She also felt horribly self-conscious about the display she had put on in the dancing hall earlier. Despite the real Jessica having had a passion for dancing that burned brightly like the sun, Coralee had not shared her enthusiasm or had the time for such activities.
She was naturally clumsy by nature, and the times when she had accidentally tripped and scraped some part of her body were too numerous to count. She seemed to have the special skill of tripping on thin air.
She remembered one time that Jessica had come back from one of her lessons and insisted that Coralee be her partner. She had grabbed Coralee and forced her to wrap her arms around the young socialite's waist, the two of them moving in a series of motions that made her slightly dizzy by the end of it. The dance in question had involved quite a bit of spinning.
“You need to learn to lighten up a little, Coralee. You’re never going to be able to enjoy life if you don't take the time to treasure moments like these. One day you will find yourself dancing with a man who looks at you like a goddess has come to earth. When that day comes, what will you do if you make a fool of yourself in public? Would you want to shame your date by looking like a complete amateur?” Jessica had asked as she sat on her bed cross-legged, watching Coralee go about dusting the room with an antique feather duster.
“You keep saying things like that, Miss, but I'll probably not find a husband for many years. And when I do settle down, I have a feeling that it won't be because I decided to cash in on a happily ever after. I'll likely have to marry someone because I have no skills outside of being a maid, and I'd like to not have to live out the rest of my days as one,” Coralee replied wistfully.
“You can't be so negative all the time,” Jessica pouted, rising from her bed and gently removing the feather duster from Coralee's hands despite the maid's protests. “How can you ever expect to be happy if you can't even hope for the best situation? When did you become such a pessimist?”
If only you could see me now, Jessica. Maybe you can see me from wherever you ended up. I only hope that you can approve of my decisions so far. I've done my best not to ruin your name, and I have managed to secure the feelings of the man you sent me here to fall in love with. Mission accomplished.
“Hey Gavin?”
“Yes, Jessica?”
“I was scared for you today. That Virgil man looked like he was no good, and the looks Arnold was giving me didn't exactly fill me with goodwill either. I don't want to have to worry about them down the line if and when we have children,” Coralee blurted, her cheeks turning bright pink at her admission.
“You’re already thinking about kids?” Gavin's voice was incredulous, but there was a wide smile plastered on his face. “Not too many, I hope.”
“Two, maybe three,” she replied simply, shrugging her shoulders. “I suppose it would depend on the good Lord’s will.”
“Good answer,” he exclaimed, his tone cheerful as he pulled the wagon up to the stable. He helped Coralee down and had her watch as he unhitched Walter from his harness and hung it on its hook. The horse shook itself and let out a whinny at being freed from the heavy object. “Have a good night, Walter.”
“You have such interesting names for each of your horses. Apollo, Zorro, and Walter. Can I ask why this one is named Walter? Is it after one of your grandparents or something?” Coralee leaned against the wall of the stable, waiting patiently as Gavin led the horse into his own stall and checked on the horse’s supplies. When he was satisfied that all was well, he held out his arm to her and they made the half mile walk from the stable to the ranch house.
When they were standing on the front porch, Gavin took her hands gently into his. “Did you want to maybe stay up and talk for a while longer? I'm still feeling pretty energetic.”
“Maybe I can keep you company for an hour or so, but I don't imagine I'll have much more than that in me. I was up rather early this morning, and I'm feeling myself getting drowsy from the wine,” she admitted, rubbing the back of her neck nervously. “Why don't you tell me a little about your grandpa?”
“Where do I begin?” Gavin asked aloud, a sad smile crossing his face. “Grandpa and I were close, but not nearly as close as he and Pop were. He lived in the other guest room of the house back before we had it repurposed as Mama's sewing room. She said that she liked to do her sewing in there because it felt like he was still around. She was quite fond of Gramps too, but mostly because he kept my grandmother from giving Mama too much of a hard time because they had different religious beliefs.”
“What religion were they?” Coralee tilted her head in curiosity, noticing the twinkle in Gavin's eye when he talked about his grandfather.
“My grandparents were Catholic, as is my Pop. My mother, however, is of the Baptist faith. It made Christmas at my house real interesting, I can tell you that. Despite giving my mama a hard time, my grandmother Sophia was a good woman. She would have given the shirt off her back if it meant that someone else was taken care of.”
“I wish that I could have met them,” Coralee sighed, closing her eyes and trying to imagine Gavin as a young boy. She found that she couldn't picture him as anything other than what she knew him to be like now. “They sound like beautiful people, Gavin. I'm sure their best qualities have been instilled in you.”
“I sure like to think so, but I don't always feel like I'm doing the best things or the right things. I question myself so much every day that it honestly interferes with my ability to get things done. I just want to be a good man and live a good life. That doesn't seem too much to ask for, does it?” He looked so vulnerable then, the look of self-doubt nearly breaking Coralee's heart.
“I think you are doing a wonderful job, Gavin. Your grandparents would be proud of you if they could see the man that you have grown into. I really believe that,” she said, resting her head on his chest. She wrapped her arms as far around his muscled body as she could manage, her fingertips just barely touching.
They were so close now that Coralee could hear his heart beating rapidly in his chest. It was a mirror of her own, which was beginning to beat so hard that Coralee could practically hear it. His lips were close once again, his eyes locked firmly on hers. The hesitation in his eyes was gone now, his arm wrapping around her waist as he tilted her face up to look at him with his other hand.
He leaned close enoug
h that their noses were touching now, Coralee's eyes closing as she surrendered herself to him. The feeling of his lips pressing against hers for the first time sent an inferno coursing through her veins. Her mind went completely blank, her only thoughts were of how much she wanted something like this to happen.
This was the sign that she had needed. The proof that his feelings for her were genuine. The proof that he was truly happy with her and wanted things between them to continue. Whether it was the alcohol driving him or his own hidden motivations she couldn't tell, and frankly, she didn't care. He was hers, and she was his. Her heart accepted that now.
Their kiss felt like it lasted for an eternity. Neither one seemed to be in any hurry to break the kiss, and it was with great regret that she eventually felt his lips leave hers. When she opened her eyes again, she found him smiling sweetly at her, his fingertip touching her lips gently. “You know how some people say they feel sparks between one another?” The question left her lips before she realized she was saying it, not expecting his reply.
“What I feel right now would be a little stronger than a spark,” he countered, his arms finally slipping away from her to fall at his sides.
“Is it like a fire deep in your soul that you think is going to burn you up if it goes on much longer?” she asked breathlessly.
“More like a volcano,” he replied, planting a softer, shorter kiss on her lips this time. “I love you, Jessica.”
The words were sweet but painful at the same time. She swallowed as tears pricked the corners of her eyes, and she willed herself not to cry. She didn't want to ruin the beautiful moment that was happening between the two of them.
“I guess we should call it a night now?” The question was half-hearted, the tone in his voice telling her that the last thing he wanted right now was for them to separate.
But she had her modesty to think about, and she'd probably have felt guilty had they done anything when she sobered up in the morning.
“I'm afraid so. I want you to start my horse riding lessons tomorrow, and you’re going to need all the energy and patience you can muster for that. I just hope you aren't the kind of guy who gets hangovers the day after,” she teased.
“Don't you worry about me. I'll be awake nice and early tomorrow. We'll have breakfast and then I'll take you right out to the stables. You can pick whichever horse fancies out to you the most, and we can go from there. Just to warn you ahead of time, it might not be easy. Horses can be mean to beginners. They have their own sense of humor,” Gavin gave her a gentle hug, kissing the top of her head. “Anyway, sleep well.”
“Believe me,” Coralee said shyly, gently pulling away from him and making her way toward the stairs. “I will.”
Chapter 21
Jude stood out on the veranda with a half-warm cup of coffee in his hand, gazing out at the horizon as the first hints of pink light began to appear. The breeze was cool but not unpleasant, carrying with it hints of the earthy scents of the mountains that lay in the distance. Mountains that he remembered riding into, along with his father and brother, many times. It feels like a lifetime ago.
He had been sitting in bed beside Claudia last night while she read a dime novel, occasionally giggling. He had never understood what women saw in those books, but who was he to complain if it kept her complacent? He had turned to her and said, “I don't think I should sell my half of the ranch.”
The smile that had been spread across Claudia's face quickly morphed into a sour expression. “What’s that supposed to mean? You told me that money was going to help us make our life in Boston!”
“We can make the money another way,” Jude replied gruffly. “There are countless other ways to make money.”
“What do you want to do, Jude? You want to work odd jobs for the rest of your life just for us to scrape by? Do you want me to have to go out and work? To risk my person at the whims of stupid customers and sleezy men just so we can have a couple of extra dollars to play with?” Claudia tossed her book down on the table beside the bed, her expression livid.
“I just don't think we need to sell off part of my family's legacy just so we can pretend to belong among a bunch of high society snobs. Is that what you want to be? Some gussied-up wife who spends her days reading books and attending parties while I work to provide for us?” Jude snapped, annoyance etched on his face. “Is that all I am to you? A meal ticket?”
“How dare you!” she cried out, rising from the bed and throwing a pillow in his direction. “After all the crap I've put up with over the last five years and you have the gall to say that to me? When I was the only one in your corner all those nights that you came home, and we commiserated together. My family cut me off because of my eloping, so you are literally the only person I have in the world that I can count on,” she sobbed, tears starting to stream down her face.
Jude immediately felt guilt, his hands clenching and unclenching as he sighed. “I'm sorry, Claudia. I just don't know what you want from me anymore. Everything seemed so much simpler before we left to elope, and nothing I've tried to do seems to turn out the way I want it to. Who’s to say that Virgil wouldn't try to rip me off for the land when the time comes?”
Claudia sniffled, her eyes still red with her tears. “I'm not sure I can accept that apology. You say hurtful things like this to me all the time, but I'm just supposed to smile and tell you it's okay because you apologized? Your apology doesn't fix the hurt that you've given my heart today. I'm not sure I even want to look at you right now,” she said, moving away from the bed and walking out into the cabin’s little living room with her book in hand.
Jude sat there on the bed stewing, his lips set in a firm frown. It's so damn hard to understand what that woman wants sometimes. Why does she want to go to Boston so badly anyway? Is it because some of the books she’s read have fooled her into thinking the grass is greener on that side of the fence? Or is she just tired of the humble living that we were enjoying and wants to experience the higher side of society? Frankly, he wanted nothing to do with those stuffy, uptight snobs. However, as her husband, he couldn't bear to see Claudia unhappy.
Jude shook his head dejectedly and made his way out to the well that sat behind their house, pulling a bucket of nice cold water out and drinking from it thirstily. After wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he closed his eyes and listened to the sound of the toads croaking in the distance. It sounded almost like they were singing a song. What would toads sing about, exactly? Are they singing to find someone to love?
When he returned to the cabin, he found the small living room empty. Figuring that Claudia must have gone back to the bedroom, he grabbed a pillow from where it sat on the end of the couch and laid down.
Even sleeping on the couch felt more comfortable than some of the places they had been forced to sleep over the years. He was no stranger to this situation, but he did worry that it had grown to be a constant thing in the last two years.
However, restless as he was, he was unable to fall asleep. Resigned to getting up, he made another cup of coffee and finished it outside. Setting the cup of coffee down on the front porch rail, he slowly made his way down the steps until his feet touched grass. Striding purposefully across the lawn, he made his way out toward the sizable holding pens that held most of the herd.
The smell of manure was enough to make him wrinkle his nose as he got closer, the gentle mooing of the herd signaling that the farm was slowly beginning to come awake. He always found it so peaceful when he would sit out here early in the morning, before any of the ranch hands arrived to begin their work.
As he walked around to check on the herd, he was struck dumb by just how many cows there were. There were at least a hundred more cows than there had been when he'd left five years ago. He added on after I left. Even knowing that he was going to be short of workers because of the rift between us?
He kept walking and the fence that contained the milling beasts seemed to stretch for miles in either direction. He sl
id his hand gently across the smooth wood, cursing when he felt a loose splinter prick his finger. He recoiled as if he had been bitten, sucking on the tip of his digit as drops of blood began to drip free. It's like he cursed this place against me with every breath. Not that I blame him.
Back when Gavin and Claudia had been together, Jude had hated the sight of the two of them constantly being lovey-dovey. It felt like Gavin had subtly been trying to rub it in Jude's face. It’s not like he wouldn't have every reason to. Jude used to do the exact same thing to his younger brother, like when he mastered horse riding before Gavin and won trophies in competitions that were held in town. The list of things he had boasted about being better at than his brother probably spanned miles.
He was not faultless for what happened five years ago. He had made just as many advances at Claudia as she had at him, even knowing that the consequences of his actions would alienate him from his own blood. However, the more he got to know Claudia, the more he realized he wanted her. In hindsight, though, had he only wanted her because she had been Gavin's?
Many a night he had been kept awake with that same thought. It wasn't one he liked to focus on, so he would typically just push it to the back of his mind. To admit that he married Claudia for such a petty reason would probably ruin his family's impression of him forever. Not to mention how much it would hurt Claudia to discover he was harboring such thoughts.