Mary Ellen squealed and squirmed out of his arms. She held the doll out to Jessye. Jessye took it, feeling the warmth of the child’s touch within the fabric, a touch she might have had—
She watched as Mary Ellen placed her tiny feet on her father’s shining boots. She heard the violins playing in the background as David Robertson waltzed his daughter around the foyer. When the music ended, he lifted his daughter into his arms. “Now, it’s time for bed.”
Mary Ellen snuggled her head against his shoulder and extended her hand. Jessye handed her the doll and watched as she tucked it between herself and her father.
“If you see my wife, tell her I’ll be down in a few minutes,” David said.
Jessye hoped her smile didn’t appear as fake as it felt. Crossing her arms beneath her breasts, pressing them close against her, she tried to hold in the pain, the joy, the grief, all the emotions swirling through her like a tornado trapped within a house.
“He adores her,” a soft voice whispered behind her.
Jessye swallowed the lump in her throat and blinked back the tears before turning to face Madeline. “She’s a lovely child.”
Madeline flicked her gaze to the stairs and back to Jessye. “We’re very fortunate to have her. Our son had just died when we stopped by a mission near San Antone. A young woman had given birth, and circumstances were such that she thought it was in the child’s best interest to give her to us.”
Jessye was surprised to see tears glistening within Madeline’s eyes.
“I don’t know the woman’s name or what became of her, but there isn’t a day goes by that I don’t thank her for having the courage to give up her child. I hope someday that she will know that we treasure the gift she gave us—and that her daughter is loved and happy.”
Jessye’s throat tightened. “I’m sure she knows that, Mrs. Robertson.”
“You really must call me Madeline. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’d best go rescue my husband. Knowing our daughter, Mary Ellen has no doubt convinced him that he has to sing her to sleep.”
When Madeline disappeared at the top of the stairs, Jessye sought her escape. She found the door that led outside, shoved it open, and stepped into the warm night air.
A balcony surrounded the area. She walked to the far side and gripped the wrought iron railing. Tears leaked slowly through her closed eyes, trailing along her cheeks, pooling on either side of her lips.
“She’s your daughter, isn’t she?”
Harry’s voice came through the darkness, stoked the pain flaming through her.
“No, she’s not my daughter.”
“After our dance, I wanted to talk with David because I thought I remembered hearing that he had a son, not a daughter. David told me how they came to have Mary Ellen. There’s too much coincidence for her not to be yours.”
Jessye spun around and pounded her fist into his chest. “She’s not my daughter, you damn Englishman! I have no daughter because I gave her up.” The tears increased, her shoulders slumped. “And it hurts, Harry. God, it hurts so damn bad.”
He encircled her within his embrace. She wrapped her arms around him and gave his back one hard pounding just so he’d know it was anger driving her to accept his comfort—and nothing more. “It hurts in a bad way knowing what I gave up, and it hurts in a good way to see how much she is loved.” She lifted her face to meet his gaze. “Did you see her?”
“Yes, I was standing just within the doorway. Your circumstances will change once we get these cattle up north. On the way back to Fortune, we could stop by here, and you could explain to David and Madeline that you want her back.”
She shook her head. “Those people took her as their own. She became theirs. It wouldn’t be fair to any of them to take her back now.” She clenched her fingers around his jacket. “When I gave my baby up, I knew then that it was forever. But at seventeen, I just didn’t realize that forever was an eternity.”
His lips trailed over her face, gathering her tears. “You are the most remarkable woman I’ve ever known.”
She felt anything but remarkable as her arms moved from around his back and eased up to entwine themselves around his neck. “She’s so happy,” she whispered.
“Yes.”
“And loved.”
“Definitely.”
“I did the right thing, giving her up.” She hated the doubt she heard reflected in her voice. She was grateful for all the Robertsons gave her daughter, but a part of her was unable to stop the resentment from building because she hadn’t been able to give those things to her child.
Harrison cradled her cheek and gazed into her eyes, wishing he had the power to wipe away her doubts. But he knew he couldn’t, because within the green depths, he saw the pain that still lingered. Knowing her daughter was loved by others had to ease the burden of her guilt, but it would never fully ease her pain.
He lowered his mouth to hers, tasting the salt of her tears. She whimpered, a soft sound that tore at his heart, a heart he’d never known he possessed until he’d met her. A woman whose strength had been forged by the fires of betrayal, she still possessed the innocence of a child. She should not be here, within his arms, because he was exactly what he claimed to be: a scoundrel.
And she didn’t know how to play the game.
As her arms tightened around his neck, for one insane moment, he reveled in the fact that she did not know how to pretend love. Avarice had never been his weakness, but he was greedy now for the full taste of her. He teased her dampened lips with his tongue until they parted on a gentle sigh. He slipped his tongue into her mouth, savoring the lingering taste of wine. Easing his arm around her, he pressed her body flush against his.
His conscience felt as if it were being stretched on a rack, awaiting some henchman’s assault. She needed comfort, not lust. His body aching with need, he realized one of them would suffer tonight.
Better it be him.
Pulling back, he met her gaze. “I think it’s time we left.”
She didn’t protest when he took her hand and led her back into the house. He started up the wide, sweeping stairs, and she staggered to a stop.
“Where are we going?” she whispered harshly.
“To say goodnight…and good-bye.” He saw the doubts flicker within her eyes, and he squeezed her hand. “Come on.”
Wiping the tears from her cheeks, she nodded before walking up the two steps so they were even. He slipped his arm around her waist. “Just a quick peek,” he said quietly.
“What if we get caught?”
He smiled devilishly. “Trust me. Slipping in and out of ladies’ bedrooms is a skill I mastered long ago.”
“Do they have a special school for scoundrels?”
He nodded. “I graduated at the top of my class.”
“I don’t doubt it,” she said as they reached the landing.
He pressed his finger to his lips and led her along the hallway to a door that was partially open. A pale light spilled from the room. He pushed the door open further, and Jessye glided inside like a wraith. She glanced over her shoulder. “Come with me.”
Nodding, he followed her inside the child’s bedroom, filled with miniature furniture and dolls. Jessye neared the canopy bed and sank to her knees.
The child slept with her doll tucked close to her body. He watched as Jessye’s gaze lit on the tiny girl, and she touched her daughter’s hair. “Oh, Harry, she is so beautiful.”
Something unfamiliar clogged his throat at the sight of her memorizing her daughter’s features. How had he ever considered, even for a moment, that this woman had not loved her child? The depth of love reflected in her eyes was without equal. To be allowed to share this moment with her humbled him as nothing in his life ever had.
As Jessye began to rise, he helped her to her feet. Leaning over, she brushed a light kiss over the sleeping child’s cheek. She walked quietly across the room, stopped in the doorway, glanced over her shoulder briefly, and stepped into the hallway. Harry
followed, closing the door slightly.
Tears shimmering in her eyes, she leaned against the wall as though she needed something solid behind her to keep her upright.
“I suppose coming up here has been a blessing and a curse,” he said.
She gave a brief, jerky nod. “I just need a minute.”
He recognized from the jut of her chin that she would not welcome comfort from him now. How had he come to know her so well?
“You don’t have to always be strong, Jessye.”
“Yes, I do, because if I’m not, there is no way in hell I’m gonna be able to walk out of here and leave her behind.”
He thought his fellow countrymen could take lessons from her on the best way to keep their chins up. He retrieved his handkerchief and handed it to her. “We’d best thank our hosts. Dawn comes early.”
When she finished drying her eyes, he cradled her elbow and guided her down the stairs into the main parlor. David and Madeline stood at the entrance.
“We hate to leave good company, but I think it’s time we gathered Kit—”
“He’s already left,” David said.
Harry didn’t like hearing that bit of news, but he simply smiled. “Then we shall catch up with him at the hostelry.” He took Madeline’s hand and brought it to his lips. “Thank you for an enchanting evening.” He shook David’s hand before escorting Jessye out of the house into the night.
Once outside, she wrapped her arms around her middle.
“Are you going to be all right?” he asked.
She nodded. “It was just an evening I never expected.”
“Your daughter is loved, happy, and safe. I would think a mother could wish for nothing more.”
“Oh, Harry, you don’t know all the things a mother can wish for, but thank you for those few moments that I will hold in my heart until the day I die.”
He thought of all the expensive gifts he’d bestowed upon his mistresses over the years, and the appreciation he’d never received. How was it that this woman had the ability to make him feel worthy because of a gift that had cost him nothing?
Chapter 11
Jessye stood outside the livery while Harry returned the carriage he’d rented to take them to the Robertsons’. She looked at the stars, and a peace settled over her that she hadn’t known in over four years. She had kissed her daughter goodnight, touched her, inhaled her innocent fragrance, and knew she was safe in a world that was not always kind.
“Making a wish?” Harry asked as he came up behind her.
“I stopped wishing long ago.”
“That’s a shame,” he said as he took her hand, slipped it around his arm, and escorted her toward the hostelry.
“You never struck me as a man who believed in wishes.”
“I don’t, but I always assumed women and children did.”
The shadows and light from the lanterns played across his features as they passed several buildings. The constant shift in shading suited the way he only revealed small parts of himself before retreating behind that wall of self-interest, a barrier she now suspected shielded him from himself as much as from others.
She had deemed him lazy, but he worked as hard or harder than most of the men they’d hired.
She thought he placed his own wants first, and yet this evening he had made her feel cherished, as though he placed her above his desires.
She turned her attention toward the shadows hovering near the buildings. He could manipulate cards. Why not people? He had told her within the boundaries of business friendships did not exist. How far would he go to gain what he wanted?
He’d been blunt in Fortune about his wanting to bed her. Was Gerald right? Would Harry manipulate her heart simply to gain her body? A conquest to be left behind in ruin at dawn?
He shoved open the door to the hostelry, and she walked through, her skirt whispering over the floor. She knew she would forever remember this night.
They approached the front desk, and the sleeping clerk jerked awake. He reached into two separate boxes stacked behind him and handed Harry the keys to their rooms.
“Has Mr. Montgomery returned?” Harry asked.
“Nope.”
“Where is the nearest gentleman’s club—saloon—that is still open?”
“That would be Bret’s place at the end of the road there.” The clerk pointed straight ahead. “Just start walkin’. Cain’t miss it.”
“Thank you.” Harry took Jessye’s arm. “I’ll escort you to your room.”
“Are you worried about Kit?” she asked as they reached the stairs.
“Of course not. I’m not his keeper.”
The briskness with which he spoke—as though he had no wish for her to know he was concerned about his friend—made her doubt his words. “He seemed upset talking about his brother’s wife at dinner.”
“I didn’t notice.”
Another brisk response. Interesting. Another lie? He stopped outside her room, unlocked the door, and handed her the key. “Goodnight.”
He started to walk away.
“Harry?”
He faced her. Suddenly skittish for reasons she didn’t understand, she closed her hand around the emerald teardrop. “I should give you back the necklace.”
He shrugged. “Keep it. I have nothing suitable with which to wear it.”
Her heart twisted at his attempt to make it seem as though the jewelry were nothing but a bauble. “I was thinking we could trade it for supplies.”
“Don’t worry about the supplies. Kit will work something out.”
“With David Robertson?”
“If need be. Kit can talk an angel into sinning.”
She tightened her fingers around the jewel. “I just feel guilty knowing the money could have been put to better use.”
He furrowed his brow. “Better use? I took great pleasure in watching it sparkle tonight. In my mind, it was money well spent—and it was my money to spend. Now, if you’ll excuse me, the night is still young and I am in the mood to prowl.”
“It’s after midnight.”
“My favorite time of the evening. Goodnight, Jessye love. Sleep well.”
He disappeared down the stairs. The scoundrel. She’d heard him ask about a saloon. She locked her door and hurried after him. She only wanted to peer quickly into the building, and if she ran into any trouble, Harry would be there.
Not that she expected trouble, but still it was comforting to know he would be near. Scowling, she walked through the lobby. She didn’t like to rely on a man for comfort.
She stepped outside and saw Harry’s silhouette. She’d spot that arrogant stride anywhere. She walked along the dirt street, grateful for the muffling of her footsteps. He had a purpose to his gait, and she was having a difficult time keeping up, damn his long legs.
The saloon come into sight, light spilling through the doorway. Harry veered down the alley between the saloon and the building next to it.
She quickened her pace, rounded the corner, and staggered to a stop. She watched Harry approach a slumped figure on the ground, slip his arms beneath the man, and lever him into a sitting position.
“Ah, ’arry, I knew you’d find me,” Kit said, his words slurred.
“You’re drunk. You’ll have regrets come dawn.”
“I have regrets now.” He grabbed Harry’s jacket and jerked him closer. “I’m in hell.”
“I know,” Harry said quietly.
“So are you. It used to be three of us—you, me, and Gray—in hell together. But I think Gray got out.”
“Yes, I rather think he did.”
“Lucky bastard.” He released his hold on Harry. “Don’t tell him I called him that. He despises being a bastard.”
“I don’t think his illegitimacy bothers him any longer, not since Abbie came to love him.”
She heard a heart-wrenching sob.
“I would have gladly born her pain to spare her,” Kit lamented, his voice rife with anguish.
“I
know.”
“What did Clarisse do to deserve such suffering?”
“She did nothing.”
“I loved her. I still do. You can’t understand that, can you? You who knows nothing of love. Who loved you? Ever? Not your father or your mother, and certainly not that jackanapes brother of yours.”
“Love is for poets and fools.”
“Then I gladly welcome the opportunity to be a fool.”
Kit slid his gaze past Harry and gave her a crooked smile. “Tell him, Jessye. Tell him how grand love can be.”
Her heart lurched at the command she could not obey.
Harry snapped his head around. “What in the bloody hell are you doing here?”
“I wanted to take a look at the saloon.”
“Have you no sense, walking through town at night, alone?”
“Careful,” Kit warned, sloppily patting Harry’s shoulder. “One might think…you’re testing the waters of love.”
“Will you shut up? You’re sloshed.”
“Strong drink improves my vision. I see two of everything.” He slumped forward. “And I see Clarisse. So beauti…ful.”
“Come along. We need to get you to the hostelry.”
Harry struggled to lift Kit.
“I’ll help you,” she said, stepping out of the shadows. “I can get his feet.”
“Not necessary.” Harry slung Kit over his shoulder and stood. “You can get the doors.”
“You’ve done this before,” she said softly.
“Many a night.”
“You were right earlier when you said that I don’t know you. When you asked the clerk where the nearest saloon was, I assumed you were going out to drink and gamble. But you were trying to find Kit, weren’t you?”
“He is too much of a gentleman to empty David’s liquor cabinet, but when he’s in a mood such as this, he tends to stop at the first tavern he spots and drinks until he passes out. I didn’t fancy the thought of him being robbed.”
As they trudged toward the hostelry, she heard Kit snore and dared to ask what made no sense. “He was in love with his brother’s wife?”
“His father arranged for Clarisse to marry the heir of Ravenleigh. The only time in his life he ever regretted not being born first was the day his brother got married.”
Never Love a Cowboy Page 13