by Annie Jocoby
“I’ll try harder.”
I rolled my eyes when she said that. “You don’t need to try harder, you need to figure it out. You don’t think that I don’t notice when you’re trying, as opposed to actually being natural about things? Do you really think it makes me feel good to know that you’re always there at my appointments and there for rehab, yet I know that you’re depressed and at odds with dad? How does that help me, mom?”
Tears came to her eyes. “I guess it doesn’t help you at all.”
I put my hand on hers. “No, it doesn't. But that’s okay. You can get it together. You just need to figure it out. Listen, Alison’s mom went through this when Alison’s sister Sophia died of cancer.” Alison was one of Chloe’s best friends. “She went through a period of severe depression and she almost split up with Alison’s dad. She went through a lot of counseling, though, and she’s not okay, but she’s better. She’s able to function, and Chloe says that Alison’s mom is starting to become more herself.”
Mom nodded her head. “I’ll do it. I’ll do it for you.”
“Not for me, mom. For you. You have to do it for you or it just won’t work out. I know that you’ve been seeing Adele, but I don’t think that you’re getting anywhere with her. Maybe you need to find somebody else. At any rate, I’d like for you and dad to get counseling together too. Maybe I can even come along. Maybe we all need counseling.”
“Adele is fine. I’m just…”
“Just what?”
“Having issues right now. I can’t talk to you about them, though.”
Right then, dad appeared at the open door. “Hey guys. I know that you’re talking amongst yourselves, but you left the door open. Does that mean I can join you?”
I nodded my head. “Sure dad. I mean, I guess you can know what we’re talking about here. I’m telling mom that she needs to get her shit together and stop treating you like crap. Basically, in a nutshell. What do you think about that?”
“I couldn’t agree more.”
Mom’s face got white as dad came into the room.
“Listen,” my dad said, “Addison, there’s a specific reason why your mom is acting like she is. It’s something that you don’t necessarily know, but it’s pretty important that you do find out.”
Hmmmmm….the plot thickens. “Go on.”
“Mom is mad at me for a good reason.” Dad’s face suddenly looked very sad. “I left her at a very crucial time. When you went into the hospital for your surgery, I didn’t want to hang out around there, so I left for several hours. I thought that nothing much would happen, but that’s not really why I left.”
I waited for him to continue. So far, it didn’t sound like a bad thing. I was expected to be in surgery for several hours, and I didn’t necessarily expect my parents to be hanging around that depressing hospital that whole time.
“I left,” my dad continued, “because I was selfish. That’s it. I was selfish.” He started to look even sadder. “I just had this awful flashback to Michelle’s last days in the hospital. And I needed some time to think. That hospital was bringing it all back to me. I didn’t necessarily realize until you got sick just how much losing Michelle affected me. And I just felt like I couldn’t breathe. So, I left. I left and went to the beach. And, worst of all, I left my phone in the car. That was incredibly stupid of me, and I can’t even believe that I did that, even now.”
“Okay, dad, so you weren’t there when the doctor was threatening to take my leg. You weren't there to make that decision. Is that right?”
“You’re a very smart kid, but then I always knew that,” dad said. “That’s exactly why mom is mad at me.”
I looked over at mom. “Mom, you’re being redic. Absolutely redic. If that doctor had to take my leg, then he had to take my leg. I don’t blame you, mom, if that’s what you’re thinking. If I did blame you, I would have said something before now.”
Mom cocked her head at me. “Redic?”
“Ridiculous. You’re being ridiculous. Do you think that the outcome would be any different at all if dad was there with you making it? No? Then stop obsessing about that. You aren’t doing me any favors at all by treating dad like he’s some sort of leper or something.”
I saw mom’s face change, but she didn’t say anything. It almost looked like she was conceding my point or something.
“And dad, I have to tell you, I’m a little bit disappointed in you for doing that. But I understand why you did. Hospitals suck. They’re definitely not for everyone, and if your sister died in a hospital, then I can almost understand your need for some space. And you’re right, that surgery was supposed to be kinda routine. It didn’t turn out that way, but you didn’t necessarily know that was going to happen. So if you’re feeling guilty, which you probably are, just stop. Seriously, stop. Look at the big picture – I’m sick and I need both of you guys. And if you split up…”
Dad looked over at mom, and mom looked back with an expression that I hadn’t seen on her face in a long time. She smiled, and the smile seemed to be pretty real.
“What do you say?” dad said to mom. “Is it about time for a truce?”
Mom nodded. “I love you, Nick. You’re the love of my life. I’ve been kinda silly in feeling so much resentment towards you.” She turned to me. “Thank you for being such an awesome daughter. I could never picture my life without you in it. You’re pretty incredible and I love you so much.” There were tears in her eyes and I spread my arms open and she came over and gave me a huge hug.
“Mom, I know that you’ve always been a bit of a worrier, but you’re a pretty great mom anyhow. You need to not be so uptight about all of this. Seriously. I don’t need there to be a lot of tension between you and dad, so I’m happy that you’re apparently ready to forgive him for abandoning or whatever it is that you felt that he did.”
Mom nodded her head. “Now, Addy, let’s turn to a better topic. I’d like to make your dream of appearing on Chopped Junior a reality.” She turned to dad. “I was going to talk to you about that, but, obviously, I’ve been kind of a bitch and not talking to you much.”
I had to admit, I was shocked that mom said the word “bitch” around me. That wasn’t like her to cuss, but, then again, maybe there was a first time for everything. I kinda liked it, though.
Dad perked up. “So, what has to happen for Addy to get on that show?”
“I looked it up. We just need to go to the website and fill out the information for Addy. It’s pretty easy, really. I think that we should do a video to send in for her too. I think that we can get Jack to produce it. He’s pretty good about those kinds of things.” She turned to me. “What do you think? We need to get you on there before you turn 16, so we need to get a move on.”
I was in awe about how much mom changed just from my talking to her. I basically gave her permission to forgive dad, and she, just like that, became the mother that I always loved again. “Mom, I’d love that. We need to do it as soon as possible, though, because I turn 16 in 8 months, and, well, the producers might take a long time to decide.”
I smiled. “And, you know, as I said, my sob story will probably go a long way on that show. They just love a hardship tale. I lost my leg, nothing will ever be the same again, blah, blah, blah. They’ll probably put me on there for that reason alone.”
“Don’t be redic,” my dad said, using my slang. “They’ll put you on there because you’re the best damned chef-in-training on the East Coast. The fact that you lost your leg to cancer won’t even factor in. Trust.”
I smiled. It was possible that things were about to return to normal. Well, as normal as this house could be. After all, I was down a leg, and my rehab was going to be long and painful.
But a new normal would be a great thing.
Twenty-Three
Scotty
Addison finally made me see how stupid I was being. Again. I don’t know how she became smarter and more mature than her mother, but somehow she did.
; We left Addy’s room after we talked some more about her being on Chopped Junior. As we headed to the bedroom, I knew that things were going to be different between Nick and me. That was obvious.
“Hey,” he said to me as he patted the bed. “Where have you been?” His smile told me everything that I needed to know.
“In Stupidville. How is my daughter smarter than me?”
Nick smiled. “She’s smarter than both of us, I’m afraid.”
I went over to him, stripping off my clothes before getting into bed. That was all the signal that I needed to give him that I was ready to make nice again.
Nick kissed me when I got into bed next to him, and, for the first time in a long time, things seemed like they were getting back to normal. “Scotty, I don’t blame you for being angry with me. How I acted was irresponsible and frankly out of character. I’m never one to run, and I never have been.”
I sighed as I put my hand on his belly, which was still made of steel, even after all these years. “You know, Nick, you don’t really have to apologize. I really understand the feeling of not being able to breathe. That feeling like your world is ending and you don’t know what to do about it. And it’s okay. You made a mistake. None of us is perfect, and Addy is right. Even if you were there with me, the decision would have been the same. If the surgeon had to amputate Addy’s leg to save her life, then that would have happened either way.”
“So, we’re good?”
“Of course.” I kissed his abdomen. “I’ve missed you, Nick. I know that I’ve been so distant that it’s been hard to reach me. I know that. After what I’ve gone through in my life, my mind just tends to be negative when there’s something that really knocks me on my rear. But I’m going to be better from now on.”
Nick lifted my face to him, and he gave me a long kiss. He put his hands on my cheeks as he kissed me softly, while our tongues interlocked. I started to feel warm and tingly, and my netherparts felt like they were on fire. “I’ve missed you too.”
I tugged on the drawstrings of Nick’s pajama bottoms, feeling sad that he actually was wearing them. We always slept naked before this bad period of time. Before I started pulling away from Nick, we always were so passionate with each other. That was why this whole period was starting to seem like it was all a bad dream.
I brought down his pajamas and saw that he was already extremely hard. `I smiled as I gently licked his shaft while he groaned with pleasure. “Don’t stop,” he said as I made my way to his head, feeling greedier by the second.
He gently lifted my head and kissed me passionately on the lips as he rolled me onto the bed and thrust into me, over and over. “I love you,” he said, “and I always will. Always.”
Epilogue
Addison - Six Months Later
We were on our way to New York City to the Food Network’s headquarters, where I was going to be recording an episode of Chopped Junior. Mom and dad had shot a video of me cooking in the kitchen, while talking about my plans to create a Korean-Mexican fusion dish with jalapeños and Kimchi. I decided that I wouldn’t tell them my sob story right off the bat, because I wanted the producers to select me for the competition not because I was a cancer survivor who lost her leg, but because they wanted me.
I got the call three weeks later, and then rounds of interviews took place after that. Of course, the fact that I had lost a leg to cancer was obvious to the interviewers and screeners for the show, so maybe that was why I was chosen after all.
Maybe, but I really hoped not. I really hoped that I would have been chosen for the show no matter what. But the fact that I survived cancer and had lost a leg was prominently featured in the filmed package that plays before the competition begins on television. The producers really played that up, which embarrassed the hell out of me. But they also played up the fact that I had a real talent for creativity in the kitchen, which is the only thing that really matters on this show.
Mom and dad were in the front seat of the car, with me and Chloe in the back. Mom turned around and smiled. “I know you’re going to do awesome. You’re ready for this.” She shook her head while she smiled. “My little creative chef. Who would have ever thought that my daughter would be such a little talent?”
Dad laughed at that one. “Especially considering she has me for a dad. Do you remember that first time I cooked for you? That one Christmas?”
“Of course. How could I ever forget that? That was the most amazing Christmas ever, because it was our first one together. It was my first one where I had somebody to love. Who loved me back. I’ll never forget that day for the rest of my life.”
Dad put his hand on the back of mom’s neck and rubbed it. “Well, I don’t remember if I ever told you this, but before I made that dinner for you, I couldn’t cook at all. I mean, I know that I told you that I wasn’t a cook before that night, but I didn’t tell you how much I practiced cooking in the kitchen. It was just something that I never learned.” Dad laughed. “The piece de resistance was the night when I practiced making chicken breast. I put the frozen breast on the skillet and turned that sucker on high. All that happened was that the outside was black and the inside was pink. I couldn’t figure out why that was wrong.”
Mom and dad both started laughing hysterically. “Oh, Nick, I don’t think that you’ve ever told me that story. How did you learn to cook so quickly?”
“A lot of will. Plus, I called Ryan, who recommended some good books and videos on the subject. I got The Joy of Cooking, and read through it in a weekend. Pretty interesting book.” Then he turned around to me. “I guess the point of this story is that I’m not a natural cook the way that you are. And I still don’t feel confident enough in the kitchen to just go in there and whip something up. So, I’m kind of in awe of you.”
I had to smile at my dad saying that he was in awe of me. Truth be told, I was in awe of myself these days. My rehab got me into shape and using the prosthesis like a boss. Like a boss. At first it was weird trying to walk with that thing, and I fell a lot, which really sucked. But, once I finally got used to it, I was able to walk just as well as any of the other kids. I actually started to feel a bit normal. I was even invited back to the soccer team for the upcoming season, which completely ruled.
I still didn’t feel comfortable wearing skirts, though. I would have to wear panty hose with any skirt, and I just didn’t want to deal with that. I hated the feeling of wearing hose, but I wasn’t totally confident in the way that my leg looked without it. I knew that I would someday wear a skirt, but, for now, I wanted to stay away from that.
I felt more confident in wearing shorts, for some reason. My leg didn’t entirely look natural, but, for some reason, that didn’t bother me when I wore shorts. I got some weird looks when I went out of the house in shorts for the first time, but I didn’t let those weird looks bother me. Little kids would point and say things to their embarrassed mothers, but I just smiled to let them know that I didn’t care about that. Kids will be kids, I thought. They’re going to be curious and they’re going to blurt things out.
“I’m in awe of you too, dad,” I said.
Chloe turned to me. “So, what are you going to do if you win this thing? I mean, when you win this thing and you win all that money?”
“I’m going to treat all of you guys to the best dinner that you’ve ever had. We’ll find some restaurant where I might be working one day as the head chef. That is, if I don’t open my own restaurant.”
“You think you might?”
“Of course. Then I’ll take the rest of that prize money and put it into an account that I can use to open my own place.” My parents were very wealthy, but I didn’t want their money. I wanted to know that I could make it on my own, so I told them early on that I didn’t want handouts. Aside from them putting me through school, of course. Other than that, I was going to do it all on my own. I was determined about that.
Mom turned around in the front seat. “Are you nervous?”
“Of cou
rse. Who wouldn’t be?” Who wouldn’t be indeed? Chopped was definitely one of the best places to get started on a cooking career. I knew that I was going to be thrown into it, making different dishes with ingredients that I had never seen before. But I knew that, after the kind of year I had had, nothing could possibly faze me anymore. I mean, I lost a leg. I beat cancer, at least for the time-being. What was an episode of Chopped going to do to increase my stress after that kind of experience?
And I knew, in my heart, that I was going to actually live a long life. I knew that I would get every chance to do whatever I wanted, because I knew that the cancer wasn’t going to come back. Maybe it was wishful thinking, I don’t know. Which wasn’t to say that I was necessarily not scared about the disease coming back. I was, of course. But, anytime I had the voice in my head telling me that I still might die, I willed the voice away. I didn’t want to hear it, so I made it just go away.
“Is Olivia going to be able to make it to the taping?” I asked mom.
“She wouldn’t miss it. The studio is pretty close to her apartment, too. Within walking distance. She’s shooting a new documentary short nearby, so she’ll just pop in while she’s taking a break from that.”
Sometimes I couldn’t believe that Olivia was as successful as she was. She was just a natural filmmaker, and she was lucky about that, because she certainly didn’t really work that hard to get where she was. She was still kinda drinking a bunch, which made mom and dad pull out their hair, but I guessed that it didn’t really get that much in the way of her work. So it was all good. I guess.
At any rate, I couldn’t very well worry about all of that. I had much more things to think about. Like winning Chopped. Making sure that my cancer stayed beaten. Finishing high school and going to the best culinary school in the world, which was located right in New York City. I had dreams and goals and I was going to achieve them.