His conversation with Sarah earlier kept going around and around in his mind. His commitment to making no commitments was still there, but it was weakening. Well, his desire for Sarah was growing, that was the real problem, but the more he got to know those kids, the more he knew he couldn’t be the guy who brought more chaos into their lives. They deserved stability.
He felt the jetty move and saw the woman in question walking toward him. She had an oversized sweatshirt that fell off one shoulder and some short shorts. Her hair was loose, and he blinked to be sure she wasn’t a figment of his imagination.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“Enjoying the night air.”
“At three a.m.?”
“I’m a night owl. I often work all night.”
“You’re not working.” He scooted over on the blanket to let her sit.
“I guess not . . .” The truth was figuring out the right thing to do felt like very hard work indeed. He’d rather design a whole app, and then get paid millions at the end. Easier and more rewarding than doing the right thing by Sarah and her kids for no reward. “Why are you awake?”
“Just lucky.”
He could feel her body next to his. “What made you decide you couldn’t ever have a relationship?”
“You know it just occurred to me over the years that most relationships I’d witnessed had a lot of casualties, too much collateral damage, and so I resolved not to cause any more harm.”
“Like the Hippocratic oath, first do no harm.”
“Exactly.”
Her legs were stretched out in front of her. Smooth and delicate yet muscular. She had great legs. He really wanted to run his hands up and down the smooth skin.
“You’re probably harming at least yourself with that approach, though, Todd.”
He took his eyes off her legs and focused on her mouth. “Yeah, that’s okay.”
“Really? Is it? Just because your mother wasn’t great at relationships . . .”
“Not just her, plenty of people . . .”
“But lots of people are good at them. What about Lucy and Chase or Marissa and Mike?”
“For the record, Mike put Marissa through hell for ten years before he realized he loved her . . . He’s lucky she waited, and even luckier I didn’t kill him.”
“But it worked out,” she said.
“I guess. We’ll see.”
“You know it will work out.” She gave him a shove with her elbow. “It does, you know, for lots of people.”
He shoved her back. “And not for many others.”
“My point is I think that it might be worth you taking a risk at some point. I would hate to watch you living across the street turning into a lonely old man.”
“You can always move.” He didn’t want that, but it was a solution to her dilemma.
“Sure.” She was silent for a while. “I don’t want to be alone forever. Even though my marriage was far from perfect, I think I learned from that experience. I know what was wrong with that, apart from him being away all the time.”
“That’s good. I want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy.”
She turned and sat cross-legged beside him, and he was forced to turn and look at her. She took her hands and placed one on each cheek. They were cool on his skin. “You deserve to be happy, too, Todd.”
“I’m happy.”
“I think you could be even happier.”
She leaned in and placed a soft kiss on his lips. He heard himself groan. He should stop this, but his hands went behind her back and pulled her closer. He deepened the kiss, running his tongue along her lower lip, and she opened to him. Her hands stayed on his face, holding him there tenderly. This felt different to the sexy make out sessions they’d had before.
She pulled back. “I think we could make each other very happy, Todd.”
“What if it gets messed up?”
“What if it doesn’t?” She came around in front of him and straddled him. Her hands moved to the back of his neck, her fingers running up through his hair as her mouth found his again. Her soft body was pressed against his. He ran his hands up her back under her top, and she arched into him. She let out a soft, sexy moan. He loved that moan. That sweet sound she got when she was really into the moment. He could get used to that sound and the feel of her and the taste of her.
She deepened the kiss so that he wasn’t sure if two clothed people could be any closer than they were there under the stars. Her hands ran down his back and under his shirt. Running up and down his spine and he leaned in closer.
She broke the kiss to pull his shirt over his head. And then she ran her hands down his chest slowly till her hands came to rest on his belly.
“Damn, you have a great body.” It was nice to be appreciated.
“Thanks.” His voice was a husky growl.
She pulled back and peeled her own shirt over her head, revealing a pretty pink bra and two perfect breasts.
“We should stop.”
“No, we shouldn’t.” She leaned in and kissed him again, and he forgot all about stopping. All he could think about was the feel and touch and taste of Sarah and how well they fit together. How good she made him feel, and how right it all seemed. He ran his hands up over her back and kissed his way down her neck and along her collarbone. She was so damn beautiful.
He wanted her in a way he couldn’t remember wanting a woman ever. It wasn’t just sex; this was more than that. It excited and terrified him. She put her hand against his heart and he covered it with his own. What were they doing?
“Sarah?” She pulled back and looked in his eyes. “If we do this, it can’t be undone.”
Even in the darkness, he could see she wanted this. Of course, her body was telling him that but so were her eyes.
“I know.” It was a soft firm voice. “Maybe we’ll be really bad at it and we won’t want to do it again.”
He let out a laugh before kissing her again. He didn’t for one minute think that was going to be an issue here.
“Yeah, that could happen.”
He stood up with her wrapped around him. Arms around his neck and legs around his waist and carried her to the boathouse. As much as he wanted this, he wasn’t about to take her out on the jetty where anyone could see them.
Sarah lay next to Todd. His eyes were closed, but she knew he was awake. One of his hands fell over her waist. The sheet that covered her revealed his magnificent torso. He was slick with sweat, and his body glowed in the moonlight. Her prediction that they would be a bad match had been way off base. It was seriously great and that was the first time. She could only imagine it would get better and better with time and practice.
She didn’t want to move, but sometimes her kids woke up early. She had a feeling Zach would be up the minute sunlight peeped over the lake. She needed to at least have clothes on when that happened. She knew when she moved the moment would be gone, and she was honestly not sure how Todd would handle it.
Perhaps she was supposed to be sorry, but she wasn’t. It had been great, better than great, and no one could take that away from her. No matter what, this would be one perfect memory.
She shifted slightly, and Todd opened his eyes and rolled toward her.
“You need to go?”
“I do.”
“Are you okay?”
“I’m so much better than okay.” She gave him a huge grin. “I feel like a new woman.”
He smiled at her. “Excellent.”
“I know you’re kind of weirded out but don’t be . . . whatever happens, I’m okay. As long as we stay friends . . .”
Truthfully, she wanted to be so much more than friends, but if that was what he wanted, then she could do that.
“Okay.”
It was a noncommittal response, but what did she expect from Mr. No-commitment? She hopped up and pulled her clothes on. “Are you staying?”
He leapt up. Standing there in all his glory, he was magnificent. If circumstanc
es were different, she would have jumped him then and there. But they were not. “No, I’m coming, too.”
He pulled on his clothes, and they crept up to the house. Everyone seemed to be sleeping.
She gave him a small finger wave as she crept back inside, across the main floor, and back into the room where her kids were sleeping. She climbed under the covers aware of the smell of Todd that surrounded her.
Chapter 10
This had been the weirdest day ever. Part of him felt like the time he’d spent with Sarah under the cover of darkness had just been a very sexy fantasy. He’d been worried that it would be strained between them, but the part that was strange was how normal she was acting. It was as if the events of the night before had left her totally unaffected.
Even now, she was sitting up on the balcony flipping through a magazine while Livi took a nap inside, and everyone else was down by the water. She didn’t look like a woman whose world had been rocked the night before. She wasn’t stealing glances at him. Throughout the day, she hadn’t come near him more or less than usual. She’d been normal. Just like she’d said she would.
On the other hand, he felt all over the shop. There was plenty to do and people everywhere, so from the huge pancake breakfast he and the other guys had cooked up to his run into town for subs at lunchtime, he’d been busy. Water-skiing this afternoon had been a great chance to burn off some pent-up energy, but still he felt out of sorts.
He wanted to go up on that porch and kiss the air out of Sarah. He wanted to touch her and see her smile just for him. Meanwhile, she was ever so coolly reading a magazine.
This was screwed up.
Todd took a dive off the end of the jetty and swam way out into the lake. When he stopped to turn back, he discovered his brother had swum out behind him.
“Are we racing back?”
“Nah, I just wanted to get you alone. You seem . . . different.”
“Different?”
“Yeah. It must be the whole falling in love with the hot single mother thing that’s messing with your head.”
Todd stopped. “I’m not in love with Sarah. Lust maybe but not love.”
“Yeah, you are.” Mike was floating on his back as if this were a casual conversation. “I mean, yeah, lust is a factor for sure, but it’s way beyond lust, my friend.”
“I don’t do love.”
“No, see that’s where you are wrong, you say you don’t do love and maybe until now you’ve never been in love, but not to sound all girly and shit, but you’re one of the most loving people I’ve ever met.”
“Dude.”
“It’s true. The way you care for everyone, help people, remember their likes and dislikes, cater to their needs, let them win at poker, leave them random gifts. That’s what love looks like.”
“Nah, that’s just what people do.”
His brother flipped onto his stomach. “What people do that? And who do they do it for? Most people don’t teach a kid they barely know how to play ball, they don’t mow their neighbor’s lawn for five years, they don’t anonymously pay off grocery bills or car loans. You do that because you’re a loving guy. You just didn’t have that one special person to shower with love. Now you do.”
“I can’t love Sarah,” he whispered. “That would be bad.”
“Why? Just because our mother didn’t do a good job of balancing kids and a partner doesn’t mean Sarah is like that.”
“I don’t want those kids shortchanged because I’m with their mom.”
“Yeah, which already makes you a better guy than our stepfathers. That’s love, dude. Putting the other person’s needs first. You got this.”
“What if I don’t want it?”
“I don’t think you get a choice.”
There was always a choice, wasn’t there?
Sarah thought she’d done a pretty good job of not blowing Todd’s cover. She’d worked really hard to act normal. It was a sweet relief to be alone here watching everyone down in the water, not having to make polite conversation and pretend that she didn’t want to touch Todd or sit with his arm around her or interact the way the other couples were. Chloe on Moose’s lap, Chase planting a casual kiss on Lucy’s temple, Mike fixing a plate for Marissa at lunch. She wanted all that and more, but she had to act like just being one of the gang was enough.
Todd had swum out to the middle of the lake. She watched his beautiful back recede into the distance and sighed. It had still been worth it, and the truth was given a chance she’d be back again tonight.
She heard footsteps, and Marissa came out to join her.
“Livi looked exhausted. I’m glad she’s sleeping.”
“Yeah, she fought it, though. Hard to be the littlest, and then with her extra challenges . . . she gets tired.”
“She’s such a trooper.” She certainly was. If they’d seen how hard she’d fought in that hospital. How close she came to not making it. Sarah felt her body give a shudder. Sometimes that happened. It was like the memories actually shook her.
“You okay?”
“Sure. I’m fine.” Zach was standing on Moose’s shoulders about to be thrown out into the lake. It was good for him to spend time with so many great guys. “What a great weekend.”
“Yeah, everyone seems to be having a great time except Todd,” Marissa said.
“He’s not having a good time?”
Marissa toweled the end of her hair dry. “You have him all tied up in knots.”
“Nah, I don’t think so. We’re just friends.”
“Sarah, I got to tell you I’m not buying that. I know Todd very well, in fact, and this is scary, but I think I know him better than I know Mike. Todd is all over the place over you.”
She really didn’t know what to say. “I . . .”
“It’s not your fault. You’re a great girl. You have great kids. Oh yeah, and a great body. I seriously need to take up dancing. None of that is your fault. The problem is Todd.”
“Todd?”
“You know he is all Mr.-no-relationship and you’re making him question that, big time.” Was he? She wasn’t so sure. “It’s freaking him out.”
“I’m sorry.”
Marissa laughed. “Don’t be sorry. It’s fantastic!”
“It is?”
“Sure, it is. Todd’s like the best guy ever, and I want him to be happy, probably as much as you do, but it might take him a bit of time to get there. I’m just asking you to be patient. Expect hot and cold.”
“Hot and cold. Got it.”
“I’m not saying you need to be treating him with kid gloves, in fact, you can probably have a great time messing with his head, but I don’t think it will be a super smooth ride.”
“You’re wicked. Why would I mess with his head?”
“Because you can.” She gave her a wink. “Heck, do it for my amusement. He’s been so steady for so long. Seeing Todd a bit off base would be fun.”
“Marissa, I’m shocked.”
“I know, I have a dark side. What I’m saying is don’t let him off the hook too easily. Make sure he knows what he’s missing.”
“Got you.”
“So how about you go down in that bikini and shake your thing and I’ll stay here and listen out for Livi?”
“Okay. Thanks.”
“And if Chloe should ask you to show her some pole dancing, you know, I wouldn’t say it was a bad idea.”
“Oh my gosh, you girls are so bad.” She stood to leave. “I think I love you.”
“What’s not to love?” Marissa gave a shrug as Sarah walked past. Then, she snagged her wrist as she went past. “Seriously though, if you’re just messing with him and your heart isn’t in it, just step back. Some guys don’t deserve to be messed with.”
“I know,” she said in a quiet voice. Because she could see one hundred percent that Todd was such a guy.
Sarah walked down to the water, and Zach came and wrapped his wet arms around her waist.
“I was just tel
ling Ollie you can walk on your hands, but he thinks I’m bluffing.”
“Oh, does he?” She looked into her son’s sweet face. All too aware that his fun mother had somehow vanished from his life earlier this year and he really needed her back. She put a finger under his chin and dipped his head back. “Well, let’s show Ollie we’re not bluffing then.”
“Cool!” He gave a little fist pump but kept one arm around her as they walked toward the water.
“What do you think, along the jetty?”
He gave her a nod. “Totally.”
She stopped a third of the way along. It was possible she could get a splinter or two, but it would be worth it.
“Watch this, Ollie!”
Sarah was aware that all heads turned. Todd and Mike were just about at the water’s edge but still submerged. She didn’t meet his eye. She was sure this would get his attention, but it was all about Zach. Well, mostly.
She flipped onto her hands and over so her hands and feet were on the ground but she was arched upside down, and then she flipped back landing in the splits. She heard Zach let out a whoop. Then, she flipped up on her hands, walked the rest of the way along the jetty, and flipped, somersault style, into the water. As she spun in the air, she heard Zach let out a cheer and from someone, maybe Moose, she heard a loud wolf whistle.
Todd felt his heart pound and his heart go dry as Sarah performed an acrobatic routine that ended in hand walking and a somersault into the water. Hot damn, that was sexy.
“Holy crap,” he muttered.
Everyone was cheering and clapping and he joined in.
Mike nudged him from beside. “Dude, you can’t let that go.”
She had popped up in the water with a big smile on her face, and then Zach leapt off the dock and almost landed on her. “Yay,” he cheered before landing in the water.
She pulled him up and he wrapped himself around her and Todd felt something inside him shift. Mike was right, he did love Sarah and he loved Zach, too. That kid, he was a spitfire like his mother. Now he was standing on her hands as she pushed him and he did a flip into the water. He looked up to the house and saw Marissa had taken her place up there watching for Livi.
Any Way You Build It: An Upper Crust Novel, Book 6 (Upper Crust Series) Page 15