"No."
I didn't say anything. The walls felt closer than before. It was wrong, lying here with him. We didn't belong like this; we didn't fit anymore.
"Why are you here?" I asked.
"Because you're right. I helped start this."
"Because you believed in it," I pointed out. "You just said that. You thought the mechs were evil, soulless parasites. And you meant it, remember?"
"I remember what I used to think of you," Auden said. "Before the download. When you were just one of them, and I was ..."
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The weird loser with the antique watch, the ragged backpack, and the nutcase conspiracy theories. The nobody.
"I thought you were useless," he said. "Not to mention brainless. I told myself you were nothing but a ..."
"Bitch?"
"Pretty much."
"You were probably right."
"I wasn't," he said. "I believed it. I was so certain--that's what I told myself, but that didn't make it true."
Auden was the one, the only one, who'd been sure that I was the same download as I was before. I didn't know how to explain that it wasn't true. That the person he'd come to know, the friend he'd had, before everything had fallen apart, wasn't the same person as the blond bitch who'd cheered on the Neanderthals when they leaped on their prey.
"What happened to your glasses?" I asked instead.
"What?"
"Your glasses." Auden had been the only person in our school, the only person in our world, really--that is, the world of people who counted--who was born as a natural. Life-threatening imperfections were corrected in the womb, but everything was else left as it was, thanks to his mother's crazed Faither beliefs. He'd rejected the beliefs but kept the nearsightedness, kept the glasses--right up to the moment when he'd followed in her zealot footsteps. The moment that he'd declared artificial to be evil and natural to be divine. It
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had always seemed a strange time to let himself be artificially perfected, to bring himself that much closer to the boundary between org and machine. And without the glasses he seemed like someone else.
"I finally got it," he said. "What an insult it was. Ignoring the defect when I could fix it so easily."
"An insult to who?"
"To anyone who couldn't be fixed. I thought I was the only one being real. But I was playing pretend. So I got my eyes fixed. No more glasses."
"Oh."
"Surprised?"
"I guess I thought it had something to do with ... your mom." I didn't know if I was allowed to bring her up. "I always thought you kept the glasses because they were, like, some kind of reminder."
"Maybe," he said. "But I didn't really need that anymore, did I? Once I teamed up with the Faithers." He snorted. "She would have been so proud."
"Is that a good thing?"
"She was crazy," he said. "It runs in the family, remember?"
"Auden--"
"I don't think we should talk anymore," he said.
Long hours in the dark. Silence. The sound of the waves lapping at the boat. The engine roar. The bouncing and swaying as the boat cut through the water. Beneath the white
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noise, almost my imagination, floating in the dark: "Lia. I am sorry."
I don't know how long I waited to answer.
But I finally did.
"Me too."
After five hours at sea, nine hours in the box, the engines fell silent. The boat stopped moving. We had arrived.
We waited, though it was torture, as our container was carried out of its storage room and then connected to something that swung us into the air, where we dangled for an eternity, picturing the waves crashing below, and then we waited again, tensed, for the lid of the container to swing open at any moment, as if there were anything we could do if we reemerged into a world swarming with armed guards, all of them aiming at us.
Now, again, it was a matter of trusting Ben to follow through on his promise, with only his life as collateral. We were set down somewhere, and the walls of the crate were thin enough to make clear that we weren't alone. The murmur of voices overlapped with the ViM relay in my earpiece. Zo and Ben were standing just above us--along with everyone else.
"Why don't you all get started with the servers," Ben said. "I just wanted to do one last inventory check, make sure everything got on board intact."
I cringed. It wasn't the most subtle attempt. But then, I
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didn't know if I could have done any better, especially with a gun to my head--or in this case, in it.
"You got it, boss," a man said.
"We'll meet you there," another one added. "We've got some business up in the COMCEN."
"What business?" Ben asked.
"That's classified."
"This is my team," Ben said. "Nothing's classified from me."
"This just came in from BioMax."
"And?"
"And--come on, man, don't embarrass yourself in front of your kid. This won't take long. We'll meet you at the servers."
"You asking me, or telling me?" Ben said.
"What do you think?"
Ben didn't respond.
No one spoke for several moments.
"You know what they're doing up there?" Kiri said. I assumed the other techs--at least the defiant ones--had left.
"I'd think that would be obvious."
"Me neither," Kiri said. "But I have some guesses. Nothing good. This corp ..."
"What?"
"How long have you worked for them, Ben?"
"Twenty years, almost. You?"
"Five. But after the things I've heard ..."
"What?"
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"I'm out. After we fix this screwup, I'm getting out. And maybe you should think about it too."
"What exactly have you heard, Kiri?"
"Let's just say if I were you, I wouldn't ask them any questions when they come down from the COMCEN. Probably best we don't know the answers." Her voice brightened abruptly. "Come on, Halley, no need to stick around here while your dad counts processors. Why don't you come with me? I can show you the server room. Thrilling stuff."
Zo hesitated. "Actually, I should probably just stick with my dad."
Kiri laughed. "What kind of teenager are you? Come on, let's see if we can get into some trouble."
Think of something, I willed Zo, but there was nothing left for Zo to say, and she knew it. "Okay. Sure."
Their footsteps retreated from the crate. They were gone.
Moments later Ben's signal came: three knocks. Time to trust him, one last time. I eased open the top of the crate and peered out. We were in a shadowy storage hold, boxes and crates strewn across a space wide enough to contain the entire Kahn house. And aside from Ben we were alone.
Auden climbed out gently, stretching his cramped limbs. But I was up and in Ben's face in seconds. "You just let my sister wander off? Alone?"
"What was I supposed to do?" Ben asked.
"Stop them! Keep her safe."
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And then Jude was behind me, pulling me away, calming me down, reminding me that there was nothing to be done; he'd been listening to the same conversation I had, and Zo had played along, just as she should have. Kiri was harmless; Zo was safe.
"Get it together," he said, giving me a rough shake.
I shrugged him off. "I'm together."
Zo was safe with Kiri, I told myself. Probably. I could still hear them through my earpiece, Kiri prattling on about server architecture and the ins and outs of spin, Zo offering the occasional monosyllabic grunt, as they drew further and further out of my reach.
"So, you believe us now?" Jude asked Ben. "Or you want to tell me your precious corp hasn't turned shady on you?"
Ben looked shell-shocked.
"I got you on board," he said finally. "Now what?"
Jude was still holding the gun. "You heard them," he said--not to Ben, but to us. "Something's happening at t
he COMCEN, whatever that is."
"Communications center," Auden said. He'd proved himself an expert on server farms, or as much of an expert as anyone could be--a convenient holdover from his conspiracy-theorist days. "Probably up by the bridge."
"Right," Jude said. "That. So we find it. We stop them."
They were right. It made sense. Phase three was real, and it was about to happen here, above us, unless we acted.
"You go," I said.
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Jude wheeled on me. "What?"
"You follow the techs," I told him. "I'm going after Zo."
"I can check on your sister," Ben said.
I didn't know why he'd want to be anywhere near her, unless he'd figured out that the explosive was a fake. Either way, even if he'd proved himself to be as much of a dupe as I'd suspected, I couldn't trust him with this.
"We don't know what's happening up there," I told Jude. "It could just be a coincidence. You follow the techs, I'll go to the server room, check things out there, and if everything's good, I can grab Zo and we can meet you."
"And if it's not good?" Jude said. "What are you going to do then?"
"I ..."
"Take the gun," he said.
"What?" I'd been expecting more argument. "No."
"You're right. We should split up. We only have one weapon. So if you're going to insist on going off on your own, you take it."
"I can go with Lia," Auden suggested.
"No," Jude and I said together.
"The important thing is stopping phase three," I said. "That's where you need to be."
Maybe that's where I needed to be too. Maybe it was selfish to go after Zo instead--whatever I said, I didn't actually believe there was any reason to check out the server room,
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not after what we'd heard. But I couldn't let her disappear into the ship without any backup. If something went wrong, she expected me to be there. I'd let her believe I would be. If Jude and Auden went after the techs at the COMCEN and they managed to sound some kind of alarm, the ship would be crawling with security, and Zo would, most likely, be screwed. Right now, with any luck, the worst threat she faced would be Kiri boring her to death with a history of BioMax. In which case I'd find a way to get her alone, and we'd go above deck together. Who knew, maybe Kiri could even be an asset. If not, I'd deal.
But I wasn't going to let Jude and Auden risk everything out of some misplaced sense of chivalry. As I suspected Zo would be quick to point out, one of us being stupid was more than enough.
"I'll go with Lia," Ben said.
"And why would she want that?" Jude said.
"She won't get into the server room without my help. And without me, I highly doubt if she'll be able to figure out if anything's not as it's supposed to be."
"Right," Jude snarled. "And with you she's got an excellent probability of being turned in to the first security team you pass."
"Ben comes with me," I said.
"You trust him?" Auden asked incredulously.
"We should lock him in a crate," Jude said. "Just to be safe."
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"He's right," I said. "He can get me to the servers."
"And he'll do that because he's so eager to help us? Much less get up close and personal again with the girl who can turn his pretty face into modern art?"
"I got you on the ship," Ben said. "You're going to get caught eventually--I don't need to do anything to speed that along. And in the meantime I'm as curious as you are about what the corp is doing. So I'll keep my mouth shut, and I'll get Lia to the servers, and, well, if you don't want to take me up on it, that's your choice. Doesn't seem like you've got a lot of options right now."
He was sounding like himself again, which was almost as infuriating as it was comforting.
"Let's go," I said. "We'll come find you in twenty minutes."
Jude tucked the gun into his waistband. "If we're wrong, and something's happening in the server room, or if you need me--"
"I'll call."
"Be careful," Auden said.
"You too."
Jude grabbed my hand. "We can do this."
It sounded too much like a question.
"We can do this," I echoed him, no doubt in my voice.
Jude shook his head, and smiled.
"What?" I said.
"Nothing."
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"Let me guess, you're wondering how to admit, without sounding like an idiot, that all this time you were totally wrong about me."
He was still holding on. "Actually, I'm thinking--as usual--I was right."
Ben led me through endless corridors punctuated by locked doors and ID panels, the walls striped with logos making it clear that the mid-decks were filled with server farms for every major corp. Without him I would have been wandering blindly through what seemed like miles of hallway, searching for BioMax; with him I had only his word that he was taking me to the right place. The ship was larger than any building I'd ever been in, and aside from the almost imperceptible thrum of the engines, several decks down, it was hard to imagine we were actually moving through the water. Its size did offer us one advantage: It felt like a ghost town. I caught glimpses of security guards, from a distance, but we made it much of the way without catching their attention.
It had to happen eventually: Footsteps approached. Ben grabbed my wrist and dragged me down the corridor, jiggling door handles while he went until one gave. He shoved me inside.
I waited in the dark, ear pressed against the wall, fists balled, ready to fight.
"BioMax," I heard Ben say. "Here's my ID."
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There was a mumbled response.
"Headed to the server room now, sir," Ben said loudly. "Just getting my bearings. Easy to get lost here."
Another mumbled response, and then they both laughed. A moment later the door opened, letting in a shaft of light. Ben's face appeared in the crack. "Clear," he said. "Let's go. Fast."
Zo's ViM relay had gone dead, but I told myself not to worry. No doubt all the computer equipment was just jamming the signal. Not to mention the fact that we were in the middle of the Atlantic in a high-security zone; no reason to think that wouldn't interfere with network communications. Still, I started moving faster. We wound down long, featureless corridors, turning corners seemingly at random, but Ben seemed confident he knew where we were going, and I was starting to trust that, if nothing else, he was determined to get us to the server room intact. Both of us. It was clear I never would have found my way here without him. And when we reached the giant steel door with the BioMax logo painted across it, I knew that without Ben, there was no way I would have been able to break my way in.
"Why are you helping me?" I asked quietly.
He triggered the locking mechanism and heaved the door open, gesturing me inside. "Keep out of sight. I'll check on Zo."
The room was loud and cold. Computer servers were lined
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up like dominos from wall to wall. I didn't know whether it was the refrigeration system or the servers themselves, but there was a low, constant thrum, a vibration. It almost felt like I was shaking.
Ben swept down the central aisle, his eyes pinned on the numbers marking each row. It was a room built for hide and seek, and I tucked myself into one of the narrow alleys between server rows, padding softly down the aisle as I shadowed Ben through the room. He threaded through the rows and I slipped behind him, always keeping the thick, towering computers between us, though he never turned back to look. Finally, he stopped. One row away, so did I.
Kiri was waiting for him, with two BioMax techs. One had a hand clamped around Zo's wrist.
"Learn anything interesting?" Ben asked his "daughter."
"She didn't," Kiri said. "But I think it's safe to say that I did."
Ben's expression didn't give anything away. "Problem?" he asked mildly.
"You tell me." I'd seen Kiri Napoor in a variety of moods--conciliatory, wheedling, tri
umphant, frustrated, distraught--but I'd never seen her like this. There was no mood, no emotion, just: cold. "Why am I standing here with Lia Kahn's little sister? And why are you trying to pass her off as your daughter?"
I cursed myself for not taking Jude up on his offer. If I had the gun, I would ... what? Burst out from behind the servers, guns blazing, shooting wildly? Save the day?
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Ben sighed. "You knew."
"Of course I knew." Kiri scowled. "It's my job to know. I've never understood why you thought so little of me. So you want to tell me what she's doing here?"
The situation could still be salvaged, I told myself. As long as no one panicked.
"Well?" Kiri pressed, when Ben didn't answer.
"What is that?" he said, turning his attention to a small pile of equipment and mess of wiring at the base of the server bank.
"You're asking me questions?"
"You're just here to observe," Ben said. "So what are you hooking up?"
"What's she doing here?"
"Is that an uplink device?" Ben said, approaching it. Kiri blocked his path. "Zo's here as a favor to a friend," Ben said. "Nothing to worry about."
"I wouldn't say that," Kiri said. And with the same jaunty grin she'd always given me when talking me into yet another tiresome BioMax PR chore, she pulled out a gun.
The two BioMax techs did the same.
Zo yanked her arm out of the tech's grasp. She brandished the remote over her head. "Don't!" she shouted. "If I press this button, he blows up."
Kiri turned to Ben, eyebrows arching toward her forehead. "Is that true?"
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"Afraid so."
"A hostage," Kiri said to Zo. "Impressive. And now everything makes sense. I can see why he'd do whatever you said."
"Exactly," Zo said. Her voice was shaking, but her hands weren't.
If I showed myself now, would I make things better or worse?
"It's an untenable situation," Kiri said. "We'll have to fix that."
She raised the gun.
Zo screamed.
A spot of red bloomed on Ben's forehead, and he dropped backward, arms splayed, eyes open. Dead.
I was halfway out of my hiding place--halfway to Zo--when I realized that she was still on her feet, unharmed.
I stopped.
I hid.
It was the smart move; we were outnumbered, and throwing myself at two men with guns trained on my sister could only make things worse. If Kiri had intended to shoot her, she would have done it already. Probably. Still, I felt like a coward. And I hated myself for it.
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