by Anne Mather
Helen trembled. ‘But—you do believe it?’
Reed gave her an old-fashioned look, and then, putting his coffee back on the table, he pulled her down on top of him. ‘Don’t ask me that again,’ he told her gently, tracing the outline of her lips with a reproving finger. ‘I don’t just believe she’s mine. I know it. I wish I’d made more of an effort to find you ten years ago.’
Helen bit his finger. ‘So do I.’
‘Mmm.’ Reed watched her with an indulgent look on his face. ‘Well, I guess I had my pride, too, you know.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Well, you had left the hotel without even saying goodbye. I mean, when I got back to London, and found you weren’t working at the wine bar, I began to wonder if you’d left because of me.’
Now it was Helen’s turn to tease. ‘I had.’
‘I know that.’ Reed gave a humorous grimace. ‘But, joking aside, I didn’t find it very amusing. I mean, I had been feeling pretty rotten about the whole affair. Responsible, I guess. I’d wanted to see you again, to prove to you that I hadn’t intended what happened to happen. Besides, I really did want to see you again. But—’ he sighed ‘—you weren’t around, and I got to thinking it was probably just as well. That you were too young for me anyway. Which was true,’ he added, in an aside. ‘And, well, I guess I was pretty cynical, at that time.’
‘Diana?’ asked Helen softly, and he nodded.
‘But tell me about you,’ he said, his eyes clouding at the recollection. ‘How did you manage? I guess you went home to Mama, hmm? That was your mother I met so briefly this afternoon, wasn’t it?’
Now Helen sighed, sliding her fingers into the neckline of his shirt, and noting their contrast to his dark flesh almost inconsequentially. ‘Well,’ she said, not relishing the answer to this particular question. ‘I had lied to you, you see. I wasn’t living in a bed-sit. I was living at home.’
‘I see.’ Reed frowned. ‘No wonder you looked so sick when I suggested going back for coffee.’
‘Do you remember that?’ Helen shook her head, and opened another button of his shirt, pressing her lips to the base of his throat. ‘Well, I—I was only sixteen.’
‘Sixteen!’ Reed, who had closed his eyes when she began her tantalising exploration, opened them abruptly. ‘My God! Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘To avoid this kind of reaction,’ she told him mildly, opening yet another button, and brushing her lips against the fine hair on his chest. ‘I knew you thought I was older, and—I wanted you to go on thinking it. You made me feel-like a woman.’ She smiled. ‘I liked that.’
‘But, sixteen,’ groaned Reed disbelievingly. ‘My God, I can imagine what your parents thought of me.’
‘I didn’t tell them who Alexa’s father was,’ said Helen simply. ‘Not until years later, as a matter of fact. I knew my father would try to find you, and—and I didn’t want you to know.’
‘Why not?’
Reed stared at her blankly now, and Helen averted her eyes from his taut expression. ‘I thought—oh, I don’t know. I didn’t want you to feel—responsible for me. I suppose I was afraid you were married—’
‘Oh, God!’
‘—and I couldn’t have borne knowing that.’
‘Oh, Helen!’ He shifted then, rolling over and taking her with him, so that their positions were reversed. ‘If only I’d known,’ he muttered, burying his face in the hollow of her neck. ‘I deserved to feel responsible. It was my fault. I knew what I was doing, but I went ahead anyway. My only excuse is that it wasn’t just the sake that intoxicated me.’
Helen wound her arms around his neck. ‘It doesn’t matter now.’
‘It does matter. Apart from the fact that you’ve had to bring Alexa up as a single mother, I’ve lost the first nine years of my daughter’s life.’
‘Well—we could have another baby,’ suggested Helen softly. ‘I’m sure Alexa wouldn’t mind.’
‘Wouldn’t she?’ Reed lifted his head to look down at her. ‘I wonder how she’s going to react to the fact that she’s going to have two parents. I hope she won’t be too disappointed that I’m going to be her father, and not Jon.’
‘Well…’ Helen was rueful. ‘It’s going to be quite a surprise to her. I—I told her her father was dead.’ She flushed. ‘It seemed the easiest way.’
‘I see.’ But Reed didn’t sound too distraught. ‘Oh, well, I guess that’s better than telling her I deserted you.’ He grimaced. ‘And maybe Jon has done me a favour after all.’
‘How?’ Helen shivered as Reed’s hand slid down her body to cup her bottom, adjusting his body to hers, even though their clothes represented an impenetrable barrier.
‘Well,’ his voice was not quite steady either, ‘he’s obviously made a friend of Alexa. She might like the idea of being his sister, if nothing else.’
Helen bit her lip. ‘He’s going to hate me, isn’t he? When he finds out about Alexa.’
‘I think he knows already,’ said Reed drily, withdrawing his gaze with some reluctance from the taut peaks outlined beneath the cotton vest. ‘I told you he gave me your address, didn’t I? Well, I’ve been thinking about what he said, and I think he’s guessed the truth.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Well—little by little, he has learned the facts, hasn’t he? He knew you had had a baby nine years ago. OK, that’s not such a unique event on its own. But ally to that the fact that he saw us together; that he knows, as of this afternoon, exactly when we knew one another before. He’s not a fool, Helen. And—’ his lips tightened ‘—he must know you don’t sleep around.’
‘Mmm.’ Helen shifted so that he could slide one of his legs between hers. ‘Jon and I never had that kind of a relationship. In some ways, it was almost platonic. I hope he won’t mind too much.’
‘So do I,’ said Reed huskily, ‘but, right now, it doesn’t seem to matter. So long as we’re together, that’s what counts.’
Helen thought later that it was just as well the door into the bedroom needed oiling. Without its betraying squeak, she and Reed might just have remained unaware that they were no longer alone. As it was, the door creaked, and Reed groaned almost simultaneously, but Helen managed to push him off her and pull down her vest before Alexa reached the sofa.
‘I can’t sleep, Mummy—’ she was beginning, before she realised her mother was not alone.
She frowned then, and Helen, caught in the act of scrambling off the sofa, cast a rueful look down at Reed. It seemed they were fated to spend their time explaining their way out of awkward situations, and he closed his eyes in sympathy, before pushing himself up from the cushions.
‘What’re you doing?’ Alexa asked now, blinking and gazing at Reed with none of her usual good humour. She was evidently not as pleased to see him now as she had been earlier, and her jaw clenched belligerently. In her striped nightshirt, with her blonde curls tousled, she had a decidedly sulky expression, and Helen didn’t know what to say to normalise the situation.
‘Your Mummy and I have been talking,’ Reed intervened abruptly. ‘I’m sorry if we disturbed you, but we’ve known each other for a long, long time, and we had a lot to say.’
Alexa pouted. ‘You didn’t ‘sturb me,’ she told him shortly. And then, to her mother, ‘Why didn’t you tell me he was coming?’
‘I didn’t know—’ began Helen unequivocally, and then shook her head helplessly as Reed caught her eye.
‘It’s my fault,’ he said, attracting Alexa’s attention again. ‘I didn’t tell your mother I was coming back. Don’t blame her; blame me. My shoulders are quite a bit broader than hers.’
Alexa regarded him doubtfully for a moment, and then returned her gaze to her mother. ‘But when are you coming to bed?’ she demanded plaintively. ‘It’s awfully late.’
‘I know.’ Helen sighed. ‘But—but as—Jon’s daddy says, we have had a lot to talk about.’
‘A lot of it about you,’ put in Reed quietly,
and they both looked at him as he got to his feet.
‘About me?’ Alexa looked puzzled at first, and then, as if remembering their reaction to what she had said that afternoon, she added, ‘I didn’t do anything wrong. You said so.’
‘And it’s true,’ said Reed gently. He smiled. ‘And if you’re worried about what happened this afternoon, let me explain. I was just—surprised to see you, that’s all. I didn’t know you were so—pretty. Or what a big girl you were.’
Alexa looked sceptical. ‘I’m not pretty,’ she said scornfully. ‘Grandad says I’m too much of a tomboy.’
‘Well, I think you’re pretty,’ said Reed firmly. ‘And smart, too. You knew I was Jon’s daddy, after all.’
‘Hmm.’ Alexa was looking a little more interested now, but it was soon apparent where her interest lay. ‘Am I really pretty?’ she asked, with the age-old vanity of the coquette. ‘Really?’
‘Yes, really,’ Reed assured her, ignoring the resigned look her mother was giving him. ‘And tomorrow, the three of us are going to go out and buy you the prettiest dress we can find. Then we might all have lunch together at my hotel. Would you like that?’
Alexa hesitated, and looked at her mother. ‘Can we?’ she asked anxiously, and Helen felt the momentary press of tears. Her daughter was not used to treats of this kind. Money had never been that freely available, and Alexa knew that as well as she did.
‘If you’d like to,’ she said now, and she saw the way the little girl’s face lit up.
‘I’d like to—very much,’ said Alexa politely, turning back to Reed with a smile, and Helen could tell from his expression that he was as relieved as she was.
It was going to be all right, she thought, feeling his fingers slide briefly between hers, before he spoke to Alexa again. Not that she imagined that a shopping spree, and lunch at a grand hotel, would solve their problems. They had a much longer way to go than that, and for all her apparent acquiescence Alexa could still prove difficult. But they had all the time in the world to get it right; and they would, she was sure of it…
Some months later, Helen came into the bathroom of the house her husband had bought in Eaton Square, and perched on the side of the bath. Reed was soaking in the sunken bath, his silvery blonde hair damp and tousled, his lashes, with their sun-bleached tips, dark against his cheekbones. He looked well, and handsome, thought Helen with satisfaction before he opened his eyes, the months since their wedding putting flesh on his bones and removing much of the strain from his face.
‘Mmm, do that again,’ he murmured, when she leant across and bestowed a lingering kiss on his lips. ‘And again.’
Helen gave a soft laugh. ‘No,’ she said, as he opened his eyes. ‘I want to talk to you.’
‘That sounds ominous.’ Reed pulled a face. ‘I thought you just went to take Alexa to your mother’s.’
‘I did.’
Reed had bought the house in Eaton Square so that they were able to divide their time between London and Bermuda. It meant Alexa saw plenty of her grandparents, and they, in their turn, had already been out to the island for a long, relaxing holiday. It also meant they saw Jon, too. Oddly enough, he had adjusted to the idea of Helen as his stepmother almost as well as Alexa had to him becoming her brother.
Helen thought it was because she and Reed were so happy together. She was sure that was why her parents had accepted the idea of Reed as their son-in-law without too many reservations. And Reed had considered their feelings a lot. He had shown an amazing amount of patience with them, and with Alexa, who was slowly adapting to the idea that Reed was her new daddy. Of course, the physical aspects of the relationship had yet to be explained to her, but that would come in time, and meanwhile she had accepted him as part of the family. And why not? Helen thought, in her more cynical moments. Alexa’s life had changed almost as much as her own had, and there was no doubt she enjoyed all the love and attention.
But now Reed squinted up at her, and said, ‘Well? Everything’s OK, isn’t it?’
‘Oh, yes.’ Helen smoothed the hair back from his forehead with a caressing finger. ‘Are you coming out of here?’
‘Why?’ Reed caught her hand in soapy fingers, and dipped it into the water. ‘Why don’t you come in?’
Helen’s pulses reacted automatically to his touch, but she pulled away. ‘I can’t.’
‘Why can’t you?’
Helen smiled. ‘I told you, I want to talk to you.’
‘We can talk in here,’ said Reed reasonably, but Helen shook her head.
‘I’ve taken baths with you before, remember?’ she told him huskily. ‘And we don’t do a lot of talking.’
‘OK.’
Reed shrugged, and before she could get out of his way he got up, dripping water all over her. Then, taking the towel she passed him, he made a moderate job of drying himself, before stepping out of the bath.
‘So?’ he said.
‘You’re not dry,’ she protested, taking the towel from him and using it on his chest and stomach, but Reed took it from her and tossed it aside.
‘I thought you wanted to talk,’ he reminded her huskily. ‘You’re not exactly going the right away about it.’
‘Oh—’ He could still make her blush, and Helen snatched up his bathrobe and gave it to him. ‘Put that on, then, and come into the bedroom,’ she exclaimed.
In their bedroom, she turned to face him. ‘I’m—pregnant,’ she said abruptly. She twisted her hands together. ‘Does it matter?’
Reed stared at her. ‘Does it matter to you?’ he asked, after a moment, his tone guarded.
Helen shook her head. ‘Only—only if you’re—not happy about it.’
Reed blinked. ‘If I’m not happy about it?’
‘Well—’ She spread her hands. ‘What’s Jon going to say? We’ve only been married four months.’
‘To hell with Jon,’ said Reed impatiently, reaching for her, and enfolding her in his embrace. ‘My God! I thought you were upset about it, not Jon.’
‘As if I would be,’ Helen protested, turning her lips against his neck, and he groaned.
‘As if I would be,’ he countered, drawing back to look into her face. ‘Don’t you know how much I love you yet? So long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters.’
‘Oh—I’m happy,’ Helen whispered. She took his hand and pressed it against her flat stomach. ‘I like the idea that part of you is growing inside me again. And this time you’ll be there to share it with me.’
Reed’s mouth took on a sensual curve. ‘Yes, I will, won’t I?’ He paused. ‘What about Alexa?’
‘Oh, I don’t think you need to worry about her,’ said Helen softly. ‘Just the other day she was asking me how long it took to have a baby. Apparently, one of her schoolfriends in Hamilton had been boasting about the fact that her mother had just had twins. We probably won’t be able to equal that, but I don’t think she’ll mind.’
‘She’s a great kid, isn’t she?’ said Reed huskily.
‘She’s yours,’ said Helen simply, and after that there wasn’t much more to say.
*****
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SERIES: Diamond Collection
ISBN: 9781743647073
TITLE: Anne Mather Diamond Collection: SUCH SWEET POISON/BLIND PASSION
First Australian Publication 2013
Copyright © 2013 ANNE MATHER
All rights reserved. Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utilisation of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including xerography, photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or
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