Without Hesitation

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Without Hesitation Page 12

by Talia Jager


  “Pools of lava with out of control, shooting lava balls. A planet with an atmosphere so green you can see the poisons lingering. Ground like quicksand that sucks you in so fast, you don’t have time to scream.”

  Her eyes were wide in horror. I felt a little guilty.

  “There are beautiful planets, too. Those with colors you never knew existed. Foods you never knew could taste so good. Meadows filled with the most beautiful flowers.”

  “You’ve seen so much.”

  “I never get to spend a lot of time at these places though.”

  “Because of Caspar?”

  “Yes.”

  “So you do all these jobs for him and in turn he lets your family live?”

  I nodded.

  “You rescued me. You went against him.” Her blue eyes bore into mine. “Your family—”

  “Probably dead.”

  She closed her eyes and when she opened them again, they were wet. “Why? Why did you come for me?”

  All the feelings that I felt for her came rushing at me. “Because…because you’re you.”

  Her breath hitched.

  “When we get off this planet, what will happen?” she asked.

  “I’ll get you home.”

  “What will happen to you?”

  I looked back at the clouds. “A bear.”

  She followed my gaze. “I’m not letting it go.”

  “He’ll kill me.” I sighed, not wanting to think about it, but not wanting to keep anything from her either. “He’s probably killed my family, my crew, and their families. If he finds me, he’ll kill me.”

  “So we have to kill him first.”

  My eyes darted back to her. “No. There’s no ‘we’ in this.”

  “Like hell there isn’t.” She sat up and pulled me toward her with a sense of urgency. Her eyes flashed with anger and despair. Not waiting a second longer, her mouth crashed down on mine. I couldn’t hold back and let myself succumb to her kiss.

  Vulnerable.

  I was vulnerable in her arms.

  Yet, I felt safe.

  She made me feel safe and loved. Something I had never felt before. My eyes pricked with tears and my chest swelled to the point of bursting.

  I had figured out her tells. When her hand was tangled in the back of my hair, like it was right now, she was trying to figure out what to do next. I took the lead, moving my lips to her neck, under her ear, over to the dimple on her cheek, and then back to her mouth. My hand slipped under her shirt and she gasped at the feel of my skin against hers. The kisses were long and slow, as if we had all the time in the world to do nothing more than kiss.

  She pulled away, a little out of breath, and said, “Tell me again, how there’s no ‘we’ in this.”

  “Kaci…”

  Her face lit up in a wide smile.

  “What?”

  “I love it when you say my name.”

  “Kaci,” I said again. “I just got done saving you. I’m not putting you in harm’s way again.”

  “Ever, you’re the reason he had me in the first place. I still struggle with that. With my feelings. But, there’s one thing I know, he’ll never stop coming after either of us as long as he’s alive.”

  “There’s nothing we can do about it right now.” If we did make it off this planet, then I needed to get her safe, and go after Caspar myself. I needed revenge for everything that he’s done. I was done with being his slave.

  I lay in between her legs that evening with the stupid monkey-like animal curled up in my lap. I almost brushed him off, but Akacia made some ‘aw’ sound and it melted my heart a little. She was becoming attached, naming him and all.

  She traced my eyebrows, my ear, and then down my jawbone. “How did you get this scar?”

  I ran my finger over it. “Caspar.”

  “In training?” she guessed.

  “No.” It wasn’t a pleasant memory.

  “If it’s too personal—”

  “He marked me so I wasn’t beautiful, so I’d fear him, so I knew I belonged to him. He wanted to tame me, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t break me. He thought that since he had us so young, we’d be loyal to him. I was stubborn, so he tried to disfigure me. When that didn’t work, he killed my best friend, and threatened my parents. I finally agreed to do what he wanted. It used to be worse, thicker, and red. He even clipped off part of my ear lobe.” I touched my lobe, which was normal looking now. “I had some treatments done that have helped heal it.”

  She was quiet for a minute and I wondered what she was thinking. Then she leaned down and kissed my ear and the scar. “A scar doesn’t make you ugly or make you belong to someone. What about the rest of your crew? They seem loyal to you.”

  “Briar pretended to be loyal to Caspar from early on. Hux and Zabe, they were loyal to him at first, but within a few months of being with us, we changed their thinking. We still did what Caspar wanted because he threated the lives of our loved ones, but we were one with our hate for him.” I pushed the memory to the far back of my mind. “Tell me about your days.”

  “My days?” She looked confused.

  “What do you do all day? What is the job of an Empress?”

  She ran her fingers along my arm. “Though I am an Empress, I don’t live in a castle nor was I pampered.”

  I raised my eyebrows and opened my mouth to make a comment, but she stared me down. “Yes, I had a chef and someone to make my clothes. I didn’t want for anything, other than my parents and freedom.”

  It didn’t get past me that we both yearned for the same things.

  “We don’t have balls or fancy parties. I don’t dress in frilly, poofy dresses. I have a crown I only wear to ceremonies when I go off-planet. Well, I guess I should say I had a crown. It was lost on Caipra.” She blinked back tears. “It had been passed down from my great-great-grandmother, Malou. I told you how I was hidden away after my parents were killed. My friend, Bristow, was as well. We grew up together, learned together, trained together. He’s my family. They trained us in everything. How to live off the land. How to fight. How to grow food. Plus all the math, science, and universe history someone could handle. Every once in a while we were allowed to go into the forest through a secret tunnel to practice our survival skills. When I was older, they finally brought me out of hiding. I met the people of Valinor, no longer a child, but an Empress. I promised them safety and a happy, prospering place to live. I promised equality for all, no matter what. We’re peaceful. The people have freedom to live as they choose. It’s not about who has the best job or the most money. Mostly we don’t deal in money at all. They trade with each other and take care of each other.” She looked down at me. “Don’t look at me like that.”

  “Like what?”

  “All cynical. This is how we live. It works. Our population isn’t huge. We don’t have countries spread all over our world. This is why others have wanted my planet. They want the resources we have and they want to turn it into a money making machine. I won’t allow that.”

  “If they think you’re dead…”

  I heard her swallow. “It could be bad if another administration has found out, they could attack. I’m hoping they put Bristow in charge. He’s prepared. But I know that’s not what he wants. He wants to explore, like you. What scares me the most…I hope I have a home to go home to.”

  “We’ll get you home.”

  She sighed, lost in her thoughts for a few minutes. “I read a lot while in hiding. They were the only adventures I got to go on. What about you? When you’re not kidnapping Empresses?”

  “You happen to the be the only Empress I’ve ever kidnapped.” I looked back at her.

  “Really?” She bit down on her lip to hide the smile that was growing on her face.

  “Honest. We cruise around exploring when we’re not on jo
bs for Caspar.”

  “Sounds so adventurous. Tell me about your favorite adventure.”

  “I once visited a planet that had weak gravity. If you walked carefully, you could stay on the ground, but if you moved fast or jumped, up you’d go. We had a lot of fun just playing on that planet. We weren’t there to play though. We had heard about a cave full of glowing treasure, so we set out to find it.”

  She stared at me with wide, curious.

  “The planet had little darkness, so our sleeping patterns were off. We were there for five of their days though before we found it. And it was magnificent,” I recalled the beautiful rocks and gems that were in the cave, all of them glowing. “We each took one and we left the cave. We’ve never told anybody where it was. It was so breathtaking we didn’t want it destroyed.”

  “What does Caspar have you do?”

  “Usually we steal for him. Sometimes he’ll have us spy or plant something.”

  We were quiet for a while. Her fingers traced the jaguar design on my arm.

  “Have you ever been in love?” she asked.

  My heart banged in my chest. “No.”

  “Never?”

  “I’ve had…relationships, not even sure that’s the right word, but never been…” I cleared my throat. “No.”

  “Relationships. Tell me about them.”

  “Really?”

  “You have something better to do?” she asked.

  “Well…no.”

  “Then spill.”

  “I don’t do serious. I can’t. I guess you could say I have one night stands.”

  “Because of Caspar?”

  Letting out a long breath, I confirmed what she had already assumed. “I can’t love someone when he owns me.”

  “Tomorrow isn’t promised,” she said. “You should live life to the fullest. Without hesitation.”

  It wasn’t the first time she said that. It was a good motto. One that I wish I could adopt. But that couldn’t be how I lived. Because of Caspar. Because of the Authority. Whoever I fell in love with would be in danger in one way or the other. I couldn’t do that to anyone. Couldn’t do that to her.

  That night, Akacia woke up screaming. I reached out to her, wanting to pull her close, but she pushed me away. Tears streamed down her face, but she wouldn’t even look at me. I wondered if the nightmare was about me. My heart felt like a brick in my chest. She didn’t talk about it, not then, not in the morning. When I woke, she had already brought me food, and was ready to clean the wound.

  I didn’t talk, didn’t ask about the nightmare. I just let her do what needed to be done.

  “Try to stand up.” She grabbed me under one arm and helped me up.

  Carefully, I put weight on my leg. It hurt, but it wasn’t excruciating. I took a few steps. “I’ll be fine, but slow.”

  “Would you rather stay here another day or two?”

  The past two days had been nice. I almost wished we could stay for good. We could build a house, plant some food, and be together. Nobody trying to kill us. Nobody to answer to. Nobody to take care of but us. But that was a fantasy.

  “Ever?”

  I shook myself out of my daydream. “We can go.”

  “What were you thinking about?”

  “Staying here.” Ignoring the curious and confused look she gave me, I grabbed my spear. Not waiting for her to say anything else, I started walking. Nero followed, running between her and me, twittering.

  The walk was difficult with my injured leg. We had to rest a lot, which was okay with me. I felt like it made the journey longer and as long as no more of those monsters attacked, I didn’t mind and she didn’t seem to either.

  “Tell me the story behind the jaguar tattoo that you have,” she asked after we set out the next morning. “I assume that’s what it is.”

  “Yes.” I ran my hand over my arm. “It’s a part of who I am. Something in me wanted to express it somehow.”

  “I like how you chose to do that. Are you all jaguars?”

  “Who? My crew?”

  “Yeah.”

  “No, but you’ll have to ask them. We made a pact not to talk about each other to anyone else.” I stopped, thinking about my crew. “I know they’re probably dead, but I don’t feel comfortable spilling their secrets.” I peeked over at her. “Sorry.”

  “It’s okay. I respect that.”

  By mid-afternoon, another change in the landscape occurred. Trees vanished and fields started to spread across the lands to both sides. I thought I could see the hint of a city in the distance. If we hurried, we could reach it by nightfall.

  Akacia stood next to me. “Ready to get off this planet?”

  I didn’t respond.

  She started walking.

  “Wait!” I called after her. She turned around and looked at me with those big blue eyes of hers. “Do you think we could take one more night?”

  Her face lit up. “Yeah.” She looked around and then pointed. “We can stay over there.”

  While I set a trap, Akacia gathered twigs and built a fire. The wind blew, tousling her hair and leaving a strand in her face. I desperately wanted to reach over and brush it to the side. She was so beautiful. I just wanted to touch her, kiss her, and claim her as my own. I had no idea if she’d even let me, but damn, I wanted to.

  “You told me what you have to do, but what do you like to do?” I inquired, wanting to hear her voice longer.

  “I don’t get a lot of free time.”

  “You must enjoy something.”

  She quirked her mouth to the side as she thought. It was one of my favorite expressions of hers. Just after the way she looked at me before we kiss. “I like the way the dirt feels in my hands when I’m planting. I like the way whatever weapon I’m using becomes a part of me. I like making up stories of exploring the universe. I like singing, though I’m not very good at it. And I like animals.” She looked at Nero.

  “I would like to hear you sing, even if you’re not good. What’s your favorite color?”

  “Gold,” she answered quickly. I smiled and started to say something about her color choice, but she interrupted me. “What do you like to do?”

  “I like adventure. I like traveling and doing things. I like riding horses and feeling the wind in my hair and diving underwater looking for treasure. I like playing truth or dare—I always choose dares. I also like sitting around with my friends playing a game of cards and getting a massage at the space station.”

  She nodded and “hmm’d” like she was storing all that information somewhere.

  After eating, Nero ran up and down a tree until he got tired and then crashed in Kaci’s lap. She stroked him and I felt a pang of jealousy in my chest. Rolling my eyes, I laughed inwardly. I was jealous of an animal.

  Night fell and we stoked the fire. She started singing a song I didn’t know. Her voice was raw and beautiful and just for me. Well, maybe Nero too.

  “See?” she said when she was done. “Nothing to write home about.”

  Rolling my eyes, I leaned over and seized her lips. She let out a moan and kissed me back with the same intense response. Without really thinking about it, I grabbed her hand and scooted backward until I was against the tree. Pulling her to me, she straddled me. I held her away from me for a moment and just looked at her.

  She had the most amazing smile on her lips and her eyes were so vivid. Her beautiful curves, her ample breasts, all of her beckoned me. With my thumb, I traced from her ear down her jawline, and placed it on her neck feeling the steady thrum of her pulse.

  Kaci’s eyes seemed to beg as she licked her lips and looked at my lips. I kissed her neck and she arched her back. My hands found the small of her back and pulled her closer, eliminating any space left between us. I lifted my face to hers and she brushed her lips across mine sending a shudder all
the way through my body. Our lips crashed together again with a surge of fire. Her fingers brushed over my cheeks, down to my neck, and finally tangled in my hair.

  She pulled away leaving me breathless and wanting more. I lifted my head up again to meet her lips, but she smiled avoiding me and trailed kisses from my neck down to my shoulder.

  As much as I wanted to be with her in every possible way, I didn’t want it to be out in the middle of nowhere with a bum leg. I think she understood that too because after a few more kisses, she turned around and settled down in between my legs for the night.

  Morning came quickly. When I woke, I realized Kaci hadn’t woken up with a nightmare. I kissed her neck. My heart picked up pace when she let out a low moan. I didn’t want to get up. Didn’t want to start walking. Didn’t want to find out what was in that city. I just wanted to stay here, with her.

  “Guess we should start the last leg of our journey. We should be on the way home by nightfall,” she said. Her tone of voice was somewhat sad and I couldn’t help but think she might be having some of the same thoughts.

  I didn’t know what would happen when we got off this planet, but I feared that once she was safe, her feelings about me would change. I didn’t want to have hope. I didn’t deserve it.

  We began our trek to our destination when I noticed something in the ground up ahead. Once my brain realized what I was looking at, I grabbed her arm. “Stop!”

  “What?”

  “Look.” I pointed to the field in front of us. There were pieces of bodies scattered throughout.

  “Are those the beasts that have been attacking us?”

  My eyes scanned the area. “I think so. I think it’s a minefield.”

  She blew out a long breath. “How do we get across then?”

  “I don’t think we can. We need to figure out how to set them off.”

  Kaci was quiet while she stroked Nero’s head. “Bristow and I skip stones in the lake. What if we throw rocks?”

  “We could do that, but it’ll take time and make a lot of noise. They’ll know we’re coming.”

  “Any other ideas?”

  I picked up a rock and threw it as far as I could. It landed silently and I released a breath I didn’t know I had been holding. We both gathered big rocks and first started rolling them and then throwing them.

 

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