by Rosie Clarke
‘We know there are more unexploded bombs waiting to be found,’ he said. ‘But it has to be done. We fought the war so that, amongst others, the British could live in peace and prosperity – and now we are building the peace.’
‘Bloody Yanks!’ I heard a jeering voice call out behind me. ‘They took their bloody time coming in, and now the buggers think they did it all themselves.’
There were some murmurs of agreement from the audience, also hissed warnings to be quiet. I was angry. The man who had spoken had no idea of all Jack had done for our country during the war! I wanted to turn round and tell him, but I suddenly discovered that I was crying. I fumbled for my handkerchief and wiped my eyes.
The news had moved on, and was now showing more pictures of the royal wedding, which had taken place a week earlier.
The Princess Elizabeth had married her Prince Charming – Lieutenant Philip Mountbatten, who had been given the title of the Duke of Edinburgh by the king on the day of the wedding. I had seen the pictures in the paper, of course, but the princess looked even lovelier on the screen.
Her dress was wonderful; it was an ivory colour, had been specially designed for her by Norman Hartnell, and had yards and yards of material in the skirt, which was embroidered with flowers of pearls and beads. Her tulle veil hung from a circlet of diamonds.
‘Is something wrong?’ Sarah whispered. ‘I didn’t think you cried at weddings?’
‘No, of course not. I think I might have a cold coming on, that’s all.’
It was a lie. Seeing Jack so unexpectedly on the screen, knowing that he had risked his life along with the men he employed, had made me realize how much I still loved and missed him.
I had forgiven him the incident in the taxi. I was lonely despite all the hours I spent working, and I wished I could see him again.
Sol knew where to contact him, of course. I had only to telephone and arrange to meet … but I knew I couldn’t do that. I was married to Jon and even if we didn’t live together I still cared for him. It was best that Jack and I didn’t get involved in an affair that could lead only to more unhappiness.
Chapter 8
Lizzy and James were home for the Christmas holidays. I took them to a pantomime at Olympia, and to the big stores in Oxford and Regent Street to visit Father Christmas. Lizzy was enchanted with the fairy grottoes and working models of gnomes and reindeer. James was apparently bored by the whole thing.
‘It’s all made up anyway,’ he said as we left the store that afternoon and went to Lyons for ice creams and delicious little marzipan cakes. ‘No one comes down the chimney. All the presents are bought by mothers and fathers.’
‘Don’t spoil it for Lizzy,’ I told him, ‘or this mother won’t be buying one ungrateful boy anything.’
James grinned at me. ‘You’ve got everything stacked in your wardrobe already, Mum. Me and Lizzy looked the other day when you were at work. We saw parcels with our names on.’
‘I can still give them to someone else,’ I threatened. I raised my eyebrows at him. ‘So if Christmas is all nonsense, you won’t want to help me decorate the tree with sugar mice and all things nice?’
‘I do,’ Lizzy said quickly. ‘I don’t care what James says, Emmie. I love Christmas. You always make it so special for us.’
‘I try, darling.’
I smiled at her. Lizzy was very dear to my heart. She was a beautiful girl, her eyes so serious and yet at times lit by an enchanting mischief. I was so lucky to have her.
Sometimes I wondered that Sheila was content to leave her with me. How could she bear to be parted from her daughter? If Lizzy had been my own child I could never have given her away to someone else.
Yet her letters were always bright and breezy. She and Todd had returned to America after their European tour to even greater success for Todd. His record sales were booming in America as well as here, and it looked as though she had everything she had ever wanted.
I liked Todd’s records myself. I had bought most of them for my own collection, and some of the ballads for Mum because she liked any soft, romantic music. She was a big fan of Paul Robeson, and had once seen him on stage in London when she was a young girl. I had bought her a new gramophone as a birthday present and she now had all his records.
‘As long as it’s restful, Emma. None of that terrible jazz!’
My mother was coming to stay over Christmas, and so was Bert.
‘He’s a little better at the moment, and he did enjoy that holiday you gave us so much. He’s always talking about it.’
Francine was coming to dinner on Christmas Day. I had invited Gwen and Pam, but neither could manage to get away. It didn’t matter. Jon would be there and I would have my family around me.
I felt quite excited as I dressed that evening. Sol was taking me to a dinner dance at a prestigious hotel. It was a business thing, of course, but I hadn’t been out in a dress like this for a long time.
When I went downstairs, I was wearing a dark blue satin gown I had made from a design Francine had created specially for me. It had thin shoulder straps with diamante embroidery, and a square neckline. The skirt was narrow but had a little train at the back, and there was a matching wrap also embroidered with diamante.
My hair was rather long at the moment. I had been growing it for a while and I’d swept it up into a large and glossy swirl, which I had fastened with marcasite clips in the shape of butterflies.
‘You look beautiful, Emma,’ my mother said. ‘It’s a pity Jon isn’t here to see you dressed up like that.’
‘He is coming tomorrow. I can put it on for him. I might wear it again for Christmas night.’ I glanced down at my dress. ‘It is rather lovely, isn’t it?’
‘You are,’ Sol said. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look better, Emma.’ He presented his arm. ‘Ready, my lady?’
I laughed and took his arm, feeling rather special. I thought it was going to be an enjoyable evening.
The very first time I’d gone to a reception with Sol I had felt lost and out of things, but it was different now. I was more sophisticated, well able to hold a conversation with anyone. Besides, I knew almost everyone who would be there that evening.
Our taxi sped through the city. It was nice to see that some of the stores had lit their window displays for Christmas this year. I had a feeling of anticipation as we went into the hotel.
We mingled for drinks, then moved into the dining room. The tables were wonderful, set with red cloths and white Christmas roses, and a silver-wrapped gift of sweets for each lady.
I put mine in my bag for Lizzy.
Sol held my chair himself. I glanced across the room as I sat down and my heart stood still. Jack had just come in. A pretty woman dressed in white was with him. Her gown had a full skirt, was strapless and like mine embroidered with beads. She had a white fur wrap draped over her shoulders, but slipped it off as she sat down.
So this was Angie! She was very pretty. A fragile, sweet, helpless girl who looked nervously at Jack all the time, as if seeking his approval for everything she did.
No wonder he had married her! What man could resist her? She smiled at her husband, and I saw her whole face light up. She was obviously very much in love with him.
Jack had seen us. He frowned, said something to his wife that caused her to look our way, then got up and came over to our table.
His manner was friendly, though perhaps a little reserved. ‘Emma – it’s good to see you. I had no idea you would be here this evening. Sol, nice to see you. Perhaps we could have a chat later?’ His eyes came to rest on me. ‘You must meet Angie later, Emma. I am sure you will like her.’
I tried desperately to match his coolness. ‘She is very lovely, Jack. I should like to meet her. Thank you.’
He nodded, turned and went back to his table. Angie smiled at me. I had to smile back. How could I have ignored her attempt to be friendly?
I’m not sure what we ate that evening. It all tasted the same. I si
pped my wine, picked at my food, and wished I had not come.
After dinner, everyone moved gradually into the next room. Music was playing, and people were beginning to dance when Jack brought Angie to us.
‘Emma – this is my wife, Angie. I’ve explained that your family made me welcome during the war. She knows I take James out sometimes. In fact they have already met – haven’t you, darling?’
I found myself playing the part he had drawn for me. ‘My son won the three-legged race with Jack that summer. I don’t think he ever forgot it. And of course there was the car. Your husband is very good at giving presents, Angie. James is convinced he’s going to be a famous film director thanks to Jack.’
Angie laughed but looked puzzled. I explained about the camera and my son’s obsession with taking pictures.
‘Oh, I see. I dare say he will get over it. Children do, don’t they?’ She looked at me shyly. ‘Where did you buy your dress? It’s lovely.’
‘Thank you. I made it myself. From a design someone created specially for me.’
‘Would she do something for me?’
‘Yes, I’m sure she would,’ I replied. ‘But can you find someone to make it up for you?’
‘I was hoping you might? Jack told me your firm makes dresses.’
‘Not this kind,’ I replied. ‘But I’ll speak to Francine. She might take it on herself.’
‘How do you like living in London, Mrs Harvey?’ Sol asked. ‘Does it seem strange after New York?’
‘I like it here,’ she said. ‘Especially at the Cottage. We’re going down for a while after Christmas …’
The musicians had just struck up for a waltz.
‘Would you like to dance, Mrs Harvey?’
Angie looked at Jack. He nodded his approval. She smiled and accepted Sol’s arm.
‘Your wife is charming, Jack,’ I said as they moved away. ‘You must be very proud of her.’
‘Yes, I am proud of her. She is a sweet girl, and very pretty.’ He raised his eyebrows. ‘Would you like to dance, Emma?’
I did not think I could bear to be that close to him.
‘No, not for the moment, thank you.’
His gaze narrowed. ‘Are you still angry with me for what I said in the taxi?’
‘No. I forgave you months ago. It was my own fault – besides, you were right. I should not have considered that partnership. And you were only offering me what I once offered you. I understand why you did it.’
‘Do you, Emma?’ The question was quietly spoken, but there was such a look in his eyes! My heart stopped for one fraction of a second, then raced madly on. ‘I very much doubt it. I doubt you even suspect how much I regretted the words I said to you that day we parted. I should have swallowed my pride and taken what you offered.’
My throat was so tight I could not speak. I could only stare at him, but perhaps he understood the words I could not form. He had always known what was in my mind when we were together.
‘Jack …’ I managed the word at last, but it was too late. Sol and Angie were leaving the dance floor, coming towards us. ‘I wish …’
But I could not speak the words in my heart as I saw the way Angie smiled at her husband. I had given up the right to Jack’s love. I must not try to take it back.
‘This is the best Christmas we’ve ever had,’ Bert said as he kissed my cheek the morning he and Mum were due to leave. ‘The holiday in Cornwall was good, but I’ve really enjoyed seeing the children with their toys.’
‘Yes, it was fun, wasn’t it? They were so lucky. I’ve never seen so much torn wrapping paper! Everyone spoilt them this year – and Jack went over the top with the new bicycles for them both.’
Bert looked slightly disapproving. ‘They can’t ride them much in town, can they?’
‘I think it’s safe enough round the square, but we shall probably take them down to Jon’s later in the year and leave them there. They won’t mind that once the newness has worn off, and there’s plenty of space there for them to ride to their hearts’ content.’
‘A good idea,’ Bert said. ‘Before he left, Jon asked me and Greta to go and stay with him in the spring. I think we shall go. It will be a nice quiet holiday for us.’
‘Yes, you go,’ I said. ‘It will do you both good.’
Mum came into the sitting room then to tell us the taxi was waiting to take them to the station.
‘Thank you, Emma,’ she said and hugged me. ‘It was lovely. We’ve both enjoyed ourselves.’
‘We must make it a regular event.’
‘Yes …’ She glanced at her husband and I saw something in her eyes … a faint wistfulness. ‘Yes, perhaps we shall. Well, this won’t buy the baby a new dress, Emma! We ought to be off.’
‘You sounded just like Gran then,’ I said and laughed. ‘She used to say things like that.’
‘Don’t remind me I’m getting old.’ She pulled a wry face. ‘I know it well enough.’
‘Of course you’re not old. You just remind me of her sometimes.’
‘I shall never be the woman she was. I still miss her, Emma. I never appreciated her until she wasn’t there anymore.’
I nodded but didn’t say anything as I went to the door to see them off. My mother and Gran hadn’t always got on, but I knew they had always cared underneath – and both of them had always tried to protect me.
I waved until the taxi was out of sight, then went back to the sitting room. Sol was sitting in his usual chair, reading a newspaper. He laid it aside and looked at me.
‘So it’s just us again, Emma? Feeling a bit low now they’ve all gone?’
‘No, not really.’ I smiled at him. ‘Have you time for a coffee? Or must you go straight away?’
‘Ring for coffee,’ Sol said, his eyes intent on my face. ‘Then sit down and tell me what’s on your mind.’
‘You know me too well,’ I said ruefully. I sat on the sofa opposite him. ‘It’s just … well, it’s Jack.’
‘Of course it’s Jack,’ Sol said, a smile flickering in his eyes. ‘When you look like that it’s always Jack – but what has he done now?’
‘He sent me a diamond bracelet for Christmas. I couldn’t show it to anyone. It’s far too valuable. Everyone would have known it came from him … Jon gave me a silk scarf and perfume.’
‘What is really causing that frown?’ Sol wasn’t smiling now. ‘Are you seeing him again?’
‘No …’ I hesitated for a moment, then, ‘He has asked me to have lunch one day. He has taken Angie to the Cottage for the New Year. She wants to stay there for a while, but Jack has to come back next weekend for a meeting.’
‘And he wants to take you to lunch. You know that isn’t all he wants, don’t you?’
‘I’m not sure …’
‘Don’t fool yourself, Emma. I’ve no idea why he married that pretty child, but he isn’t in love with her. She irritates him. He tries to hide it, but sometimes it shows. Angie is too young, too insecure and too gentle for a man like Jack Harvey. If he isn’t careful, he will crush her.’
I knew Sol was right. ‘Yes. I thought she seemed very anxious to please the other evening, over anxious. Jack likes people who stand up to him. He only respects those he can’t walk right over.’
‘You were the woman for him, Emma. I didn’t want you to leave London, but I wish you had married him. I don’t like to see you unhappy.’ His eyes met mine. ‘If you want to sleep with him, do it. I shan’t blame you.’
‘Sol!’ I laughed at his bluntness. ‘You are encouraging us both to commit adultery.’
‘So? As long as Angie doesn’t know, it won’t hurt her. And I imagine Jon expects it to happen sooner or later.’
‘What do you mean?’ I stared at him in surprise. ‘He doesn’t know about Jack. I’ve never told him. I didn’t see the point of hurting him when it was over. I never expected Jack to come back. How can Jon know?’
‘He knows,’ Sol said. ‘He has known for a long time. Not from me. I wouldn’
t have told him. I like Jon and it must have caused him considerable pain. I should think it was probably his mother.’
‘Dorothy never liked me. In fact, I think she hates me.’
‘You need look no further for the culprit then,’ Sol said and pulled a face. ‘I cannot understand a woman who could do that to her own son – but I’d bet on it having been her.’
‘Yes, I agree.’
If Jon knew it must have been his mother who had told him. She had done it to spite me, not realizing that she was hurting Jon by her actions.
It made sense of Jon’s sudden decision not to try and make love to me, and of his need for a home of his own. He was hurt, of course, but he hadn’t blamed me for what I’d done during that time when I had believed he was dead. He hadn’t stopped loving me. He had simply given me my freedom. He had stood back so that I could find happiness with someone else. I would not feel so much guilt on Jon’s account if he had given me his blessing.
I felt humbled, sad and yet excited. If Jack wanted us to be together perhaps … but how could we? No, of course we couldn’t. It wasn’t right.
Sol had said it wouldn’t hurt Angie if she didn’t know, but it would take something very precious away from her. And it would be morally wrong.
I tried to put the temptation out of my mind. I had a week to think about it – a week in which I was going to very busy at the shops. It was January sale time, and that meant I would have no time to fret about anything else.
I was shocked as I heard the tearful note in Mum’s voice that morning. She couldn’t stop the tears and I realized how much she was hurting.
‘It was so sudden, Emma. He’d been coughing a bit. I took him a cup of tea. He smiled the way he does … Oh, Emma, I can’t bear it! I went through to the kitchen for five minutes. That’s all it was … and when I came back he was dead. He’d gone just like that, sitting in his chair.’
‘Oh, Mum, I’m so sorry,’ I said. My knuckles were white as I gripped the telephone receiver. It was only four days since they had gone home. This was terrible news, unbelievable! Bert had seemed so well the day they left. ‘I’ll come down today. I can get a train this morning. I’ll be with you as soon as I can.’