by Abbi Glines
She was ready to say no. I could see it in her glare when something cracked and she lowered her gaze to study her feet or the ground. It took all I had to be quiet and still. I needed her to think. I needed her to accept and give me a moment to speak to her. We both needed to heal.
“Rude. She’s rude,” Fiona finally said.
I nodded because I didn’t doubt it. I knew Rowan well. She had her reasons for being rude but I knew this was because of the mess I’d left behind me.
“It’s me. Let me inside. Just to talk and clear the air.” I said that trying not to sound desperate. But I did. I heard it. I was begging. I should have been on my knees in tears.
She studied me a moment. Her gaze shifting from me to the door across the hall that was closed and better fucking remain that way. After several studying both me and the door several times, she slowly stepped back and held the door open.
“Fine. Come inside. Clear the air and be gone.”
Stepping inside her hotel room, I wondered if this was it. Would this be my last time alone with her? Would it be my last chance to salvage the pain I had caused. My chance at salvation. Not that I was worried about God and forever right now. My focus was completely on Fiona. My deepest hopes and dreams centered around what I once had and would fight for again.
“Rowan can be difficult,” I said as I walked inside the hotel room.
“Nasty,” Fiona responded. “People who behave like her are nasty.”
“She is protective of me,” I said trying to explain Rowan to her.
“Ha! Congratulations. Hope that works out for you,” she drawled then walked away from me.
Fiona
I LEFT THE DOOR OPEN with him standing there. I knew he would walk inside my room. How weak was that? I was allowing him inside without saying it. This was because I hated Rowan. I was doing it to piss her off. That was all. It had nothing to do with my feelings for Marty. I had no feelings for Marty. That was my past.
“Rowan isn’t my girlfriend, Fiona. She’s a friend. We work together,” he said.
I rolled my eyes. Whatever. I didn’t believe that at all. A woman that looked and acted like that was not a platonic friendship. “I don’t care,” I said as I sat down on the velvet chair by the window.
“She’s a lesbian, Fiona.”
My eyes shot up to meet his. He was smirking, amused with my reaction over this piece of information he shared with me. “What?” I asked not sure I believed that.
“You heard me. Rowan is my best friend. And yes, she can be a bit much but she is only giving you hell because she thinks she’s helping me.”
“Annoying me and ruining my weekend is helping you? Gee, that’s great news.”
He sighed and gave me the exasperated look I had grown so used to near the end of our relationship. Even if we hadn’t been on a break. Even if he hadn’t slept with Mary Grace during that time proving he would never be over her. While I was battling my fears of forever and making promises, Marty had been rekindling an old flame. That kind of pain never went away. It stayed inside and changed everything that happened afterward.
“I don’t want to ruin your weekend. We should both be celebrating. I never thought I’d see the day Mack settled down. I sure as hell didn’t expect him to marry before I did. And Shay, she’s perfect for him. She’s what he needed. They’re happy. That’s why we are here. Rowan doesn’t understand our past. I haven’t given her all the details. I’m sorry she’s been acting like she has. I’ll talk with her.”
I nodded once so he knew I heard him. His reminded that Mack and Shay were made for each other didn’t help. It had been Marty and me once. We had been that couple. Mack had been a hopeless case and Shay had been wild. Never once did I think it would be those two in the end that made this kind of commitment.
Marty didn’t make a move to leave. If he was waiting on me to say something I didn’t have anything more to say. Having him this close was hard. Being reminded of what could have been didn’t sit well.
“Have you written your speech?” he asked, breaking the silence.
I shook my head. I knew I should think about it. Prepare for it. But so far, between dealing with seeing Marty and getting hammered off my ass I hadn’t found time to write anything.
“Me neither. We should probably get together to compare what we’ve written when we do. We can make sure our speeches don’t overlap. We have many of the same memories of them.”
As right as he was, I didn’t want any more reasons to be around him. I needed space. He didn’t seem to be affected by me. It wasn’t fair that I couldn’t get myself to forget or let go.
“I could just read yours and you read mine,” I suggested. “No reason to have to talk it over.”
He said nothing at first but finally he exhaled and gave me a quick nod. “Right. Okay. I’ll be in touch. And Rowan will behave.”
I started to mention the massage I wanted to get and that he could start by asking her to not ruin my experience by showing up. But knowing that she wasn’t sleeping with Marty made her much less annoying. I didn’t care if she came or not.
Marty turned to leave and I watched him go. Remembering a time that I would run into his arms when I saw him. How he made me happy, truly happy. Those days were gone.
The door closed behind him and I groaned then let my head fall back on the chair. “Why?” I said to the empty room. Why was it that he still made me feel things? I was a stronger person now. I wasn’t needy or insecure. Or was I? Had it been the distance? Was I kidding myself?
My phone rang and I ignored it. I didn’t even glance at my phone to find out who was calling. All I wanted was a few moments of quiet in my room.
My phone rang again. Annoyed, I silenced it and closed my eyes to block out reality and life. Chantel and I were good. That friendship was mended the best it ever would be. Monday, I would be heading back to New York and this world would once again be behind me.
When I got home I would date. I’d find someone new. I would trust again. I would move on. And maybe I would find love. The next time I wouldn’t let it go. I wanted what Shay had. I wanted that happiness again. Even if it wasn’t forever. Even if it hurt. I didn’t want to keep hiding from my emotions.
I wasn’t sure how long I had dosed off when a knock at my door and the ringing of the hotel room doorbell woke me up. Stretching, I took a moment to wake up and figure out where I was and what I was hearing before going to answer the door.
Slightly annoyed that the deep sleep I had been in was interrupted, I stumbled to the door. Jerking the door open ready to complain at whoever stood on the other side, I found Shay storming past me.
“I’ve called and called. You won’t answer!” She sounded hysterical.
I understood this weekend was about her but did she have to be so damn dramatic about everything? “I was taking a nap.” I yawned.
She paused then went back to throwing her hands up in the air and continuing her rant. “Why are you napping in the middle of the day? People are arriving.”
She seemed wildly serious about this. “It is your wedding weekend. People should start arriving today,” I reminded her. Was this pre-wedding jitters? I did not want to have to talk her off a ledge.
“Yes! But some of the people arriving I want you to meet!” She was still talking with that crazed tone. Like I was supposed to understand why she was pitching a fit over my napping.
“Isn’t there a dinner where I can meet them?” I asked her thinking she had let her nerves get to her. Or maybe Rowan got a hold of her and drove her nuts.
Shay put her hands on her hips and glared at me like I was a rebellious child.
“If you had answered my phone calls you would know that I needed you to come meet a guest now. He was waiting on you. I have told Frank so much about you—” She stopped abruptly, realizing what she had said. Her eyes widened and she looked away from me. Shifting her eyes toward the window while she worked through how she was going to explain that one.
“I don’t need a wedding date,” I told her. “And unless he lives in New York, introducing me to any man is pointless.” I tried not to get annoyed. I knew she meant well.
Shay inhaled deeply and turned her gaze back to meet mine. “Frank’s a dentist. A friend of mine’s brother. Super handsome. His wife died three years ago. He just started dating this past year. He is so nice. I think he’d be good for you this weekend. Not something long-standing. I know you don’t want that. But he’s here. He came to meet you.”
I stood there gaping at her. Was she kidding me? She was setting me up with a widower? How was I going to be rude to him now? Growling in frustration, I threw my hands up and stormed across the room annoyed this time. “Shay! Seriously! You didn’t think to ask me? You told this poor man who has lost his wife that I wanted to meet him? Now he’s here. At your wedding to see me! God! I can’t believe this.” This was too much.
“I knew Marty was bringing a date. I didn’t want you to face that alone,” she sounded apologetic but it didn’t negate that she’d invited that man here.
“She’s not a date! She’s his friend,” I said swinging around to face her again.
“She’s a gorgeous female sleeping in his room,” Shay said it as if she was trying to get me to see something I was in denial about.
“Yes. And she doesn’t want Marty. Chantel, however, might spark her interest,” I replied. I watched as realization dawning broke across my sister’s face.
She covered her mouth. “No,” she said through the muffle of her hands.
“Yes,” I replied.
Then she began to laugh. Loudly. And I stood there watching her trying to figure out if my sister had gone insane.
Marty
I DOWNED ANOTHER WHISKEY AS I watched Fiona with the tall blonde guy dressed like an Abercrombie model. It was cliché and I kept scowling without meaning to.
Fiona was dressed in a blue dress made of thin fabric that clung to her as she moved. She was so stunning she stood out in the room. She always had. I watched her smile and I could see whatever he was saying wasn’t that funny to her. I knew her real smile. Her real laugh. She was acting.
“There’s probably some bad karma that comes with glaring at widowers,” Rowan said beside me.
“Shut up,” I snapped.
“Just go talk to her. Interrupt them. She would probably appreciate it. I don’t think he’s got her attention.”
I had thought about it. Considered it. Talked myself into and out of it fifty times in ten minutes. “What there isn’t karma for taking a woman away from a widower?” I asked sarcastically.
“Eh, probably,” Rowan said with a shrug. “But you’re so pathetic right now I can’t sit here and watch much more.”
“Then don’t. Find someone else to talk to,” I said waving my hand for her to go away.
“She didn’t glare at me. She smiled when she saw me. Not a big smile. Not a friendly one even. But it wasn’t a death glare or look of disgust. Which means you forgot to mention you informed her I was a lesbian.” Rowan swirled the whiskey in her glass grinning at me.
“Does it matter?” I asked knowing it wasn’t a secret.
“No, I guess not. Just thought it was interesting that you didn’t tell me. I was the key to bring out her jealousy and you tossed that away. Decided to let her know you were here single.”
I glowered at her. I hated when she was right about stuff. Things I didn’t want to admit. I told Fiona about Rowan because I couldn’t stand the idea it upset her. I always hated to see her upset. Was that something that would ever go away?
“You let her go once. Gave up the fight. Fiona is a fight. She’s too fucked up emotionally not to be. If you want her then you take on the fight. If you don’t, you give up. Again. And go back to the way life was without her. Wishing you’d done it another way.”
I started to tell her again to shut up. But I closed my mouth. Because she was right. About all of it. I had let Fiona go. Would she have eventually believed me if I’d kept trying?
That night had changed everything for us. Fiona had left for Paris for a modeling shoot after I had proposed to her and she’d said we needed space. Then she’d broken things off with me and fled. I’d tried texting and calling her but she’d ignored me.
I was drinking too much whiskey to find a way to deal with the pain knowing I’d fucked it all up. Looking down at the fresh glass in my hand, I set it down and stood up. Fiona was here. Time had healed a few and others were still just as fresh. Loving her wasn’t ever going away. We had been together a short time but those days had been the best of my life.
Focusing my gaze on Fiona again, she nodded as the blonde man took her arm and led her out of the room. She didn’t want to go. How could he not see that? Standing, I followed them not caring who saw me. And daring anyone to stop me.
I could feel the eyes of others in the room watching me. They were all waiting for some dramatic moment between Fiona and myself. So far all they’d gotten was a drunk Fiona dancing on a table. If this dentist tried to kiss her, there would be drama.
The dentist walked her to the elevator. I stood there and watched as the elevator doors opened. I began to move toward them when Fiona stepped onto the elevator, but the man didn’t follow her. He waved and said he’d see her tomorrow.
The doors closed and the man sighed as if he was exhausted. He waited a beat before pressing the elevator button for himself. He couldn’t be more than thirty but he had a weariness about him. As if he was tired of life. I felt guilty for hating him. He’d been through shit much worse than mine.
When the doors opened again I took a few long strides and followed him into the elevator. His head lifted and at the sight of another person he straightened. Hiding his sadness. A small smile stretched his lips slightly.
“Hello,” he said politely.
“Hey,” I replied with a nod. “Going in early tonight too?” I asked him trying to make conversation.
“Yeah. Long morning at work before packing up to come here.”
“Travel far?” I was prying. It wasn’t my finest moment.
He shook his head. “No. I live about an hour outside of Savannah. You?”
“Nashville,” I told him feeling relief that this man lived nowhere near Fiona.
“Since I spoke with the groom earlier I’m going to easily assume here you are his twin brother.”
I nodded. “Yeah. That would be me,” I told him.
The man chuckled but it was so quiet I barely heard a sound. He was staring at his feet as if he saw something amusing down there. I didn’t know what he found so damn funny about me being Mack’s twin. Maybe the man was cracking. His emotional bar had met its level.
He lifted his gaze to meet my confused one as the elevator opened at his floor. “Have a good night, Marty.” The man used my name. I hadn’t introduced myself. He left me standing inside the elevator watching him walk away. When the doors closed, I realized I’d never pressed the button for my floor. I reached over and did so knowing I wasn’t going to my room. I was headed to talk to Fiona. Again. This time I would try harder. I wouldn’t ask her to listen. I would talk and not give her a chance to turn me away.
There were too many lies between us.
As the doors slid open one more time, I walked off the elevator and headed to the room across from mine. Fiona would listen to me. Even if I had to beg her or talk over her. Fuck, I may hold her stubborn ass down to make her listen to me. But she was going to listen.
Nashville wasn’t home. Fiona was home. I had been kidding myself that anything else would ever make me happy. She’d owned me since she gave me those damn cookies I still kept safely tucked away. Grinning, I knocked thinking how she had found the recipe for rocks. Because those damn things still looked like they did the day she gave them to me.
Waiting, I tried to wipe the smile off my face but it was a memory that I loved. One that made me happy. The memory reminded me of happy times. I knocked a
gain and no answer. I rang the bell and after a few moments nothing. Maybe she was in the shower. Or the bath. I considered going to my room for a while and trying again later. Afraid she could leave again I decided to have a seat in the hallway and wait. This wasn’t desperate at all.
I rolled my eyes.
Chantel
HIS KNEES WERE BENT UP so his arms could hang over them casually. The floor was hard. Possibly marble. It couldn’t be comfortable. I wondered how long he’d been sitting there like that. I also wondered how long Fiona was going to make him sit there and wait. Pausing I considered getting back on the elevator and going back to the dinner.
I wasn’t someone Marty wanted to see. His head hung forward as he stared at the floor in thought. That or he was falling asleep. I had watched him follow Fiona with the date her sister had set up for her. I’d wondered what would come of that situation. When none of them returned, I’d assumed everything was fine. Not that it was my business.
Marty was her one. He was her happy. He was what she didn’t believe existed in this life. And I’d missed that for both of them. I had thought she was over and done with him. It had been the worst mistake of my life. Even when Shay had told me she didn’t think Fiona would ever get over Marty. I ignored that.
As I stood here in the quiet, elaborate hallway watching him look so lost and defeated I felt the guilt again. It wasn’t just Fiona I had hurt. It was Marty. Because he’d been innocent. Even drunk he’d told me over and over how much he loved Fiona. How much he missed her. How it felt like his heart was ripped from his chest every time he saw her. How when Fiona had said no to his proposal and left him for Italy that he’d gone to see Mary Grace. Gotten drunk and made a mistake. One he tried to explain to Fiona but she never let him tell her the whole story. He adored Fiona.
I wanted that. I was jealous of it. Marty wasn’t like any man I had ever known. No man had loved me with that kind of desperation. That much passion. And I wanted it so badly in my drunken state I thought I could make him love me instead.