“Only the first is a demand.” He seemed to be having a hard time keeping a straight face. “The others are merely requests.”
“And my lone, solitary little demand is —”
“Demand?” he interrupted, suddenly serious again.
“Yes, demand.”
His eyes narrowed.
“Getting married is a stretch for me. I’m not giving in unless I get something in return.”
He leaned down to whisper in my ear. “No,” he murmured silkily. “It’s not possible now. Later, when you’re less breakable. Be patient, Bella.”
I tried to keep my voice firm and reasonable. “But that’s the problem. It won’t be the same when I’m less breakable. I won’t be the same! I don’t know who I’ll be then.”
“You’ll still be Bella,” he promised.
I frowned. “If I’m so far gone that I’d want to kill Charlie — that I’d drink Jacob’s blood or Angela’s if I got the chance — how can that be true?”
“It will pass. And I doubt you’ll want to drink the dog’s blood.” He pretended to shudder at the thought. “Even as a newborn, you’ll have better taste than that.”
I ignored his attempt to sidetrack me. “But that will always be what I want most, won’t it?” I challenged. “Blood, blood, and more blood!”
“The fact that you are still alive is proof that that is not true,” he pointed out.
“Over eighty years later,” I reminded him. “What I meant was physically, though. Intellectually, I know I’ll be able to be myself . . . after a while. But just purely physically — I will always be thirsty, more than anything else.”
He didn’t answer.
“So I will be different,” I concluded unopposed. “Because right now, physically, there’s nothing I want more than you. More than food or water or oxygen. Intellectually, I have my priorities in a slightly more sensible order. But physically . . .”
I twisted my head to kiss the palm of his hand.
He took a deep breath. I was surprised that it sounded a little unsteady.
“Bella, I could kill you,” he whispered.
“I don’t think you could.”
Edward’s eyes tightened. He lifted his hand from my face and reached quickly behind himself for something I couldn’t see. There was a muffled snapping sound, and the bed quivered beneath us.
Something dark was in his hand; he held it up for my curious examination. It was a metal flower, one of the roses that adorned the wrought iron posts and canopy of his bed frame. His hand closed for a brief second, his fingers contracting gently, and then it opened again.
Without a word, he offered me the crushed, uneven lump of black metal. It was a cast of the inside of his hand, like a piece of play dough squeezed in a child’s fist. A half-second passed, and the shape crumbled into black sand in his palm.
I glared. “That’s not what I meant. I already know how strong you are. You didn’t have to break the furniture.”
“What did you mean then?” he asked in a dark voice, tossing the handful of iron sand to the corner of the room; it hit the wall with a sound like rain.
His eyes were intent on my face as I struggled to explain.
“Obviously not that you aren’t physically able hurt me, if you wanted to . . . More that, you don’t want to hurt me . . . so much so that I don’t think that you ever could.”
He started shaking his head before I was done.
“It might not work like that, Bella.”
“Might,” I scoffed. “You have no more idea what you’re talking about than I do.”
“Exactly. Do you imagine I would ever take that kind of risk with you?”
I stared into his eyes for a long minute. There was no sign of compromise, no hint of indecision in them.
“Please,” I finally whispered, hopeless. “It’s all I want. Please.” I closed my eyes in defeat, waiting for the quick and final no.
But he didn’t answer immediately. I hesitated in disbelief, stunned to hear that his breathing was uneven again.
I opened my eyes, and his face was torn.
“Please?” I whispered again, my heartbeat picking up speed. My words tumbled out as I rushed to take advantage of the sudden uncertainty in his eyes. “You don’t have to make me any guarantees. If it doesn’t work out right, well, then that’s that. Just let us try . . . only try. And I’ll give you what you want,” I promised rashly. “I’ll marry you. I’ll let you pay for Dartmouth, and I won’t complain about the bribe to get me in. You can even buy me a fast car if that makes you happy! Just . . . please.”
His icy arms tightened around me, and his lips were at my ear; his cool breath made me shiver. “This is unbearable. So many things I’ve wanted to give you — and this is what you decide to demand. Do you have any idea how painful it is, trying to refuse you when you plead with me this way?”
“Then don’t refuse,” I suggested breathlessly.
He didn’t respond.
“Please,” I tried again.
“Bella . . .” He shook his head slowly, but it didn’t feel like a denial as his face, his lips, moved back and forth across my throat. It felt more like surrender. My heart, racing already, spluttered frantically.
Again, I took what advantage I could. When his face turned toward mine with the slow movement of his indecision, I twisted quickly in his arms till my lips reached his. His hands seized my face, and I thought he was going to push me away again.
I was wrong.
His mouth was not gentle; there was a brand-new edge of conflict and desperation in the way his lips moved. I locked my arms around his neck, and, to my suddenly overheated skin, his body felt colder than ever. I trembled, but it was not from the chill.
He didn’t stop kissing me. I was the one who had to break away, gasping for air. Even then his lips did not leave my skin, they just moved to my throat. The thrill of victory was a strange high; it made me feel powerful. Brave. My hands weren’t unsteady now; I got through with the buttons on his shirt this time easily, and my fingers traced the perfect planes of his icy chest. He was too beautiful. What was the word he’d used just now? Unbearable — that was it. His beauty was too much to bear. . . .
I pulled his mouth back to mine, and he seemed just as eager as I was. One of his hands still cupped my face, his other arm was tight around my waist, straining me closer to him. It made it slightly more difficult as I tried to reach the front of my shirt, but not impossible.
Cold iron fetters locked around my wrists, and pulled my hands above my head, which was suddenly on a pillow.
His lips were at my ear again. “Bella,” he murmured, his voice warm and velvet. “Would you please stop trying to take your clothes off?”
“Do you want to do that part?” I asked, confused.
“Not tonight,” he answered softly. His lips were slower now against my cheek and jaw, all the urgency gone.
“Edward, don’t —,” I started to argue.
“I’m not saying no,” he reassured me. “I’m just saying not tonight.”
I thought about that while my breathing slowed.
“Give me one good reason why tonight is not as good as any other night.” I was still breathless; it made the frustration in my voice less impressive.
“I wasn’t born yesterday.” He chuckled in my ear. “Out of the two of us, which do you think is more unwilling to give the other what they want? You just promised to marry me before you do any changing, but if I give in tonight, what guarantee do I have that you won’t go running off to Carlisle in the morning? I am — clearly — much less reluctant to give you what you want. Therefore . . . you first.”
I exhaled with a loud huff. “I have to marry you first?” I asked in disbelief.
“That’s the deal — take it or leave it. Compromise, remember?”
His arms wrapped around me, and he began kissing me in a way that should be illegal. Too persuasive — it was duress, coercion. I tried to keep a clear head . . . and
failed quickly and absolutely.
“I think that’s a really bad idea,” I gasped when he let me breathe.
“I’m not surprised you feel that way.” He smirked. “You have a one-track mind.”
“How did this happen?” I grumbled. “I thought I was holding my own tonight — for once — and now, all of a sudden —”
“You’re engaged,” he finished.
“Ew! Please don’t say that out loud.”
“Are you going back on your word?” he demanded. He pulled away to read my face. His expression was entertained. He was having fun.
I glared at him, trying to ignore the way his smile made my heart react.
“Are you?” he pressed.
“Ugh!” I groaned. “No. I’m not. Are you happy now?”
His smile was blinding. “Exceptionally.”
I groaned again.
“Aren’t you happy at all?”
He kissed me again before I could answer. Another too-persuasive kiss.
“A little bit,” I admitted when I could speak. “But not about getting married.”
He kissed me another time. “Do you get the feeling that everything is backward?” he laughed in my ear. “Traditionally, shouldn’t you be arguing my side, and I yours?”
“There isn’t much that’s traditional about you and me.”
“True.”
He kissed me again, and kept going until my heart was racing and my skin was flushed.
“Look, Edward,” I murmured, my voice wheedling, when he paused to kiss the palm of my hand. “I said I would marry you, and I will. I promise. I swear. If you want, I’ll sign a contract in my own blood.”
“Not funny,” he murmured against the inside of my wrist.
“What I’m saying is this — I’m not going to trick you or anything. You know me better than that. So there’s really no reason to wait. We’re completely alone — how often does that happen? — and you’ve provided this very large and comfortable bed. . . .”
“Not tonight,” he said again.
“Don’t you trust me?”
“Of course I do.”
Using the hand that he was still kissing, I pulled his face back up to where I could see his expression.
“Then what’s the problem? It’s not like you didn’t know you were going to win in the end.” I frowned and muttered, “You always win.”
“Just hedging my bets,” he said calmly.
“There’s something else,” I guessed, my eyes narrowing. There was a defensiveness about his face, a faint hint of some secret motive he was trying to hide behind his casual manner. “Are you planning to go back on your word?”
“No,” he promised solemnly. “I swear to you, we will try. After you marry me.”
I shook my head, and laughed glumly. “You make me feel like a villain in a melodrama — twirling my mustache while I try to steal some poor girl’s virtue.”
His eyes were wary as they flashed across my face, then he quickly ducked down to press his lips against my collarbone.
“That’s it, isn’t it?” The short laugh that escaped me was more shocked than amused. “You’re trying to protect your virtue!” I covered my mouth with my hand to muffle the giggle that followed. The words were so . . . old-fashioned.
“No, silly girl,” he muttered against my shoulder. “I’m trying to protect yours. And you’re making it shockingly difficult.”
“Of all the ridiculous —”
“Let me ask you something,” he interrupted quickly. “We’ve had this discussion before, but humor me. How many people in this room have a soul? A shot at heaven, or whatever there is after this life?”
“Two,” I answered immediately, my voice fierce.
“All right. Maybe that’s true. Now, there’s a world full of dissension about this, but the vast majority seem to think that there are some rules that have to be followed.”
“Vampire rules aren’t enough for you? You want to worry about the human ones too?”
“It couldn’t hurt.” He shrugged. “Just in case.”
I glared at him through narrowed eyes.
“Now, of course, it might be too late for me, even if you are right about my soul.”
“No, it isn’t,” I argued angrily.
“‘Thou shalt not kill’ is commonly accepted by most major belief systems. And I’ve killed a lot of people, Bella.”
“Only the bad ones.”
He shrugged. “Maybe that counts, maybe it doesn’t. But you haven’t killed anyone —”
“That you know about,” I muttered.
He smiled, but otherwise ignored the interruption. “And I’m going to do my best to keep you out of temptation’s way.”
“Okay. But we weren’t fighting over committing murder,” I reminded him.
“The same principle applies — the only difference is that this is the one area in which I’m just as spotless as you are. Can’t I leave one rule unbroken?”
“One?”
“You know that I’ve stolen, I’ve lied, I’ve coveted . . . my virtue is all I have left.” He grinned crookedly.
“I lie all the time.”
“Yes, but you’re such a bad liar that it doesn’t really count. Nobody believes you.”
“I really hope you’re wrong about that — because otherwise Charlie is about to burst through the door with a loaded gun.”
“Charlie is happier when he pretends to swallow your stories. He’d rather lie to himself than look too closely.” He grinned at me.
“But what did you ever covet?” I asked doubtfully. “You have everything.”
“I coveted you.” His smile darkened. “I had no right to want you — but I reached out and took you anyway. And now look what’s become of you! Trying to seduce a vampire.” He shook his head in mock horror.
“You can covet what’s already yours,” I informed him. “Besides, I thought it was my virtue you were worried about.”
“It is. If it’s too late for me . . . Well, I’ll be damned — no pun intended — if I’ll let them keep you out, too.”
“You can’t make me go somewhere you won’t be,” I vowed. “That’s my definition of hell. Anyway, I have an easy solution to all this: let’s never die, all right?”
“Sounds simple enough. Why didn’t I think of that?”
He smiled at me until I gave up with an angry humph. “So that’s it. You won’t sleep with me until we’re married.”
“Technically, I can’t ever sleep with you.”
I rolled my eyes. “Very mature, Edward.”
“But, other than that detail, yes, you’ve got it right.”
“I think you have an ulterior motive.”
His eyes widened innocently. “Another one?”
“You know this will speed things up,” I accused.
He tried not to smile. “There is only one thing I want to speed up, and the rest can wait forever . . . but for that, it’s true, your impatient human hormones are my most powerful ally at this point.”
“I can’t believe I’m going along with this. When I think of Charlie . . . and Renée! Can you imagine what Angela will think? Or Jessica? Ugh. I can hear the gossip now.”
He raised one eyebrow at me, and I knew why. What did it matter what they said about me when I leaving soon and not coming back? Was I really so oversensitive that I couldn’t bear a few weeks of sidelong glances and leading questions?
Maybe it wouldn’t bug me so much if I didn’t know that I would probably be gossiping just as condescendingly as the rest of them if it was someone else getting married this summer.
Gah. Married this summer! I shuddered.
And then, maybe it wouldn’t bug me so much if I hadn’t been raised to shudder at the thought of marriage.
Edward interrupted my fretting. “It doesn’t have to be a big production. I don’t need any fanfare. You won’t have to tell anyone or make any changes. We’ll go to Vegas — you can wear old jeans and we’ll go to the chap
el with the drive-through window. I just want it to be official — that you belong to me and no one else.”
“It couldn’t be any more official than it already is,” I grumbled. But his description didn’t sound that bad. Only Alice would be disappointed.
“We’ll see about that.” He smiled complacently. “I suppose you don’t want your ring now?”
I had to swallow before I could speak. “You suppose correctly.”
He laughed at my expression. “That’s fine. I’ll get it on your finger soon enough.”
I glared at him. “You talk like you already have one.”
“I do,” he said, unashamed. “Ready to force upon you at the first sign of weakness.”
“You’re unbelievable.”
“Do you want to see it?” he asked. His liquid topaz eyes were suddenly shining with excitement.
“No!” I almost shouted, a reflex reaction. I regretted it at once. His face fell ever so slightly. “Unless you really want to show it to me,” I amended. I gritted my teeth together to keep my illogical terror from showing.
“That’s all right,” he shrugged. “It can wait.”
I sighed. “Show me the damn ring, Edward.”
He shook his head. “No.”
I studied his expression for a long minute.
“Please?” I asked quietly, experimenting with my newly discovered weapon. I touched his face lightly with the tips of my fingers. “Please can I see it?”
His eyes narrowed. “You are the most dangerous creature I’ve ever met,” he muttered. But he got up and moved with unconscious grace to kneel next to the small bedside table. He was back on the bed with me in an instant, sitting beside me with one arm around my shoulder. In his other hand was a little black box. He balanced it on my left knee.
“Go ahead and look, then,” he said brusquely.
It was harder than it should have been to pick up the inoffensive little box, but I didn’t want to hurt him again, so I tried to keep my hand from shaking. The surface was smooth with black satin. I brushed my fingers over it, hesitating.
“You didn’t spend a lot of money, did you? Lie to me, if you did.”
“I didn’t spend anything,” he assured me. “It’s just another hand-me-down. This is the ring my father gave to my mother.”
The Twilight Saga Collection Page 116