by Tamie Dearen
She considered his words. Without realizing what would happen, she drew a deep breath. The sharp sensation of a knife tearing through her chest made her cry out again. “My button isn’t working,” she whispered, as she jammed her finger against it repeatedly.
“Your button has a timer, so it won’t let you have another dose for a little while. Is it still hurting?”
Her nod couldn’t express the agony she felt. And why was Josh here instead of her mother? “Where’s Mom?”
Josh let go of her hand and backed away. His face was red and he couldn’t meet her eyes. “Only one of us could spend the night. I thought it should be me.”
“What about Olivia?”
“Olivia is... We’re not getting married.” Josh appeared to be struggling for words. “It never would have lasted, Charlie. We weren’t really in love. I... I probably won’t be able to adopt Chloe if I’m not married. But I can still adopt Jace.”
Finally, Charlie understood what was going on. Olivia didn’t want to marry him. He wanted Charlie to take her place, but he was too embarrassed to ask her. She remembered what her Mom had said about Josh proposing. “He’s much too proud. He would never, ever ask you to do something like that.” He must have mentioned the idea to Brad. Didn’t Josh say Brad told the nurse they were engaged?
And then she knew. She knew what she had to do. She would offer. She loved Jace and Chloe, and she wanted Josh to be their father. Of course, she loved Josh, too. It would be miserable being with him in a fake marriage, knowing he didn’t love her. But surely he would grow to love her if they stayed married long enough, wouldn’t he? Hadn’t her Mom told her it was easy to fall in love with someone who loved your kids?
“Josh...” She struggled to speak, gesturing with her fingers. He took her hand between his and bent close to listen. “I’ll do it... I’ll marry you.”
He stared at her with wide, blinking eyes. He opened his mouth as if to respond, but no words came out.
“But Josh... No divorce. I don’t believe in divorce,” she continued, wincing as she fought to take a breath. “We both love the kids. And I think we could love each other, too. We just have to stay together and work on it.”
Josh didn’t respond. Not one word. He merely gawked at her in stunned silence. As his muteness continued, Charlie felt her cheeks burning. She must have misunderstood. He hadn’t wanted to marry her at all. It was so awkward. She wanted to crawl under the hospital bed and hide, but she couldn’t move.
JOSH’S MIND WAS REELING. Charlie had offered to marry him. It would solve all his problems, wouldn’t it? Except she didn’t love him. She clearly stated she loved the kids, but not him. Still, she was willing to commit to a life-long marriage. She was willing to learn to love him. Should he agree to her proposal? His original plan had been to give up on adopting Chloe, to give up on the idea of a January wedding. He’d planned to take his time and court Charlie. He’d been gathering the courage to tell her he loved her when she’d suddenly proposed. Now what was he supposed to do?
He was jarred from his reverie when he noticed tears tracking down her face. She turned her head away, tugging at her hand, but he gripped it. He had to act fast—he was hurting her feelings with his silence.
“Okay! I mean... Do you really want to? I mean... Will you really marry me? Like next month?”
She turned back to study his face. What was that emotion in her eyes? Regret? Hope? Suspicion?
“No divorce?” Her voice quavered.
“No divorce!” He grinned with excitement, but then he remembered her drugged state. “Are you sure Charlie? You’re on morphine. Maybe you don’t even know what you’re saying.”
“I know exactly what I’m saying. But Josh... One other thing... Please,” she whispered, and he bent closer. “I don’t want anyone to know it’s not a real marriage. Can we pretend we already love each other?”
“No problem.” That was the easiest promise he’d ever made. And he would treat her so well she would fall in love with him soon. Maybe he could get her to fall in love before they even got married. Then they could have a real honeymoon and a real marriage. Yes. This plan would work. He could marry Charlie and adopt Chloe and Jace. He could have it all.
He gave her hand a squeeze, still smiling, when he noticed tears were still rolling down her face.
“Charlie? What’s wrong now?”
“It still feels like I’m dying,” she whimpered, vainly pushing the PCA button.
“Just hold on, baby. You’re getting more pain meds, or else today’s Dr. Branson is going to make yesterday’s Dr. Branson look like Goldilocks.”
“SO GUESS WHAT I FOUND out,” Eva told Sally. “I’ve still got a real chance with Dr. Branson.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Well, first of all, I found out they haven’t been sleeping together. And you know that has to be coming from her. He’s bound to be frustrated.”
“Eva,” Sally scolded. “I won’t even ask how you found out, but it’s none of your business. Maybe they plan to wait until they’re married.”
“Right.” Eva rolled her eyes. “But guess what else I found out... Guess who her stepfather is—Steven Gherring.”
“No way! You’re serious? But still, I don’t understand what difference it makes to you.”
“It means he might not be in love with her. He could be marrying her for her money.”
“I don’t believe that. He was way too devoted to her—spending the night there by her bedside.”
“Maybe so. But maybe he just wanted to appear devoted.”
“Eva! You’re being ridiculous. If he was that kind of guy, you wouldn’t want him anyway.”
“Are you kidding me? He’s gorgeous, and he’s a doctor. And I wouldn’t freeze him out of my bed, like she is.”
“But he lives in New York, and they’ll be leaving in a few days to go back.”
“There’s nothing holding me here,” Eva said with a shrug. “I could move to New York tomorrow.”
“This is silly. If you want a doctor so badly, you could date one of the doctors here.”
“I’ve already been through all the available doctors here, and none of the single docs are as hot as Dr. Branson. And I don’t believe in dating married men.”
“Eva, I just think you’re being unethical.”
“What? I said I wouldn’t date a married man. But they’re not married yet, so he’s fair game. It’s not like I’m planning to kill her or anything. I’ll still do my job.” She stuck out her lower lip. “I thought you’d be excited for me. Are you going to tell someone and get me in trouble?”
“Of course not. But I’m old enough to be your mother, and I’m trying to give you some motherly advice. The right guy is out there for you somewhere. You don’t need to go after someone else’s man.”
“But where’s the fun in that?” Eva chuckled. “Besides, if she’s not woman enough to keep him, she doesn’t deserve him.”
JOSH PACED IN THE HALLWAY outside the CCU waiting room, repeatedly wiping his perspiring hands on his pants. Anne and Steven were sitting inside, waiting for their turn to visit Charlie. If he and Charlie were going to be married, he had one obstacle left. He had to ask Steven for permission. And Steven was going to think he was rushing things, especially since he knew why he’d tried to get Olivia to marry him. Still, Steven knew he was in love with Charlie. Surely that counted for something. And what would Anne think? He took two steps toward the doorway, but chickened out and spun around on his heels. He wasn’t ready yet. He had to think how he was going to explain it.
“Josh?” He heard Steven’s voice behind him. “Is everything okay? Did something else happen with Charlie?”
Josh turned slowly to face him. “Uhmm... No... Everything’s fine. She’s great. I mean... She’s in pain... But she’s stable. And uhmm... Yeah... Everything’s great.”
“Then, where were you going?” Steven’s forehead furrowed. “Can Anne and I see her now?”
/>
“Uhmm... I need to talk to you first. Both of you.”
“Okay...” Steven moved with a stiff gait, leading Josh back into the waiting room to join Anne. “Then tell us now, whatever it is. Should we sit down?”
“Uhmm... Yes, I think that’s a good idea.” Josh paced in front of them, expressions of dread blooming on their faces, their hands clasped together.
“It’s not Charlie. She’s fine—I promise.” He saw them sag in relief.
“Then what’s wrong?” asked Anne.
“It’s... I... uhmm... I need to... I mean... I want to ask... uhmm... Is it okay if I marry Charlie?” Josh was certain his face had never been redder. He felt flushed and hot and almost nauseous. Even worse than when he’d been working up the courage to tell Charlie he loved her.
“Are you talking about a January wedding?” Anne asked.
“Uhmm... Yes, ma’am.”
Steven stood up. “Josh. You told me you were abandoning the idea of a quick wedding. You said you were going to court her for as long as it took.”
“Well, I was. I even told her I wasn’t marrying Olivia and I was adopting Jace and not Chloe. It was her idea.”
“Because she loves Chloe, too. Yes, that sounds like her.” Anne nodded.
“I still think you should date longer. A month isn’t enough time,” Steven reasoned. “This is almost like getting married just because a girl gets pregnant. A child isn’t enough of a reason to get married. We’re talking about a life-long commitment here.”
“We know. We talked about it. Divorce is not an option.” He spoke the words like a vow.
“I still think you’re rushing into it for the wrong reasons,” said Steven.
“But you and I got married a week after you asked me.” Anne tilted her chin toward Steven.
“But that was... that was different. You and I were... I mean we’d already been friends for a long time... And I’d been in love with you for a long time... And...” His voice trailed off as Anne chuckled.
“Charlie and I have known each other for two years.” Josh flashed a grateful smile at Anne. “And I’ve been in love with her the whole time.”
Anne’s raised her eyebrows. “Are you sure, Josh? Because that doesn’t jibe with what you’ve been saying about Olivia.”
“I’ll admit I made a mistake trying to marry Olivia, and I wasn’t entirely truthful when I said I loved her. I do love Olivia, but not like that. Not like I love Charlie.”
“Well, I’d prefer a little more time to plan, but if this is what Charlie wants, you have my blessing.” Anne absently twirled an unruly curl around her fingers. “But this isn’t going to be easy. Usually you have time to be alone together before you have kids. You have time to form a team of sorts. Kids can put a lot of strain on a marriage.”
“I know that’s true, but I really believe we can make it work.”
“I’m not fully convinced yet, Josh,” said Steven. “I think I want to talk to Charlie before I say anything else.”
“Okay.” Josh shifted from foot to foot. What would Steven say to Charlie? Would he tell her Josh had been in love with her the whole time? If he told her, would she be upset he’d planned to marry Olivia when he actually loved Charlie? Or would she believe, as Josh hoped, he was simply carrying out her plan of telling everyone they were in love with each other?
He followed behind Steven and Anne as they moved toward Charlie’s room, murmuring softly to one another. Steven looked over his shoulder. “Sorry, Josh. But I don’t think they want all three of us in there at once. And to be honest, I want to see what she says without you in the room.”
He returned to the waiting room, which suddenly felt devoid of air. In his mind, he imagined all the things Charlie might say, and none of them seemed good. Does Steven have a concealed carry license?
“SO HOW IS YOUR PAIN on a scale of one to ten?” asked Eva.
“Eleven.” Charlie made a vain attempt at humor.
“I’m so sorry, but I think we’ve maxed out your pain meds. Hopefully it will get better soon. Although... Never mind. I shouldn’t say anything.”
“What?” asked Charlie.
“Well, I know some people are never quite the same after thoracic surgery. But I’m sure you’ll be fine. It’s not like you lost your spleen or anything.”
“But I did lose my spleen.” Charlie bunched the sheet in her hand. “Josh told me I’d be fine without it.”
“He did? I guess he didn’t want to worry you. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“What? I want to know.”
“It’s nothing really. You’ll probably do better than usual. It’s just most people are kind of sick all the time once they lose their spleens.”
She began to check Charlie’s incisions. Charlie noticed her cringing as she examined her stitches. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s such a shame you’re going to have such terrible scars. I guess you’re lucky Dr. Branson doesn’t care about all these puckered, discolored scars.
Charlie’s heart clenched. She’d been in so much pain, she hadn’t considered having scars. She fought to hold back tears, realizing she would not only be scarred and ugly, but also sickly. Would she even be able to do all the outdoors sports she loved so well? She’d been so certain Josh would eventually love her as much as she loved him. But would he really be able to fall in love with a disfigured weakling? Two years ago, he’d said he loved her. But the girl he’d been attracted to was strong and beautiful. She’d never be the same again.
CHARLIE OPENED HER eyes to find her mother kissing her cheek, her face wet with tears. “Hi, Mom. Don’t cry. You’ll make me cry, too.”
“I can’t help it. That was the worst thing I’ve ever experienced... watching you get hit by that snowboarder. It was even worse than when I lost your dad, because I saw it happening and I couldn’t do anything about it.”
“But I’m okay.” Charlie tried to make her face smile in spite of her pain. “And I don’t remember any of it.”
“Nothing?” asked Steven. “You don’t even remember before it happened?”
“The last thing I remember is Jace jumping. After that, it’s all a blank.”
“I wish I could forget it,” said Steven. “I think I saw it over and over in my dreams last night.”
“How’s Jace? Did he see it happen? Is he traumatized?”
“He’s pretty shaken,” said Anne. “I think he’ll be better after he gets to see you. You look good. How do you feel?”
“Uhmm... fine.” It wouldn’t help her parents to know how badly she was hurting.
“So Charlie, Josh was talking to us about the possibility of you two getting married.” Steven kept his eyes trained on hers, obviously waiting for a reaction. “Don’t you think this is a little sudden? I mean, yesterday he was planning to marry Olivia, and today he’s planning to marry you instead.”
“Yes... Well... We’re in love.”
“I see. But why can’t you date for a while? Why hurry to get married?”
“We both love Chloe and Jace, too. We want to adopt them.”
“Yes, but Josh was going to adopt Jace without being married. Then you could date for a while, and you wouldn’t be in such a rush. You could be sure before you make a life-long commitment.”
“But we’d lose Chloe.”
Steven sighed. “Charlie, I’m afraid you’re concentrating too much on the kids, and you’re not thinking enough about each other. Are you sure? Are you absolutely sure you both love each other? Real love? Forever, put-each-other-first love?”
Charlie hesitated. She knew she loved Josh. But he didn’t love her—at least not yet. She felt pretty confident about their decision until the nurse had talked to her. Now she was unsure. Maybe she wasn’t good enough for Josh anymore. She felt her eyes watering.
“Sweetie?” said Anne. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m... I’m going to be weak now. And I’ll have ugly scars. Maybe Dad’s right. Maybe he won’t
love me.” A fat tear rolled down her cheek, as she was barraged by sudden insecurity.
Anne glared at Steven. “Why would you say that?”
“Wait a minute! That’s not what I said. I didn’t say anything like that. Charlie, that’s not what I meant.”
“Sweetie, he won’t care about your scars,” said Anne.
“Charlie, I’m sure he’s not going to stop loving you because of scars or anything else having to do with your accident.”
His words made her cry even harder. He didn’t realize Josh didn’t really love her. She’d thought he would grow to love her, but maybe she was wrong. He could have anyone. He could have someone perfect. Why would he want to settle for her since she was marred?
“But you don’t know for sure. And the nurse said I would be sick all the time because I don’t have a spleen.” She sniffed and winced at the sharp pain from her quick intake of breath.
“But that’s not true,” said Anne. “Grandpa lost part of his spleen, and he’s never sick. It hasn’t slowed him down at all.”
“But I lost the whole thing. I guess I should wait and see. Maybe I won’t be what Josh wants anymore. I don’t want him to marry me and regret it later.” She couldn’t stop her tears, born partially out of pain, but mostly from distress.
“Charlie, that’s not what I meant at all. Josh isn’t going to regret marrying you. He’ll be lucky to have you, and he knows it. I just didn’t want you to have regrets.”
“But why would I have regrets?” His image wobbled in her puddling eyes.
Steven groaned, running fingers through his hair until it stood on end. “Okay. Never mind. You have my blessing.”
“Good morning,” said a voice behind them. A tall, kindly man with almost-white hair approached the hospital bed. “I’m Dr. Sommers.” He held out his hand to Steven, “Ted Sommers.”
“Steven Gherring. And this is Charlie’s mother, Anne.”
“Nice to meet you.” He shook Anne’s hand before turning to Charlie. “Why is my patient crying?” His voice was light and teasing. “Charlotte? We haven’t met officially. You were asleep when I arrived, but I had a nice chat with Dr. Branson.”