“Yes, he called first thing this morning he is ecstatic to hear that you are up and about,” she says and her smile is beaming.
“Did he tell you who he was with?” She looks up from her phone and has an annoyed look on her face.
“Sweetie your dad is not with Adrian and I take it you have not heard from him either?” I know what she will say next when I tell her that I have not heard from him.
“Not yet but I am sure he will get in touch soon,” my mom shakes her head a little at my words. It is clear to see that she does not want me to be talking to her about this.
“Alanna you promised that if he didn’t contact you then you would forget him. I don’t want to see you obsessed with this guy!” She says and her words are icy and her face is too infuriated.
“Mom it’s not a case of me just forgetting him you don’t understand him and I am not obsessed,” I protest, as I feel very uneasy around my mom. I could never have imagined that she would act like this. After all she was very supportive when I first told her about Adrian so I do not fully understand why she is acting the way she is.
“Alanna, you are seem different now and I feel that he has changed you. You aren’t into the same things as you used to be and I never hear of you going out anywhere, anymore and I am staring to think that he is possibly the reason for that.” My mom’s voice is firm as she moves closer to me.
“No, it’s not that he is the reason that I don’t go out as much as I used to. It’s because I don’t find the mindless chatter about boob jobs and face lifts and who has the best car interesting.” My voice is loud and I feel instant guilt for raising my voice to my mom.
“You used to care Alanna,” she responds and her voice is quiet and her face looks sad. I hate my attitude and I hate this situation. If only Adrian were here then I know that everything would be ok. I would have none of this worry and none of the guilt. I wish that my life could be drama-free but I know that it will never be.
“I am sorry mom but I want you to know how I feel about Adrian,” I say as I slowly climb into the bed. I sit myself up high and rest the pillow under my head. I turn to look at my mom and I fight back a tear as I look at her beautiful face.
“Sweetie I know that you wouldn’t be acting this way if he wasn’t special to you. So please, I want you to tell me about him if you feel you still want to?” I smile and I am grateful that my mom has given me this opportunity to explain to her who Adrian really is.
“Adrian has had a very traumatic child hood, he was hooked on drugs at the age of ten and he has never had a family to look after him.” I notice that my mom looks very surprised but she does not say a word. I continue to talk before she has the courage to speak.
“His father left him when he was two and his mother never got over it. She drank and took drugs to numb the pain she had about Adrian’s father leaving.” I see that my mom has something to say and I fear what she has to say. Will she feel for Adrian or will she despise him?
“Alanna, I had no idea that his life was as bad as that. How did he make the millions he has today? And where is his mother now?”
“His mother is here in New York. He has not seen her since he was twelve, when he was fourteen Mr Jenkins adopted him. He showed him how to deal in business and help him to establish his own company. Adrian owes everything to him.” My words feel like distant memories, It was not so long ago that Adrian was telling me all this. Yet it seems as if a lifetime has passed between then and now. I worry that I will forget him the longer that we are apart.
“I don’t know what to say, I feel sorry for the guy. Alanna, he must have some kind of issues about this?” I shift nervously around and I can see that my mom has picked up on it.
“Alanna, is there something more that you would like to tell me about him?” she says, as she looks deep into my eyes.
“No, I just want you to understand how I feel about everything. The parties and the high society crowd do not interest me anymore. I have realised that life is more important and I can’t be drawn into that lifestyle anymore. Not when I know how hard life is for other people.”
“Alanna you have always cared too much about other people but that’s just who you are however, I don’t want you to miss out on life because you feel guilty.” I sigh and I know that my mom is right in what she is saying. I know that I am not a bad person and going to a glamorous party will not make me a villain. However that does not stop the aches of guilt that I have on how selfish these parties and people can be. While they sip on their champagne, and talk about their trips to Paris, somewhere out there an innocent child is going through what Adrian has. That feeling takes over my body, I begin to despise the people around me and their selfish ways, and all I feel like doing is rushing out and helping those who are in need.
“I am not missing out on life, but the priorities in my life have changed. I am not the same girl that I used to be.”
“I can see that Alanna and I am very proud of you for caring so much about others. But I still feel that you need to concentrate on you and especially now.” My mom takes my hand and I can see that she does have my best interests in mind so I look her and I say.
“I will focus on myself but I can’t give up on Adrian.” She rolls her eyes slightly and fidgets with her skirt. I feel that she has more to say and I want everything to be out, so I am going to quiz her on how she really feels.
“You look as if you have something more to say,” I say looking her directly in the eye as I sit up further in the bed. My mom moves back from me a little.
“Have you ever considered Michael as an option?” I am shocked at her words and I feel that I want to know on how she feels about Michael.
“What about Michael?” I have an idea of what she will say, but I ask anyway as I want it to be clear.
“He clearly cares for you and I feel that he would be a better choice for you. I don’t feel that would take the control as much as Adrian and possibly you would have a better life with Michael.” I listen to her speak and I cannot process what she says. Why would she think that I would be better off with Michael? I do not understand why she would want me to choose him over Adrian has she listened to anything that I have said?
“Why would you want me to be with him?”
“Because he loves you and he saved your life. Surely you can see that now you are bonded with him and trust me you will not get over a thing like that. Every day you live, every time you breathe, you will owe all that to him and I could never imagine Adrian living up to that.” I hold my head in my hands, is what she saying true? Will I treat Adrian differently after what Michael has done? I lean back and I push my hair from my face with my hands. I exhale and I try to respond.
“You are right that I do owe everything to him and I feel very strongly towards him and maybe he would be the sensible choice. However, I do not love him the way I do Adrian. I have thought of all the possibilities and if I were with Michael, things would be different. But I would not have that great love, I would just be settling for him and he deserves so much more than that.” My mom reaches out and takes my hand.
“Sweetie I just want you to be happy and if Adrian makes you happy then who am I to stand in your way. However, Alanna you have to promise me that you will take better care of yourself. After what has happened you should put your priorities in order and make the most of life.” I smile and I slowly shift over to her. I wrap my arms around her and hold her as tight as I can. I breathe in her Chanel no5 perfume and think back to a simpler time. It was the night of my senior prom and Sophie and I were getting ready in my mom’s oversized bedroom. We sat at the massive antique white dressing table. My mom’s jewels and pearls lay before us as we styled our hair until it was the most perfect that it could be. Our glamorous ball gowns lay on the bed set out with every accessory possible. My dress was a Vera Wang that my mom had specially bought me. It was a soft baby pink and was very fitted and faltering. The tight bodice showed of my tiny waist and the back flowed until
it reached the floor. The white, stitched-in, pearls and diamonds were a special touch that my mom added. She had wanted the dress to be as special as it could be and that is exactly what it was. It was my dream dress and it twinkled in the light. I felt unique as I danced away at my prom. With Sophie also in a custom designed gown. Her’s was lilac, it fitted her like a glove it flowed down her back, and she looked stunning. I remember that night vividly and I still hear the music that played. I think of my life and how I thought that night, it was complete. I did not have a boyfriend but I felt that I did not need one. If someone had told me then how things would pan out then I would have laughed in there face and told them. “That wasn’t me, I am not the type to be defined by a guy.” When the night ended and when Sophie was named prom queen and I saw how happy that had made her. I felt that nothing would ever matter as much as this. Most of the girls were jealous and thought Sophie did not deserve to win. Inside I felt that there could be no one else who deserved it as much as she did. I hated the comments that the rude girls made and I despised the fact that they would insult Sophie in the way they did. I knew they were cruel but that night jealously took over. I arrived home to find that my mom had waited up for me. She sat in the living room with her favourite book and sipped away at a hot chocolate. I walked in and her eyes light up. We talked for ages about everything that had happened at prom. She was a little surprised that Sophie was crowned prom queen however; she felt that Sophie needed that in her life and was glad that it made her so happy. We sat by the fire and talked for hours and there was a distinctive smell of her favourite perfume, which filled the air, as I lay closer to my mom. I will always remember that night and remember the aroma of Chanel no5.
“Alanna are you asleep?” I hear a low voice say. I open my eyes and I see Katharine poking her head in through the door. I shift up into the bed and focus my eyes on her. When I do, I am reminded of her beauty. Her shoulder length, strawberry-blonde hair is slicked back into a high bun. She is dressed in black, a button-up cashmere sweater and black skinny jeans. Her long legs look even longer than before as she towers with her six-inch heels on. She has a look of concern on her face. I hope that there is nothing wrong and I am glad to see her. She is one of my closest friends and I hated the time that we spent arguing over Michael. As I gaze at her, I cannot understand why Michael did not see how remarkable she is. And I am completely confounded by the fact that he would choose me over her. In comparison, I am short and dainty and I do not think that I am half as pretty as she is. There are so many guys that would love to be with Katharine and not me. I wish that Michael were one of them because if he were then there would not be any issues and Michael could be happy. I know that Katharine did,and possibly still does, have very strong feelings towards him. I would love it if Michael could see that she would be perfect for him.
“Come on in” I say to Katharine in a sweet, glad voice. She smiles as she walks over to me. I gaze at her and she leans down and gives me a gentle hug. When she pulls back, she flings her bag down on the floor and takes a seat by the bedside.
“You look so much better now, how are you feeling?” She says in a sympathetic voice.
“I am getting there, I still have pain but when the pills kick in its not so bad. So tell me how have you been?” I say to Katharine. She has now leaned back fully in the chair, crossed her legs and folded her arms. That is a sign that she has something on her mind and I wonder what is puzzling her.
“I have been ok Alanna,” her tone urges me even more in to thinking that not all might be good with her.
“Is there something you want to talk about?” I say and she considers her words before she speaks.
“I don’t want to burden you,” she says and looks to floor as she does.
“I am your friend and you could never be a burden. Talk to me and tell me what’s wrong?” I say and I move up further in the bed feeling a jab of pain as I do.
“It’s about Michael,” My heart skips a beat as I hear that words.
“Is he ok?”
“Yes he is fine,” I am relieved to hear that and now I wonder what she really has to say about him.
“Alanna this is hard for me. What I have to say I don’t know if I can.” I begin to get slightly irritated and cannot hold back what I am about to say.
“Katharine I really wish you would just get to the point!” She looks at me and the urgency in my tone assists her in speaking.
“I am with him again,” I do not answer her I just look at her confused.
“Alanna, I know that this has possibly come as a shock to you but I care about him a lot and I want to be with him. I hope that you can understand?” My heart is racing I know that I have wished for this but now that it is a reality I don’t know exactly how I feel about this. What miffs me the most is Michael? I do not see how this could be. How could he just change his mind like that? One minute he is asking me to go away with him and the next he is back together with my friend. He hasn’t even been here since I have wakened and how does even know that I am ok? He saved my life and said he loved me but now he has moved on to Katharine. I expected him, at least, to call but he has not and I start to think that possibly he does not love me anymore. I am silent as I stare at Katharine. I do not want her to see how irritated this has made me. Therefore, I smile at her.
“Katharine when did this happen?” She sighs and begins.
“It was around the time he was brought in to hospital.”
“Can you tell me more?”
“Yes, when I heard about what had happened I was so scared and I came immediately. When I did, I saw Adrian and Sophie talking in the hallway I knew from their faces that things were serious and I was terrified that something bad would happen to you and Michael. I ran over to them and they told me that you were about to go into surgery. They said that there was nothing any of us could do we just had to wait.”
“Katharine how did Adrian seem,” She sits up further in the chair and her face is more serious now.
“He looked terrible he was in such a state, I had never seem him like that before, and it worried me but it also put things into perspective.”
“What was put into perspective?” I snap a little at Katharine but I smile quickly to redeem myself.
“For the first time in my life I felt like I was going to lose someone that I loved and it wasn’t just you, Alanna that I was upset about. My heart felt like it was going to fall out of my body at the thought of losing Michael.”
“I see but how did you two get together again? After all, he did hurt you before, what changed?” She looks bewildered by my comments but at the same time, I know she will have answer for me.
“I went to his room after the surgery and I knew from the way I felt in his presence that there had to be more for us. Seeing him lay there helpless and scared I have never seen that side to him before and it captivated me. I can’t put into words how I feel about him.” I sigh and continue talking to her.
“Did he make the first move on you?”
“Not exactly, during his stay at the hospital which was for about a week or so? I visited him daily and he, unlike you, did not sleep a lot. So there was a lot of time for us to talk about things and the feelings I had for him became stronger. I told him how I felt and to my surprise, he said he felt the same way. Alanna, I know that Michael also has feelings for you but I am willing to look past that because both Michael and I know that you are infatuated with Adrian.” What can I say back to her? She is now with Michael and there is nothing that I can do about it. She is right in what she is saying: that for me it will always be Adrian. However, I still feel very strongly about Michael and I am beginning to worry why he has not come to visit me yet? I want him to be happy and if Katharine can make him happy then I will have to accept that although it is hard to take and I will need time to adjust. Again, I did wish for this but somehow I feel that my wish is not a miracle but instead a disaster and I am not one-hundred-per-cent happy about it. I need Michael more n
ow than I did before and with Adrian away, he is the only part of him that I have left. The only part that proves that Adrian was not just a dream, he was real and the way he felt about me was real. I will never go a day without thinking of him. My heart is aching from not seeing him and now that I do not have Michael in the way that I used to, my pain has only worsened. I feel that I am to suffer without them in my life. I need at least one before I can ever be happy. I slip out from underneath the covers and position myself on the edge of the bed. My foot hits the cold floor and I look to my friend. Her face is anxious but if I look long enough into her eyes, I can see that she is happy. I remember when she first saw Michael and I feel that she knew from that moment that she wanted him. She longed for Michael and followed him around like a lost puppy until he took notice. Her days were spent spying on him and wondering where he was. My mind rushes back to the first time that I saw him with her. Leaning against the lockers of Columbia his eyes were piercing and her smile was gorgeous they looked wonderful together and I was happy for them. Until things turned sour they were the “it” couple of the moment. Every girl was jealous when they saw her with Michael. Katharine masked in the glory of having someone like him. She felt she deserved to be with him and I could not have agreed more. They broke up and Katharine fell apart, to this day, I remember his words, “she was fine for a while but I don’t want to be with her”. I cannot imagine how he now feels about her. I worry that he is forcing himself to be with her so that he has someone to fall back on now that he knows we can never be together. As much as my heart is aching for Adrian, it still races for Michael. The very mention of his name gives me goose bumps that I wish I could explain. But no matter how hard I try I can’t find the words all I know is that I can’t be without Adrian or Michael. I look at Katharine for what feels like the thousandth time .I realise that I have to be supportive of her and Michael. I cannot show my true feelings because, if I do, I will risk losing my friend. There is no way that I go through losing another person who I care so much for. I consult with myself on what my approach to this situation will be. As I conclude, it is clear to see what I need to do. If I want Michael in my life then I need to be ok with him and Katharine. I will focus on just being their friend and be there if they need advice. It will hurt to see him with her however, he is not my boyfriend and he is not obliged to me. I need to realise that I cannot control him. What would give me the right to say that he could not be with someone who cares for him? I do not have any right to question what he does. He has to be free to live his life and I have to allow him that luxury.
Three Thousand Miles - Jealousy (book #2 of Three Thousand Miles Series) Page 3