by Marie Savage
“Oh, man!” Mike exclaims, putting his hands to his head and sitting down on the couch.
“Hold on a sec. Does Julie think that? Does she think I’m back with Renee?”
“Yes.” He looks up at me.
“That’s not true! Not true at all. Why would she even think that?”
“So, you didn’t move Renee and Dustin in with you?” Mike asks.
“Yeah, I did, but it’s not what you think. Renee was kicked out of her apartment. I couldn’t let my son be out on the streets. How did you even find out about it? Did Carl tell you?”
“No, Julie did,” Mike volunteers.
“She knows? Didn’t Carl explain it to her?”
Mike shrugs and I realize he isn’t going to share anything else about it, at least not with me.
“It’s not like that. I have to explain to her what’s going on. Mike, you have to help me. Please, I beg you, tell me where she is so I can tell her the truth.”
“Dude, I want to help but she is like a sister to me. If she wanted you to know where she’s at, she would tell you. I’m sorry.”
Once again, I realize where loyalties lie. These are her family and friends, not mine. They will always side with Julie. “I gotta go,” I say, walking to the door.
“Ben, listen. Maybe you should just let her go. She’s been through a lot lately. Let her go so the both of you can move on,” Mike says as he walks me to the door.
I nod and turn and leave this place, not looking back. Without Julie, there is no reason to come back.
Chapter 6
Julie
I arrive home at around two o’clock this morning and sleep most of the day away. It’s still cold and dreary. I feel guilty that I should have stayed longer, but I’m so weak right now, and Tyler was once again being so loving and kind. I felt like at any moment I could break and take his offer and never look back.
Bo follows me from room to room as I try to decide where to begin. My growing belly makes my decision for me as I look into the room that in just six months will become the nursery. Since I still don’t know if I’m having girls or boys, I think I will paint it white or maybe yellow. Or maybe I will wait and see what I’m having. I turn off the light and head back to bed.
The next morning, to take my mind off of everything, and to give Bo some rest from following me around all the time, I decide a little shopping therapy is in order, and head for the mall. I can’t resist looking at the baby sections and all the neat things they have for babies.
When I used to babysit back in high school, mostly for Holly’s nieces and nephews, I didn’t realize babies needed so much. Do they really need all this? Can I afford all of this? Maybe instead of spending money, I should try to find a job now, while I still can.
I grab a newspaper and head back home. Let the job search begin.
As I sit quietly at home, drinking my decaf and studying the local newspaper, I realize jobs are scarce. There is one that I am indeed qualified for, a waitress at a downtown diner. I’m sure it will be okay, and maybe I can hide the fact that I’m pregnant for a few months if I hide under bulky clothes.
A few hours later, I step inside Magnolia Diner, a quaint restaurant on the main street of town. Immediately when I walk in, I see a board with many pictures of military personnel. I try not to look at it. These boards always make me sad because most of the time it displays people who have died in service. It reminds me too much of my brother, Jason.
“Hey, darlin’, just sit wherever you like,” a pleasant older woman standing behind the counter calls out to me.
Her smile is warm and welcoming, and immediately I feel at ease. She reminds me of an older Aunt Gina.
“Actually, I’m not here to eat. I’m here about the waitress job,” I say to her as I approach the counter where she is busy filling the salt and pepper shakers.
She eyes me up and down, but still continues smiling. I pull my coat a little tighter, hoping she doesn’t notice my growing stomach.
“Well then, have a seat at the counter and I will be with you in a minute,” she says before heading to the back.
I go ahead and sit and wait for her to return. It’s quiet in here, with only a few customers. It has a coziness about it, with red gingham tablecloths and vases with colorful gerbera daisies at each table and booth.
The woman finally returns and stands in front of me. “Would you like some coffee or anything to eat?”
“Oh, no, that’s okay. Is the position still open?”
“Slow down, honey, what’s your hurry? My name is Rose, and this is my diner. What’s your name?”
“I’m sorry, it’s Julie. Julie Walsh.”
“Julie Walsh … your name doesn’t sound familiar. I don’t think I remember any Walshes in these parts. Are you from around here?”
“No, ma’am, I just moved here a few weeks ago.”
“Have you waitressed before?” she asks.
“Yes, I have.”
“Where at?”
“At a truck stop diner in Alabama.”
“Well then, you must be used to being a busy waitress?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Please, call me Rose.” She smiles.
“Yes, ma’am.” I laugh and immediately correct myself. “I mean, Rose.”
“Well, Julie, we don’t get quite as busy as a truck stop, but we do okay. What made you move here?” she asks me. Her eyes keep surveying me, and it makes me wonder if she can somehow read my thoughts.
“I wanted a change,” I answer, and it isn’t a complete lie.
“And you came to Kerrville?” She laughs and I began to feel more at ease again.
I shrug, not knowing what more to add.
“Listen, honey, I’m just pulling your leg. The position is yours if you want it. We only do breakfast and lunch and close at around two o’clock. Does that work for you?”
“Oh, yes, that’s perfect.”
“I don’t have benefits, so it’ll be just pay and tips and the occasional home-baked pie. Will that be okay?”
“Yes, that will be just fine.”
“All right then, you can start tomorrow morning, bright and early at six o’clock.”
“I’ll be here.”
Ben
Leaving Clover that day after Mr. Winston’s funeral, I decided I wouldn’t be returning. Julie was no longer there, so what was the point? My guess is that she moved in with Tyler and is probably still in Clover. I’m sure Mike left out that part, because he didn’t want to upset me any more than I already was. As long as she is happy, I keep trying to tell myself, I will let her go as long as she is happy.
Things at home haven’t changed much with Renee still being lazy and she is still without a job. She said she is looking, and once again, blames our son when it comes to not finding anything.
“I need more money.”
“That makes two of us,” I respond as I try to make it inside the door.
The moment I walk in, she is ready to attack. “Ben, I’m serious.”
“For what?” I ask.
“You wanted me to go grocery shopping.”
“Wait, hang on. I gave you money for that before I left, what happened to it all?”
“I needed some things,” she says, looking away and not making eye contact.
When I got back home from my trip for Mr. Winston’s funeral, I found Renee passed out in my bed, and she wasn’t alone. The dude couldn’t move fast enough when I woke him, as if he was sure I was the husband and he was about to get his ass kicked. Little did he realize that I didn’t care that he slept with Renee, I was just pissed that he did it in my bed and my apartment, while my son was God knows where.
I left them both to search for Dustin, and found him where I expected, at Mrs. Wooten’s apartment. Mrs. Wooten doesn’t complain; she actually enjoys watching Dustin, but she shouldn’t have to. Not as much as she has been. Renee doesn’t use her to watch him to look for a job, she uses her to watch him to look for
men. Somethings never change.
I pull out my wallet and hand her more money, pretty much everything I have. “Here, this is all I have for now. Only buy food with it, and Dustin should be good on diapers. You are working with him on the potty training, right?”
“Yes, of course I am. He’s just stubborn.”
“Yeah, I’m sure that’s it,” I say in defeat, finally able to walk inside and shut the door.
“I’m going to go right now. You’ll watch him, right?”
I glare at her and she gets the message really quickly—we’re done talking.
“Just look at it this way, you would have to pay a lot more if I was suing for child support.” She smirks before leaving.
At this point, I would gladly pay if it meant she would leave, but I would miss Dustin, and lately I don’t get to see him as much as I would like, even though he is under my roof. I have to find another way to make better money so I can either sue her or at least pay for her to go.
While she is gone, I sit down and spend some quality time with my son. He is always happy to see me because we talk and play. I am able to scrounge us up some grilled cheese sandwiches, and an hour later, he is crashed. It is then that I realize that Renee hasn’t returned, even though the grocery store is just five minutes away from the apartment. In fact, she has been gone for hours now.
I’m so fucking stupid for giving her cash. My bet is that she is out again and spending my hard-earned money on booze and trying to hook up. Luckily, I’m on to her game and didn’t give her all my money, which I have to carefully hide each night before bed. I caught her not less than a week ago, trying to go through my wallet. She is a thief as well as a liar and a cheat. This is it, from now on, I will handle the shopping, the cleaning, and taking care of Dustin. I have to have a bigger income though.
A friend from work recommended his buddy who owns a construction company. He is looking for a handyman and painter for part-time work on weekends. It would solve two things, more money and less time I would have to see Renee. The sad part is that it would also mean less time with Dustin. I hope one day he will understand.
I fall asleep on the couch and awaken when I hear her finally come in. It’s after three o’clock, which is just about right, since the bar closes at two. She tries to sneak past me, but I’m not letting her off the hook so easy. “Did you have fun on my dime?” I ask her.
“Fuck, you just scared the shit out of me. Go back to sleep.”
“That was some grocery trip. Do you need help with the bags?”
“Fine, I didn’t go. I was hanging with my friends. I’ll go tomorrow.”
“Is there any money left to go?” I ask her, knowing damn well what the answer will be.
“No,” she says nonchalantly, like she knows I can’t do a damn thing about it.
“Didn’t think so.” I sit up and face her.
“I still have some money on my EBT card. We’ll be okay.”
I shake my head, all this time she asked me for money and she had her welfare card. Who knows what she’s been doing with the money.
“FYI, from now on, I’m in charge of grocery shopping.”
“Fine, whatever. I’m going to bed,” she says as she stomps out of the room and slams the bedroom door.
I immediately get up to check on Dustin, something I notice right away that she didn’t do. Does she even really care about him?
Luckily, her little temper tantrum didn’t wake him. I kneel beside his bed, my finger touching his small hand, and listen to his soft little snores. “Don’t worry, Son, I’m going to figure this out. We will be a family one day.”
Chapter 7
Julie
A few weeks have passed since I started working for Rose at Magnolia Diner. I have to admit it feels good to work again, and Rose and her staff are great. Christy, Rose’s niece, is the other waitress that works with me. She is bubbly and funny and reminds me of an older version of Holly. She is married, with a son who is in the Air Force, and loves to read trashy novels.
Joe, the cook, who is also Rose’s brother-in-law, is a grumpy but loveable retired army cook. He boasts he makes the best meatloaf in Texas, but he’s so grumpy that no one argues the point. He is single, but Christy swears he is seeing Bess, who runs the hair salon down the street. She makes a point to tease him about it on occasion and he does blush whenever Bess’s name is mentioned.
Monty, Rose’s nephew, is the dishwasher and busboy. He is my age and reminds me a lot of my brother Jason. He’s a nice-looking guy, but he has sad eyes. It almost hurts to look at him, because it’s like I can feel his pain. He was in the Army but was shot and medically discharged, and according to Christy, he’s not been the same. He is sweet on me according to Christy, and I do catch him smiling at me a lot. I’m the only one he smiles at.
Rose has been very motherly toward me, making me wonder if she knows my secret. I’m her only employee that isn’t family, but she treats me just the same as everyone else. We both share a love of crocheting and talk about our next projects together. She talks to me about my family and my hobbies and my plans for the house.
We just finished with the lunch crowd and are closing up for the day. Monty asks if Christy and I could help him in the storeroom. The delivery truck just dropped off our order and he needs help with the dry goods as he deals with the frozen and fresh items.
“What are you doing this evening? Any big plans?” Christy asks.
“No, not really. I might work on the house some more.”
“Girl, you’re young. You should be out looking for a man.”
I looked over at Monty who is coming in and out of the storeroom. He is hanging onto every word of our conversation. Once again, he smiles at me. I wait for him to go back into the cooler before responding. “I’m not looking to date anyone. Besides, my track record with men hasn’t been the greatest lately,” I whisper to Christy, hoping to spare Monty’s feelings.
“Oh? Do tell.” Christy moves closer, always willing to hear juicy gossip.
“I really don’t want to talk about my man troubles right now.” I smile at her, hoping she will back off.
“I hear ya. I love my husband Larry, but sometimes he can be a pain in my ass. But he’s my pain in the ass. I sure do miss him when he’s out on the road,” she exclaims as she grabs more boxes to place on the shelf.
“When’s he coming home?” I ask, thankful that our conversation is no longer focused on me.
“This weekend, I hope. The life of a trucker’s wife—sometimes you never know.”
The room is stuffy and I start feeling warmer than usual. My body temperature has been crazy because of the pregnancy hormones. One minute, I’m freezing, and the next, I feel like I’m on fire. I grab a few more boxes as Monty makes his way back to help us.
“Here, Julie, let me get that.”
“I can manage,” I protest as he takes the box from me.
“You get the smaller ones.” He winks. For a split second, it makes me wonder if he knows my secret. I hate keeping secrets, and I feel at any moment I will be outed.
“I think Monty has a crush on you,” Christy whispers.
“What makes you say that?” I whisper back.
“Do you see him taking the heavy boxes from me?” She laughs.
I bend down to pick up some of the smaller boxes, and when I stand, the room starts spinning and then goes black.
I open my eyes and I’m confused when I realize Monty is carrying me out front as Christy yells out for Rose and Joe.
“What happened? What’s going on?” I say, trying to get my wits about me.
“She fainted. Should we call an ambulance?” Monty yells out, as he makes his way into the dining area. I am thankful that we are already closed. This is so embarrassing.
“No. No ambulance. I’m fine,” I manage to say as Monty sits me down on the bench by the entrance.
“Julie, are you all right?” Monty kneels in front of me, clearly concerned.
&nbs
p; “Honey, are you okay?” Christy asks.
I just try nodding at the both of them as they are in my face.
“Both of you, back up and give the poor girl some room,” Rose orders, coming to my rescue.
“Do you want me to get the truck and take her to the hospital?” Monty asks her.
“No,” I protest, wondering what I’m going to have to say to convince them that I’m okay.
“You two go finish up back there. Joe, bring me some water,” Rose demands, and everyone listens and they slowly head toward the back, giving Rose and me some privacy.
“Hun, are you sure you’re okay?” Rose asks, sitting next to me.
“I’m fine. I just got dizzy, that’s all. It’s warm in there, maybe too warm.”
Joe is back and looks concerned as he hands me a glass of water.
“Thank you, Joe.” I smile at him, hoping to see his normal grumpy face. I don’t like the concerned look he is wearing now.
“Joe, go finish up in the kitchen, I need to speak with Julie alone,” Rose announces.
“Rose, I assure you, I’m fine,” I say as Joe leaves the room. “Really, it’s no big deal.”
“How have you been feeling?” she asks.
“I’m telling ya, I’m fine. I’m just a little tired, that’s all,” I say, trying once again to reassure her.
“A little tired and a little pregnant,” she adds, giving me a motherly look.
I don’t know what to say. I can’t lie to her and I don’t want to lie to her. “You know?” I whisper.
“Of course, I know. I knew the day you walked in here asking for a job,” she declares.
“You did?” I look at her in bewilderment. Do I look that pregnant? I wonder. Immediately, I tear up.
“Yep.” She nods, putting her arm around me in support.
I accept her comfort and cry for a few moments. It is like a burden has been lifted off my shoulders now that I can tell someone at last. I finally sit back and look at her smile at me. “How come you didn’t say anything?”