He had no answers at this point.
*****
“I’ll see you tomorrow morning, babe,” Ash said as they prepared to walk back to their respective offices after having lunch together. “And I’ll call you tonight to remind you to pack work clothes for tomorrow. Also, I know you have an event happening this weekend, but how about you also stay with me on Saturday night? I’d love to spend two straight nights with you again, even if I don’t see you during the day.”
Brenna glanced at him with a look that he’d been seeing lately every time he raised the topic of her spending the night at his place: hesitation.
“Um, I might be able to concentrate on my work better if I go home, Ash,” she said weakly.
He stared at her, claws of fear slowly closing around his heart. Brenna used to love staying over at his place at the beginning of their relationship. There were even times when she’d turned up without notice because she’d missed him and his body. That hadn’t happened in the last three weeks. What was going on?
“Hey,” Brenna said softly, putting her palm on his cheek. His face must have shown his emotions.
“Is everything okay, Bren?” he croaked.
Brenna gulped. She was silent for a moment before she exhaled loudly. “I’ll tell you tomorrow, okay?” she said.
“Am I gonna like what you’re going to say?” he asked in a low voice, trying to keep panic at bay.
She bit her lip. “Probably not. But I’m hoping you’ll understand.”
The fear that was slowly creeping into his system was now zipping around fast and unrestrained. “Let’s talk about it now,” he said, not caring if he had an appointment coming up in a few minutes.
“I can’t, Ash,” Brenna said, checking her watch. “I’ll be late for an important meeting. I really have to go now. Promise we’ll talk tomorrow, okay?” She gave him a quick peck on the lips before waving goodbye and hurrying off.
Was that their last lips-to-lips kiss?
He shook his head to dislodge the thought. Don’t be pessimistic, Ash, he scolded himself.
He couldn’t afford to think like that while in public. Or he just might break down and cry. Which would be incredibly pathetic.
But then again, since when had he stopped being such a sad case when it came to Brenna?
*****
Ash stared in shock at the email in his inbox. What? Even if this was another pretend thing, why hadn’t Brenna said something to him?
His phone started ringing. It was Amanda who, no doubt, got the same email from Jane. He rejected the call, not ready to talk to anyone until he’d fully absorbed what was right before his eyes.
Brenna’s recent actions flooded his mind. Did her apparent reluctance at spending the night with him have something to do with this invitation? Was she too scared to tell him something that she knew would hurt him greatly? Or was he reading too much into this? After all, she was still sleeping with him, so she must still be attracted to him, at least. Maybe she was just truly overwhelmed with work.
But he’d never known Brenna to get fazed with being busy. His gut told him that work was only a small factor in whatever was making her act funny lately. Perhaps the situation with Patty was getting her down?
Regardless of the reason, he was bound to find the truth soon enough. He hoped with all his heart he was simply being paranoid.
He got out of his chair to go to the window and stare outside. Down below, across the street, was the section of the Royal Botanic Gardens where he and Brenna had their first proper kiss. His heart palpitated at the seemingly real possibility that there was only but a short moment in his lifetime that Brenna had been his.
He trudged back to his desk, unable to stop the negative thoughts that were like sharp claws scratching at his heart. He knew it was silly to be making such assumptions. But he couldn't help it. It must be the effect of years of unrequited love.
He sat back down, only to face the email again. The words on the screen jumped out at him.
You are invited to an intimate get-together to celebrate Darren and Brenna’s engagement!
There was a photo of the two, seemingly taken while they weren’t looking, with Darren’s arms around Brenna while he whispered something in her ear. They looked sweet together.
He forced himself to look closely. Was it a recent shot? It wasn’t a close-up, and he couldn’t tell. Brenna had her hair in a ponytail in the photo so he couldn’t tell if it was the same length and style as she wore now.
His phone vibrated on his desk. This time it was Connor. He shook his head. The guys must be getting worried about him.
“Hey, bro,” he said, not bothering to hide his dismal mood.
“Hey,” Connor said. “I take from the tone of your voice you’ve seen the email.”
He sighed gustily, leaning back on his chair and staring at the ceiling. “Does Amanda have any more info on this? Has she heard anything from Bren?”
“No,” Connor answered. “She’s as surprised about this as you are. Bren’s in a meeting, so Amanda hasn’t had the chance to talk to her yet. We’ve actually wondered if Patty misunderstood something and mistakenly assumed that her son had proposed to Bren. If that’s the case, those two have to know what Patty has been planning. This party is happening in a few days.”
Yes. The party was going to be held on the last Saturday of November. It occurred to Ash that he could be nursing a severely broken heart around the holiday period.
“I’ll try to reach Bren,” he said to Connor, more scared than he could remember being in his entire life.
“Let’s us know what she says, okay? And please call your sister. Like right now? She’s worried about how you’re taking this. She said you might be overreacting and thinking the worst.”
Ash smirked mirthlessly. Brenna had not wanted to spend as much time with him lately. If Amanda knew that, would she still think he was overreacting if he said he was anticipating a big, devastating blow to the chest?
“Will do,” he said before saying goodbye to Connor.
*****
“Hi,” Ash said, finally getting hold of Brenna.
“Hi. What’s up?”
“Can we meet tonight?” he asked.
“Oh, honey. You know I can’t. I’m not likely to finish work until about ten at the earliest. We’ve run into so many problems with this conference that we’re so behind. We don’t have a choice but to work overtime so everything goes smoothly when it starts tomorrow.”
He squeezed his eyes shut. Could he wait until tomorrow?
“Ash, what’s wrong?” Brenna asked, sounding nervous.
Something inside him was prodding to ask the ridiculous question of whether Brenna and Darren were truly engaged, and not just pretending. It was a ludicrous notion, but what would be the problem if he did ask it? If Brenna raged against the stupidity of his question, or laughed at it, at least that worst-case scenario would be out of the way and he could start breathing easier.
He sighed. “I want the truth, Bren,” he said quietly. “Give it to me straight, please.”
“What truth?” she whispered.
“Is the engagement thing with Darren true?”
He heard her gasp. “Who told you?” she asked.
“Doesn’t matter,” he said, every nerve ending in his body standing up in fear. “I just want to know if it’s at all true that you and Darren got engaged.”
“Oh, Ash. I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to keep it from you but—”
“So it is true?” he asked, more than shocked. “Bren, this has got to be a joke.”
“Ash, I’m really sorry. When I agreed to pretend that Darren and I are back together, I wasn’t expecting things to get out of hand. But they did. And I couldn’t do anything to turn back the clock. I should have told you earlier, but Darren and I agreed it would better to keep this to ourselves—at least for a while. I meant to tell you tomorrow.”
Ash’s heart shattered into million tiny pieces. At the
edge of his consciousness, almost as if he was watching himself from above, he wondered if he’d ever be able to put his life back together again.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
“Ash,” Brenna whispered, her heart squeezing tight. The last thing she wanted was to hurt him, but it seemed it was all she’d been doing lately. She shouldn’t have agreed with Darren to keep the engagement from Ash and her friends. Now the situation was worse than she’d ever imagined.
“When? How? Where?” Ash asked, almost whispering.
“About three weeks ago at the hospital, when they had to rush Patty there because of complications,” she answered.
“The day we were supposed to be going through the boxes in my garage,” he said, sounding crushed. “Around the time you stopped wanting to stay overnight at my place. I don’t understand this at all, Bren. I thought...”
She heard what sounded like a sniff. Her heart broke at his reaction, tears pricking her eyes. She’d expected that he’d be unhappy with the news, but she never thought he’d be this devastated. “I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you before, Ash. I’ll explain the whole thing later. But we should talk about this in private. I’m in an open-plan office,” she said, surreptitiously dabbing the corner of her eye.
There was silence on the other line.
“Ash? I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
“I don’t think I can, Bren.”
“What do you mean?” she asked, her scalp pricking in fear.
“I need some time... I’ll call you,” he said.
“Ash,” she said pleadingly.
“Take care of yourself, Bren.” Then he hung up.
“Ash!” she said sharply. What the hell was that about? It sounded like... goodbye.
No. No!
*****
“I don’t know where he is, Amanda. I can’t reach him,” Brenna said over the phone, almost panicky.
“When was the last time you spoke with him?” Amanda asked, sounding worried.
“Yesterday. I was supposed to drive with him to work today. But he sent me a text late last night saying he had to leave real early so I should make my own way to the city. I called the clinic, but they said he’s uncontactable all day. Have you spoken to him?”
“He texted me last night and said he was busy with meetings, so I should talk to you about that invite. I was about to call you. You beat me to it.”
“What invite?”
Amanda paused. “The invite we all received. He talked to you about that, didn’t he?”
“No. What invite?” she repeated, realising there was more to Ash’s reaction than met the eye.
“What did you guys talk about, then?”
“My engagement to Darren,” she said in a low voice, so as not to be overheard by other people around her.
“Yeah, that was what the invite was about,” Amanda said, telling her the contents of the email from Jane.
“What?!” Brenna asked in horror. “You have got to be fucking kidding me!” She sank in her seat when she realised what she’d said with officemates busy working all around her. A couple of them smiled.
“Well, what on earth did the two of you discuss, apart from you getting engaged to Darren? How come the email never came up?” Amanda asked in confusion.
“I don’t know,” she said in a hush, almost whining. “He didn’t say anything about the email. He just asked if it was true that—” She clamped her mouth with a hand.
“That what was true?” Amanda prodded when she didn’t continue.
“He asked if it was true that Darren and I got engaged,” she whispered. “I said yes, but of course I meant it was a pretend engagement.”
“Of course it was a pretend engagement. What else could it—” Amanda gasped. “Oh, no. Don’t tell me that my genius brother who topped medical school thought that you really got engaged to Darren.”
They were both quiet for a long moment.
Brenna replayed her conversation with Ash in her head as best as she could remember. No, she hadn’t used the word ‘pretend’. It hadn’t even occurred to her that there was a need to mention that word.
“How could he even think it was for real, Amanda?” she asked, close to tears.
“Oh, honey. I guess when it comes to you, Ash thinks with his heart, not his brain. Unfortunately, when it comes to you and Darren, that heart has been bruised and battered repeatedly in the past. Ash’s default mode is probably to believe that you and Darren would get back together, especially with all this pretending you have to do. What’s more, this overreacting and being insecure about the person we love the most seems to run in our family,” Amanda added dryly.
Brenna had to smile at her friend’s last sentence, even if anger was fast rising within her. “At least you’re cured.”
“Connor’s love was my medicine. Your love is Ash’s, Bren. You just need to keep on forcing it down his throat to heal him of his ailments.”
Brenna took a deep breath. “I’m really mad right now, Amanda,” she said in a low voice. “Did he think I’d still be sleeping with him if I was really engaged to another guy?”
Amanda huffed. “Yes, that’s really stupid. How could he think that? I’m kind of mad at him, too.”
“Argh! This is driving me nuts!” she cried, wanting to scream in hurt and frustration right in the middle of her office.
Brenna understood that for Ash to heal, he needed to see that he was truly her first and foremost priority, before Darren or any other man. But the best proof she could think of was to stop pretending to be Darren’s girlfriend—err, fiancée. How could she do that without affecting Patty?
Gosh, she needed a voice of wisdom to guide her.
*****
“Thank you for seeing me, Magda,” Brenna said. “I’m sorry for turning up unannounced.”
“Don’t be silly, dear,” Magda said with a dismissive flick of her hand. “Come sit over there with me.”
Magda led her to a beautiful wrought iron bench under a magnolia tree in the massive garden of Magda’s primary residence.
“I’m assuming that since it’s Friday afternoon, you left work early to deal with problems of the heart?” Magda asked as they sat down.
Brenna flushed. “I don’t know what to do, Magda. I can’t see a solution to my problem that would give a satisfactory outcome to all concerned. I was hoping you could help me see things I’m not seeing.”
“Tell me what’s been happening so far,” Magda said.
She did, repeating some of the things she’d already told Magda when she last saw her at Zach and Bec’s pool party, and adding all the details that had happened since then. “I want to prove to Ash that he’s the one for me, not Darren. And I do want to stop all this pretension that Darren and I are doing. But I feel guilty about what it would do to Patty. And I know Ash would feel guilty too, if Patty were to be affected negatively because of a decision I made because of him.”
“What do you think is Patty’s motivation for wanting you and Darren to be together?”
“She wants someone to be there for Darren, primarily.”
“It seems that she likes you a lot. What was she like when you and Darren broke up the last time?”
“She was very disappointed, to say the least. She thought it was just another one of our breaks. But that time, Darren and I really saw that it was the end of the road for us. We’d tried our hardest for long enough. We knew we were better off apart.”
“Did Patty try again to bring the two of you back together?” Magda asked.
“She called me a couple of times. But I think she quickly realised we were serious about our decision. She left us alone after that, and we were only in contact with each other during important occasions like birthdays.”
“So if it weren’t for Darren not having anyone during this very trying time for them, she would probably still be okay with you and Darren not being together?”
Brenna thought about the question. “Yes, I’d say so.”
Magda grasped her hand. “Things like this are never easy. I admire you for being there for the both of them.”
She nodded, her eyes filling with tears. “I’m glad I’m helping them in my own small way, Magda. But it seems hard for Ash to accept that Darren and I pretending to be together won’t lead to a reconciliation. And since I refuse to think that Patty will not get a donor in time, this pretense could go on for many more months. I just can’t see a way out.”
“Is all this making Darren happy?”
“He’s happy because Patty is happy. But this is hard for him too. He’s not free to be himself. He told me a few days ago he started seeing someone, but he couldn’t fully immerse himself in dating her because of this situation.”
“Ah, then that’s your answer,” Magda said.
She frowned, trying to figure out what Magda saw.
“If Darren is unhappy because he can’t be with the woman he wants, I doubt Patty would be happy. Isn’t Darren’s happiness and well-being her primary concern?”
Brenna nodded, hope starting to creep in. “But won’t she be devastated when she learns that we’ve been lying to her all along?”
Magda squeezed her hand. “Believe in the power of love, Brenna. Communicate to her from the position of love instead of fear. Trust that her love for her son will see her through. I’m sure she’ll understand why you did what you did.”
Brenna smiled, truly thankful for this amazing woman before her. “Rebecca and Sarah are really lucky to have you as their grandmother-in-law, Magda.”
Magda chuckled. “Come now, dear. Haven’t I already adopted you, Amanda and Gemma as my additional granddaughters? Please don’t treat yourself as an outsider in this family.”
“Thank you,” she said, her eyes watering with gratitude.
“Now, if only Gregory would get interested in settling down...” Magda said, actually pouting.
Brenna laughed. Magda always said that every time she saw her.
“Gemma’s a great girl,” Magda said. “If Greg doesn’t wake up to that, he might miss his chance completely.”
Always (Time for Love Book 4) Page 13