Copyright 2011 Gareth Parker
***
Inappropriate Behaviour
Chapter 1
It’s Saturday the 1st of October. I’m hanging by my neck waiting to die, which isn’t as difficult as I thought it would be. I can feel the pressure on my neck, my heart is racing, my arms and legs start to tingle, my body is doing everything it can to stay alive. My eyes are still open and I see my bedroom door move with my brother Tommy walking in. He runs over to me screaming. Before I know it, I'm lying on the floor gasping for breath and feel the blood flow back into my brain with an intense cold headache.
‘What are you doing?’ Tommy shouted, checking my pulse to make sure I was ok.
‘I’m fed up. I don’t want to live anymore,’ taking deep breaths between each word.
‘You’re going to have to see someone about this Jay; it’s the second time this week. I’m so worried about you. I’m going to have to talk to mum.’ I could see the frustration in his eyes.
‘No, you can’t! I’ll sort it. I’ll go to the police and I’ll tell them everything. I promise.’
‘Jay you can’t keep doing this. One day I'm not going to be here, then what? I’ll be left without a brother you’ll ruin my life. Please stop being selfish about this. I will help you Jay, just please go to the police. If you don’t then I’ll tell mum everything.’ His eyes filled up with tears and he jumped forward aggressively, hugging like a brother does - hard and firm.
‘Sorry Tom. I really am just so scared of everything, the notes, the threats, everything! I just can’t cope. Every corner I turn I feel like it’s my last. I’ve lost all my friends even deleted Facebook and lost all confidence. Now I have nothing because of all this and I just want to give up.’
‘Look me in the eyes and promise me brother to brother you will end this and let me help you! No more suicide attempts, no more running away. If dad was here he would tell you the same; take all this like a man! You need to stand up for yourself, fight back and stop trying to take the easy route.’
‘I promise. Thanks Tom. Means allot. You’re all I have now, you know that right?’
‘You have mum, but I understand why you keep this from her.’ Tommy turns and starts to walk out of my room. I know he’s pissed at me and disappointed in his older brother.
‘Tommy,’ I say stopping him in his tracks before he exits the room. ‘You’re not just a brother to me; you’re my best friend too?’
‘Yes Jay, same to you mate. Just give me the respect and do the right thing for once ok! I love you bro.’
‘Love you too Tommy.’ He exits my room and shuts the door behind him. Tommy is a well-respected 23 year old man. He’s tall, stocky, with dark scruffy hair and dresses well.
I walk over to the mirror to look at the marks the rope has left on my neck. I was so close this time I nearly died. With my shaved head, designer stubble and a big, broad body, I feel as though I'm looking back at a thug. Tom must have a sixth sense or something. He manages to find me every time, even when I’m so discrete and secretive about it, he always manages to find me at the last minute.
After about five minutes of staring at myself in the mirror telling myself how everything will be ok, I decide it’s time to hit the town and get pissed so I can forget the problems I have and have a good time. I walk down the stairs of the house I share with my brother and meet him in the kitchen.
‘Bro fancy going out tonight? I could do with letting my hair down?’
‘Jay mate, I would but I don’t trust it will be a good night out!’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Well every time me and my mates go out with you we always end up in trouble. Fighting, getting arrested, and it’s always you that get’s hurt.’
‘Ok, I promise mate. I’ll have a few drinks and that’s it. There won’t be any trouble.’
‘OK but you better be right. You don’t have the best rep with my mates and they’re reluctant to go out with you.’
‘I know I'm sorry. I'm going through a tough time at the moment and maybe it’s best if I stay in,’ I say, trying to manipulate the conversation to get my own way.
‘Don’t stay in. I just don’t want to feel the need to babysit my thirty one year old brother every time we’re out.’
‘Sorry Tommy, I really am mate. I’ll sort this, I promise’.
I retreat back to my room and lay on my bed thinking things through in my head. Over and over I’m trying to make sense of why there are people trying to kill me and what I’ve done to deserve it. The only person I can think that I’ve upset was this girl I was seeing a few months back. Her name was Tammy and I openly admit I treated her badly, but to be honest she was a nightmare to be with! You know the type I’m talking about! Always checks your phone when you nip to the loo, questions you like you’re on trial. Where were you last night, when I tried to call and you didn’t answer your phone? Do you fancy anyone at work? Who’s that girl writing on your Facebook wall? And so on… drove me up the wall.
So anyway, I’ve been receiving threats from someone. At first it was through the post about a month ago. I received a note made with newspaper cut outs; ‘Time to die!’ At first I thought nothing of it and threw the first note in the bin, but then came a second one with the same words. After that I started to receive calls on my mobile explaining in detail how they were going to kill me and one night I even got jumped by a group of lads.
I was walking home from town and conveniently that night I’d bumped into Tammy who saw me with another girl dancing, bumping and grinding etc. Nothing actually happened, well, I did get her number and we have a date lined up in a couple of weeks. However, on my way home four guys come up to me.
‘Are you Jay Rowland’s yeah?’ One of the guys said squaring up to me.
‘Yep,’ I said, too drunk and feeling too brave at the time. Before I knew it I was punched square in the mouth, busting a lip. The blow knocked me to the floor and I found myself getting rained on by a monsoon of feet and heels driving down hard onto my face and body.
About an hour later I was found by a passer-by who called for an ambulance. In hospital it was revealed I had a broken jaw, eye socket and nose. Wasn’t the most exciting time of my life and had to lie on the couch for two weeks icing my face to get rid of the bruising and swelling before my mother saw me. Of course I kept all this from her. No mother wants to hear about her son going through such an ordeal and decided this was best kept from her.
Since all that I've continuously had threatening phone calls and Facebook messages. I’ve had to delete my account but I still get the phone calls. I have weirdo’s following me around and I seriously believe that my life will come to end an end very soon. That’s why I've decided to take the easy route to kill myself, but as it turns out, I’m actually no good at that either.
Two weeks ago I slashed both my wrists, but Tommy found me in the nick of time. I tried to gas myself in my garage but again Tommy found me and again today I tried to hang myself, but Tommy my saviour found me. It’s not as though I do these things to get found, I actually treat them as my last moment, but the bastard manages to find me. However, I really must thank him for that.
It’s Saturday today and normally we go out on a Sat night. We get pissed in the house and then head off into town. I don’t normally remember much after leaving the house but seem to be one of those trouble makers who get into fights, gets arrested and so on. To look at me on a weekend one wouldn’t think I was a senior manager in a high profile management company but the truth is I am. I’m well respected in the work place and do a bloody good job. The benefits I receive are also a massive bonus and a big player in my private life.
I want to spend
money on the things that cost more like fast cars. I’ve owned a few Honda two thousands and a few Porsches etc. They’ve drained my bank account completely. People see a high earner and wonder why this man has no money. It’s because I blow it all on cars, drugs and women!
So anyway it’s Saturday and it’s party time. I know come Monday I’ll still be feeling the effects but being the boss I have no one to answer to and still manage to get the job done so questions never get asked! The boys I hang out with know I’m loose with cash but that’s the way I choose to be. One day I’ll settle down but until the right woman walks into my life and sweeps me off my feet I’m going to make sure the boys are ok first, not that I get the same in return but to be honest I don’t really care at the moment. I know when the time comes life will have its way of showing who your real friends are and at the moment I haven’t managed to work that one out yet.
‘Jay!’ Tommy shouts up the stairs.
‘Yes bro!’
‘We’re heading out at ten-ish ok’?
‘Yes that’s fine mate. I’ll be down in a min - just sorting some things out.’
I open my wardrobe which reveals countless shirts and I need to decide which bastard I’m going to wear. I’m hoping for a chilled night, no trouble, and need to keep my sleeve tattooed massive guns covered tonight. I pull a nice tight looking white shirt with black collar out and think this would go well with a tidy pair of navy blue jeans and dark brown shoes. I always pull wearing this outfit because it still shows off my body but keeps me looking mild if that makes sense? I still keep the respect without looking like a typical steroid meat head looking for a fight.
I’ve made myself look like a right dick haven’t I? I just say what other people are thinking. When guys go out they want to look the so-called alpha male, look like they can handle themselves etc. I do go too overboard and people think I'm out looking for trouble which I'm not and really need to try to change my way of thinking and my image but for tonight I’ll stick to the long sleeves and make sure trouble doesn’t find me.
An hour later I'm washed, dressed and ready and head down stairs to find the other boys drinking, singing, listening to music etc.
‘Jay, how are you doing fella?’ says my mate Rich, who is a well-built six foot two meat head with dark brown hair and always looks the business.
‘Yer not bad thanks mate. Dying for a drink,’ reaching for a can of lager from the fridge.
‘Tough day?’ said Rich.
‘Yes something like that mate.’
We spend most of our evening drinking, messing around like guys do, talking shit, dancing and basically trying to show off to one another. Our taxi turns up and takes us into Cardiff town centre. We pull up on Grey Friars Road and jump out after paying the driver, and head for a local bar we always go to first.
The music is blaring as we walk in and head straight to the crowed bar to get some Vodka shots down our necks. Prices these days are extreme but I manage to carry on the tradition and get the first round of drinks in. After downing the first few shots we started on the pints which Tommy got in.
‘So what do you think of the talent tonight then?’ asks Tommy.
‘Not bad. Got my eye on that blonde over there wearing the black dress?’
‘Yes mate, not bad. Are you going over to talk to her?’
‘Not yet - need a few more drinks in me first. Not that confident!’
‘Fuck that mate! Get your arse over there before someone else gets their dirty hands on her,’ said Rich, pushing me towards her.
‘Ok hold this,’ I said handing him the pint.
I take a deep breath and begin to approach her thinking in my head she's going to run a mile - I know it. As I get to her the nerves kick in and I know I have to keep this cool but have no idea what I'm going to say. I make my face look calm; I smile and tap her on the shoulder, heart sinking into my stomach.
‘Hey you what's your name?’ I say as she looks me up and down with an attitude as if to say fuck off.
‘Chloe,’ she then turns her back to me giving me the signal I was waiting for. I take it on the chin and retreat back to the guys at the bar.
‘I crashed boys. She blew me off.’
‘So don’t worry. Look around. There are loads of hot birds in here. You’re not going to catch every time mate,’ Rich said in a confident tone.
‘It’s alright for you! You don’t even need to approach the girls… They just come to you!’ Before I could say another word the blonde girl Chloe walks up to me.
‘Sorry I was rude back then. I didn’t mean to ignore you like that. I get so many guys come on to me I've learnt just to ignore them. I’ve been checking you out from afar and like what I see. How about you buy me a drink?’ Rich and Tommy look at me silently, clapping behind her back.
‘What would you like’?
‘Vodka Redbull please Jay.’ I looked at her.
‘How do you know my name?’
‘Err my friend over there knows you,’ she said pointing in the direction of a familiar face I was hoping never to see again.
‘Right I see you know Tammy then?’
‘Yes, so where is my drink?’
‘Think I’ll pass thanks. I don’t associate with people like her.’ I turn my back to her and walk over to the boys.
‘What happened?’ said Tommy.
‘Look over there,’ pointing at Tammy. ‘She’s friends with psycho.’
‘And your problem with that is…?’
‘She's the one sending death threats etc.’
‘Well you don’t know that for sure mate. Her friend’s hot. Well done! You just turned down a night of hot sex.’ He looked at me in a way which made me feel like a wimp.
‘Jay what is happening with all these threats?’
‘Rich mate, I don’t really want to talk about it right now. I'm not in a good place’.
‘He tried to kill himself earlier,’ said Tommy piping up in the conversation.
‘What! Really, how?’
‘Look Rich. It’s serious. I'm struggling with all this. I'm a nervous wreck all the time and it’s all because of that fucking bitch over there. All this started happening once I got rid of her.’
‘Yeah mate but suicide?’
‘He was close earlier too. Found him in the nick of time.’
‘Look guys!’ I shouted interrupting the conversation. ‘I'm not comfortable talking about this here ok? I'm going home. Not in the mood anymore.’
‘We didn’t mean to upset you mate. You need to see someone about this.’
‘Rich I know that. Just leave me alone ok.’ I turn my back and exit the club. My blood is boiling at this point. I storm out the club and shove my way through the crowd of people getting a few ‘pricks’ and ‘twats’ shouted at me. I keep my head down and walk off towards home, keeping my head down.
I reach an alley which goes off towards Cathays train station. I’m in two minds to walk this way as it’s dark and secluded but also quicker. I feel semi-pissed and brave and go for it feeling slightly nervous. I can hear my mobile ring in my pocket which I choose to ignore for the time being.
About half way down I can here footsteps approaching from behind me. Sounds like high heels. I choose to keep looking forward, looking ahead, but still a little anxious.
There’s a sudden tap on my shoulder. I swing round with fists clenched, ready for a beating and to my surprise it’s Chloe from the club.
‘Mind if I walk with you?’ she said in a soft, flirtatious voice.
‘Suppose.’
‘Where are you heading?’
‘Home,’
‘Where’s home?’
‘Not far from here.’
‘Mind if I come back with you?’ I pause for a minute trying to work out what her motive is but look her up and down - nice long legs, tight black dress showing her amazing figure and massive tits I couldn’t say no.
‘Yeah, why not? Let’s go.’ She gr
abs my hand and we head back to my house.
We walk through the door to my shared house and I pour her a glass of red wine. We both sit in the lounge and I decide to see what information I can get out of her about Tammy.
‘So, Chloe, how do you know Tammy?’
‘Look I know there’s history between you two which I don’t want to get involved in, ok?’
‘Yeah that’s fine. She is a bit psycho though don’t you think?’
‘Not to me and like I said, what ever happened with you two I'm not interested. I just want a good time, that’s it and you look like the kind of guy who can give me that?’ She leans forward and kisses me which develops into a passionate dirty kissing session. I feel horny and pick her up and she wraps her legs around me. We start making our way up the stairs but on the way up I trip on a trainer left there and we tumble. I fall backwards with Chloe falling towards me. Before I know it within a few seconds we’re both lying at the bottom of the stairs. I banged the back of my head pretty hard and the 7 stone female lying on top of me is making it hard to breath.
We lay there for a few seconds and once I've got my bearings back I gently push Chloe off me, laying her on the floor. She was still and not moving so I giggle, slapping her face, thinking she was joking around with me.
I notice she's not breathing and go into complete panic shaking her and trying to feel for a pulse. I check her body to see if I could find some sort of injury and notice a slight disfigurement in her neck. I realise fast that her neck is broken and she's dead.
I’d been sat there looking at her body for about ten minutes trying to work out what to do. I feel dread inside me haunting every thought and for some reason, which to date will prove to be the worst decision I've ever made in my life; I decide to try to dispose of the body. I wrap her up in a sheet I got from my room and carry her lifeless body out to the garage through the back garden and place her on the floor.
Again I stand there just staring at her body with my mouth open and looking dopey. My head feels heavy and all over the place. I panic again and pull out my mobile to call 999 for an ambulance but hesitate when I hear people come into the house. Assuming it’s the boys I quickly turn off the light, lock the garage door, put the key in my pocket and head straight back into the house.
As I walk back towards the house and up the garden path I keep looking back at the garage hoping that I will hear Chloe wake up and start screaming, but she doesn’t. She's dead. I know that and need to accept it.
I walk in the house through the back door leading into the kitchen. I find Tommy, Rich and three girls drinking, playing loud music and flirting with one another.
‘Where have you been Jay?’ asks Tommy.
‘I was having a fag outside.’
‘Since when did you start smoking?’
‘Since I've been under immense pressure with all the rubbish that’s going on!’
‘Look, you need to stop worrying about all this mate and try to relax. We have girls here; we’re going to party and think you should join us.’ Not feeling in the mood, I ignore Tommy’s invite and head straight upstairs to my room.
I load up the PC and log onto Google typing in the words; how to hide a dead body. The screen fills up with a list of websites and I click onto the first one at the top of the list. There are various selections on how to get rid of a body and somewhat gruesome. I have a sudden panic and click back to my home page and delete all my internet history, sit back in my chair and try to work out what I'm going to do. This isn’t me. I'm not a murderer and Chloe’s death was an accident, but the fact I've wrapped up her body and stored her in the garage makes me feel like I'm guilty of something.
My DNA will be all over her, the fibres from the fabric I've wrapped her up in will no doubt be traced back to me. I feel stuck, ashamed of what I've done and really need to think hard about what my next steps are going to be.
I can hear the thumping of music vibrating through my bedroom floor with the sound of girls laughing out loud. I feel the urge to just get drunk now and forget the situation I've got myself into and join in the party downstairs.
***
Chapter 2
Inappropriate Behaviour Page 1