by Aven Ellis
“I don’t care,” I say. “As long as we’re together, I don’t care.”
“Come here,” JP says, cupping his hand at the base of my head and drawing me closer.
I close my eyes as he places a sweet kiss on my lips.
I resolve I’m going to live in the moment. Cherish what we have and where we can go. I know I’m putting myself in a more vulnerable position, but that doesn’t mean it will end with a broken heart.
It can’t.
~ ~ ~
“I’m sorry you can’t indulge in the pork belly hash browns,” Mom says, carefully breaking off a piece of the gorgeous, crispy golden potato deliciousness on her plate. “I know you love them.”
I nod. We’re sitting at Mom’s favorite restaurant in Dallas, an upscale steak and seafood place, where she always gets the pork belly hash browns.
“I’m good with my salmon and asparagus,” I say, taking a bite.
But man, those hash browns look so good.
So crispy.
I swear I can inhale the potatoes from here: the scent of rich pork enhanced with a touch of black truffle salt. Shit. I’m about to drool.
I’ll get some with JP as soon as I’m done with the shoot next week, I vow.
And an Oreo dessert of some kind.
“You’ve certainly been busy this past month,” Mom says, studying me carefully. “I’ve barely seen you.”
“Mom,” I say, putting down my fork, “we had mani/pedis two weeks ago.”
“Yes, but normally I see you once a week,” Mom says. “I know you’re still seeing that hockey player.”
“JP,” I say, waiting for the guilt trip that she is about to lay on me.
“Yes.” Mom pauses and takes a bite of her lamb chop. She swallows and then reaches for her glass of wine. “Is it serious? It’s been a month now, but I’m guessing it’s not since you haven’t introduced him to me yet.”
Ding! Here we go, another round of the guilt game is on.
“Nobody in the family has met him, if that’s what you’re worried about,” I say, reassuring her that my dad and stepmom weren’t introduced to JP yet, either.
Mom takes a sip of wine and sets the glass down on the pristine linen tablecloth. “I don’t remember you seeing anyone seriously outside of Drake,” she says, referring to my college boyfriend. “This is your first adult relationship.”
I nod. “It’s true. With JP, it’s different.”
Mom tilts her head to the side, and I see concern filter across her facial features, ones identical to my own.
“Baby girl, promise me you’ll be careful,” she says softly.
My stomach tightens. “What do you mean? Mom, I’m twenty-two. I know what I’m doing.”
“Reese. You’re so young. You weren’t serious about Drake, that was obvious, but first love is so powerful and strong. It can sweep you up and carry you away. It can lead you to make the wrong decisions. I don’t want that to happen to you.”
An ache appears in my heart.
“Are you talking about Dad?” I ask.
Mom sighs. “I was so young. Straight out of college, I had never been in love, and your dad became my everything within a week of meeting him. I was so crazy in lust. In love. If I wasn’t with him, I wanted to be. He was all I thought about, even when I was working or with my friends. Does this sound familiar?”
I bite down hard on my lip. I don’t want to admit she’s right because I don’t like where this story is going.
“You’re not in love, Reese. You’re infatuated. Don’t confuse the two like I did.”
“Mom, it’s not infatuation,” I say, knowing what is in my heart. “What I feel for JP is beyond that.”
“But is it for him?”
My stomach rolls over. “JP cares about me.”
“I’m merely telling you to be careful,” Mom says. “Don’t rush into this, not when he could be merely infatuated with you at this point. It takes a long time to properly fall in love. I mean, I wouldn’t change anything that happened between me and your dad because it gave me you and Jordan, but as your mother, it’s my job to guide you. Protect you. You getting in over your head with the first man you’ve fallen for is going to result in heartache.”
I angrily shove my plate away, as my appetite is gone. “Stop it.”
Mom appears stunned. “What?”
“Stop. Just because you got hurt doesn’t mean I will be,” I say defensively.
The hurt look on my mom’s face has me regretting what I said.
“Mom,” I say carefully, starting over, “I love you. I know you love me and you’re trying to protect me, but you can’t guide me based on your past and decisions you made. Those belong to you. I need to make my own choices, based on my own relationship, and I need for you to respect that.”
Mom sighs heavily. “Reese, I wish you’d listen.”
“And I wish you would.”
A smile tugs at the corner of her mouth. “Well, I think I know where you got your stubbornness from.”
We both manage a small laugh.
“Mom, you have always been there for me and Jordan. You’ve kept up with us and our friends, our relationships, and all the details of our lives, but I’m grown up. An adult woman. There are some things you don’t know about that I have with JP because that is between us.”
Mom exhales, and to my surprise, I see tears fill her eyes.
“I only want to protect you. It’s so early in seeing JP, and you’re so young. You don’t even know what he’s thinking!”
Her words strike my heart, but I hold firm.
“Mom, you can’t protect me. Unless you want me to live without romantic love. That might be your choice, but it’s not mine.”
“My choice?” Mom asks, incredulous. “I was busy. Raising you and Jordan. I didn’t have time for a partner, let alone love.”
“That’s an excuse, and you know it. Jordan and I are grown up now.”
“So, you don’t need me?”
“Of course, I need you. You’re my mom. I love you. But I think you’ve used me and Jordan to protect yourself from taking a chance on love again.”
Mom falls silent, and I know my words have surprised her. After everything I’ve experienced because of JP and after facing how I grew up and my vulnerability, I finally understand why Mom acts the way she does.
“You’ve never spoken to me so directly,” Mom finally says.
“I know what I’m talking about now.”
“Maybe you do,” Mom admits, picking up her glass of wine and swirling it around. “Maybe it’s time for me to face the facts.”
I’m so proud of my mom at this moment. I know it’s hard for her to face her feelings, but I finally feel she’s on the verge of doing that after all these years.
“I love you, my smart baby girl,” Mom says. “You’ll always be my baby girl.”
“I’m glad I am,” I say, “and, Mom, I will always need you.”
That part is true. My parents will always be central to who I am, but now I feel like I’m learning so much about who I am, outside of them, because of falling in love with JP.
It’s not infatuation. I know that.
What I feel is love.
Love for the man he is.
JP is the man who promised I would never face a storm alone.
That’s love.
And nobody will ever change my mind about that.
Ever.
Chapter 32
October 23rd
Today’s Schedule: Baby Shower for Harrison and Kylie Flynn at Nate and Kenley’s house in Preston Hollow, 2 PM
“Ooh, Harrison, look!” Kylie gushes as she tears the paper off the large gift in front of her. “It�
�s our baby’s first library!”
I grin as I see the vintage bookcase made out of an old chicken coop, filled with tons of baby books. I know this gift is from Matt and Holly.
“That’s wicked cool,” Harrison says, leaning over to examine it closer. “Now you guys will have plenty of books to read when you babysit, right?”
I see Matt is huddled with the guys in the kitchen, drinking beers and taking part of the elaborate Mexican food buffet set up for guests.
“We will happily babysit,” Holly answers for the both of them.
“Perfect for our gender-neutral farm theme,” Kylie says.
I share a knowing look with Holly, who is seated next to me. Kylie changed her mind on waiting for the baby to be born to select a nursery theme for a boy or girl and went with vintage farmhouse last week.
And now that gifts have been bought, we’re all keeping our fingers crossed she doesn’t change her mind again.
“Thank you so much,” Kylie says with an expression of delight on her face. “It’s beautiful.”
“You’re welcome,” Holly says.
Gretchen is seated next to Kylie, scribbling down the gifts and the names of whom they are from. Kenley and Kylie’s sister-in-law, Candace, are bringing an endless amount of presents to Kylie to open.
I glance around the spacious living room in the Johansson home, which is filled with friends and family. I know the WAGS, of course, and I can tell by conversations around me there are also people from the Demons’ organization and Harrison’s charity foundation, as well as people Kylie has business relationships with.
We’re all here because we love this couple and want to celebrate the new baby they are going to bring into the world.
I instinctively shift my attention toward JP, who is hanging out with Matt and indulging in some crispy-shelled tacos in the kitchen. Love surges through me as I watch him laugh at something Matt says.
Then he catches me staring at him and his face lights up in a beautiful smile. I smile back, thinking how I was stupid to ever question if his feelings for me were real. I let other people get into my head, and that was a mistake.
I’m confident in what we have. JP’s feelings are real. He’s falling in love with me, and we’re committed to seeing this relationship grow.
He wants this relationship with nobody else.
JP wants it with me.
“The last one is from CiCi Hunter and Peter Deveraux,” Kenley says, and I turn back around. She’s pushing a fancy, modern-styled baby stroller into the room, and everyone “oohs” in response.
“CiCi!” Kylie gasps, her face resonating shock upon sight of the stroller. “That’s a Bugaboo!”
I have no clue what she just said, but I have a feeling CiCi bought her the equivalent of a luxury car in strollers.
“That’s not all,” CiCi says, rising from her feet and carrying a basket over to Harrison.
“A Moses basket,” Kylie cries in delight, her hand going to her chest. “CiCi, you shouldn’t have!”
I’ve decided that having a baby someday will require me to learn a new language.
In addition to German, Italian, and French, I think with a grin.
Harrison is up checking out the stroller, pushing it around, and Kylie is lifting up elaborately wrapped package after package out of the basket.
“Peter sends his regards,” CiCi says. “He’s in Dubai at the moment, visiting his newest property.”
“You are both extremely generous,” Kylie says, carefully lifting up the top of the package in her hands.
All the women “oooh and aahh” when Kylie holds up a baby-sized Dallas Demons jersey with ‘Flynn’ and the number 00 on the back.
“Now we’re talking,” Harrison says, his face lighting up.
“Better watch it or we’ll have a new captain before we know it,” Nate says good-naturedly. “As you’re getting a bit old there, Flynn.”
Everyone laughs, and after Kylie finishes opening all the gifts, she and Harrison speak.
“We are beyond blessed,” Harrison says, affectionately putting his hand on Kylie’s shoulder, “to have all of you in our lives. Thank you for being here today for us.”
I feel a lump rise in my throat as Kylie’s mother dabs a tissue at her eyes.
“We are so happy that all of you will be a part of our baby’s life,” Kylie says, getting emotional as she puts her hand over Harrison’s. “Thank you for your love and friendship. Oh, I’m gonna cry.”
Kenley stands up. “No, no crying. I have sea-salt cookie dough cupcakes for you, will that help?”
“Only if they are topped with nachos,” Harrison teases.
Now Kylie is laughing. “I can’t stop eating nachos. I never even liked nachos before.”
“It’s only my opinion,” Kenley says, “but I don’t recommend nacho cookie dough cupcakes.”
“Yet she eats chocolate with curry. Mysteries never cease,” Nate teases.
From the way Nate and Kenley are looking at each other, I can tell that’s an inside story.
Just like the mermaid story is between me and JP.
“I’m ignoring you,” Kenley says good-naturedly, “but I do need you to get the fire pit going for s’mores.”
“On it,” Nate says, heading out to the luxurious backyard, and the guys—beers in hand—gravitate with him to the great outdoors. As I watch JP shut the door behind them, I decide guys are as bad as girls going to the restroom together. If it involves a grill or a fire, they go in groups.
“In addition to s’mores, we also have cookie dough cupcakes in honor of the mom-to-be. Also, please be sure to fill out the advice cards for Kylie and Harrison before you leave!”
Ugh. Advice cards. I have no clue what to say. I should be thankful we didn’t have to play any hideous games this afternoon, as opposed to the last shower I was at. Who thinks those are actually fun?
I’d like to meet that person.
“Darling,” CiCi says, taking a seat next to me. “How are you?”
“Very good,” I say happily.
“I have a question for you,” CiCi says.
“Of course.”
“Who is this Swiss Miss woman on Tumble and why is she always following JP around?” CiCi asks, arching up a perfectly tweezed eyebrow.
I laugh. “Oh, she’s harmless, I promise.”
“Hmm. I would think she should have more hobbies than commenting on everything JP does on Instagram and Connectivity.”
I bite down on my lip to keep from losing it. After all, CiCi is following JP as much as the Swiss Miss if she knows all of this.
“No, she thinks he’s pretty. She follows me now, too, and is nice to me on my feeds.”
“If you say so, but I’m watching that one. This Swiss Miss better not make any missteps toward The Swiss One.”
“Thank you for looking out for me,” I say.
“I will always look out for you, darling,” CiCi says affectionately, patting my leg. “You’re one of my girls now.”
I’m so lucky to have all this love around me. Both my mom and Jordan. My dad. My blended family. Holly. Matt. CiCi. People who I genuinely know are my friends. People whom I love and trust with all my heart.
There are new friends entering my circle, like blogger Lila, whom I’m getting to know, and there are people in this room, like Kylie and Kenley, who are becoming my friends, too.
And most of all, JP.
The man I love with all my heart.
Gretchen comes over to us. “Would either of you like a cupcake?”
CiCi glances at me. “Will you make me pulse that off at the barre?”
I smile. CiCi has hired me to do barre with her too, and I have to say, she’s been a dutiful student.
“Hmm. I think I’d rather have a glass of champagne instead of a cupcake,” she says. “I don’t want you to make me work harder than you already do.”
“I’ll be happy to get you one,” Gretchen says.
“No. My trainer,” she says, inclining her head toward me, “would want me to take steps.”
I laugh. CiCi gets up, leaving me with Gretchen.
“Your food is so amazing,” I say. “You make such balanced meals, and they taste so fresh and gourmet. I’m so excited JP scheduled that cooking class with you in a few weeks. I can’t wait to learn from the master.”
Gretchen lights up at the compliment. “Oh, thank you. It’s funny. I always wanted to be a restaurant chef, but when I got to know Harrison and started talking about athletic nutrition, he asked me to take him on as a client. I liked the challenge of having to meet his specific needs while still making gourmet meals.”
“You are a life saver to JP,” I say. “How many Demons do you work with?”
“Right now, it’s Harrison, Nate, JP, and Tanner. Harrison is trying to get Easton to hire me because his diet consists of things like beer and candy.”
I glance outside, where Easton is playing with Nate’s dog.
“He’s young,” I say, studying him. I turn back to Gretchen. “I bet he grows out of that.”
“We’ll see,” Gretchen says, turning back to me. “I’m looking forward to our class, too. I’ll email some menus to JP, and you guys can pick which one you want to make that day.”
“It’s going to be fun. I can’t wait,” I say eagerly.
Gretchen smiles at me. “Okay, I got sidetracked talking about food and cooking—shocking—but I’m slacking on my hostess duties. Would you like a cupcake?”
We both laugh.
“No, I’m good. I suppose I should fill out an advice card, though,” I say, standing up.