by Amalie Jahn
“Oh,” I replied, remembering Cheryl’s father’s illness. “When is everyone else getting here?”
She sliced the last of the crust off a stack of bread for the stuffing and glanced at her watch. “Brooke and Charlie should be here in about an hour. And you never did get back to me about what time Nate was coming. I assume you told him we’re eating at 1:00?”
I steadied myself against the sink, suddenly needing it for support. Nate was coming to Thanksgiving dinner. At my house. And this was normal.
“I’m sure I did,” I breathed, overwhelmed by the promise of a reunion. “Maybe I should text him just to be sure.”
Mom scoffed. “You haven’t been apart for 24 hours and you’re already looking for an excuse to call that boy. I swear with you two it’s like Charlie and Brooke all over again. It wouldn’t kill you to give each other a little space. I couldn’t believe you actually left him long enough to go to Lesley’s last night.” She wiped her hands on her ‘Gobble ‘Til You Wobble’ apron. “How was that by the way?”
I turned from her and stared out the window into the back yard, collecting my thoughts as I watched a squirrel gathering acorns at the base of a sprawling oak. If Nate and I had been together at school the day before, it was a relief to know my trip had achieved some level of success. Hopefully he was still attending classes because he had never been kicked out.
With regard to Lesley, I had no idea how to respond since I had never actually gone to her house in either timeline. I could never tell my mom I’d lied to her about using my trip as it would devastate her to know the risk I’d taken, so I gave her just enough information to satisfy her curiosity.
“It was fine. The puppy’s adorable. Her family sends their hellos.” I placed the peeler beside the sink and dried my hands on a towel before pulling my phone from my pocket to send Nate a text.
Hi. Eating at 1. Will u be here by then?
His reply came through several minutes later.
Finally stopped at a light. U told me 10 times not 2 b late. Only 15 minutes out. CU soon.
My heart flip-flopped and so did my stomach. The fact that he was driving to my house on his own was a good indication he was sober. The fact he was on time, even more so. I smiled to myself, thinking how I must have harassed him about being early, knowing I would want to get answers to my questions about our time apart sooner than later. I couldn’t believe in 15 minutes I would know for sure if my trip back in time was a success.
“Good news,” I told Mom. “You’re gonna get some extra help with dinner. He’s almost here.”
She dumped another loaf of bread onto the counter and began cutting it into cubes. “Why don’t you run upstairs and make sure there are towels in the guest bath and an extra blanket on Charlie’s bed before Nate gets here. Then you two can finish the potatoes.”
I had just unearthed a spare blanket in the linen closet when the doorbell rang. I sprinted down the stairs and nearly tackled my mom on her way through the foyer.
“Good grief!” she exclaimed, backing away from the door. “It’s like you haven’t seen him in a month!”
I couldn’t explain that my zealous behavior was completely warranted given our estrangement in the original timeline. And although I was acting no saner than a hormone-fueled teenager, my excitement could not be restrained as I threw open the door.
“Long time no see,” Nate said as he slid past me with his bag and a large bouquet of flowers he immediately handed to my mom.
“Oh, Nate, thank you!” she gushed, lifting the blooms beneath her nose. “They’re divine.”
He tossed his bag on the floor and took off his coat. “It’s my pleasure, Mrs. Johnson. It was nice of you to invite me since we didn’t end up having a game over the holiday. I just wish there was more I could do to say thanks.”
“Well, there’s lots you can do,” she laughed, taking him by the arm. “In fact, there’s a whole kitchen full of food that needs preparing!”
Mom led him to the back of the house and I tagged along behind, overwhelmed by my good fortune. It appeared my trip to the past had produced the desired effect. Nate was back in school, back on the team, and no longer addicted to pills. I could only assume, since I had not yet been arrested, that Sam had died in the new timeline just as he had originally. Either that or he was still alive and my trip hadn’t been monitored. It would take some constructive prying to discover which was the case.
I returned to the potatoes and listened to my mom and Nate making small talk. I figured it was best to keep my mouth shut until I had a clearer picture of what had happened in the 14 months since I’d altered the timeline. They chatted about the team’s losing season and how Barnes still wasn’t making the cut as their first string quarterback. I initially deduced from his comment Barnes was playing because of Sam’s death, but remembered that regardless of what had happened, Sam would no longer be on the team. Even if he was alive, he would have graduated last May.
Mom grilled him about his classes while he peeled and sliced beside me at the sink. He rubbed against my shoulder as we fought for the same space and the pleasure of having him so close was almost more than I could stand. I could smell his deodorant, crisp and fresh and familiar, and I was suddenly envious of the Melody who got to stay with him the day after our tubing trip and all the days after while I was stuck living the nightmare of the original timeline. For a moment, I was sad. Jealous. Angry. And then he kissed me softly on the top of my head, pulling me from my negative thoughts and just like that, I wasn’t disappointed any more. Nate was back and everything was going to be okay.
We finished combining the ingredients of the green bean casserole and Nate was placing it in the oven when I heard footsteps coming from the front of the house.
“Hello?” Charlie called. “Anybody home?”
“Me,” I replied from inside the refrigerator where I was searching for the fresh cranberry sauce. “We’re all back here.”
My brother appeared in the kitchen, flushed from the outdoors with Brooke by his side.
“My parents are right behind us,” Brooke announced, collapsing onto a stool at the counter. “They forgot the wine and went back home to get it.”
I shut the refrigerator door and set the cranberries on the table. Excited by the prospect of sharing Vicki’s first Thanksgiving with everyone I loved, I peeked around the counter for her car seat but was disappointed to see it wasn’t there.
“Where’s my chicklet?” I asked.
Charlie nodded in the direction of the foyer. “Sleeping. Little booger had us up all night. I should be the one passed out cold.”
“I’m gonna go take a peek anyway,” I squealed, curious to see how much she’d grown since my last visit home. “I promise to be quiet.”
I tiptoed through the hallway into the foyer where I spotted her car seat against the far wall. I approached the sleeping infant and carefully adjusted the blanket so I could see her precious face.
But the child in the car seat wasn’t Vicki. In fact, whoever it was wasn’t even a girl.
A plump baby boy slept soundly - a teddy bear hat covered his oversized head and fire engine pacifier was tucked between his lips.
I reached down to brush his cheek and the truth of his existence brought me to my knees.
Although my trip back in time succeeded in freeing Nate from his demons, somehow my niece had become collateral damage and no longer existed in the augmented timeline. Instead there was a nephew. Whatever happened in the 24 hours I was gone replaced the child who stole my heart with one I had never met.
I struggled to breathe. Certain I was dreaming, I willed myself to wake up, opening and closing my eyes repeatedly only to gaze down upon the same unfamiliar child. A child who was not my Vicki.
“You okay?” Nate whispered from the hallway. His stealthy arrival startled me and I immediately turned away, knowing I was in no condition to face him or the family waiting for me in the kitchen. I couldn’t let on that the baby had upse
t me for fear of giving myself away.
“I’m not feeling well all of a sudden,” I explained, making my way to the staircase. “I think I’m just going to go upstairs and lay down for a couple minutes. I’ll be down in a bit, okay?”
He took several steps in my direction. “You don’t look so hot, Mel. You want me to send your mom up?”
The room began to spin and I grabbed the railing with both hands to keep from falling over. “No!” I replied a little too forcefully. “I’m fine. I just need a few minutes to myself.”
He rushed to my side, taking me under the arm. “What’s wrong? Are you sick?” he asked.
I yanked free of his grasp and forced myself to continue climbing. “Ten minutes. Just give me ten minutes. Please,” I begged. “I just need to be alone.”
Nate relented, but I could feel him watching me as I continued making my way up the steps.
How could I tell him I’d unknowingly sacrificed Vicki’s life for his? How could I tell him I’d changed my world and nothing would ever be the same again?
C HAPTER TWENTY THREE
Alone in my room, I shut the door behind me and fought to control my emotions. I knew someone would be up to check on me shortly so there’d be very little time to collect my thoughts.
Vicki’s disappearance overshadowed the thrill of Nate’s return as I began to unravel how the changes I made to my own timeline might have resulted in her replacement. I pulled out my tablet and found an app to calculate the approximate date of her conception given her premature birth.
Sure enough, the day of my trip fell within the window of her conception.
For several minutes I sat in dumbfounded silence trying to figure out how anything I did during my trip could have had any bearing on Vicki’s conception. And then I remembered the call I made to Charlie while Nate and I waited at the hospital after Sam’s accident in the original timeline. I’d forgotten to call during my trip so perhaps without my brief interruption, the course of his evening changed just enough so that instead of conceiving Vicki, Brooke and Charlie’s DNA combined instead to form a different tiny person – the baby boy sleeping in the car seat downstairs.
Chromosomes realigned. Everything changed. Just. Like. That.
Vicki was gone forever, and I was the only one who knew.
The reality of this burden rested heavily upon my shoulders, but I knew for everyone else’s sake I needed to pull myself together. They were blissfully unaware that in another time and place there was a daughter. A beautiful little girl with a head of wispy auburn hair and a gummy grin that made all your troubles melt away. She ceased to exist the moment I reset the timeline with my trip and although I was going to miss her terribly, I knew there was no reason to complicate my family’s lives with the knowledge of her absence or my journey.
I would have to put my memories of Vicki in a box on a shelf and pretend I’d never known her. I would have to grow to love my new nephew and put aside my love for my niece.
And as hard as it was going to be, I would need to keep my sadness to myself.
A quiet rap on the door roused me from my thoughts and I wondered which one of my family had drawn the short straw.
“Come in,” I breathed.
Charlie appeared in the doorway with my nephew on his hip. The baby’s eyes were bloodshot, pooled with tiny tears.
“I’m so sorry,” I said, sliding to make room for him to sit beside me on the bed. “Did I wake him?”
He carried the newest member of my family over to me and placed him on my lap. I felt terrible. I didn’t even know his name.
“Nah. You know Mikey. He never sleeps. I think he’s taken 15 years off my life already.”
My nephew’s name was Mikey. I assumed it was actually Michael, probably after my great-grandfather. I glanced down at the grumpy butterball perched on my knee and squelched my resentment.
“Still, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cause trouble.” I coughed nervously, trying to ignore how awkward Mikey seemed in my arms, so different from the ease I’d always felt with Vicki. He squirmed and began to whimper, almost as if he sensed my discomfort.
“What’s gotten into you, fussypants?” Charlie scolded, scooping the baby off my lap. “It’s just Aunt Mel, silly boy!” He held Mikey above his face and blew raspberries onto his tummy, eliciting squeals of delight. When the baby finally settled down, Charlie propped him back on his hip and turned his attention to me.
“Nate said you weren’t feeling well. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” He eyed me suspiciously, raising one eyebrow. “Are you trying to get out of cleanup?”
I shook my head to avoid looking directly at him. “No. I’ve just been getting these dizzy spells,” I lied, standing up from the bed. “I’m fine now. Probably just low blood sugar. I should come down and eat.” I took a step toward the door but Charlie didn’t move.
“Are you sure that’s it?” he asked. “Nate seemed to think there might be something more.”
I waved him off. “He’s a serious over-reactor. I’m fine. Really.” I couldn’t tell him what had happened to his baby daughter. I couldn’t.
I wouldn’t.
He reluctantly followed me into the hallway.
Back downstairs, I evaded unnecessary conversation to keep from raising suspicions about my behavior as well as to avoid accidentally saying something about Vicki or the unknown portions of my timeline. It was difficult not to dwell upon the reality of what I’d done, but I found that I was eventually able to focus on listening to the others. Curled up in Nate’s arms on the sofa watching the football game on TV, I began filling in the missing pieces of my life.
I learned that unlike Vicki, Mikey had gone full-term and had been born as anticipated in the middle of June. As slight in stature as Vicki had been, Mikey was quite the opposite - a stocky, strapping, armful of a child with the disposition to match. He cried through most of dinner and we were all quite relieved when he passed out cold on the family room floor just before dessert.
With regard to my own life, I was happy to discover I’d taken the same classes during the spring semester ensuring I hadn’t fallen behind in my studies. And since Mikey’s timely arrival gave Brooke plenty of maternity leave, I’d spent the summer working full-time with Senator Turner instead of babysitting for Brooke and Charlie. I made a mental note to follow up on the specifics of our collaboration since I assumed I would be working for her again next summer.
Of course the best change was Nate’s transformation from riddled addict back to fun-loving boyfriend. After everyone headed home for the night, we found ourselves alone in the kitchen, cleaning up the last of the dishes.
“Is it weird not to be preparing for a game tomorrow?” I asked, passing him a clean platter from the sudsy sink.
“Yeah. Sort of.” He plucked the dishtowel off his shoulder and began to dry. “Nothing’s really been the same since Sam, ya know? I’ve seen how some teams are able to come together and play even harder to honor their fallen teammate, but we just can’t get it right. There’s still this black cloud hanging over our heads. It’s like a funk we can’t shake.” He took another clean plate from my hands as the relief of knowing I hadn’t prevented Sam’s death washed over me. “If you wanna know the truth, I think I had more fun being here today. I can’t believe I’m saying that since your family’s so…”
“Amazing?” I interrupted, glaring at him from my post at the sink.
He swatted me on the rear with his towel. “That’s not exactly what I was going to say,” he laughed. “Amazing’s pushing it. I’d say they’re a little crazy. And sometimes boring, which you have to admit is true because seriously, if I had to listen to one more story from Brooke’s dad about the deficit today I swear I was going to lose it. I never wanted for there to be a kids’ table so bad in my entire life. That’s the problem with small families you know – no kids’ table.”
I handed him another bowl. “Well then next year we can set up a kids’ table just
for you. And Mikey. How’s that sound?”
He grimaced. “Ooh. Tough call. Deficit conversation or constant screaming? Maybe we should do Thanksgiving with my family next year.”
Considering how difficult Mikey had been all day, it wasn’t a bad suggestion. He was so different from Vicki, with her sweet, gentle disposition. I hoped perhaps we’d just caught him on a bad day.
“Maybe he’ll be better by Christmas,” I offered.
Nate raised a heavy stack of plates into the cabinet. “Which one? Brooke’s dad or Mikey? Because I don’t think either of them are changing any time soon. Mikey’s been a mess every time I’ve seen him, and Brooke’s dad is the best cure for insomnia around. Remember last summer at the beach when he tried to teach us all 101 ways to tie off a fishing lure?”
I didn’t remember. I hadn’t been there. It made me anxious to think about all the experiences he shared with the other Melody, so before he could continue his solo trip down memory lane, I quickly changed the subject.
“I think we’re almost finished cleaning up and Mom’s already gone upstairs. Maybe we could pop some popcorn and see if there’s a good movie on TV.”
Nate tossed his dishtowel on the counter and sidled up behind me, swallowing my shoulders with his embrace.
“I thought maybe you’d want to go to bed early tonight, especially with how sick you were feeling earlier.” He rested his chin on the top of my head. “What was that all about anyway?”
I was hoping he’d forgotten about my episode in the foyer, and I tucked my chin to my chest, relieved he couldn’t see my face. I would have trouble lying to him if I had to look him in the eye.
“It was just a dizzy spell. Low blood sugar, that’s all. I’ve been fine ever since.”
He released his grip and spun me around, a mix of concern and mild amusement on his face.
“You know how I love playing cards with you because I can always tell what’s in your hand? It’s because you’re a bad liar, Mel.” He lifted my chin and forced me to look into his pewter eyes. “When I walked in on you and Mikey this afternoon, you looked horrified. Like you’d seen a ghost or something.”