by BlaQue
She had me in a trance. The way she made my fingers touch the back of her throat made my dick throb. The bitch had no type of gag reflex at all. I kept trying to think of any and everything unappealing; anything that would keep from saying fuck it, and pull my dick out and fuck her like I knew she wanted me to.
She took my fingers out of her mouth and placed my hands on her breast and I could feel her nipples harden at my touch. Before I knew it, Pinky got up and unfastened my pants. She was watching me with careful eyes. She was waiting for me to object. I wanted to stop her, I really did. But the words, “Stop, No, and Don’t” wouldn’t make their way to my lips. She took my dick out of my pants and did just what the devil on my shoulder wanted the whole time. She parted her lips and took all of me in her mouth. This bitch was a pro with it too! She was sucking my dick like she loved a nigga and it felt amazing.
“Oh shit!” I moaned.
Her tongue snaked its way down the shaft as she sucked and immediately, I felt like I was in heaven. It had been a long time since I had anyone give me any head, and even longer since someone did it with so much enthusiasm. I fought the urge to cum with each stroke of her moist mouth. Any anxiety I felt about letting that shit go down was gone. I had silenced that little angel bitch on my shoulder.
I couldn’t handle it anymore. “Get the fuck up and bend over!” I growled.
Pinky shot to her feet like lightening and bent her round ass over the chair. Forcefully I entered her from behind with every inch of my being. My body trembled with the first stroke. Her pussy was tight and hot. Just the way I liked it. I fucked her fast and hard. Pinky kept up with me thrust for thrust. She was throwing it back on me and I felt all my frustration and aggravation surging through me and gathering in one central location, the tip of my dick. I fucked her like I was mad at her and she loved every minute of it.
I forgot all about NiQue and whatever she was out in the streets doing. I forgot about my three-month-old daughter at home and all of the drama in my twisted world. There was nothing loving about the sex Pinky and I were having. It was angry and cold, but it felt so good to be taking out a year’s worth of pain on someone without catching a charge.
“Nigga, take this pussy like you own it! I’m about to cummmm!” she cried.
I felt her wetness dripping all over me with the smacking of her ass against my stomach. I couldn’t hold it anymore, it was too late. The explosion had already happened while I was deep inside her walls. I pulled my dick out of her wet tunnel and finished cumming all over her ass and back.
Pinky stood upright with a satisfied grin on her face. She walked over to a desk that sat in the corner and opened it. Pulling out a thick, white envelope, she smiled again before handing it to me. I didn’t need to open it. I knew it was my money. No words were spoken. She simply headed back to her bathroom and left me standing there like a trick. The guilt started to eat at me instantly. I knew I was fucked up for what I had just done and not to mention…I had fucked a stripper raw. I guess the devil had won after all.
Chapter Seven
Rare Essence
“Overnight Scenario”
NiQue
I came home with what I needed to make it through the next few days.
“I can’t believe you keep trying to force feed me this shit!” Pajay said angrily. She was mad that I was always trying to think of new ways to get rid of her.
Truth is, whenever she was around shit just didn’t go right. Quite frankly, I was starting to get sick of her ass always doing shit that I had to explain later. She was always doing something to get “us” in trouble, and then when I needed her to help clean up the mess that she had made, she was nowhere to be found. If I could have my way, Pajay and I could go our separate ways and I wouldn’t have any complaints about it.
“You might as well stop thinking of getting rid of me. I ain’t going anywhere!” she taunted.
I wish I could just cut her out of the picture altogether, but there was no telling what she would do if I tried. Making my way to the kitchen, I poured myself a glass of orange juice and popped an Xtasy pill before chasing it with the cold juice. Natural juices had a way of making the high come faster and harder.
“I wish you would be quiet and let me think.” I said to her.
I downed the rest of the juice and put the glass on the counter. Joseah walked in, catching me of guard and scaring me in the process. I damn near jumped across the room when I noticed she was there. My eyes searched hers, and I hoped she hadn’t caught me talking to Pajay again. The strange look on her face told me that she heard something. I just didn’t know how much she had heard.
“Señorita Watkins, Señor Evans said he would be leaving in the morning. He said he has a show in Georgia. I checked on the baby and she is sleeping. Do chu need anything else before I go to bed?” She asked.
“No, that is all Joseah. Oh wait; did Mr. Evans say when he would be returning?” I questioned her. I didn’t need any more surprises.
“Señor Evans said he will be in tonight and then he was leaving in the morning. He did not say when he would be coming back from Georgia. You no look so good. Can I get chu something?” she asked again.
I was secretly trying to see how much time I had to myself.
“No, thank you Joseah,” I said.
She eyed me suspiciously and then left the kitchen. I swear she was talking shit under her breath as she walked away. I decided to let it go because as much as I hated to admit it, we needed her old ass. She kept the baby well taken care of and I definitely did not need or want to be a full-time mother. I was already trying to play mother to Pajay, who was constantly running wild. Once Joseah left the kitchen and I heard the door close to her room, Pajay spoke up.
“That smart-mouthed bitch is gonna catch it one day. I don’t give a fuck what she thinks she does around here. We pay her to watch that bratty ass baby and nothing more. No one asked her for her fucking opinion. Chu no look so good!” she said mocking Joseah’s broken English.
“Shhhhh, she might hear you!” I said in a hushed tone trying to quiet Pajay who seemed to be growing agitated.
“I don’t care who hears me. I meant what the fuck I said. She better watch herself!” Pajay said.
I shook my head trying to ignore Pajay bitching in my ear like a bully. I made my way up the stairs and down the hallway towards my room. Stopping short of my intended destination, I decided to look in on the baby. As I walked in her room I could see her sleeping peacefully. She looked so beautiful. A sharp pain pierced my heart and I wished I could love her the way I was supposed to be loved; but Pajay was not going to let that happen without a fight. Instantly I was reminded of how I had to damn near beg Pajay to allow me to keep my own baby when I found out I was pregnant with her. Pajay wanted no parts of a baby and she tried everything in her power to keep me on the go, ripping and running the streets to keep me away from her.
I kissed her tiny little hand and pulled her pink blanket up over her. She smiled in her sleep and it made me feel guilty. I know I wasn’t doing right by her, but if I spent too much time with baby YaSheema, Pajay would do something foul to her. That was a fact and one I couldn’t ignore. It wasn’t that I was intentionally trying to ignore my baby; I was keeping my distance in order to protect her. Deep in my soul I wished I could tell someone what I was going through. Way back when, I used to have YaYa to talk to, but Pajay decided that was a relationship I didn’t need. Over the years I had other friends to talk to when I was lonely. They were in my life for support when I needed them and they weren’t all bad. Carlie was always there for me when my surrogate brother Mike would repeatedly rape me. She would hold my hand and tell me we would make it through. She would comfort me. There were many nights I wanted to kill myself, but Carlie wouldn’t hear of it! She would hold me and tell me it would be ok. She was there for me when it seemed like nothing in my life would ever go right.
Then there was Cree. She was an older woman who reminded me of what a moth
er was supposed to be. She was as sweet as apple pie and would never dream of hurting anyone. When I needed motherly love and it was nowhere to be found, Cree gave me that. Then, Pajay showed up that fateful day and silenced them all. I had just learned that my whole existence was a lie. I was so angry with everyone I thought loved and cared about me. They had all lied to me. Pajay stepped up at the lowest point of my life and vowed that whoever wronged me would pay. She was, and is, my protector of sorts; but in an evil way.
From the day she entered my life I knew she was nothing but trouble, but I let her in my world anyway, because I didn’t want to be alone. She promised that she would take care of me and together we would deal with everyone responsible for fucking me over. The day Pajay arrived was the same day that Carlie and Cree disappeared. I so desperately wanted them back in exchange for Pajay. She was ruthless. She always said that the bad things she did was to right the many wrongs people had inflicted upon me. I couldn’t tell. It seemed like she was only out for self-gratification and that shit scared me.
There have been many times when I thought about talking to someone about Pajay, but she quickly deaded that idea. She told me that we didn’t need anyone but one another. For years I believed her. That was a huge mistake because she was trying to ruin my life and everyone I loved in it. I never wanted to kill YaYa; Pajay did. She said we had to be happy, and in order for “us” to feel that way, YaYa had to go. I think Pajay thrived off of other folk’s misery and pain.
I could forgive almost everyone who had hurt me, including my own father, who had abandoned me to play Daddy to my sister YaYa instead of me. Pajay could not forgive him though. So instead, she plotted on them all, set them up, and killed them one by one. She was ruthless, cruel, and uncaring. Her motive was always centered on revenge. She found joy in tormenting others. I, on the other hand, just wanted my family to love me. Yet Pajay was always in my ear telling me that “they” we were the evil ones, so much so, that I started to believe it.
The Xtasy was starting to kick in and I needed to lie down. I left baby YaSheema’s room and closed the door behind me, making sure Pajay was nowhere near my daughter. There was no telling what she would do to her if I wasn’t careful. I was always looking over my shoulder fucking around with Pajay. No matter what I did, she was always lurking somewhere in the shadows. Watching my every move. The only time I could shake her was when I was high.
The only person who ever knew about me taking Xtasy was YaYa. Even she didn’t know the reason why I had to stay intoxicated. It wasn’t because I liked to be high. It was because it was the only way I knew how to keep Pajay at bay. Something about the combination of the drug made her defenseless. When I was sober she would reign supreme. She would leave a trail of murder, mayhem and chaos. When I was high, she couldn’t fight.
After I got pregnant and couldn’t pop the pills like I needed to, Pajay would be there in the middle of the night nagging me. Begging me to get us out of the house and find her something to get into. I would try to reason with her, telling her that we had no business out in the streets doing God knew what with God only knew who. Pajay’s vice was sex. She craved it. She didn’t care who she got it from either. I thought that if through the pregnancy I let her have her way with Dread she would leave me be. That didn’t work out as well as I thought it would. The disease I had acquired during the pregnancy, Hyperemesis Gravidarum, a form of severe morning sickness that had to be treated with medication, left me drained and not wanting to be touched. I was sick all the time. I couldn’t hold anything down, not even water. I lost so much weight the doctors had to hospitalize me for the first three months of the pregnancy until they were sure both the baby and I would make it. I thought being in the hospital would keep Pajay on the straight and narrow. I thought me threatening to tell the doctors that she was there would keep her from doing something crazy. But she didn’t scare easily.
It wasn’t long after we were admitted that she was up to her old tricks. She had a torrid affair with a bum ass janitor from the hospital. She fucked him on the regular during her whole stay and he left us with a bad case of the crabs. Pajay didn’t give a fuck though. She just kept going.
I tried to reason with her. Letting her know people were looking at us strange. They couldn’t figure out how in the hell I had gotten crabs being in the hospital. I tried to play it off and claim it must have been the dirty sheets or the toilets weren’t cleaned properly. I blamed it on everything but the real cause of the matter. Shit was so out of hand. I would catch her masturbating in my hospital bed daily. I prayed no one would catch her.
She had taken shit to the extreme. I was constantly thinking about killing myself and then I would start thinking about the life growing inside me and all I had already lost. I prayed for a new beginning. If I took my own life then YaYa, Daddy, Oscar and all the others would have died in vain. They died because Pajay had to control everything and those closest to me controlled their own lives and destiny. Since she had no control over what they did, she tried to take control by taking their lives.
I headed to the shower and let the cool water beam on my skin. If there was nothing else I loved about our house, I loved the shower. I had it custom designed to my liking. There were water spouts from each of walls and then there was the huge umbrella shower that hung overhead. I could control the water temperature of each spout along with the pressure. The shower was the only place I felt like I could wash my sins away. It was the only place I felt clean.
Dread designed everything else in the house because I simply didn’t care what else he did as long as we were together. He hired a team of people to come in and design everything with the exception of the bathroom and the baby’s room. I decorated the bathroom and he designed our daughter’s room.
The shower was refreshing. I turned off the water and wrapped an over-sized Ralph Lauren towel around my body and went to lie down. Even though I had just taken a cool shower and it was nowhere close to being hot in the house, I could feel the sweat forming on my face. That was the Xtasy signaling the beginning of me “rolling.” I rolled over and reached in the nightstand for a piece of chewing gum so I wouldn’t grind my teeth all night while I was high. I popped the chewing gum in my mouth and lay there staring at the ceiling. I knew sleep was not going to come because that was one of the effects of the drug, restlessness. No matter how tired you felt you were wired.
I wondered if Dread was going to come home and secretly I hoped he wouldn’t. We hadn’t made love in months and the strong drug was making me feel like I needed to be touched. I am sure he would appreciate it. We hadn’t been intimate since before the baby was born and she was three months old. The doctors blamed my lack of intimacy on PPD. Postpartum Depression was what they called it and I let them because I was scared of getting pregnant again and having to go another nine months with Pajay calling the shots.
Tossing and turning in the huge circular bed, my body was so tired from all of the ripping and running, but my mind was wide awake. I got up and grabbed a book from one of the large bookshelves connected to the entertainment stand in the room. I thought if I read I would bore myself to sleep. I picked up a novel from one of those hood writers and started reading it.
I got through the first couple of chapters of a book called, “I Am Her, The Mistress” by some chick named V. Brown. I was no reader, but the booked had me hooked. V. Brown’s words kept me entertained. The gritty sex scenes and wild shit her character was wrapped up in had me going. The book had me feeling like my life wasn’t as bad as I thought it was. It could have been like the bitches in the book. Just when I thought I would be ok, Pajay spoke up startling me from the story I was reading.
“You know you shouldn’t keep trying to get rid of me with the shit you keep putting into our body. You ain’t learned yet? I ain’t going away!” she laughed wickedly.
I didn’t know what to say. I guess the Xtasy wasn’t as strong as the last batch I had copped. There was no way she should have shown up so qui
ckly. That triple stack pill should have bought me at least two days of no her!
I grabbed for my purse and took out the baggie that contained the rest of the pills I had bought from Tye. I popped the pill in my mouth and dry swallowed it in hopes of getting rid of Pajay. All I could do was hope I didn’t fuck around and overdose. You never knew what was really in those pills; it was a gamble every single time I took one. There was no telling what the bootleg pharmacist had concocted together and formed into the little blue pill before passing it on. I had already taken a chance by getting the pills in the first place. I had run into Neko’s friend, Shadow, and had to try and act as if we hadn’t just met a couple hours earlier. Of all the places to have to meet up my connect Tye! I just knew I was busted and that greasy nigga Shadow was going to see what I was doing and tell Neko I was copping Xtasy pills in the club.
“This is my body and I can do whatever the fuck I want to it!” I yelled at Pajay.
Just as I was getting ready to hurl insults at Pajay for trying to, once again, tell me what to do, in walked Dread.
“Who are you in here talking too?” he questioned me. He was looking all around the room trying to see if I was alone.
Shit, he almost caught us again. I thought to myself. I was sitting in the middle of the bed with the baggie of blue pills wrapped tightly in my hand, careful not to let him see it.
“Oh, hi baby. I was fussing because the doctor told me today that I needed to lose a few pounds.” I said, looking into his eyes to see if he believed me or not.