by Amy Briggs
“I’m going to spend the rest of my life showing you how lucky I am to have you in my life, darlin’. I promise you that. I have a little surprise for you today.”
“A surprise? For me?” She blushed.
“Yes, for you. You’re my girl, and I’m going to be full of surprises to make you smile for a very long time, darlin’.”
“I like that idea very much.” She set a plate of food in front of me and kissed the top of my head, like I always did with her. She was so affectionate with me, which filled my heart up so much it felt like it would explode. She sat across from me at the table and watched me. “So, what’s the surprise?”
“I don’t know if I should tell you yet,” I teased her.
“What?” She scrunched that little nose up, making me laugh.
“Okay, okay. But first, is there any way that you can take one more day off tomorrow?” I asked. That was a crucial part of my plan.
“Yeah, I can do that. Now, what’s the surprise?” She squealed and clapped her hands together in anticipation.
“Well, I packed up the truck with camping stuff before I came over this morning.” She gave me a sideways look, confused. “I thought we could pack up some stuff and go to the beach, sleep in the back of the truck down by the water. Listen to the waves tonight and wake up to the sunrise together.”
A huge grin crossed her face just before she leapt up and ran over to me, throwing her arms around me. “Oh my God, Seth! That is my perfect day! I would love to do that!” She squeezed me tight, then kissed me passionately. Her kiss warmed me all over, and I wrapped my arms around her with her on my lap now, thanking God for having her in my life.
“I want to spend the rest of my life making perfect days for you, darlin’. Every day with you is perfect for me,” I said.
“I love you so much, Jax,” she whispered in my ear as she held me tight.
That night, we bundled up and parked the truck on the beach to catch the sunset before we made love to nothing but the sound of the waves crashing. It was the first of many perfect days we shared together. The darkness came and went from time to time, less often over time, and she never left my side. We were a package deal from then on out in good times and in bad, almost always good, though.
The End
Every time you write a book, you give a little piece of yourself to your readers. This book was no different. A departure from my other books, this was emotional for me. I too, have lost colleagues and friends to suicide. Before I thank everyone, I cannot say enough how much I care about you. Yes, you. If you ever feel that you’re alone, you are not. If you need help, call, write, text. Send smoke signals. Never ever give up. If you don’t need help, do a buddy check. Make sure your friends are ok.
My family always deserves a thank you for their completely unconditional support. The calls between my brother and me to talk about what we’re up to are my favorite conversations in the world, and every time we talk, I’m more motivated than ever to do more and be better than I was the day before. I’m truly blessed.
Jessica Epps, you are the Thelma to my Louise; you’re my partner in crime, and I’m grateful for your support and our hysterical chats every single day. I can’t imagine not talking to you throughout the day no matter when or where. I’m so lucky to have you for a best friend.
Mikey Lee, what can I say? From the time we locked eyes from across the room at a signing, we’ve literally been buddies ever since. So excited for all of the awesome projects we’ve got going on, and so grateful to have you and Heather in my corner. Your support means so much, and I hope to be moving in with you guys soon, but only when it’s warm outside.
I can’t possibly name everyone who has helped me with my books, my business, and my life, but some of my friends in the writing community have been insanely supportive and deserve huge shout outs from the rooftops. Stephanie Hoffman McManus, Heidi McLaughlin, Jennifer Armentrout, BT Urruela, Cassy Roop, Judi Perkins, Patti Correa, Sharon Abreau, Jillian Toth, and Tiffany Holcomb, just to name a few whom I talk to regularly to complain, cry, ask for advice from, you name it. I’ll be forever grateful for your input and guidance, as well as your never-ending encouragement.
The biggest thanks of all goes to the readers and bloggers. You are literally why we keep putting stories out there. It is an absolute honor to have found my way to your kindle, your tablet, or even as a good old-fashioned paperback. I’m genuinely honored to have you read my words.
If you are in crisis, please reach out for help.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
For more information on how you can help raise awareness of Veteran’s suicide, below is a list of nonprofit organizations where you can learn more:
Honor Courage & Commitment
http://www.honorcouragecommitment.org/
Honor the Sacrifice
http://www.honor-the-sacrifice.org/
The Wounded Warrior Project
https://www.woundedwarriorproject.org/
Founded under the nonprofit, Honor Courage & Commitment, 22KILL works to not only raise awareness toward veteran suicide, but also to the issues that can lead them to suicide. To learn more about the 22KILL project that raises awareness of veteran suicide please visit: https://www.22kill.com/
VETSports is a nationwide non-profit helping veterans achieve better physical, mental, and emotional health through sports, physical activity, and community involvement. For more information, please visit: http://www.vetsports.org/
I grabbed two beers out of the fridge, handing one to Matt before plopping down on the couch and putting my feet on the table. I glanced around the room taking in all of the wedding gifts and clutter that had become commonplace the last few weeks at my house.
“She’s gonna kill you for putting your feet on there,” Matt teased, raising an eyebrow at me.
“Nah, she doesn’t care, she’s not mom you know,” I replied. Taking a long sip of my beer, I grinned and relaxed into my seat comfortably. “I can’t believe it’s finally here,” I said, relishing in the thought that tomorrow was my wedding day. I never thought I’d get married; it just didn’t seem like something that I’d ever do.
“You excited?” Matt asked.
“Honestly, I am. Truthfully, I’m relieved,” I replied.
“What do you mean, relieved? That’s a strange answer.”
“I’m relieved it is going to be over tomorrow. Man, none of this hoopla is what we really wanted, but I also insisted she have her day, ya know? She deserves to be the star of the show for everyone to see. She fought me on it, but I saw the look in her eye after mama took her wedding dress shopping, and I wouldn’t want to rob her of that moment.” I thought about how her blue eyes sparkled when she came home from shopping with my mother; I could feel her enthusiasm as if it were my own as she told me about her day. Not to say I wasn’t enthusiastic, I was. From the moment I discovered how I felt for Jo, all I wanted was to make her mine forever.
Jo’s parents were both gone, and that added a bit of sadness to the day for her, but that moment, where she twirled in front of me, I knew the day had to be more than us simply making our relationship official. She was demonstrating what she’d done in the store, and watching her dance around, laughing and smiling about that moment reminded me of how special she was to me.
“Yea, you know growing up, sometimes it was easy to forget she wasn’t one of the guys. You’re right; it’s the woman’s day any way you look at it. I think her dad would be really happy; really proud right now,” Matt said thoughtfully.
“I hope so man. He was a hell of a guy to look up to all those years. I’m glad she has our mom to be there for her right now. It feels like our family just keeps getting bigger, and I love it.”
“Yea, me too man. Who would have thought we’d be where we are now even a year ago?” Matt laughed and sipped on his beer. “Tomorrow, we’ll both be married dude. It’s fucking crazy.”
“I still can’t believe you an
d Isabel ran off and got married without telling anyone. You know mom’s never going to get over it,” I replied giving him the same stern look we all gave him when he made his announcement at work. Matt took a long weekend recently and came back married. No notice to anyone that it was even going to happen; they showed back up to work that Monday with wedding rings and a story. At first my mom was devastated that she wasn’t included, but that’s just how Matt and Isabel operated. They definitely weren’t traditional, and they marched to the beat of their own drummer.
“Oh my God dude, you all need to get over it. Izzy and I just don’t want all the shenanigans that come with a big wedding and everything, and we just decided on a whim that we’d do it. Our intention was never to make anyone feel shitty man, I don’t know how many times you want me to say it. And, while I’m at it, I didn’t want to steal your thunder,” he tried to explain.
“Oh, steal my thunder, eh?” I let out a laugh.
“Fuck off. You know what I mean. You and Jo, you’re different.”
“Different how?” I asked. I didn’t really know what he meant, but since we were having this conversation, the night before I tied the knot and we had nowhere else to be, I wanted to know.
“You and Jo were meant to be together dude,” he stated, matter of factly.
“You say that, but what do you mean, really?”
“Jo is your lobster.”
“What the fuck does that mean?” I asked.
Rolling his eyes at me like I should have known what the fuck he was talking about, he replied. “Lobsters mate for life. They find their other lobster, and that’s it. Jo was always it for you. You think it took you years to figure out, but we all fucking knew she was for you from the time we were kids. You always had your eyes on her, you always looked out for her even when she had no idea. It just took both of you for fucking ever to figure it out yourselves. The rest of us all knew. Ask mama. She’ll tell you,” he got up. “You ready for another one, or can we switch to whiskey now that we’re having a heart to heart the night before your wedding?”
I flipped him the bird before replying, “Yea, let’s have the good stuff. We’re celebrating.” I pointed to the liquor cabinet where we had some pretty good whiskey that had shown up as wedding gifts, and Jo didn’t really care for it, so she wouldn’t mind if we tapped into the stash. Besides, she was staying at my mom’s house, because we were being traditional and not spending tonight together. I hated not having her here, but there was something about tradition that I loved, and sharing traditions with Jo made them that much more enjoyable.
Jo loved our traditions; I wasn’t assuming that, I knew. Every time I shared something with her that our mom shared with us growing up about Ireland, and how our ancestors did things, she listened intently. We shared everything, and part of our wedding was about combining our traditions together. She was my heart; it beat for her.
I didn’t say anything while I watched Matt pour us both a generous glass, watching the amber liquid splash into the glass; I was thinking about his lobster analogy. Reflecting my past with Jo, and our history, he was right. I’ve known her since she was born. Our mom’s were friends, and when her mom passed, my mom sort of stepped in. It was as if she was born to be with me. I felt my heart swell like I was a teenager swooning again. A grin had formed across my entire face that Matt must have noticed, when he handed me my drink.
“Oh Lord, look at you glowing,” he teased as he handed me the tumbler.
“Fuck off, you’re glowing too asshole,” I rose my glass to toast his.
“You’re God damn right I am,” he clinked his glass to mine. “Did you ever think – I mean really think – this is how we’d end up?”
“Honestly? I didn’t even know these feelings existed. It’s hard to explain,” he cut me off.
“Oh, I get it. Butterflies? Excitement? Checking your phone non-stop? I get it… believe me,” he rolled his eyes.
Leaning forward, shocked he knew how I felt I said, “Dude! Exactly. Like I know I’m coming home to her at night, and still, all this random shit that happens during the day, she’s the first person I want to tell about. And forget about seeing her at work. I can’t even help myself, as professional as I try to be, when she does something on scene, I’m puffing my chest out, like she’s mine fellas,” I started laughing uncontrollably, the liquor hitting my system now.
“I thought it was just me man,” Matt started to laugh as well. As we began our giggling fit like teenage girls, he continued. “All fucking day, I’m about seeing what she’s doing and shit. I mean I also worry about her crazy ass. She’s come home with some nasty bruises where I’m asking who do I need to fuck up, and she puts me in my place, and I don’t even care!” He kept laughing hysterically.
“You know mom thinks all of this is hysterical too right?” I said, wiping tears from my eyes, still chuckling.
“Dude, I’m not stupid. Any man as close to his mother as we are, is totally gonna end up like us. I just didn’t see it coming; it was like getting hit with a fucking truck. I don’t even care. I feel like I was the biggest fucking dummy for not seeing it sooner, but then again, I guess that’s what Isabel was for me. So, really… You’re the dummy. You’ve known Jo since we were in diapers and it took you thirty-five years to figure it out.”
“Damn, that’s fucked up dickhead,” I replied, barely able to get the words out I was laughing so hard. Thinking about what he said, I began to realize how right he was, and in a way, felt bad I wasn’t with her longer. My demeanor changed from laughing hysterically with my brother, to ashamed it took me so long to make her mine. I should have manned up and figured out how I felt sooner, and I felt my shoulders slump a bit thinking about it.
“Brian. I can see you thinking. It’s creating a smoke condition in the room,” he looked over at me from the couch. “I was just teasing you. Man, everything in this life happens for you, not to you, and that goes for her too man. You got together when the time was right. You saved her life, and she saved yours. It’s all good things man, don’t let yourself get lost in the ‘I should have’ moments. Focus on tomorrow, and making her yours officially, and giving mama some grandbabies, so I don’t have to,” he chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.
“No, I get it, you’re right. There’s a part of me that feels like she should have had all of this already, and that she deserves better than me,” I could tell I was delving into one of those semi-drunk ‘she’s too good for me’ moments. And regardless of how much I drank, I knew I was lucky to have her, and she would always be too good for me.
“Bro,” Matt leaned forward, holding his almost empty glass in his hand while he rested his elbows on his knees, trying to get my full attention. I looked him in the eye, acknowledging his serious tone. “Of course she’s too good for you. Relish in that shit,” he smiled. “She’s been my best friend since the sandbox. She asked me, to give her to you tomorrow. That shit almost made me cry motherfucker! I can’t even begin tell you how much it meant to me. We were destined to be family, all of us. Show her every fucking day how lucky you know you are to have her to come home to. That’s it. It’s that simple man. She loves you. I mean seriously, she loves you unconditionally. She’s your fucking lobster.” He pounded the rest of his drink; satisfied he’d made his case with me, which he had.
My heart swelled. I was getting married the next day. Forever. There were no what if’s, there were no maybe’s, it was forever for us. I knew her; I’d known her since the she was born, and she was born to be mine. I loved her with everything I had, and I’d spend the rest of my life showing her how much I loved her and how lucky I felt to be in her life. Tomorrow, I was marrying my best friend, with my brother by my side; I honestly couldn’t imagine a more perfect day.
The cool breeze came over the ocean, blowing Isabel’s hair behind her just slightly, exposing her long neck in her profile. As I gazed at her beauty, I couldn’t help but think how crazy our little ride had become, and yet how completel
y at peace I was with everything we were doing.
She caught me looking, and opened her lips into a wide smile, “What are you looking at?” She swept her long dark hair to the side and turned to face me.
“I’m just looking at my beautiful bride to be is all,” I smirked at her.
She laughed and placed her face in her hand, “Are you sure this is a good idea?” She looked up at me wistfully.
We were sitting on the balcony of our hotel room in Puerto Rico, overlooking the crystal blue water that I couldn’t help but look back to before responding. “Isabel, I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. Me and you baby, we’re easy. We don’t need all the pomp and circumstance of the whole district coming to a wedding. Let Brian and Jo have that. That’s for them, it’s not us. I always promised you it was just us, no labels and we do what we want.” Technically getting married in secret was definitely giving us a label, but I knew that she knew what I meant.
“You know our families are going to kill us right?” She laughed, making her way over to my lap, her sheer, white sundress flowing around her. Isabel didn’t wear dresses very often, but when she did, she blew my mind with her sexiness and femininity. She looked like an angel floating over to me.
As I wrapped my arms around her tiny waist, pulling her in for a little kiss, I whispered, “Baby, who cares?” She smiled into my kiss, softening herself into me and wrapping her fingers into the back of my hair. The way she touched me had my cock coming to attention in seconds.
I started to move my lips to her delicious neck, causing her to let out a little moan. This of course, drove me wild. Every sound that came out of her turned me on, I couldn’t ever get enough. It was my idea to come on vacation and elope, and when I’d presented the idea, I didn’t even have a ring. In retrospect, that was a douche move, which I planned to rectify in a moment.