“That goes for most careers. I’ve watched over rich businessmen and women. Pop stars, movie stars. Famous people’s kids… There are good and bad in them all.”
“Doesn’t it ever make you want to scream?” Madison asked, her shower forgotten as the coffee machine worked its magic.
“Screaming would not go well with my job description.” He held his hands out, palms upward. “Or do I look like a screamer to you?”
“No, not a screamer. More of a yelper.” She held her hand up as if to ward him off as she chuckled. “You know what I mean.”
“I do.” Rob looked around the kitchen. “Have you lived here long?”
“Three years. I could afford a bigger place, but I like it, I know many of the people in the building, and any move to a bigger apartment would purely be for status.” She poured him a cup of coffee and handed it to him.
“Thanks.” He brushed his fingers against hers, keeping his own expression neutral, while Madison blushed, her breathing quickening. “Why spend money on a bigger place if you don’t have to?”
“Exactly.” She pointed at him. “My mom disagrees and picked out a nice big apartment down by the river.”
“Your mom likes to try to run your life.” His observation was met with a nod.
“Oh, yeah. Ever since I was a little girl, probably even before I was born…she had this idea of what I should do and how I should behave. I’ve disappointed her at every turn. I was never smart enough, or slim enough, or ambitious enough.”
“But you’re successful now. Does she ever tell you she’s proud of you?” he asked.
“Funny, this morning she did for the first time in years.” Madison sipped her coffee. “I’m being indiscreet.”
“Not at all. Whatever you say to me stays between us.”
“I could count on one hand the number of times she’s told me she’s proud of me or she loves me.” Madison paused, her eyes bright with tears once more. “When I was growing up, I learned a very important lesson about my mom.”
“Which is?”
“She believes emotions are a weakness, that they should be shut down, shut out so no one and nothing could ever hurt you.” Madison locked eyes with Rob. “Do you believe they are a weakness?”
“I don’t know if I’m the best person to ask that question.” He drank his coffee, trying to figure out how he felt about emotions.
“I’m interested to hear your thoughts.” Madison moved closer to him. “See, I can’t always trust what I think and feel. As much as my mom squashed hers down, I’ve let mine rule my life on occasion.” She rocked her head from one side to the other. “On more than one occasion.”
“When I was serving in the Army, there were times when I wished I could switch off the way I felt. When you see your friends, your comrades killed, it’s tough. Really tough. But then it’s my emotions that make me a good soldier. How can I show compassion, and mercy, if I don’t allow myself to feel, to really feel, what other people are going through?” He gave a short laugh. “Emotions make us who we are.”
“And your sister?” Madison asked. “She must be hurting right now.”
“She is, but if she didn’t feel, if she didn’t allow herself to fully feel the loss of her husband then she wouldn’t remember how much she loved him.” His breathing quickened, he’d never spoken so openly about emotions. Perhaps it was because he was here with his own mate and only just realizing how much love he had inside him.
Now we know what Ray has lost, his bear said mournfully.
Of course. This was just the beginning of his relationship with Madison. To lose her now would hurt like hell and haunt him for the rest of his life. But to lose her after they had two children together and a life planned, that would be like having his heart ripped out.
“I should call my sister.” He drank the rest of his coffee and set the mug down on the counter. “Thanks.”
“You are welcome.” Madison watched him, her eyes filled with emotion. “I’m sorry if I’ve upset you.”
“You haven’t,” Rob replied. “You’ve just reminded me of who I am. And why I do this job.”
“To keep people safe.” She watched him intently and his skin prickled, longing to feel her touch.
“To keep people safe and to help stop them from experiencing pain or fear.” He took his phone from his pocket. “I need to make those calls.”
She nodded and turned around to wash the cups, while he went to the living room and walked to the window. Staring out at the city below, he dialed his sister’s cell phone and waited for an answer.
“Rob, how are you?” Ray asked.
“Good. Really good.” He closed his eyes, wanting to tell her he’d found his mate, but would that magnify her feelings of loss?
“What’s wrong? You sound…different.” He should have known he wouldn’t be able to hide his news from Ray.
“Something happened.” He fought to try to find the right words. But there was no easy way to break this to her.
“What? Are you hurt?” Ray asked urgently.
“No, I’m not hurt.” He sucked in a deep breath. “I found my mate.”
“Oh, wow.” Shock and surprise filled Ray’s voice. “I’m so happy for you.”
“Ray.” He listened as she sobbed down the phone. Then there was another voice in the background asking if she was okay.
“I’m fine, Jenna. Rob found his mate.” Ray cleared her throat as she fought to keep her composure. “I truly am happy for you.”
“I know. I just wish I could get Colm back here for you. He was a good man.” Rob didn’t know what else to say. Since Colm’s death, there was a distance between Rob and Ray, one that he could not bridge. This news seemed to have made the chasm between them wider, and insurmountable.
“Thanks. I just wanted you to be the first to know.”
“Be happy, Rob. Make the most of every minute you share together,” Ray said fiercely. “You are mates and you are supposed to spend your lives together, but we never know how much time we have.”
“I know, and I will,” he promised.
“I have to go,” Ray said. “The kids need me.”
“I’ll speak to you tomorrow.”
“Yes. I love you, Rob.”
“I love you, too, Ray.” He ended the call, his love for his sister causing a turmoil inside him that threatened to overwhelm him.
He would do anything to take away her pain. Anything to bring Colm back. But no one could turn back time. And so, short of a miracle, she would live on alone for the rest of her life.
Chapter Seven – Madison
Showered and with freshly washed hair, Madison looked in front of the mirror and examined her blotchy face. Sometimes it was hard to see why she’d been chosen as the new face of Holly and Jones plus-size fashion line.
Sure, she had the figure to pull it off. But her face was nothing special.
Combing out her damp hair, she imagined if her cheekbones were higher, and her eyes were brighter, more mesmerizing, or her nose was perkier.
Those were all things she could never change about herself. However, with the help of some makeup magic, she could conceal them, or enhance them.
So, she set to work. Tonight was a big event. She was expected to look her best and since she had Rob on her arm, she didn’t want other people looking at her and wondering why a man like him would be with a woman like her.
Half an hour later, her hair was dried and wound around her head in an intricate plait, while her flawless makeup highlighted her full lips and heart-shaped face. She would do.
Still wearing a bathrobe, she left her bedroom and went down the hall to the kitchen. “Oh, something smells good.” Her stomach grumbled in response. Breakfast was a long time ago and although they were eating at the gala, that was still three hours away.
“Wow, you look amazing.” Rob set out two plates. “I cooked us a little snack.”
“Which smells amazing.” Madison inhaled deeply. “What is
it?”
“I have no idea. I raided your cupboards, which are bare, and threw a few things in a pan. This is the result.” Rob looked pleased with his concoction.
“If it tastes half as good as it smells, it’ll be delicious.” She sat down at her kitchen table and Rob dished up the meal. It was a mixture of eggs and vegetables, with a sprinkling of cheese. A little like a frittata, but he’d added herbs and garlic, in just the right amounts. “It is delicious.”
“Thanks.” He forked some into his mouth. “I agree. It is.”
“Do you like to cook?” Madison asked as they ate.
“When I get a chance. I’ve served in the Army since I left high school, so there wasn’t much time to learn to cook other than the basics. But my sister, she loved to cook. For her family, for friends, for me and Colm when we came home on leave…” He stalled, his fork hovering over his plate.
“Colm, was that your brother-in-law?” Madison asked gently.
Rob nodded. “We met as raw recruits. We trained together and went on our first tour together.”
“And that’s how your sister met Colm? Through you?” Madison could sense the deep well of emotion inside Rob. Deep, but not dark. He was a good man.
“Yes. He came home to Ray’s house with me one summer on leave. It was love at first sight.”
“For both of them?” she asked.
“Yes, the feeling was mutual. There are some people in this world who know when they meet the person they are supposed to spend the rest of their lives with,” Rob explained.
“Not like my parents. They were never meant to be together, I’m sure. But they met and got married. Had a child and then spent the rest of their married lives slowly hating each other more every day.” Madison had never shared that information with anyone before. She’d never trusted anyone enough to tell them about her parents.
“That must have been a tough childhood.”
“How could it be tough, I wanted for nothing.” She shrugged. “That was a joke.”
“So they stayed together?” Rob asked.
“They stayed together for the sake of my mom’s career. They put on a united front, fooled everyone into believing they were the perfect couple.”
“Except you. You saw through it.” Rob’s sympathy broke her heart. She was once again that young girl, lying in bed listening to her parents sniping at each other. They never stopped, not even once, to think about her. She’d always been an inconvenience, except when they dragged her along to some formal function to play happy family.
“When I was young, they covered it well. Then I grew up, noticed more and more.” She didn’t think about her childhood often, not anymore. But today had stirred up plenty of old memories.
“Are they still together now?” Rob asked. “Your mom hired me, so I know she’s still in your life. But what about your father?”
“He is living his life on a tropical island somewhere. No doubt with his latest mistress.” It no longer bothered her that she spent her childhood with her warring parents, only for them to finally call an end to their marriage when she left home.
“And what about you?” Rob asked as he finished eating.
“What about me?” she asked. “No husband hiding in the closet if that’s what you mean.”
“Boyfriends?” Rob asked in an uninterested tone.
However, she didn’t think Rob was asking her these questions for professional reasons. “No love at first sight for me.”
“You don’t believe in love at first sight?” he asked.
“Do you?” Madison asked in return.
“Absolutely.” He spoke with such conviction she wanted to believe him.
“How can you be so sure?” she asked, then a sudden thought hit her. “Are you married?”
“No.” A smile spread across his face. “And no girlfriend either.”
“So you believe in something you don’t really know is true?” Madison wished she could have the same kind of faith in something she’d never felt, or experienced.
“I know. It’s a part of me.” He placed his hand on his chest. “It’s a part of who I am.”
“Because of your sister?” Madison asked.
“No.” He frowned, and she felt as though he was holding something back. Something he wanted to tell her, share with her, but he couldn’t take the last step to say the words. “And yes. I’ve seen it. And I know it’s real.”
“Colm and Ray?” Madison asked, switching the direction of the conversation. “His death must have hit you all terribly hard.”
How unfair was fate, that her parents had lived their lives in a loveless marriage, while Rob’s sister and her true love had been torn apart forever?
“It has.” Rob looked down at his hands, not meeting her eyes.
“You feel guilty.” Madison’s heart ached for the man before her and instinctively she reached out and brushed her hand over his. She wasn’t prepared for the jolt of recognition that passed between them. Was this what he meant when he talked about love at first sight?
Because she had to admit, if only to herself, that he stirred something deep within her that she’d never felt before. Not for a man. Especially not for a man she’d just met.
Chapter Eight – Rob
Guilt. Madison was right, he did feel guilty. He’d served with Colm for most of their careers, but when his friend, the man his sister was fated to be with for the rest of her life, needed him most, he was elsewhere. Protecting a wealthy businessman during a boardroom scuffle.
None of it was his fault. He knew that. Of course, he knew it. But that didn’t stop the persistent, malignant sense of guilt that threatened to eat him up inside.
Until now. Until today. The guilt was eased, pushed aside by his feelings for Madison. She gave him hope. Hope that one day they would get through this, make it to the other side and be happy once more.
“I should have been there. I should have saved him.” He ran his thumb across the back of her hand. She could feel the connection between them. He was certain. If only he could reach out for her, pick her up in his arms and carry her to bed, he could lose himself in her.
But if he did that right now, he might simply lose her.
“Do you really believe that?” Madison asked. “If you had been there, you might not be here now. Your sister might have been left with no one.”
“I know we can’t live our lives on if onlys. And you’re right, I might have wound up dead, too. Or I might have seen something, sensed something…” That was his worst nightmare. If he’d been there, his shifter senses might have picked up on the bomb and saved them.
But Colm was a shifter. His bear was right. If Colm hadn’t suspected anything, the chances were that Rob wouldn’t have either. But he’d never know, and it was the not knowing that kept him awake at night.
“He was your friend. You have a huge amount of guilt because you couldn’t save him. But would he want you to carry that guilt? If things were the other way around, would you want him to carry the same guilt?” Madison asked.
“No.” Rob shook his head, his eyes fixing on his phone. “But every time I see Ray and the children, or speak to her on the phone, the guilt all comes tumbling back to smother me.”
“It’ll get easier. The pain doesn’t go away, but it does dim with time.” She sniffed loudly. “Not that I know what you’re going through.”
“Hey, don’t dismiss yourself like that. You’ve helped me. Thank you.” He wanted to rise from his seat, lean across the table and kiss her red lips, but he didn’t dare. Not yet. But maybe tonight after the charity gala, she might see him as more than the hired help.
“I should go and get ready.” She stood up from the table, clutching her robe tightly around her magnificent body.
“I’ll shower and dress, too.” He stood up and ran the hot water into the sink.
“Okay. We need to leave in an hour.” She left the kitchen, but he could still sense her in the apartment. He was aware of her on a deep
level, as if they were connected by an invisible tether.
His thoughts turned to Ray and his brief conversation with her. She sounded brighter, but there was still an undercurrent of sadness in every word, every syllable, every silence. It was tangible, as if he could reach out and touch it.
Since he’d met Madison, his understanding of what Ray was experiencing had changed. His first-hand knowledge of the mating bond had given him new insight into her loss. He was more committed than ever to bringing her out of the darkness and into the light. He could never replace Colm, but he could help her rebuild her life.
Perhaps he would encourage her to pursue her love of cooking. Since getting married and having the children, her culinary skills had revolved around making wonderfully tasty meals for her family. Perhaps it was time for her to spread her wings and fly.
Rob placed the plate he’d been drying down on the counter. Why hadn’t Colm flown away? He was a shifter, a dove. Not exactly a predatory animal. But still, his senses should have alerted him in time to get himself out of there.
Leave it behind tonight, his bear warned him.
I can’t leave it behind, Rob insisted.
Don’t let the loss of Colm taint your relationship with Madison. His bear had a point. Rob had let the loss of Colm and the guilt of not being there for him fester like an infected wound. He might not act consciously to sabotage his own happiness, but subconsciously he might decide he didn’t deserve the love of a woman like Madison and the long life they had to look forward to.
Drying his hands, he went to the guest room Madison had told him was his for the duration of his stay here. There he unpacked what he needed for tonight and unwrapped the tux. He was often required to wear a tux, but he wasn’t usually required to mix with the guests at parties or dinners.
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