by Ashley Beale
And the sad thing is, I know he would. But that doesn't matter, it isn't up to him. It's up to fate. And fate doesn't want us together, or they would have never let things go the way they did. This wouldn't be happening. Because I'd do anything in the world to spend forever with Avery, but it isn't going to happen, I couldn't hurt my mom like that.
"I know Avery," I admit. I look down at my fingers, folding them with one another. Tears fall onto them and it's then I realize I'm crying. Avery reaches over and holds onto my hands, giving me the comfort I've needed from him the past month. I look up into his moist green eyes. He is going to cry, dammit, I can't see him cry. I'll cave, and I can't. It won't work.
"Angel," he starts to say but I cut him off.
"No more calling me that. My name is Cassie."
He looks hurt, but I can't hear him say Angel anymore, it hurts more than I think he realizes. He swallows and nods before he speaks again. "Cassie, I love you so much."
"I love you too, Avery."
He cuts me off this time by putting his hand up in front of my face. I allow him to continue, knowing this must be as hard for him as it is for me. See, this is exactly why I didn't want you here! It's hurting us both!
"I understand why you left me, hell, I even understand the way you did it. But it doesn't change how I feel about you, and I know damn well you feel the same way. We are meant to be. Everything that has torn us apart, moving to Washington, my fighting, Pierce," he says his name with disgust, "we've made it through it all. This, we can make it through, I know we can."
I stand up and walk towards the door, not giving him another second. Not that I don't want to, I do, but it's too hard. He needs to stop believing we can work, I can't do it. I want to, God as my witness, I want this more than anything, but it can't happen, it won't happen, and I need to be strong. "Please leave," I tell Avery.
He stands and nods his head, not looking at me. He walks towards the door and his hand brushes mine before he walks out. I close the door behind him, lock it, then fall to the ground. I start sobbing uncontrollably. This is horrifying. I can't do this. I was doing so well, I finally got out of the house, and this is what happens. My heart is being crushed all over again.
Aubrey's arms are around me in minutes, and she helps me to my bed without a word besides shh. I'm so thankful to have her in my life. She has been my rock through everything. After I'm tucked under the covers, Aubrey turns off the light then climbs into bed with me. She plays with my hair until my eye lids get heavy. I mumble out a thanks to her, but she doesn't reply, or at least I don't hear her, and sleep finally takes over.
Chapter Two
"This is exactly what I needed mom, thank you." The two of us are sitting out back of her new house, a fire going in her pit, both of us have margaritas in our hands.
Her new house is directly on the beach, and although it's half the size of the home I grew up in, it's still large. Her entire back yard is sand and ocean, and I've never seen such a beautiful view. The fire pit is a giant hole in the sand, made from cement and bricks, and she has brown and beige patio furniture surrounding it.
She takes a sip of her drink before replying to me. "I'm glad to have your company. So, details on your date last night."
I take a large breath before I tell her about my night with Kevin, not telling her I ran into Avery last night. Or rather, he ran into my car and came home with me. I'm glad the party wasn't far from my place, so he didn't have to walk far to get back, but I still feel guilty about kicking him out last night without offering at least a ride.
The two of us sit in silence after I finish telling her about the date, staring out into the sunset. The sky is so beautiful with mixtures of purple, pink, orange, and blue. There is a light breeze coming from the shore, but it is just what I need. I feel more relaxed right here, right now, than I ever have in a spa.
My mom offers to refill our drinks and while I'm waiting for her to return I feel my phone buzz in my sweatshirt pocket. I pull it out to see a text from Avery. Immediately my heart thumps twice as hard and I can feel my face flush in an instant. I'm glad my mom is inside so she can't see the panic that just overtook me.
Avery: ...I miss u
That’s it? That is all he wants to say to me? He has to know that it's going to drive me mad! Maybe that is why he sent it. He wants me to think about him, he wants me to give in to temptation and take him back. I want to take him back, he needs to know that, but I can't, and he needs to know that too. So I don't reply. Instead, I turn my phone off and slide it back into the front of my sweatshirt.
My mom hands me the margarita minutes later and sits next to me this time, instead of her in her chaise lounge. She drapes a blanket over our laps and sighs loudly. I look over and can tell she is trying way too hard to be strong, and my heart breaks for her. I know how it is, to have your heart broken. But my mom’s situation is much worse than mine. Well, maybe not. We're both torn apart from the ones we love, because of someone else we love.
"Want to talk about it?" I ask her finally. She flinches and I realize she was probably dazed out into some memory or another.
She looks over to me and smiles softly. Her hand reaches up and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, reminding me of my childhood. She always used to do that to me. "No, honey, it's okay. I've been seeing a therapist and she has done wonders. I don't want to burden you with my personal issues. But I do want to make sure you're doing alright. You still haven't given me a reason why you and Avery ended."
I count backwards from ten before answering. No, no I didn't tell her why I left Avery. I don't want to tell her it's for her own good, that she is the reason behind it. I want my mom happy, even if it hurts me. I knew this would come, and I've practiced a hundred different excuses, and just as I'm about to tell her one, the truth slips out. "It had to be done. If we stayed together, there would be functions where his parents, and you, and dad would have to be attend, and I can't do that to you mom. I love you too much."
Her eyes widen and I know I just hurt her, without even meaning to. When will I stop hurting those around me? "Cassandra, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. You need to apologize to Avery and try to win him back. I am grown up, I can handle awkward situations. I'd do anything for you, even if that means I have to see people who have done me wrong. I have to see them regardless. Don't punish yourself for your father’s mistakes."
I knew something like that would be said, I don't let it affect my choices. I am too much like my mother, we both try to be stronger than we are, and we are both so much more stubborn that we should be. I'm quick with replying to her. "Mom, it was inevitable that we wouldn't work. Please don't make me take him back because you think you can handle it."
"I don't think I can handle it Cassandra, I know I can. And you are hurting both yourself and Avery over something so absurd. Grow up." I've never heard my mom tell me to grow up. I look at her and I can see she doesn't even feel bad saying that to me. My heart almost hurts from her words, it feels like rejection from my own mother, but a wakeup call. Have I been immature? I was honestly doing what I believed was best. Maybe I wasn't, maybe I am wrong. I'm not sure what to do now. Maybe I should ask my mom for her therapist’s number.
"Mom," I know maybe this should be the end of the conversation, but I need to know she is truly okay with it. "Dad had an affair with Avery's mom. And she was supposed to be one of your best friends. How can you be okay with me dating her son?"
A small tears runs down my mom’s face but she quickly wipes at it, blinking away the rest. She stares out into the darkening sky instead of at me, so I do the same, knowing this conversation is probably easier if we don't see the emotion in each other’s eyes. She sighs softly and pats my leg before she says anything. "What your father and Trish did was horrible, and I will never understand how anyone can betray people they love. But what was done is done, and we're all moving on from the situation. But that is our business, and although it's your father, and Avery
's mother that are involved, it really shouldn't concern the two of you. You have both been in love with one another since you were so young. Don't let other peoples poor choices affect yours. You deserve to be happy and with the one you love."
I don't respond, instead I lean into my mom and rest my head on her shoulder. She keeps her hand on my leg and we finish our margaritas in silence. This is a conversation I needed to have, and my mom woke me up. Like throwing a bucket of ice water over my head. Although I know it'll still hurt her, I'm seeing that she is right, and I did screw up, big time. I hope that Avery and I can work on things. He seemed to have wanted to last night, so I can only hope tomorrow he will be willing to have a conversation with me, and maybe work things out. I don't want to rush through anything with him, I want to take things slow, and make sure that my mom really will be okay, as well as his dad.
Since I only drank two margaritas and sipped them slowly, I don't feel the effects of alcohol and leave my mom’s house close to ten that night. She was exhausted and I don't blame her one bit. When I get home, the apartment is empty, so I lay in bed and think about the last month and how hard things have been. Then I think about three months ago, and how much I've really hurt those I love the most.
"Who is here for Avery Manning?" Avery's doctors asks as he walks into the waiting room. We've all been waiting for over three hours to hear any updates from his surgery.
I stand with Avery's parents and Mason. "We are," Trish answers.
"Are you his mother?"
"Yes," she answers with tears running down her face. My heart hurting for her. To have your son in surgery, after being shot, and not knowing anything for hours. It has got to be one of the hardest things in life.
The doctor nods and shakes both her hand and Teddy's, Avery's father. "We just finished. The surgery was pretty basic and went well, and Avery is stable. With that being said, there was excessive blood loss when trying to retrieve the bullet in his shoulder. Because of this, Avery has slipped into a comatose state. He is breathing and should be fine, but as of now, we don't know when he will wake up. Please rest assure, we've done, and will continue to do, everything we can for your son."
"Thank you," Trish manages to say. Me on the other hand, I can't say anything. I can't feel anything. I can't think of anything. I'm numb, completely numb.
I fall to the ground but I don't land on it, instead Pierce is pulling me up and resting me against his chest. He sits and pulls me on his lap. Avery is in a coma? How? When will he wake up? Will he ever wake up? How could the doctors let this happen? I want to be strong, I should be strong for his parents, but I can't be. I don't know how to be.
Pierce continues to give me comfort and I'm not sure how much time passes but eventually I'm being pulled out of the waiting room. "I'm going to bring Mason and Aubrey home. You should go home too, or you can come back with me, they won't let you stay here in his state."
I look at Pierce and I loathe him right now. I'm not sure why, I have no reason to, but I do. I shove at his chest. "How dare you tell me I need to leave!"
He flinches like my words psychically hurt him. "Cassie, I'm just-"
"You're just pissing me off. Why are you even here?"
"I... Cassie, I brought you here. I wanted to comfort you. Why are you yelling at me?"
I'm about to speak again when Aubrey yanks on my arm. "Cassie, calm down. Pierce is helping you, don't take your anger out on him."
"Well I don't want his help!" I yell at Aubrey this time, and I should feel bad for both her and Pierce, but honestly, I don't. I just want Avery's comfort and no one else’s.
I walk away and don't turn back around. I see one of the nurses and ask if I could please see Avery. She brings me into his room after she gets the okay from his doctor. After some help from Trish and Teddy, I'm able to sleep in Avery's room that night- and that week. Every single day and night was spent waiting for Avery to wake up. And it was worth it when he opened his eyes and looked directly into mine.
"I can't believe I did that to Pierce," I mutter out loud, but since no one is here, no one can hear me.
I tried several times to text and call Pierce to apologize, but he hasn't answered me once. I know I broke him. I was selfish and inconsiderate. He was just trying to help, and I should have called him that same night to apologize, but stupid me waited until Avery was out of the hospital and in rehab before I attempted to contact Pierce. And by then, Avery and I were officially a couple.
I turn the TV on, trying to drain out my thoughts, but it doesn't help. I reach for my cellphone and see the message Avery sent me earlier. I guess now is as good of time as any.
Me: I miss u too. I'm sorry about everything... Can we talk tomorrow?
It doesn't take long for my phone to vibrate again, which has my stomach fluttering as fast as my heart.
Avery: Can we tonite?...
Me: Can u come over???
Avery: Be there in ten
I jump from my bed and run to the bathroom, making myself look as presentable as I possibly can. I didn't think that I could feel like this, my heart and stomach are out of control. My palms are sweating, my head is dizzy, and I'm smiling from ear to ear. This is crazy! I shouldn't be acting like this.
There is a knock at my door just as I'm finishing up in the bathroom. I stroll to the door, anxious as ever, and when I open the door I exhale a breath I didn't even know I was holding. "Hi," I speak softly when I stare into his deep green eyes. He looks happy to see me in return, which has me smiling even bigger. I can't remember the last time I smiled this big. Actually, I can, the day he woke from his coma.
"Hi," he repeats my greeting and walks into the apartment. I close the door and gesture to the living room, which is where Avery already started walking towards.
"Do you want anything to drink?" I ask as I make my way towards the fridge. I need something, anything, to drink.
Avery asks for a soda, so I pour us each one, and make my way to sit next to him on the couch. He takes a sip of his soda before placing it on a coaster. "What do you want to talk about?" he asks.
"I'm sorry," I blurt out. I take a sip of my drink, trying to ignore the smug smile that appears on Avery's face. When I set my drink down next to his, I continue with the speech I just practiced in the mirror. "I'm not sure if we will work out Avery, I'm not sure if you even want me still, but I talked with my mom tonight, and she made a lot of sense, and she made me realize how stupid I was for leaving you, because I love you so much, and I was stupid, and I would do anything to have you back in my life, but if you want to be with me, and we get back together, we do need to take things a little slower than we were before."
Avery's lips are on mine before I finish the last word. When he pulls back, he places his hands on my shoulders and looks directly in my eyes, only inches away from my face. "First off, that was the longest run on sentence you've ever spoken. Second off, you know I love you right to death and would do anything to be with you, forever, fast or slow, I'm yours."
This time it's my lips on his and it doesn't take long for the kiss to deepen. Our tongues are reintroducing themselves after a month apart, and they're loving every second of it. A moan escapes my mouth and Avery swallows it. I pull back just then and allow my breathing to catch back to normal. "We shouldn't," I start to say.
Avery understands what I'm saying and agrees. We shouldn't go any further than a kiss right now, because we do need to slow down. We've had sex, a hundred times, and we've dated, twice before, but right now, it's like we're starting over. A new start, a fresh start.
I put out my hand. "I'm Cassie, nice to meet you."
Avery flashes his boyish grin that I've missed so much, and I'm thankful I'm sitting because my knees weaken almost immediately. "Avery, nice to meet you Cassie. Can I tell you something?"
"Of course you may," I say, playing along.
"You remind me of something." I lift my eyebrows, waiting to know what I remind him of. He smirks even bigger than before.
"You remind me of an angel, simply perfect in every way imaginable."
I blush, but I'm not sure why. He has called me an angel for years, he has called me perfect more times than I can count, yet his words have me so happy, I'm not sure I can contain myself.
I wink at Avery before I speak again. "So I've been told," I say but can't hold back the laughter.
Avery kisses my lips one more time, but leaves it simple. "So, what are we watching?" He grabs the remote and runs through my DVR list, then clicks it on Vampire Diaries. "You and your damn vampire shows."
I look over at Avery, staring at what I consider perfection, and I'm thanking my lucky stars. I know things won't be easy, but isn't there a quote that says, nothing worth anything comes easy? They’re the truest words I've ever heard.
After watching the last two weeks episodes, Avery leans over and whispers in my ear, even though he doesn't have to. What a tease! "So, since we're doing this slow, does that mean I have to sleep at my own place?"
I have to think on it for a minute, then I look over and smile. "You can stay the night, as long as you keep your hands to yourself."
"So I can't do this?" He reaches over and intertwines our fingers. Even that simple touch causes me to panic, but in the best way imaginable.
"You can do that," I tell him, a bit breathless. I turn the TV off, and walk us hand-in-hand to the bedroom. When I reach near my bed, I unlock our hands and pull my sweatshirt off, which reveals the tiny white tank top and black yoga pants I'm wearing. I look over at him to see he can't keep his eyes off my chest. It's then I remember I had taken my bra off when I had gotten home and forgot to put it back on. I look down to notice my nipples are hardened, but instead of covering them, I walk to the bed and sit on my side. I pull back the covers on the side he normally sleeps in, and ask if he is going to join me. There is a grunt of frustration that leaves his mouth.
He shakes his head back and forth, giving me a scowl. It is probably the cutest thing I've ever seen him do. "Tease," he says, then pulls his jeans and shirt off, showing me how amazing his chest and arms still look, even after three months with no fighting or training. Physical therapy has obviously done him some good. Which reminds me.