“I can’t. I can’t.” Alex backed away towards the door. What if she ran? Left her mother on the floor? She grabbed the handle.
“Don’t leave me, Alexandra!”
Alex’s hand turned the handle, her legs filled with pent up energy as she tried to decide what to do.
“Please don’t go … please,” Lily begged, unable to move any longer. “I can’t see you. Everything’s so dark now. It’s scaring me!” She let out a long moan. “Please Alex. Please don’t leave me.”
Alex released her grip on the doorknob, her hand falling down at her side. She looked at her mother, seeing the fear in her face. “I’m so confused Mummy.” She let out a loud sob. “I didn’t know what to do. Clive seemed to know everything. He said I’d die if I didn’t do what he wanted… I’m so sorry.”
“I know baby. Come help me back onto the sofa. We’ll get through this together.”
Alex nodded and helped her mother up off the carpet. The springs creaked under Lily’s weight, and Alex held her head gently as she plumped up the cushions. Carefully, she positioned her mother, checking to make sure she was comfy.
“Sit beside me,” Lily said and patted the space at her side. Her motions were sluggish, as if her hand had grown heavy and unresponsive. Alex chose to kneel on the floor and looked deeply into her mother’s eyes. Unable to maintain the eye contact, she glanced away and fretfully scanned the room. Would he appear now, the demon? To scoff and make things worse?
“What did you do to me Alex?” A new strength crept into Lily’s voice, the type that insisted she was still in control, that Alex was her daughter and would do as she was told.
Alex grabbed a clump of hair and began twirling the strands around her fingers. “I dissolved your sleeping tablets in the wine.”
After a long silence, Alex dragged her eyes up from the carpet where she’d been staring to find out if Lily was still awake. Fear began to fill Alex. What had she done?
“I suppose you could be certain that I’d drink it.” Lily laughed, a moist deep smokers laugh. The smile faded from her face. “I might very well die unless you go get the phone. I want you to dial 999. I want you to say your mother has overdosed on sleeping tablets and wine. Tell them that I tried to commit suicide.” She took a deep breath, her voice soft and tired. “Tell them you found me like this.”
Alex stared for a moment, unsure, confused, sad, a jumble of emotions pinning her to the ground beside her dying mother.
“Now, Alex.”
Alex surprised herself by jumping up, and without thinking further, she ran into the hall, crashing into the wall in her haste to retrieve the phone. She pressed the emergency number into the keypad even before she’d re-entered the room. She put the handset to her ear and hurried back to her mother.
“Ambulance,” she said after a pause.
Lily reached out and grabbed Alex’s free hand. She squeezed and smiled weakly at her daughter.
“It’s my mother…” Alex choked with unexpected emotion and struggled to find her voice. “…sorry, I’m so sorry, I found her. She’s taken sleeping pills, lots of them…” Tears flowed freely. “She’s dying…” There was a pause as Alex listened. “Lily Walker, 35 Birlington Drive … yes, that’s my phone number. How long … thanks … she’s close to unconsciousness … yes I found her this way … the pills …? Yes, I’ll make sure the paramedics get the bottle … she’s hardly awake, please hurry!” Alex hung up, crying hard, hiccupping gulps of pain and confusion.
“It’s okay, I forgive you.”
“You’re not going to die, please tell me you’re not going to die!” Alex said, voice high-pitched with emotion. “I’ve got to make you vomit!” she all but screamed the words. Alex jumped up off the floor and ran into the kitchen and grabbed the bucket from under the sink. She raced back. “Can you force yourself?” Alex positioned the rim under her mother’s mouth. “If you can’t I will.”
Lily struggled to roll over slightly and put two fingers deep into her throat. She made a gagging noise and threw up the wine into the bucket. Lily repeated the action and vomited again, much less came up.
“I think that’s all,” she said weakly and rolled over.
Alex took the bucket to the kitchen and ran back to her mother with a tea towel. She dabbed Lily’s mouth clean.
“Tell me what’s been going on Alexandra,” Lily asked, her eyes half lidded and unfocused.
“A man raped me yesterday,” Alex said. Pain coursed through her, and Alex held onto her stomach.
Lily’s eyes fluttered wide for a moment as she considered her daughter’s words, and how to respond.
“A man … a man attacked me yesterday, Mummy. He raped me. He grabbed me in the park and raped me, and I hurt so much.”
Alex collapsed on her mother’s lap. Sleepy arms wrapped around her and stroked her hair.
“I was in the woods, with Clive and he came out of nowhere. He was so strong, I couldn’t fight him. He stripped me and … raped me. He’s all I can see each time I close my eyes. He’s running at me, a faceless black creature, ready to attack me again.”
Lily moved a hand to her daughter’s face and wiped away some of the tears.
“Clive told me you were part of it, that you needed to be killed. I kept saying no, I didn’t want to! Then I found Harry’s letter and you said he was delusional and I was so glad. It meant I needed to go to a hospital and they’d sort me out. But Clive had to prove he was right, so he took me to the woods and I was attacked. There was nothing I could do, I couldn’t get away!”
“Clive didn’t arrange that. The man was waiting for whoever passed. It just happened to be you. Shouldn’t have happened to anyone.” Lily wheezed with each word. Even speaking seemed to tire her. She stopped talking. Her lids shut bit by bit until they closed firmly.
“Mum, Mum, wake up, the ambulance will be here soon. Stay awake. That’s what they told me.”
“Alex, promise me you’ll tell them that I committed suicide.” As she whispered the words, her hands stilled.
“No, I won’t have to tell them, you’re not going to die!” Alex burst into tears. “No!” She jiggled her mother to wake her. Lily let out a sigh as her body relaxed further. Alex thought maybe that was it, and looked frantically around the room, not sure what to do. She got up in a daze and ran to the window. Almost pulling the curtains off the rails, she yanked them open. Where was the ambulance? She peered out into the night and searched for the flashing lights of the emergency vehicle.
“Mum, they’ll be here soon, don’t sleep.” She kneeled beside her mother and gave her a gentle shake.
“Alexandra, I want you to know I forgive you.”
Alex leaned close, her mother’s voice was faint, barely audible.
“Please remember…” she faded out for a moment, “…that I love you…” She tried to open her eyes, fluttering ice blue at Alex. “I know I wasn’t always the best mother…”
“You were fine. There were hard times. You did the best you could. Don’t die on me! I’ll take the pills they give me, I promise. I’m so sorry Mummy, don’t die!”
“I’m going to sleep now, I love you.” Lily’s eyes closed.
“Mummy, wake up!” Alex shook her again, but Lily just let out a shuddery breath. “I love you too,” Alex said and held her mother’s hands as the strength of her grasp started to slip away. “I never meant to hurt you. I just wanted to make things right.”
In the distance, the sound of a siren grew and Alex held on tight to her mother.
“I’m so sorry,” she said, leaned over and kissed Lily’s forehead. “I thought I was the grownup, now look at me.” Alex straightened Lily’s hair again and smoothed out her clothing. As the ambulance screeched to a stop, she caressed the side of her mother’s face. Someone started knocking furiously. A louder bang sounded on the door, and for a few seconds, Alex ignored the noise. What was the point, she’d left calling them too late.
“Hello, anyone in there, we’re look
ing for Lily Walker,” a muffled male voice shouted through the letterbox.
Alex snapped out of her trance. She leapt off the floor and rushed to the hallway. Two paramedics, thankfully not the same two that had attended Jeremy, stood at the door laden with equipment.
“Where’s the patient?” The older one said and Alex pointed numbly into the living room. They bustled past leaving Alex clinging to the front door, listening to the rattle and clink of medical intervention. Slowly the sounds receded and the world around her faded. What had she done? How could she have done such a horrible thing to her mother? She deserved to be hung.
Mumbled words floated into her mind, and a tugging on her arm made her blink back into the house. The paramedics had her mother on a trolley. A blanket covered her body. One of the paramedics spoke to her. He waited for an answer. Alex stared vacantly at him and nodded. He started speaking again, and together with his colleague, they took Lily out to the ambulance. One of them returned. Alex caught the word ‘okay’ and she nodded again. He went back to the ambulance and with the lights off, they drove away.
Alex slammed the door. Not much later, a noise soon echoed around her mind. She thought someone might be outside, knocking. But by then the world had turned black. Alex slid down the wall and crumpled on the floor. She curled up tight as she could manage, twitching and whimpering in the hell where she found herself.
Chapter Nineteen
“Alex.” There was a pause. “Alex, wake up.”
She forced her eyes open. Immediately, she shivered. Her entire body ached, because somehow, she’d slept the night on the floor. Clive crouched over her, shaking her back to consciousness. Light filtered in the glass panel in the front door, sunrays flooded the hall, dazzling her. Alex lay shivering, staring into the living room, not remembering why she’d opened the hall curtain. Memories of the night before seemed missing, her mind blank. As she tried to remember, she stared at the dust motes as they sparkled and danced together, her cheek pressed against the carpet.
“Something happened last night…,” she said finally.
Clive sat on the stairs and watched her.
“Something bad happened.” She pushed some hair off her face, trying to find the missing memories deep inside her brain. “I think I’m angry with you, but I don’t know why,” she said, stretching in an attempt to loosen her stiff limbs. She should get up soon. “Why would I be angry with you?” Alex got up slowly, her joints aching, and turned to face Clive.
The demon shrugged. He sat with his chin resting on his hands, his expression serious. No quiz show host smile today. Alex peered back into the living room, the curtains still drawing her attention. Why? She stepped into the room. Why were the curtains so important? Clive followed her through, and arms crossed across his chest, he leaned against the arm of the sofa, waiting. Something was wrong. Alex turned examining the room in increments, and when she found the single wine glass on the coffee table, she stopped.
Events from the night before returned. Alex grabbed onto the back of the armchair. A cry escaped her, and she clapped a hand to her mouth. Everything flashed in front of her then ended with one last heart-stopping image; that of her mother covered by a hospital blanket.
“Clive,” she whispered. Her cheeks pinked and her heart beat hard as her blood pressure soared. “This is all down to you.” She spoke in a low and controlled voice.
The demon flashed one of his magnificent smiles. Alex glared at him through narrowed eyes. She drew back her fist and threw a punch at him.
“Jesus, babydoll, what the hell was that for?” He put a hand to his cheek.
“That was for my mother,” she said, barely controlling her fury. Clenching her fists she stepped right up to him. “So is this,” she cried and slammed her fist into Clive’s face again. She let out a high-pitched shrieking sound and punched, hitting him with all her strength. Clive ducked and backed away.
“Hey, Alex, sweet cakes, enough. You’ve made your point already!”
He blocked her then shoved her to the floor. Before she had a chance to scramble to her feet, he put a foot on her chest and pushed her down. He towered above her, the earlier smile gone and replaced by a look of disappointment.
“This was your deal Alex. I had nothing to do with it. I puff back into your life to find the drunk dead and you crashed out on the carpet, shivering and moaning. If you have a problem with your actions, fix it, but don’t come attacking me. I didn’t do a thing.”
“Fuck you, asshole! You made me do all this. Everything that’s happened has been your fault, right down to the pigeon in the park. I wouldn’t have done any of this had you not shown up in my life. You’ve ruined everything!” She slapped at his foot, but only the once, to make a point. He’d made it clear he was far stronger.
The demon took his foot off her and stepped to the side. “You were already walking the road before I turned up. How do you explain the money?”
She ignored him, and said, “You know what I’m going to do today?” She waited for a moment. “I’m going to St Patrick’s, and I’m going to admit myself. I am a danger to society, that’s what they call people like me. How many more am I going to kill before I get caught?” She paled for a second. “Jesus, I’m a serial killer!”
“You are not going to go to St Patrick’s!” Clive shouted, his skin flickering.
“I’ll do whatever I want Clive, whatcha going to do? Scare me to death?” She crawled backwards, away from his towering hulk and jumped back onto her feet. “You told me you couldn’t kill in this dimension.”
“I lied.”
Alex stared fixedly as his skin shimmered again, waves cresting and undulating, the color shifting and unsure. “Lied?” she asked weakly and backed away further.
“I just wanted to find out what you were capable of. Boy did you perform, babydoll.”
“No, no, can’t be…” She looked around for an escape route. The demon matched her step for step. Her back pressed up into the corner of the room.
“Oh yes, it most certainly can be. The best thing for you is to keep quiet.” He continued to advance on her. With each step, he grew in height, suddenly tall enough for his head to touch the ceiling.
“Don’t, don’t kill me!” she shrieked and covered her face with her arm. “Please, don’t change!” She squeezed her eyes closed.
“Alex,” Clive said, his voice deeper and seemingly multi-toned. Like five deep-voiced men all talking at once.
“I don’t want to look. I don’t want to see you!” she said and slid down the wall and into a crouch. Daring to open her eyes, she peered under the edge of her arm to find cloven feet in front of her. The hoofs stamped and clacked on the floor impatiently.
Something red-hot clamped around her forearm and pulled it away from her face. She closed her eyes tight not wanting to see the demon side of Clive. He couldn’t force them open, could he? The burning sensation continued. Her arm hurt so much, but he’d let go. She frowned, confused. If he wasn’t squeezing her, then what? Above her a coarse laugh echoed.
“Might want to put ice on that, babydoll.” The demon continued to laugh. “If you try to get yourself committed, I will burn the rest of your body. Do you understand me, Alex?”
She barely heard him. Flashes of pain shot up her arm.
“Do you understand me?” he shouted.
His voice reverberated around her skull. Alex nodded. The pain was incredible, pulsing down her arm and up to her shoulder.
“Oh my God!” Her eyes shot open. The skin on her arm was bright red, already blistered and peeling. Thick fluid seeped from the wound. But the shape, she almost didn’t believe. A giant clawed handprint clearly marked her skin. “What have you done to me?”
Alex suppressed a cry. She realized Clive had gone. The living room now empty, and her way clear, Alex ran to the kitchen and threw her forearm under a stream of cold water. It knocked the edge off the pain, but only a little. With her other hand, she opened the cabinet where her mother
kept household medicines, and grabbed a packet of paracetamol. After a struggle she freed a couple of tablets and swallowed them.
She put her hand under the water again, eyeing the cabinet for bandages. A burn this size needed a big bit of padding. While she searched for dressings, she decided she must find Harry, he was the only one who could save her from Clive, she was sure of this.
Chapter Twenty
“Um, hello. I was wondering if I could talk to someone about one of your patients.” Alex peered in through a small hatch labeled above as: Reception. Inside an overweight woman with her grey-streaked hair scraped back into a pony tail sat behind the desk. She ignored Alex and kept typing.
“Hello, do you work here?” Alex asked, not sure as the woman wasn’t wearing a nurse’s uniform, her clothes casual.
“Just hold on a minute. I’m writing up someone’s notes,” the woman mumbled, eyes not even shifting from the screen to look up at Alex.
“Oh, okay.” Alex stood in a small lobby. There were no seats, only the hatch in one wall and a locked door on another and the words No Access written in red. Did they not get visitors? She checked around behind her, worried about when Clive might show up. Her arm throbbed and ached right up to her shoulder. What would he do to her if he actually found her at St Patrick’s?
Another woman walked in to the office beyond the hatch, younger than the first and dressed in a t-shirt that said, Hands off, they’re mine across her breasts. Her ginger hair was tied into short pigtails that bounced as she crossed the room. Alex said a silent thank you that neither of them leaked blue smoke from their eyes.
“Hello.” She didn’t wait for an answer and asked, “Can I help you?” She leaned on the counter and smiled.
“I hope so. I’m looking for my father. He used to be… Um, he was … or is a patient here.” Alex felt her color rising as she stumbled over her words. Unexpected nerves took flight in her stomach. What if her mother lied, and he never came to St Patrick’s?
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