“Was that what was in your statement to the sheriff?” Ava asked. “Something about Bill?”
Helen’s lip curled in distaste. “Frank Jesse was bought and paid for by Bill Bryson. Bill was the one that got him the job and then continued to keep him on the payroll. I made a statement the day your mother disappeared, Logan. Like any good friend would do. I always assume Frank burned it. It certainly didn’t do any good. He declared your mother’s disappearance a missing person’s case.” She shook her head. “She never in a million years would have left you willingly. Never. You were the light of her life. She loved you more than anything in the world. Never doubt that.”
Logan’s body next to hers had gone stiff. She could feel the emotional tension radiating from him and she placed her hand on his thigh trying to soothe him just a little. He was so focused on Helen Ava’s gesture didn’t even seem to register.
“She left me.” Logan’s voice was flat, daring this woman to argue with him.
“No.” Helen shook her head. “I don’t believe that and neither should you. She never would have left you voluntarily.”
“Maybe you could tell us what your statement contained? It had been redacted so we couldn’t tell what you’d said.” Ava asked gently.
Helen took a sip of her coffee before beginning. “It was a Friday. Logan, Katie, and Todd were at school. Both Jackie and I worked at the local diner waiting tables. We had so much in common,” Helen explained. “We were both divorced, single mothers living paycheck to paycheck. Jackie got me the job at the diner and it was a good one. I made good tips there and with my child support we did okay.”
“Anyway, we both had worked the lunch shift but were back home before the kids got out of school. Bill Bryson came by that day. It wasn’t the first time. The walls were thin and I could hear them arguing. Bill wanted to tell Logan and Jackie wouldn’t hear of it. She considered Bill to be a mistake she’d made when she and John were having problems. But, she always considered John to be your real father. He’d been there for you when you were young.”
“He left too,” Logan replied bitterly. “I don’t seem to inspire parental devotion.”
Helen straightened in her chair, her eyes stormy. “I should smack your face for that, Logan Wright. Your mother couldn’t have been more devoted to you. As for John, well, he fell in love with another woman. And yes, he left.” Helen shook her finger at Logan. “But it had nothing to do with you. That was on Jackie. She had terrible taste in men. Just awful. Give her a room of ninety-nine good men and one bad apple, and she’d find the rotten one. She tried to raise you to be a better man than Bill was.”
Logan scraped his fingers through his hair, an exasperated look on his face. “I’m sorry, but I feel like I’ve been in the dark most of my life. I think I have a reason to be angry about it.”
“You do, but you can’t let it ruin your life. You can’t let Bill Bryson win,” Helen urged.
“What else happened that day?” Ava asked, trying to move the conversation back to where it had started. Things could easily escalate if they weren’t careful.
“The arguing was loud and it seemed to go on forever. I finally couldn’t take it anymore and pounded on the door to see if Jackie was alright. She opened the door and Bill was there, his face red with anger. She assured me everything was okay and she would call me if she needed anything. That was the last time I saw her.” Helen’s voice caught. “It did get quiet. When you came home, Logan, she wasn’t there so you checked at our apartment. Of course she wasn’t with me. To this day I think Bill Bryson did something to her. Lured her away and hurt her in some way. I tried to tell Frank Jesse but he was only concerned with covering up for Bill.”
The older woman’s tone was filled with anger. She’d had seventeen years to think about what had happened that day and it was clear to see it still haunted her.
Logan swallowed and he seemed to sway with the shock of what he’d heard. She squeezed his thigh and he turned to look at her, his brilliant blue eyes dull with pain. There wasn’t much she could say to take away the hurt there.
He turned back to Helen. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
This time tears did spill over. “I wanted to but you were so young to bear that burden. Frank made it clear to me that if I pushed the issue he would make it his mission to ruin my life. He hinted I could lose my job, or worse, end up in jail on some trumped up charge. I would have lost my kids. I couldn’t take that chance. Please try to understand,” Helen pleaded. “I tried to care for you when Jackie disappeared. I did my best, and then you went into the Army. I knew you’d be safe there, away from Frank and Bill.”
“Frank sent me there,” Logan said, clearly shaken. His face was ashen and he practically vibrated with tension.
“Yes,” Helen agreed. “He wanted you out of the way where you wouldn’t ask questions. His promise of a deputy job was just to get you under his thumb.”
Logan stood and walked over to the sliding glass doors that overlooked the backyard. “We think Bill Bryson killed Margaret Bryson, and that George killed Bill.”
“I wish I could say I was surprised but the whole town suspected Bill abused Margaret. She would disappear for days and then when we would see her again, her makeup was applied with a heavy hand. She was terrified of Bill and would jump whenever he came into a room. I didn’t know her well but she seemed like she was afraid of her own shadow. As for George, I doubt he’d have the backbone to kill anyone, honestly. He was weak and cowardly. His only mission in life was to follow Bill around like a puppy.”
“Did George know about what Bill did?” Ava asked.
“I expect he did.” Helen shrugged. “He was with Bill once when he visited Jackie.”
“Were you ever going to tell me my mother didn’t abandon me?” Ava could hear the tightly leashed fury in Logan’s tone. His back was ramrod straight. Every line of body spoke of a man holding onto his control by a thread.
“I told you every day,” Helen exclaimed. “All the time. I always told you that your mother never would have left you, Logan.”
Logan whirled around his expression full of anguish. “Did he kill her, Helen? If he did, where is she? Where’s my mother’s body?”
Helen looked sick to her stomach. “I do, indeed, believe that Bill is the reason your mother disappeared. As for where she might be, I don’t know. They did have a meeting place out by the lake. He may have taken her there. I just don’t know.”
It was surreal to hear them talking about the location of Jackie Wright’s body. Logan’s chest was rising and falling rapidly and Helen didn’t look much better. She’d grabbed a tissue and was dabbing at her eyes. This journey into the past had been painful for all involved.
“We need to go.” Logan paced the kitchen liked a caged lion. “I’ll call you when I find something out.”
Helen placed her hand on his arm, a pleading expression on her face. “I don’t want to lose you this time. When I left town at Frank’s urging, I lost track of you. I don’t want that to happen again.”
“It won’t.” Logan shook his head, his features softening. “I promise I’ll keep in touch. I want to hear about everything that’s happened in the last seventeen years.”
“Me too,” Helen agreed softly. “I can see you’ve grown into such a fine man. Jackie would be proud.”
A spasm of pain crossed Logan’s face. “I hope so. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
Ava felt her own throat close up with emotion. The veneer of cool calmness that Logan had cultivated for years had been stripped away leaving him raw and exposed. She wanted to heal the wounds that had been festering too long but didn’t even know where to begin. How did you heal a heart and soul that had been battered and then abandoned?
Logan hugged Helen and moved toward the door. Ava quickly said her goodbyes and followed him to the truck. It had all come to a head and something had to give. Soon.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Logan simply had
n’t been able to take it any longer. Not being able to stand the sympathetic expression on Ava’s face, he’d headed out for a walk after he’d dropped her at the cabin. He wasn’t fit company for anyone at the moment.
She’d tried to comfort him but he wasn’t ready for a sympathetic hand on his forehead yet. He needed to move, to breathe. He needed space around him to be able to make sense of all the secrets and truths that had been laid before him these last several days.
He walked for a long time, pushing his body hard, the brisk mountain air clearing not only his lungs but his head. By the time he reached a ridge that overlooked an expansive valley, he was exhausted and sweaty. But he wasn’t just tired from physical exertion, he was tired of being emotionally pummeled at every turn.
He wasn’t a goddamn victim, had always railed against that. He hated the pussy whining of those that felt their childhood shaped their entire life. Now here he was faced with the decision to let the past define his future or reject the baggage that people had burdened him with. It simply wasn’t in his nature to look backwards although he was being forced to at the moment. The present was what truly mattered.
Sitting down on a large rock, he let one overriding fact finally sink into his consciousness.
His mother hadn’t left him.
He could go over and over the evil things Bill Bryson had done but the fact was Logan had seen worse in the Middle East. What had happened to Margaret Bryson and his mother was far more personal but bad people were what Logan dealt with for a living. He’d ceased to be shocked by acts of depraved violence years ago.
His mother hadn’t left him.
The words were burned into his brain and the familiar but wieldy albatross of being unlovable, unwanted, slowly fell away. He’d been dragging it around for a long time and now that it was gone it felt strange not to carry its weight. He felt lighter but a part of his heart still beat for revenge. If Bill Bryson were still alive Logan would have taken great pleasure in arresting him. Seeing him prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Cold cases were notoriously hard to prove but Logan would see justice done for his mother. Somehow he would prove Bill Bryson had been responsible.
Bill Bryson had met a nasty and bloody end but he’d lived his life the same way. Once again Logan couldn’t help but wonder how the vigilante chose his victims. How had he known when Logan himself had been ignorant of the facts? And why now?
More and more Logan was moving away from the theory that George had killed his brother. Unless something they didn’t know about had been the catalyst, there seemed little motivation for George to do the deed. It also left little reason for anyone else. Unless one of his victims had risen from the grave, and Logan didn’t believe in ghosts.
His mother hadn’t left him.
He kept coming back to that. It was the one bright thing that had come from all this fucking mess. And it was a mess. A lot of people were going to be hurt before Logan was done here. He couldn’t feel guilty about it. He’d carried the stigma of his mother’s defection for too long to feel badly about others having some heartache when they had to face the truth about their loved ones. Bill Bryson hadn’t been anyone to look up to and Logan would take great pleasure in making sure everyone in Corville and beyond knew that.
His mother hadn’t left him.
She’d loved him, and hadn’t he lost track of that all these years? She’d said it every day even when he’d grown too old for her hugs and kisses as he went off to school. She’d looked at him with love and adoration in her blue eyes that exactly matched his. He could recognize the emotion now that he’d seen the same in Ava’s eyes.
Ava.
He couldn’t deny the love he felt for her any longer. He’d wanted to believe she hadn’t gotten to him, but here he was. Aching with love for a woman who didn’t even live in Corville. He wanted to reach out for a future with her but he’d avoided thinking about building a life with someone for so long, he wasn’t even sure how to begin. Always before he’d thought love would be snatched out of his greedy fingers. It would take courage to go after what he wanted.
Deep down he’d always felt there was something seriously wrong with him if his own mother left him. He’d believed this defect would keep a woman, the right woman, from staying with him. Eventually she’d see all his faults and leave. Everyone left, after all.
His father. His mother. Even Helen had left.
But there wasn’t anything wrong with him. At least nothing fatal. He wasn’t so much Bill Bryson’s son as he was his mother’s. She’d been the guiding hand in his childhood. Logan would hold onto her and reject the Bryson name and money. From the looks of things, it hadn’t brought anyone happiness or peace.
Ava was right. There was nothing more pathetic than an aging playboy trying to hold onto the past. A past that wasn’t even that good. It had been pleasurable but with each passing day it had made him emptier inside. Isn’t that why he’d let Ava help him with this case? His heart and soul had been crying out for someone real. Ava was as real as it came.
He sat there for a long time working through the facts and innuendo. One thing shone clear. He wouldn’t let his slim chance of happiness slip through his fingers. He could see the truth now for what is was. It was his job to accept it and move on. If he didn’t it was his own damn fault.
Levering up from the rock, he headed straight back to the cabin. He had a lot to say to Ava if she was ready to hear it.
* * * *
Ava had just about worn a hole in the kitchen linoleum pacing back and forth. She’d attempted to read a book and then had sat outside with a cup of coffee but Logan still wasn’t back. She understood he needed time to process everything but as the sun started to set Ava’s concern was growing. He wasn’t the type to do anything desperate but his expression when he’d walked out of the house had scared her. Pale, his mouth in a grim line, he’d looked as if he’d never smile again. Her heart ached for this amazing man who had experienced so much pain in his life. It was no wonder he kept everyone at arm’s length.
She poured herself another cup of coffee and leaned back against the kitchen counter. The fact was she didn’t know which Logan would return to the cabin. Would it be the laidback, devil may care ladies’ man or the softer, loving and open man she’d spent time with these last few weeks? She feared the former and could only hope for the latter.
The sound of his boots on the front porch made her heart accelerate in her chest. The moment of reckoning was upon her. Logan would either be on the way to putting the past behind him or he would be destroyed.
The door swung open and one look at his slumped shoulders and grave countenance made any hope she’d had dissolve. Even a strong man like Logan couldn’t be expected to weather something like this. It was asking too much. She was always doing that, always hoping people could be something they really weren’t. She wouldn’t do that with him. Accepting who and what he was? It was the only gift she could give him now.
“Is there enough coffee for me?”
Ava nodded and hurried to fill a mug. He sounded normal enough but instead of coming to put his arms around her he simply sat heavily at the table. She slid the cup in front of him and he sipped at it, not speaking or looking at her. Finally when she didn’t think she could stand the silence any longer, he spoke.
“I did a lot of thinking out there.”
Her fingers tightened around the edge of the counter but she forced herself to let go and sit in the chair opposite him.
“Did you come to any conclusions?” Ava could hear the fear in her tone but she had no way to cover it up. All her defenses had been stripped away today.
Logan nodded, leaning forward on his elbows, the mug cupped between his hands. “I did, actually. When I went out there my mind was all confused. I couldn’t think straight. But one thing was crystal clear.” He looked her right in the eye. “My mother didn’t leave me. She loved me. Somewhere during all these years I lost that fact. Looking back I don’t see how I coul
d have ever believed she didn’t love me. She said it every day and with every action. Every decision she made was about me. I remember that now.”
A tidal wave of relief shook Ava to the core. He’d seen some good in all this. He’d taken all that life had thrown at him and found the kernel of truth and happiness he could cling on to. “I’m glad, Logan.” She smiled, trying to hold back her own tears. “You’re easy to love.”
A corner of his mouth tipped up. “I’m glad you think that, but I haven’t always believed it. The fact is I’d forgotten so many things about my childhood and my mother. When we talked to Helen today it all came rushing back. And I knew one thing. I was loved.”
A sob caught in her throat. “Of course she loved you.”
“It’s not a given, you know. In my line of work I’ve seen some parents do some awful things to their kids. But Mom wasn’t one of them.”
Wiping a tear away, Ava fought the urge to tell him how much she loved him. It wasn’t the time or place to think about what she wanted. This was about Logan and he didn’t need the added burden of her emotions along with all of his own.
“What happens now?” Terrified to ask the question, she still couldn’t stop the words from leaving her mouth.
Logan took a deep breath and set his coffee on the table. “As I said, I made some decisions out there. The first is that I have no desire to be a Bryson. I’m my mother’s son and I’m happy with that. So I plan to sell anything I’ve inherited from Bill Bryson back to Lyle, Wade, and Aaron. I want no part of it.”
Cowboy Truth: Cowboy Justice Association #3 Page 22