Well, you couldn’t fault that logic.
He missed Riley every day. He’d forget for a moment that things had changed, and he’d reach for his phone to text him some small thing that happened at work. Or he’d see a preview for a good movie and start making plans in his head to go with Riley before he remembered that wouldn’t be happening. Then the pain would hit all over again.
So, yeah. Brad wasn’t happy. Not right now. Maybe not for a long time.
Chapter 5
Brad hated the idea of watching Riley picking up guys, but he couldn’t avoid his friends forever without answering some pointed questions. So when Chris sent a group text, insisting that he needed all his friends together again, Brad sent back the only reply he could: I’m in.
Brad used to go out every weekend without fail, and lately he’d been impersonating a hermit. He’d stayed in more in the past month than he had in his entire life. On the upside, he’d done a lot more reading and felt a sense of accomplishment with each book finished, even if they were works of fiction. Lately, he’d been making his way through the books that’d been on his required reading list in high school, which he’d avoided like the plague at the time: The Catcher in the Rye, To Kill a Mockingbird, Great Expectations, The Count of Monte Cristo. That last one was his favorite. Who didn’t love a good revenge tale?
He could relate a bit much to the role of scorned lover, even if he wasn’t scorned so much as ignored. At least, ignored when it came to his romantic needs. Not so much on the friend front.
Chris had ambushed him at lunch recently, wanting to understand Brad’s sudden reluctance to go out. He’d teased Brad that he must be in love and too busy with his secret affair to hang out with his friends. He shouldn’t have been surprised his friends would make that leap; that’s pretty much how it happened with Harry. He met Bret and his partying days were over.
Brad had worked hard to maintain a neutral expression when all he wanted to do was crumple into a heap and cry. He’d appeased Chris by telling him he’d gone on a date with one of his aerobics students. He’d neglected to mention another date wouldn’t be happening.
But he couldn’t continue to dodge Riley at every turn, no matter how much it hurt. He didn’t want to lose his friend, even if he had to lose his fuck buddy.
It would be hard to be around Riley, especially when he just wanted to shake Riley and ask why they couldn’t be together for real. Of course, Brad knew why. That also made him want to cry — and cuss Riley’s old Aunt Sharon to hell and back for the way she’d abandoned her nephew when he didn’t have any other family, and then went and died before he could find any peace with that. Maybe if they’d eventually been able to mend some fences, Riley wouldn’t be such a tangled mess when it came to attachments. Between losing his parents at a young age and his guardian shunning him later, it made sense that Riley would be afraid of committing to someone else who might hurt him.
It made sense logically, but Brad’s heart wasn’t logical. And he couldn’t help feeling like Riley would overcome that fear if he loved Brad enough. That was the kind of romantic drivel in his head that made Brad want to punch himself. People didn’t work that way.
His phone chimed with a text, and he saw Riley’s answer in the group text Chris had just sent: Hell yeah, I’m there. About time Brad got his ass out. Can’t wait to see it in tiny shorts ;)
Chris: I’m generally afraid of what I might see when Brad goes out
Harry: I shouldn’t stare, but it’s so hard not to. Even Bret is in awe of that ass
Brad laughed and blinked back the tears welling in his eyes. He’d missed this friendly banter. He needed his friends, and that included Riley. Somehow, he’d have to make it work.
He fired off a quick text.
Brad: Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful
Riley: Your ass is beautiful. We didn’t say anything about your face
Brad: Well, my mouth is on my face …
Riley: I take it back. Your face is awesome
Harry: Quit sexting in the group text!
Chris: I think you mean, keep sexting. I can use it to jerk off later …
Brad: First of all, if you guys think that’s sexting, *you* need to get out more. And second: Ew! Chris, you’re like a brother to me
Riley: Chris, you’re like a hot guy I once fucked … and I’m happy to be your jerkoff fodder. Let me know if you need any pics ;)
Brad: And you call me a slut
Riley: Takes one to know one
Chris: Missed you guys! See you later
***
The evening started out okay. Riley was psyched to be out with his friends – all his friends – again. Mostly, he was glad to see Brad in person. He looked super hot, too. He’d worn tiny shorts as usual and a T-shirt so tight Riley could see the outline of his nipple rings. It made his mouth water with the desire to suck them into his mouth and make Brad squirm.
Brad had smiled at him, hugged him hello, and even made a few jokes when he first arrived. Then he’d promptly dived onto the dance floor. That wasn’t so unusual. He couldn’t help noticing, though, that Brad was still avoiding him.
They used to frequently exchange looks and friendly banter, even while dancing with someone else. Tonight, Brad wouldn’t meet his gaze. Any other night, they’d return to the table to catch their breath and rehydrate, rejoining their friends off and on, but tonight Brad was going to the bar instead.
“What the hell is Brad’s problem?” he asked Chris when they’d both returned to the table for a breather. “He’s not himself.”
“Really?” Chris glanced out at the dance floor where Brad was grinding away with a beefy guy. “He looks like himself.”
“He won’t look at me,” Riley complained. “He’s not even coming back to the table for breaks. All that bullshit about not wanting to come out, it’s about me, isn’t it? Has he told you what his deal is?”
Chris looked uncomfortable. “Not really,” he said. “Maybe he’s just trying to distance himself because he started dating someone.”
“He what?”
“He’s dating a student or something,” Chris said. “You guys hook up a lot, so that’s probably awkward to explain.”
“I guess,” Riley said, frowning. Dating wasn’t like Brad. He wasn’t into that crap, just like Riley wasn’t.
“You guys need to talk it out,” Chris said.
Riley nodded. He couldn’t agree more. He spotted Brad walking into the bathroom, and he made his move.
Brad dating some other guy felt all wrong. No, Brad dating any guy was wrong. Riley wasn’t bothered that Brad was interested in someone, just that he’d apparently decided to cut Riley out of his life like every other person he’d ever cared about.
Fuck.
***
Riley cornered Brad in the bathroom. He pushed him against a patch of wall next to the stalls. It was grimy and covered in rude slurs, phone numbers from some truly desperate types and images of cocks that would make any fourteen-year-old kid proud.
“What the fuck, Brad?”
Brad blinked. “Huh?”
“You’re avoiding me. I mean, what the actual fuck?”
Brad averted his gaze. “I’m not ...”
“Bullshit. You got tired of fucking me and you’re dating some guy, so what? I'm not good enough to be your friend now?”
Brad’s head snapped up. “You’re delusional.”
“You’re just gonna abandon me like everyone else? Is that—”
Riley’s voice broke. Fuck. He couldn’t deal with this shit. Not now and not in the men’s fucking toilet.
“Riley,” Brad said, his voice gone all soft with pity. That was worse than angry. Worse than the cold shoulder he’d given Riley lately.
“Forget it. I’m out.”
Riley spun on his heel, and headed for the door.
“Wait!” Brad called.
Riley would have ignored him, but the little fucker was fast. That day job as an aerobi
cs instructor kept him in top shape. A shape that Riley no longer got to appreciate apparently.
Brad grabbed his arm just as the door swung open to admit a couple of drunk, giggling guys who looked barely old enough to drink. One stumbled into Riley and clutched at his arms to catch his balance. He had burnished copper hair and green eyes. Quite the looker but too young for Riley’s tastes. He had that wide-eyed Bambi look as he giggled in delight.
“You’re so strong.”
He squeezed Riley’s biceps, and forgetting everything was wrong between them, Riley glanced up with a smirk to exchange an amused look with Brad. Only Brad didn’t look amused. Something else passed through his expression. Something like ... jealousy?
That didn’t make any sense. If Brad felt anything for him, why would he …
Riley sucked in a breath as the realization hit him. Brad seemed to read it in his face. He smiled bitterly.
“Yeah, Ri. Now you see. I’m not dating anyone, and you’re not the one who’s not good enough. I’ll always be a fallback plan for when you can’t get some cute boy drooling all over you.”
Riley gaped. He couldn’t help it. He and Brad had always, always been on the same page. Fuck them and have fun, but don’t get attached. They were perfect wingmen because if they didn’t pick up, they always had each other. They hung out as friends, going to movies and concerts. Hell, he’d gone to sit at the hospital with Brad when his father had a heart attack and scared the bejesus out of him. The old guy was still kicking, thank Christ. And Brad had gone to the funeral with him when his Aunt Sharon had died.
They’d had great sex, but maybe he had brushed away Brad’s attempts at more intimacy. He hadn’t read into it at the time, but those invitations to just sleep over, to stay for breakfast and snuggle a bit should have been red flags.
With any other guy, he would have run for it. Not with Brad. He’d simply pretended not to notice.
Brad pushed through the bathroom door, leaving him floundering.
He hurried to push away the redhead and follow. Brad made it halfway across the dance floor before Riley caught him. He grabbed Brad’s shoulders and pulled him back against his own chest. Using every ounce of muscle, he locked in his armful of struggling, wriggling aerobics instructor.
“Fucking let me go,” Brad growled, sounding sexy as hell.
“Why didn’t you just tell me?”
“Would it have made a difference?”
Riley held Brad close, swaying to the music. “I don’t know.”
Brad went limp in his arms, the fight going out of him. “That’s crap. You do know. You don’t want a relationship.”
“Yeah.”
“So let me go.”
“So, what?” Riley asked, getting a little angry. “If I don’t promise undying love, I don’t get your ass even though you give it to anybody else who asks?”
Anger and hurt swept through Brad, and he reacted on instinct. He rammed his elbow into Riley’s gut. “Fuck you!”
Riley lost his grip, doubling over in pain, and Brad spun to face him.
“I haven’t fucked anyone in three weeks, you asshole.”
“Three weeks, but that’s ...”
“Yeah. The last time we slept together. Don’t ask me why. I knew you’d freak and run if I told you how I felt. No one’s asking for undying love, Riley, but I can’t keep doing this.”
“Doing what?”
He motioned between them with a choppy hand gesture. “Being your Plan B and never your first choice. You’re always my choice, Ri. I’d go home with you every night. I’d sleep over and have breakfast and lunch and dinner. Letting you use me for sex, though? I can’t do that anymore. Not if I want any self-respect.”
The pain in Brad’s voice hit him like a kick to the chest, and it ached worse than his tender gut. If Riley thought he felt shitty about Brad avoiding him, it was nothing compared to feeling like he’d hurt his favorite person.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I never thought of you as a Plan B. Come on, we’re best friends.”
Brad scoffed. “Yeah, and this best friend has watched you fuck your way through club after club. For a while, I didn’t care. But at some point it changed for me.”
Riley groaned. “Fuck.”
“Yeah,” Brad said with a sad little laugh. “Well, I’ll get over it. We’ll still be friends.”
“With benefits?” Riley asked without much hope.
“No,” Brad said. “It’s friendship or romance. No more gray areas for this cockslut.” He winked and jutted out a hip. “I let Kevin take away too much of my self-esteem. I’m totally worth loving.”
He put on a good act, but Riley could see Brad didn’t entirely believe his own words. But he was trying.
“You are,” Riley said with a nod. “I’m sorry if I held you back from a real relationship.”
His smile dropped. “Nah. You were a safe place to hide for a while. I went in knowing you wouldn’t want more.”
After Brad walked away, Riley had to wonder if that was true. The thought of never having his closest friend in bed again didn’t sit well. In fact, it felt a hell of a lot like a lead weight in his chest.
Shit. He was going to miss the hell out of Brad’s body and his easy, familiar rhythm in bed. His adorably cute O face and his sexy as hell lips stretched around Riley’s cock.
Suck it up. There are other fish in the sea or semen on land. However the saying goes.
But none of those fish were Brad. He couldn’t help feeling a little sad about that. And he wondered, could their relationship really survive if Brad moved on to a serious relationship? Or if Riley continued to plow his way through the gay population each time they went out dancing? As uncomfortable as the thought of losing access to Brad’s body was, the idea of losing access to his friendship was even worse.
They were wingmen. Best friends. He didn’t want to lose that no matter what.
Chapter 6
Riley made a real effort to get to back to normal, and Brad appreciated it. He’d never wanted to lose Riley’s friendship. He’d been so afraid of spilling his secrets that he’d nearly ripped apart a strong bond. Maybe the truth had to come out, though, for them to move on.
In the weeks that followed his confession, they resumed texting and phone calls, sharing bits about their day. Riley bitched about some kid on his construction crew who was an idiot, and Brad told Riley about the date that failed with Wes and how awkward their interactions had become in class.
Brad had his friend back.
But it was confusing too. Because sometimes Brad would catch Riley staring at him with an unreadable expression. He’d compliment Brad in strange ways. He wouldn’t compliment his looks; Brad was used to that. He’d compliment his humor or his intellect. That was entirely new. In some ways, he felt like he and Riley were getting to know each other all over again.
“So, what are your plans this weekend?” Riley asked as they strolled through a local arts fair.
Brad looked away from a large painting of the sun setting over a field of wheat. It seemed like it would be a boring subject matter, but the colors the artist used made the whole painting glow.
“Hmm? I don’t know. Television and laundry.”
“You should come out to Ozone,” Riley said.
Brad hadn’t been out since the Night of the Confession, as he’d come to label it in his head. He wanted to rebuild his friendship with Riley, but it had seemed easier to do that without watching him pick up other men.
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
“Come on, you love dancing. I hate that I’m keeping you away from something you like to do. I could stay home, I guess, if that would help. You could go with Chris.”
Brad bit his lip. He hated seeing that sad look on Riley’s face.
“Of course I don’t want you to stay home. I’m not avoiding you, Ri. I just worry things will be weird.”
“It won’t be weird. I won’t even cruise for guys. We’ll jus
t have fun.”
Brad winced. This was all wrong. He loved Riley, but he needed to move on. He couldn’t stay home forever to avoid seeing Riley with other men, and he couldn’t ask Riley to bend over backwards to accommodate him. The only way forward was to charge ahead. Rip off the Band-Aid. All those trite but true sayings.
Brad shook his head. “Don’t do that. I’m a big boy.”
Riley grinned, his whole expression lighting up. “So, you’ll go?”
How could Brad say no to that? “Yeah. I guess I’ve missed dancing, and I won’t meet anyone special sitting on my couch, so … yeah. I’ll go.”
Riley pulled out his phone. “Great! I’m texting Chris so you can’t back out.”
Great.
Chapter 7
“What the fuck is your problem tonight?”
Riley tore his gaze from Brad, who was plastered to some handsy asshole who seemed to think Brad’s ass was a stress ball in need of constant squeezing.
Riley had wanted Brad to come out so things could get back to normal. He was regretting that decision now. Usually, it didn’t bother him to see another guy all up in Brad’s junk because Riley knew he could have him whenever he wanted. Now that he couldn’t touch Brad, though ...
You could have him, a little voice whispered in the back of his head, if you were willing.
More and more, in the weeks since Riley learned Brad’s feelings, he’d started to wonder if he might have some feelings of his own that he’d been suppressing. He’d been hanging out with Brad a lot, though not in this setting, and he couldn’t deny that all the lunches, coffees and art shows felt a bit like dates. He’d talked to Brad, gotten to know him on an even deeper level, and all without a single kiss.
But he craved that kiss like crazy. Every time they were together, sexual tension crackled between them.
“Riley? You in there?”
Chris snapped his fingers in front of his face and Riley jerked back. “What do you want?”
My Anti-Boyfriend Page 4