He had this system, a sort of rule. If he was going to have sex with a woman, he took a picture with them to remind himself. He didn’t want the pictures to be trophies. It was because if he drank himself stupid he couldn’t always remember names or faces. Sure enough, he had a shot of him with Carson and a brunette. It had jogged some memories loose. He had this mental image of her sitting on a barstool giving him this shy smile, peering up at him from under thick lashes. He remembered this rush of lust from making her laugh.
“I think we should run a background check on her,” Vito said.
“What? No.” Ryan shook his head. “I’m not going to put her through more hell than she’s already had to live through. Just—no.”
Carson had come here to do what she thought was right. He appreciated that more than he could put into words. She could have gotten rid of the pregnancy without his input. She could have chosen to never tell him. Instead, she’d made the tough call to include him.
“Anything else you ladies want to discuss?” Ryan washed his hands to the sound of silence. “No? Alright then, fuck off.”
He grabbed his phone off the charging station at the other end of the bar. Last he’d seen of Carson she’d gone outside after he’d told her she wasn’t allowed to help with dishes. She was a guest, and he had some manners.
Ryan had no more answers for what came next than he had earlier. Part of him wanted to call Gramps, but it was too late. Dad would more than likely still be up, but Ryan didn’t want to let either him or Mom know until there was a plan in place. Gramps and Nana would listen, offer some sage morsel and agree to keep it between of them until he was ready to take on the rest of his family with the news.
The one thing he didn’t want to do was repeat his past.
His mother was married to work to the point that she could be called cold. Dad had left her, needing the warm comfort of someone with feelings. Ryan grew up for the first ten or so years with Mom, painfully aware he didn’t matter to her. When he got older and had some say in where he lived, he’d bought into the lie that he could have the life he wanted with Dad.
The only problem was Dad had a new family and new kids. They took up all of Dad’s time and attention, leaving nothing for Ryan.
If it wasn’t for Gramps and Nana living next door to Dad, Ryan would have had a much different life. Halfway through high school he’d practically moved into his grandparent’s house. His stepmother then redid his room as a playroom for his siblings without so much as confirming that Ryan wasn’t coming back.
The only people who’d wanted Ryan were his grandparents.
He wouldn’t let a kid grow up like he had, unwanted and ignored. No, he’d do better.
Ryan exited the house through the sun room. He could barely make out the top of Carson’s head in the swivel chair at the head of the table.
The air was heavy with humidity from the impending front. Tonight or tomorrow the rain would start. He expected that following the rain would come suffocating humidity.
“It’s a nice night.” He tipped his chin up and studied the twinkling stars.
Carson didn’t answer.
He circled the table and stopped staring at the woman curled up in a tight ball, eyes shut, lips slightly parted. Totally passed out. He froze, unsure whether to wake her or leave her where she was.
The light from the neighbor’s patio glinted off her hair. Sleep relaxed her features, easing some of the strain she’d been wearing. She really was pretty. He wished he could remember some of their night together. He liked women with a bit of shyness. Something about watching them come out of their shell and realizing how sexy they could be.
In the distance lightning flickered.
She couldn’t stay out here.
Ryan knelt next to the chair.
“Carson? Hey.” He placed his hand on her knee and gave it a gentle shake.
She sucked in a breath and sat up, blinking at him.
“Hey, sorry about that. The rain looks like it’s not far away. Want to go inside? Turn in for the night?” It was kind of early for a Friday, but stress took a lot out of a person. Not to mention the changes to her body.
She glanced left then right, taking in her surroundings.
“How long have I been out?” she asked, her voice thick with sleep.
“Not sure. Half an hour? Want to go to bed?” That would at least postpone some difficult discussions until tomorrow. Maybe he’d discover some answers staring at the ceiling.
“Yeah. I guess.” She rubbed her face.
“Okay. Come on.” Ryan offered her his hand.
“I think my leg is asleep.” She gripped the arm rests and uncurled her legs from under her, hissing as she stretched them.
“That’s the worst. Want me to carry you?”
“No. Don’t do that.” She placed her feet on the ground and winced. “I regret things.”
“I bet. Give me your hand.” Ryan wiggled his fingers at her.
Carson placed her palm in his and he helped her to her feet. She wavered a bit and winced, no doubt from the blood rushing back into her limbs.
She was different. Even when she was at a low, she was the type who would figure it out and move forward. Mom would like her, which was a bit of a shock since Mom rarely liked anyone.
“Come on. I’ve got the bed all made up with clean sheets.”
“No, I can sleep on the sofa.”
“You’re a guest.” And he didn’t know when the others were going to sleep. He couldn’t trust them to keep the noise down either.
“I don’t want to kick you out of your room.”
“And I’m not letting you sleep out here when Silas and Paxton will be up in a few hours, banging around on their way out.”
Ryan guided her inside. From the sounds of shit talking, the guys were all in the living room. He escorted Carson down the hall and into his bedroom.
“Here we are.” He gestured at the bed and let go of her. “But you probably remember this...”
Fuck.
Of course she remembered. He was the one who didn’t.
“I am not taking your bed.” She turned toward him. Her stare was probably meant to be stern. The affect was ruined by the lines on her face from the outdoor cushions and her still-not-quite awake eyes.
“Don’t make me put you in bed.” He crossed his arms over his chest.
That seemed to wake Carson up. She took a step back.
“You would not,” she said.
“Try me.” Before, he wouldn’t have hesitated. He’d pick her up, toss her on the mattress and see where things went. But with Carson pregnant he wasn’t going to do anything that might so much as bump an elbow.
“Are you always a bully?” She mimicked his stance, crossing her arms over her chest.
“Some people call me persuasive.” He grinned at her. Yeah, she was exactly the type he liked. A bit shy, but worth the effort. Under that shyness was a woman she didn’t let just anyone else see. He wanted to meet her.
“Look, this is silly.” She dropped her hands to her side.
“Glad you agree.” He nodded at the bed. “Sleep.”
“Will you let me get a word out?”
“You just said eight.” Ryan grinned at her glare. He couldn’t help it, and even if he could he didn’t want to.
“You know? I was going to say there’s no reason we couldn’t both sleep in here, but never mind. Go sleep on your smelly sofa.”
Shit.
She was serious.
“Carson?” He chuckled and grabbed her hand as she turned. “Hey, I’m playing with you.”
She stopped and peered up at him from the corner of one eye.
So somber. Like the weight of the world was on her shoulders.
He pulled her to him and wrapped his arm around her waist, giving her a tight hug. Maybe he should treat her gentler, at least until she’d gotten her legs back under her. Going through those first few steps of discovery alone, then getting kicked out
, it had to be awful. And instead of considering what was best for herself first she’d come to him.
“What are your plans this weekend?” he asked.
“I don’t have any.” She slid her arms around his waist, accepting the embrace.
“Then stay here.” He didn’t know what was in the cards for them, but he was going to be all in with this. She wouldn’t be alone.
“Are you roommates okay with that?”
“Two of them are leaving tomorrow. The other two can mind their own business.”
“Okay.”
She pulled away from him and crossed to her bag. It was the only belongings she’d brought with her. She picked it up and tip-toed out of the room. He listened to her move down the hall and the bathroom door shut behind her.
He still couldn’t wrap his head around the idea of parents who’d kick their daughter out, the person sacrificing her autonomy to care for her aging family. There was coming a day when he might meet these people. He hoped he thought of something he could say to them that wouldn’t destroy any chance of a relationship with them.
Ryan sat on the edge of the bed.
He didn’t want to put up with the guys tonight. He understood it was their job to be suspicious, to see an enemy around every corner, but there was no reason for Carson to lie about this. It got her nothing. Sleeping in his bed and eating their diner didn’t exactly count as a perk in his book.
A few minutes later Carson shuffled back into the room. She shut the door behind her, placed her things back in the bag and circled the bed to the other side. As though this was simply what was happening.
Ryan lay back and stared up at the ceiling.
“You said you were adopted?” he asked.
“Yeah.” Carson lay on her side facing him.
“Would you give the baby up?”
“I haven’t thought through everything.”
“Would...would you want that for your kid?”
“A lot of people have bad feelings about the foster system. It saved my life.”
“Saved your life?” Ryan rolled to his side.
“Yeah,” Carson whispered. “My bio-mom...she made a lot of bad choices. Especially with the men she dated. She liked a certain type of guy, and when I got old enough, those kind of guys liked me.”
A cold sweat broke out along Ryan’s brow. His stomach clenched, and he pushed up on his elbow. The little light from the windows shone in her eyes, reflecting back at him.
“When I was ten, a new neighbor moved in next door. She called CPS a number of times, and eventually they took me away from my bio-mom. They tried for about six months to do the whole reunification thing, but in the end she said we were better off without each other. It hurt then, but now? My life was better without her in it. I was adopted at eleven. My new parents did things for me she never would have. When I think mom and dad, they’re who come to mind. Not her.”
“What changed, then? If they stuck through you then why not now?” He just didn’t understand where the line was.
“I think... It has more to do with my sister, also adopted. She’s seventeen and she never really let go of her past. For me, it’s like... It’s like this book or movie I watched once. I didn’t like it, so I don’t read or watch it again. That doesn’t stop me from remembering parts of it. With Frankie... She’s always afraid someone is going to not want her before she’s done with them.”
Ryan still couldn’t take the picture of a couple who’d adopt a tweenage girl who’d been through the kind of shit storm Carson had lived through, abandoning her as an adult because of an accident. It didn’t make sense. But people were complicated.
“Carson and Frankie?”
“When we were adopted—at different times—they offered us the chance to change our names. Carson and Frankie were our Dad’s brothers who died in Vietnam. They were a helicopter pilot team. They flew hospital evac from the front lines. Dad’s asthma was too bad for him to go, so he stayed. I thought the name Carson was cool.”
“It’s different. In a good way.”
“Thanks. Frankie picked her name after about two years. It took her that long to have her own breakthrough that she had a family. Since I went with Carson, she wanted to be Frankie.” In the darkness he could see her smile. “Please don’t judge them? They’ve put up with a lot from Frankie and I. They’ll come around.”
“I was an unwanted kid.” Ryan eased down, cramming the pillow under his head.
Carson lay her hand palm up in the space between them. He took it without thinking. These weren’t the kinds of stories he shared on a whim. But with what they were about to go through these were the conversations they needed to have. Pretending his parent’s decisions about him hadn’t shaped his life in ways he regretted wouldn’t help him change their child’s future.
Hell, he couldn’t remember if he’d ever had this conversation. It wasn’t exactly something he wanted to talk about and the guys would rather rip out their toenails than broach any touchy-feely topic. Vito never uttered a word about being in love with their friend’s wife, and they all knew that was a thing.
“What do you mean?” she asked after a moment.
“I don’t want to put a kid through what I went through.”
“Okay. I get that.” She stroked his hand with her fingers. “Care to explain?”
“Just...” How did he go about explaining his fucked up life? “My mom, she’s one of those married-to-her-work people. She thought she wanted a family, then when she had one she realized she didn’t want it, but she wouldn’t give up something—me—that my dad wanted. So he left, started a new family and when I decided to go live with him after I was older there wasn’t a place for me.”
“That sucks.”
“It did. But my grandparents lived next door. They wound up being my parents more than Mom and Dad.”
“Where are they now?”
“Norman, Oklahoma.”
“Is that home?”
“For most of my life, yeah.”
“Where is that? Can’t say I’ve been to Oklahoma.”
“Outside Oklahoma City.”
“How’d you end up here then?”
“I went into the Marines. Did a couple tours, then decided it was time to do something else. Buddy of mine was working for Aegis Group. I talked to him and they offered me a job. They opened the office here about two years ago, so I made the move with the first wave.”
“Wow. Why the Marines?”
“Gramps was a Marine.” Ryan didn’t regret making that decision. His grandfather was the most respectable, hardworking, honest man on earth. Trying to be like him at least gave Ryan some direction in this fucked up life of his.
“What is Aegis Group?”
“The easiest way to put it is that we’re a private security company.”
“And the hard way?”
“Besides our standard investigative and protection services, we specialize in difficult rescue operations. People the government can’t or won’t help in getting home. Sometimes companies hire us to quietly rescue employees who are being held against their will.”
“Wow. Wow. Wow. You’re serious?”
“It’s not as exciting as it sounds. Most of what I do is body guard detail.”
“My life sounds so boring by comparison.” She chuckled.
“I bet not. What is it you do?”
“I’m an accountant.”
“You get paid to play with other people’s money.”
“Something like that.” Her fingers stroked his, each brush of flesh stoking his interest. “So... The prince thing?”
“Oh, God.” Ryan groaned and turned his face into the pillow. “You saw that, too?”
“Actually, no. My friend showed it to me later. I kind of live under a rock.”
“What’ you think?”
“It was cute.”
“Cute. Great.” Unlike most of the other guys, he didn’t mind the notoriety that had come following their little
costume dance routine at Ian’s niece’s birthday party. He’d used it in his favor to score free drinks and as a way to meet girls. But that chapter of his life was over.
Carson turned her head, hiding a yawn behind her free hand.
“Go to sleep,” he said. They could talk about the embarrassing aspects of his life later.
“You’re staying here?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay. Good.”
She closed her eyes, so peaceful in the dark.
God, he was a terrible human being. He had problems. And because he’d been irresponsible, she was paying the price. If he could remember some of it, maybe he’d feel a bit better about the whole event. It wouldn’t change things.
Truth was, he’d always been looking for something to fill the void inside of him. For a while, the Marines had done that. They’d given him purpose, but after a while there was too much death to contend with. Since getting out and going to work, alcohol and women had helped fill the emptiness. But it wasn’t enough. Never had been.
Ryan was going to be different. For the baby and their future. He might be in a shitty place right now, but he had nine months to become the dad he wished he’d had. Carson and this baby might just be the best thing that ever happened to him.
Chapter 3
Kawa Dwek set his phone on the hotel desk. He pivoted away from the window and drew in a deep breath.
They had not just lost millions of dollars.
That wasn’t what this meant.
Except Ben Grewing hadn’t made it to their meet and the men Kawa sent to the broker’s office reported watching a dozen FBI agents go in and out of the office.
This couldn’t be happening.
Kawa paced the room. It all rest on his shoulders. If they didn’t make this deal happen soon, the US congressional investigation would uncover that one of the many buyers of Aerospace Inc. merchandise was their fledgling independence movement.
Three years ago Kawa had found hope in a regional government official who wanted a new, better life for the people of Syria. The only problem was, as long as there was no change in leadership and the Russians were involved, Syrian lives would be lost. Their hand was forced.
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