“If we could just forget that ever happened?”
“Nope. I will forever remember the story about how you couldn’t resist me, so you made up a story to get closer to me.”
“Shut up. That’s not funny.”
“Then why are you laughing?” He peered down at her trying to smother her unwanted laughter against his shoulder.
“I don’t know.”
It was the stress of it all twisted up inside of her. She had to be feeling a dozen different things, and it all wound together, making her go a tad bit crazy and emotional. Knowing that wouldn’t help. He’d tried to explain that to clients before with little luck. All they could do was get through this.
“I think Gramps and Nana will like you.” Hell, they’d probably be thrilled Ryan was even considering a relationship.
“Do you see them often?”
“Once or twice a year now that I moved here. I should probably go see them more often. My sisters are about to graduate college next year.” Ryan had never been super close with the twins, but they’d always sent crayon cards and videos when he least expected them.
He had all these connections he just forgot about because it was easier. Now that Carson had reminded him that family wasn’t always toxic, he wanted to reach back and take hold of those relationships. Bring them into the present.
“Any interest in going to Oklahoma?” he asked.
Carson stared at him, her lips parted and lashes fluttering.
“You don’t have to, but after all this it might be nice to get away.”
“I can’t think that far ahead.”
“That’s fair.” He stroked her shoulder.
“My parents are going to want to cook everyone dinner.” She smiled and leaned her head against his shoulder.
“You might want to warn them we inhale food.”
“I miss cooking with Mom.”
Ryan closed his eyes and kissed the top of her head.
If he could give her moments like that again, he’d do it. There was a lot of uncertainty right now.
“Just think about the good times,” he said.
Carson slid her arm around his waist and squeezed.
Very soon he’d have to send her into danger. He didn’t want to. If he could go to the meet himself instead of her, he’d do it. But these men weren’t going to walk into a trap as easily facing off against an equal. If they believed they were only up against Carson, they’d make mistakes. Men like this always did, and that was how they would get the Adairs back safe.
“How do you deal with all of this stress on a daily basis?” she asked.
Shit.
Not the question he wanted to answer honestly.
“It’s different when it’s not personal,” he said.
“Is that why you drink so much?” She peered up at him.
Guilty.
“Probably.” He could go for more than just a beer right now, but it wasn’t the time for clouded thinking. He needed to be at his best. “I guess I take the motto work hard, play hard seriously.”
“Don’t change that about yourself, okay?”
“I could do with some moderation.”
“Yeah, but don’t change who you are.”
“You like me like this?”
“You surprised me.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“You should.”
He leaned down and kissed her lips. She pressed into him, her hand sliding over his other shoulder. The way she sucked down a breath and held on stirred his hunger. He’d meant to keep it light, playful, but the way her mouth moved on his was serious business.
She slid onto his lap, her hands in his hair.
There was a decided change in her since the truth came out. She was hungrier. As if the open doors of honesty allowed her to finally reach for what she wanted. They still didn’t truly know each other, but the important parts were there.
They’d both been unwanted. They’d each found a place for themselves and made a life. Both of them had ways of drowning out their problems. And now they had each other. He didn’t know how long they had or where this was going, but he intended to hold on for as long as he could. He wanted to know what they could be, if he could be better, if this might work out. He’d glimpsed a future with her and he wanted it.
Carson slid her hand down his chest and palmed his erection through the denim of his pants as if he needed more encouragement.
“Did you lock the door?” she whispered, her lips caressing his with each word.
Oh, hell no...
“Yeah...”
They were in the office. This was a line he shouldn’t blur, and yet he didn’t stop her from unfastening his belt and jeans.
Her hand wrapped around his cock and squeezed.
“Fuck,” he muttered as his world narrowed to the woman on his lap.
The way she stared at his mouth he wondered if she was considering world domination. Or how to make him beg. It was a tossup in his mind.
She leaned forward and brushed her mouth across his, her strokes never losing pace.
“I’ve created a monster, haven’t I?” He wrapped some of her hair around his finger.
Her hand slowed and her eyes widened.
“That’s not a bad thing.” He pulled her toward him for another kiss. “You know I want you, right?”
“Yeah.” It wasn’t a confident answer.
“I remember seeing you for the first time now.” He kissed the corner of her mouth and her cheek. “Did you know I have a type?”
“No.”
“I do.” He tugged on the bit of hair, forcing her chin up so he could continue to kiss down her neck. “I like the girls who come in, sit at one corner of the bar. They nurse a few drinks. They’re quiet. Shy.”
Carson shivered.
It was exactly what she’d done. There were just a few steps between the bar and the bed for them, but they’d gotten there, eventually. He had the added bonus of remembering every moment they’d spent together, and he wouldn’t change that for the world.
CARSON’S BACK HIT THE wall. She was at Ryan’s mercy, a place she was learning to enjoy. She’d gone from clothed to half dressed before she’d even realized he had a condom.
“Hold on to me,” he said.
What other choice did she have?
He stared into her eyes, his entire focus on her to the point that for her everything else ceased to matter except this moment. The weight lifted off her shoulders and she could breathe again.
She would never understand how Ryan had been attracted to her over every other woman in the bar. She hadn’t dressed up particularly nicely, and she’d said maybe a few dozen words to him, but she couldn’t deny that from the moment he’d slid up beside her she’d felt a connection. An energy that she didn’t know she craved until he stepped into her life.
And now she didn’t want to give him up. Ever.
Ryan hoisted her up higher, and she felt his hardness slide against her.
She couldn’t look away from him. His gaze bore into her skull, demanding her attention.
In the beginning she’d thought she knew what she was getting into. It had been simple and straight forward. Then Ryan happened and her plans were ripped up. Reality was messy and complicated, but he was worth it. A guy who would come after her when she’d done him wrong and still save her ass was worth taking a chance on. Even if it broke her heart
Ryan thrust, his fingers digging into her ass. She gasped as her body stretched and shifted around him. She arched her back, driving him in deeper.
“God, you feel so good,” he muttered as he buried his head in the crook of her neck.
She couldn’t form words. She could barely think.
Carson slid her hands up to his shoulders, desperately wanting this moment to last, to stick with her for whatever came next. She squeezed her calves, driving her heels into his ass. No man had ever fit her so well. They were like puzzle pieces finding their match.
>
She’d never wanted sex the way she wanted to be with him.
In a week he’d changed her, and she didn’t want to go back to the woman she’d been before. It was as though she’d been walking through life half asleep until him, and now she couldn’t go back. Didn’t want to.
He pinned her against the wall and thrust, his cock gliding in and out of her while she could do nothing but hold on to him. She groaned, lost in the sensation of him inside of her.
She felt things for this man. Things she’d never felt for anyone else because she’d stayed in her nice, neat box all her adult life. Ever since she could choose, she’d stayed away from emotional entanglements. With Ryan she had no defenses, no experience.
Carson might just love him.
“Ryan...” She panted his name.
“Come on, before someone walks in,” he whispered back.
Her muscles tightened at the thought of one of the guys coming in here.
Ryan thrust despite the tenseness of her muscles. They both groaned.
“Do you want that?” His mouth was next to her ear.
“No,” she whispered and glanced at the door.
He chuckled and turned his head, kissing her. There was a difference in how he kissed and touched her now, something more tender. It was as if she could feel the love, his heart beating for her. She wanted that kind of freedom, to know she loved him and was loved in return.
Ryan let go of her with one hand and curled his fingers in her hair. She moaned as pleasure rolled through her on a deeper level. She whimpered and held onto him as he thrust.
She buried her face against his shoulder, squeezing her eyes shut. This wasn’t just an orgasm, it was a soul realignment. Her whole self shifted, focused on one purpose—him.
Carson felt things for Ryan she’d never felt for another person, and that scared the shit out of her.
CARSON LAY ON THE SOFA, boneless and spent. The stress was still there, but it was periphery. She could breathe, think and feel. That last one she wasn’t ready for.
She snuggled down deeper into the pillow that still smelled of Ryan.
What was she going to do about them? What was going to happen after they got her family back and their lives returned to normal?
He plopped down on the sofa next to her and slid his hand down her side in the same mindless fashion she’d grown accustomed to.
“The guys were never coming in here, were they?” She glared up at him with one eye.
“Nope.” He grinned back.
“You think you’re so cute.”
“I am.”
“And so modest.”
“You know it.”
“Lord.” She rolled her eyes and used the pillow to smother her laugh.
He stroked her arm, the tender touches wearing away at her fragile shields, stirring warmth deep in her chest.
She cared for him and she didn’t know what to do with that knowledge.
“You’re more relaxed. Hungry?” He gestured at her food.
“Maybe.” Her stomach was growling and she should eat even if she didn’t feel like it.
She could understand the appeal of sex to cure stress now. A lot of Ryan’s behaviors made more sense the better she got to know him. Alcohol dulled a history of pain and loss. Sex took the stress off his day-to-day life and let him feel. She doubted he’d admit to any of it, but at least she got his history.
“Ryan?” a voice called out in the hall. “Yo, Ryan. Carson.”
“That’s Vito.” He scrambled to his feet and across the room.
Carson sat up and stared at Ryan leaning out into the hall.
“They make contact?” he asked.
“Yeah. Come on.”
“Let me get Carson up.” Ryan glanced back at her.
“I’m coming.” She stood on shaky legs and joined him in the hall.
He took her hand and led her back to the command room where the others were assembled. Empty take out boxes littered previously vacant surfaces. The guys sat in a collection of rolling chairs.
“Kawa texted us this address. He wants to make the exchange in two hours. Not a lot of time. Gavin, what do you have for us?” Ian glanced at the projector wall.
The disembodied voice of Gavin spoke through the speakers. “Here’s the latest image I can get of the spot. It’s by the water, open, three ways to approach in a vehicle besides a boat.”
An image of what looked like some sort of parking lot near water filled the wall.
“We need to decide right now, are we sharing this with the FBI? Seattle PD is fronting us the bills, so we don’t need the FBI. If we do rope them in, we have to be ready for them to try to squash this, take over or fuck the whole thing up.” Ryan turned toward her. “What do you think?”
“Can we trust them?” she asked.
Ryan turned from the image toward her. “We have at least two units sitting on us now, so the FBI will know when we move from the office. Chances are high we could shake them, but it will take time. They’re going to do their best to follow us and possibly interfere with whatever we plan. If it were me, I’d rope them in. Less chance we’d be blindsided that way. But it’s not my call. This is your family.”
“Then...” She licked her lips. “Then let’s call them. If that’s what you think we should do let’s do that.” There were more agents on this now than just Walker and Johnson.
“Okay.” Ryan nodded and glanced at the guys. “I’m going to have Merida take you into the office and go over some security measures with you. I think it’s best if you don’t know what we’ll be doing on this side of things.”
Carson glanced at Merida sitting near the door. At the mention of her name Merida got up and wiped her fingers.
“Want to come this way and we can get started?” she said without missing a beat.
“Okay.” Carson glanced at Ryan, but he’d already gone back to studying the map.
He was in work mode carrying the stress of her poor decisions on his shoulders. She wished she could take it all back, but without him she didn’t know what to do.
Carson followed Merida back into the office from earlier.
“How are you doing? Get some rest? Something to eat?” she asked.
“Yeah,” Carson mumbled and sat in the guest chair.
Merida perched on the other one and turned toward her. “This is a bad situation, but we’ve gotten people out of worse. You’ve got the best people on your side.”
“But what if it all goes wrong?”
“That’s when you have to improvise. The guys, they can muscle their way out of a situation. Us women? We have to be smarter. If things go wrong, say anything you have to. Make promises you can’t keep. Anything to buy the team time so they can get to you. Hostage situations like this are the most dangerous.”
“The most dangerous?” Carson stared at Merida.
Ryan had never mentioned that.
“Uh...”
“What do you mean the most dangerous?”
“Just, too many unknowns. A lot of things can go wrong.” Merida recovered quickly.
“Why is this worse than others?” And what had Ryan not told her? “If I’m going to do this, I need to know what the risks are.”
“Don’t worry about it. Everything is under control.”
“And if it isn’t? If the FBI screw us over? Again? Are they going to kill my family?”
“So long as they don’t have you, your family is a bargaining chip.”
“They’re people.”
“Not to these men they aren’t. That’s why, if things go sideways, you need to make whatever promises you can to buy us some time.”
That theory didn’t put Carson at ease. What the hell kind of promises could she make that would appease a terrorist who only wanted money she didn’t have?
Someone tapped on the door then Ryan leaned in.
“Ian’s on with Owen. He’s throwing together a team and will meet us at a staging site a few blocks from the
swap. We’re going to head there in a few minutes.”
“Ryan, what is the risk to my family in all of this?” Carson didn’t think she’d ever asked this question.
“We’ll get them back.” He smiled.
She trusted that smile. Had that been a mistake?
“Will they be alive when we get them back?” She curled her hands into fists, fighting the panic rising up inside of her.
Ryan glanced at Merida and then back to Carson.
“We’re going to do everything we can to bring everyone home alive. This is a dangerous situation. I can’t promise that they’ll be okay.”
Carson jerked her head in a nod.
She’d never asked, she’d just stupidly assumed that when Ryan said he’d bring her family back, he meant alive. Had she made the wrong decision?
Chapter 17
Ryan studied Carson across the table
She wouldn’t look at him and she hadn’t spoken to him since their conversation in the office. He’d never lied to her, but he also hadn’t told her how dangerous this was. There was nothing to be gained from that. Fear would make her indecisive and he needed a confident Carson to carry this forward.
“Any questions?” Agent Walker asked at the end of the op briefing.
A few of the supporting officers from Seattle PD had some points to clarify, but everything else was fine. Except that Carson was still ignoring him.
“Okay, I want everyone in place in ten. Go.” Agent Walker shooed at them like chickens.
Ryan disliked that man intensely, but right now he had other things to worry about.
He circled the table to where Merida and Carson stood with their heads together. Merida held the bullet-proof vest Carson would wear in one hand and tugged at a strap with the other.
“I can take it from here.” He placed a hand on Carson’s shoulder.
Both women glanced up at him with chilly expressions.
“Thanks, Merida.” He took the bullet-proof vest from Carson and undid the left side strap.
The two women shared a look before Merida pasted on a smile.
“I’ll be right over there,” she said.
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