“That’s true, but the house is great.”
“Dev picked a really terrific decorator,” Noelle said, having met the woman for the first time the previous week when she’d come to supervise the work on the pool house. “Some of the antiques belonged to his grandmother.”
When Lily had called and said she wanted to come by, Noelle had been torn between welcoming a familiar face and not being sure she could handle the stress. She’d dropped by the church office twice the previous week so she could see her parents and ward off any plans for a surprise visit.
Having someone from her family in the house meant making sure there were no personal items showing in her bedroom and putting a few things on the dresser in Dev’s room.
Complications, she thought as she and Lily finished their tour and headed out to the backyard to have snacks by the pool.
“If I just didn’t have to be married, I could get into this,” Lily said. She sipped her soda and reached for a tortilla chip from the bowl.
“Good thing you’re going to college. You’re going to need a really great job to support this lifestyle.”
Lily wrinkled her nose. “I know. I’m still trying to decide what to study. You’ve known since your accident. Are you still going to be a nurse?”
Noelle nodded. “I start summer school on Monday. Calculus.”
“Yuck,” Lily said. “But aren’t you supposed to be on your honeymoon?”
Whoops. Noelle thought fast. “This wasn’t a good time for Dev to be away from work,” she said with a casualness she didn’t feel. “The wedding was a little impulsive, so we couldn’t plan for stuff like that. We’ll go later.”
“Too bad. It would be great to be away on a beach somewhere with a good-looking guy. I wouldn’t say no to that.” She looked at her sister. “Okay, so tell me everything.”
Noelle blinked at her. “About...”
“You know.” Lily lowered her voice, then whispered, “Sex. Mom told us all kinds of things, but that’s just logistics. I want details. Is it scary? Wonderful? Is it like in books? Do you see stars or feel swept away?”
Noelle felt herself blush. “I am not having this conversation with you,” she said sternly. “It’s not appropriate.”
“I’m eighteen, and your sister. Come on. How am I supposed to find out about this if you won’t tell me? You wouldn’t want me experimenting just so I could know for myself,” Lily added slyly.
“You’re manipulating me,” Noelle said. “Forget it. I’m not going to talk about that. It’s too personal.”
In truth it wasn’t personal at all. She simply didn’t have anything to say. Her lone night with Jimmy had been a blur, first of pain, then of uncomfortable intimacy. In the few hours they’d been together, he’d entered her a number of times, but before she could figure out what he was doing or what was expected, it had been over.
Plus, he’d been so heavy when he collapsed on her. She’d felt trapped and embarrassed and frankly, she didn’t get why everyone made such a big deal about it.
Dev stood just inside the family room, the sliding door open, one foot on the patio. He’d been about to go out and greet his new sister-in-law, but given the current topic, he decided a timely retreat was far more intelligent.
“At least tell me if it hurt the first time,” Lily said. “I can’t get a straight answer on that.”
“It did,” Noelle admitted. “It’s a little awkward. I didn’t know where to put my arms and stuff.”
Lily winced. “But Dev made it okay, right? He talked you through everything.”
“Yes, Dev was very patient and...and he made me laugh so I stopped being embarrassed. He made it great.”
If he hadn’t known better, even he would have been convinced by her words. But he did know better. Noelle was saying all the right things to convince her sister.
He stepped back into the house and quietly closed the slider. If Jimmy had been the typical twenty-year-old, Noelle’s first and only night of passion probably hadn’t been anything she remembered fondly. He, Dev, hadn’t been anything great in bed at that age. He found himself wanting to apologize for something that wasn’t his fault.
Later, when Lily left, he found Noelle in the kitchen.
“Did you enjoy having your sister drop by?” he asked.
She looked up from the vegetables she was chopping and smiled. “She’s always fun.”
“I started to come out on the patio to join you, but I heard what you were talking about,” he said.
She frowned for a second, then blushed. “Oh. That.”
“Thanks for the compliment.”
Her mouth twisted in a half smile. “I had to say something. I couldn’t admit my first time had been with Jimmy.”
“Or that it hadn’t been very good.”
She set down the knife and looked at him. “How did you know?” she asked, sounding shocked. “Did he say anything? Did he tell you I was awful?”
“He didn’t say a word. He didn’t have to.” Dev leaned against the counter. “It comes with the territory. Most young guys aren’t great in bed. They haven’t had the time to develop any skills, nor are they especially interested in anything but getting laid.” He grinned sheepishly. “At twenty, it’s all about getting laid.”
She eyed him. “Even for you?”
“I wasn’t always this smooth.”
That made her smile. “Thanks for telling me. I wasn’t sure what to think... I didn’t hate it, but it was...”
“Fast?” he asked wryly.
“A little. It hurt. I didn’t bleed or anything, but there was a lot of pressure and stretching.” She ducked her head. “I couldn’t figure out where everything went and I wasn’t comfortable asking questions.”
Dev had never made love with a virgin, but he would guess her complete lack of experience would complicate an already difficult situation.
“Next time it will be better,” he told her, refusing to picture the moment with Noelle. “As men get older, they learn a few things.”
“Like?”
He shifted, not sure he wanted to get into this with her. Talking about sex made it too easy to imagine making love with her. He did his best to shut down that part of his brain. Unfortunately his body refused to cooperate.
“It takes longer.”
She made a face. “And that’s a good thing?”
He laughed. “Okay, let me start at the beginning. Once the need for volume fades a little, most men start to get interested in pleasing their partners. There are things a man can do to make a woman excited and passionate about the experience. Once that happens, then yes, lasting longer is a good thing.”
She didn’t look convinced. She opened her mouth, then closed it.
The smart move would be to end the conversation now...before he got too interested. But he liked Noelle too much to shut her down.
“If you can’t ask me, who are you going to ask?” He shrugged. “What do you want to know?”
She looked at him. “So women do really have orgasms?” she asked, as color climbed up her cheeks.
“Sure. There are different ways of making that happen.”
He had a sudden and powerful image of Noelle naked, her knees bent, legs pulled back as he kissed her intimately, his tongue swirling around the very heart of her arousal. He wanted to cross the kitchen, strip off her clothes and touch every part of her. He wanted to taste her and feel her quiver beneath him as she experienced her very first climax.
“How do you know it’s happening?” she asked.
This was the strangest conversation he’d ever had. “If you have to ask, it didn’t happen.”
Despite her obvious embarrassment, she smiled. “That’s not very helpful.” She sighed. “I’ll have to take your word for all this. I don’
t want to say anything bad about Jimmy, but that one night wasn’t very thrilling. Given the choice, I’d never do that again. But if it could be different...”
He felt blood swelling in his groin at the thought of showing her the possibilities.
“You’ve been with a lot of women,” she said.
A dangerous statement, he thought as he remained carefully quiet.
“Did they all like the sex part?”
“Yes.”
“You can be sure?”
“Good question and my male ego says yes. To the best of my knowledge, they all did.”
“So you can tell when a woman, uh...” The blush had returned, more fiery than ever.
“There are...physical manifestations.”
She looked startled. “You can feel that with your...” She cleared her throat. “You can feel that?”
“Sometimes.”
He didn’t want to get into the fact that they were easier to feel with his fingers than his erection. That comment would only lead to a discussion on what his fingers would be doing inside of her.
“Maybe you could get a book or something,” he said, wishing he could think of a good way to change the subject. If they kept this topic up much longer, she was going to notice his arousal and God knows what questions would follow then.
Noelle was far more curious than he’d realized. With his luck, she would want to see and touch and then they’d been in real trouble.
“I don’t think I could go into a bookstore and buy something like that,” she said.
“That’s why we have the Internet.” He paused. “Okay, then. I’ll let you get back to what you were doing.” He hurried from the kitchen and wondered how long it had been since he’d felt such a need for a woman, and if a cold shower would be any help at all.
* * *
“SO,” CRISSY SAID with a grin. “You’re married. How’s that going?”
Noelle laughed, which was a mistake because three stitches slipped off her needles and when she tried to put them back, she pulled out half a row.
“Good,” she said. “I mean, we’re adjusting. Dev is great. He’s really considerate and sweet. He didn’t know it was my birthday and when he found out, he bought me a laptop.”
Rachel sighed. “I really like that in a man. Someone who respects a good appliance. So romantic.”
“I thought it was a great gift,” Noelle said defensively. “I can really use it at college and the one he picked is small and lightweight and has wireless Internet. This isn’t a regular marriage. I didn’t expect a romantic gift.”
Rachel raised her eyebrows as she looked at Crissy. “She seems to be very protective of the new Mr. Noelle.”
“I noticed that,” Crissy said. “Interesting.”
Noelle knew they were only teasing. “You’re just jealous.”
“A little,” Rachel said. “Although last year one of my students brought me a baby white mouse for my birthday. It was very touching.”
Crissy laughed. “I would have run screaming from the room, but that’s just moi.” She looked back at Noelle. “You’re really doing okay? No weirdness?”
“The entire situation is weird. Dev is really great, but we don’t know each other. I’m not sure what he expects from me or even what I expect from him. So far we’re being very polite.”
“Good manners are always helpful,” Crissy offered. “I’m in favor of them.”
“Well, he knows plenty. We’re both trying. He even suggested I talk to a grief counselor about Jimmy if I thought I should.” She put down her project and leaned forward. “I told him I was fine. The thing is, I don’t feel like I need one. I missed Jimmy a lot at first, and I felt horrible after he died, but I’m not spending much time missing him.” Not really any time, she thought glumly. “Is that natural? Am I an awful person?”
Rachel looked at her. “For the sake of humor, I want to say ‘yes,’ but as your friend, I’ll tell the truth. Of course not. You feel what you feel. You guys didn’t date that long. It was intense because he left and then came back. Noelle, you never promised to love him forever.”
“But I slept with him.”
Crissy sighed. “Honey, women have been messing up their lives by sleeping with the wrong guy for centuries. You did it, I did it, I’m sure Rachel will admit she’s done it.”
Rachel nodded.
“No one can be smart all the time,” Crissy continued. “Circumstances change. We change. You make the best decision you can at the time and let it go.”
“Like marrying Dev,” Rachel added. “He sounds like a great guy. He’s the closest thing to a biological father the baby is going to have so it really makes sense for you two to be together.”
What they said sounded logical, Noelle thought. “I do like him,” she admitted. “This entire situation could have been a nightmare, but he’s gone out of his way to make things easy. I thought...” She smiled. “I thought we’d have nothing in common. I dreaded evenings, wondering what we’d talk about, but it’s easy. We like a lot of the same kinds of movies and he loves peanut butter cookies, which are my favorite.”
He’d even been willing to talk about sex with her, although she wasn’t going to share that with her friends.
“Uh-oh,” Rachel said, glancing at Crissy. “I didn’t see this coming.”
“It was always a possibility,” Crissy told her. “Close proximity, a shared interest, being part of an exciting event. There’s a reason birth rates soar after a blackout.”
Noelle stared at her friends. “What are the two of you talking about?”
“You, honey,” Crissy said. “You’ve got it bad.”
“Got what?” Noelle asked, not sure she wanted to know.
“You’re falling for Dev,” Rachel said kindly. “You have all the signs.”
“What? No! I’m not. I just appreciate how great he is.”
“Him being great is how it starts,” Crissy said.
Noelle refused to believe they were right. She liked Dev—under the circumstances, who wouldn’t? But it didn’t mean anything.
“You’re totally wrong,” she said. “But even if you’re not, what’s the big deal? We’re married. Shouldn’t I at least like the guy?”
“Only if he likes you back,” Crissy said. “The two of you made some pretty specific ground rules. If only one of you is willing to break them, then heartache could be right around the corner. I’d hate to see that happen.”
“I won’t get hurt,” Noelle said. “I like the guy, but that’s not the same as falling in love with him.”
“Keep it that way,” Rachel said. “Love is tricky. Now if you’re talking about breaking the no-sex rule, that’s more interesting.”
Noelle hated that she could already feel herself blushing. She cleared her throat. “Speaking of that,” she said, trying to sound casual, “I’ve been thinking about us, you know, maybe...”
Rachel leaned forward. “Doing the wild thing?”
Noelle groaned. “Don’t say that. It’s just, Jimmy and I, well, it was just the one night and it wasn’t very, you know, good.”
“Now I feel about ninety years old,” Crissy said with a sigh. “I can barely remember my first time. Which isn’t important. Look, technically, you’re married. Of course you’re welcome to have sex with your husband. Just be careful. You already like him. If he dazzles you in bed, you won’t have a chance.”
“I don’t believe that,” Noelle said. “It’s just a bodily function.”
“It can be a lot more,” Rachel told her. “It can be an expression of love that touches every part of you. Crissy’s right. Take care of yourself.”
Noelle wasn’t sure she agreed with their advice. “I’m already pregnant. What’s the worst that could happen?”
CHAPTER SEVEN
(Beginning)
THE DOCTOR’S WAITING room was bright, with beautiful prints of mothers holding babies and happy toddlers with balloons or kittens. The seats were comfortable, the music, soft and inspiring. Still it took every ounce of willpower for Noelle to stay in the chair and not run screaming into the night. Or in this case, the early afternoon.
“You’re fidgeting,” Dev said as he flipped through a parenting magazine.
“I’m nervous. I can’t believe I’m here. I don’t feel pregnant. I guess the truth hasn’t sunk in. Plus, I’m terrified. I don’t want there to be anything wrong with the baby. But I’m not sure I even really get there is a baby. Still, I want him or her to be healthy and I know millions and millions of women have done this before, so what’s the big deal. It’s like the circle of life in The Lion King, right?”
Dev stared at her. “You’re quoting a cartoon?”
“One works with what one has.”
“I don’t know that I’d go with that, but okay.” He took her hand and gently squeezed her fingers. “I know you’re scared and this is all new. Just remember—you’re not in this alone, and yes, millions of other couples have gone through it, including our parents.”
“I know. When I finally tell my mom, she’ll be full of great advice. She had four babies in six years. Talk about a pro. She...” Noelle glanced at him. “You never talk about your parents.”
“There’s not that much to say,” he told her. “My mom died when I was sixteen. A previously undiagnosed heart condition. What she had isn’t genetic—it was just one of those things.” He hesitated. “My dad had never been the responsible parent. He lasted about six weeks after her death, then took off. I never knew why, but now, looking back, I think it was guilt.”
“About what?”
“How he treated her. She loved him more than I’d ever seen anyone love another person. She lived for him. She was great to Jimmy and me, but he had her heart. Everything changed the second he came home. Her smile was bright, her laughter easier. But he stayed gone a lot and when he wasn’t there, she moved around like a shadow or a ghost. They used to fight about that—about him staying away so much. He wasn’t one to take responsibility. He spent a lot of time hanging out with his friends and other people.”
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