“They always will be,” she told him. “I didn’t ask you to stay away.”
“Then I won’t.”
“Good.” She looked into the family room and sighed. “I need to go take care of that,” she said. “Want to come along for a good screaming?”
“Sure.” He didn’t care about the screaming, but he was interested in how Noelle would handle the situation.
She walked into the house and paused. The volume was so loud, the walls shook. When she moved forward, she bent down, grabbed the remote and hit the pause button.
All seven girls turned to stare at her.
“Let’s be reasonable about the volume,” she said into the silence. “Who’s staying for dinner?”
Two girls raised their hands.
“I want names and phone numbers,” she said. “I’ll be calling home to verify it’s all right.”
“Noelle,” Tiffany protested. “Can’t we just have fun?”
“Apparently not,” her sister said cheerfully. She looked at her watch. “It’s nearly four. Everyone not staying to dinner will be gone by five. For the rest of you, dinner is at six, and curfew is at nine.”
Tiffany groaned. “You’re such a pain.”
“I know, and being a pain is the highlight of my day. Everyone understand?”
The other girls nodded. The two staying for dinner stood and followed Noelle into the kitchen, where Dev knew she would make good on her word and check with their parents. Tiffany’s friends who weren’t hanging around pulled out cell phones and began to make calls to ask to be picked up.
He walked into the kitchen, where she was dialing the phone.
“When did you get so good at this?” he asked.
“I took a class.”
“I’m serious.”
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “I watched my mom handle things. I try to think about what she would have done.”
Too bad her mother hadn’t been around when he’d been screwing things up with Jimmy. Maybe then his brother wouldn’t be dead. Of course, if Jimmy were still alive then he, Dev, wouldn’t be married to Noelle. Despite everything, he couldn’t actually say he didn’t want to be with her. Which meant he was in more trouble than he’d thought.
* * *
NOELLE CAME OUT of the bathroom that night and found Dev sitting up in bed. Since she’d declared her love for him and he’d walked out, they’d slept in the same room, but he’d made sure they never went to bed at the same time. He always came in after she was asleep and was gone before she got up.
She paused in the doorway. “You’re not working late tonight?”
“No.”
Did that mean what she thought it meant? Anticipation fluttered inside of her. She loved him and desired him in equal measures. Having things unsettled between them had been painful. She wanted to be in his arms so much, but at the same time, she was afraid. So much of their relationship confused her. Was it right to give herself to him, knowing he didn’t return her feelings?
Then he smiled at her. The curve of his lips was both apology and invitation. Her gaze dropped to his bare chest and she wondered if he’d pulled on boxers or if he wore nothing at all.
Maybe walking away was the smart thing to do, but Noelle chose to follow her heart. She walked the few steps to the bed, then climbed between the cool sheets.
Dev reached for her and pulled her against his body.
Naked, she thought as need poured through her. Naked and already hard. How was she supposed to resist that?
“Do you want to do this?” he asked as he gazed into her eyes. “I’ll stop if you ask me to.”
“Now why would I do a really stupid thing like that?”
He lowered his head and kissed her. She parted and his tongue swept inside, exploring her, arousing her, making her squirm with need.
Her leg brushed against his arousal. She reached down and traced the hard line of his thigh, then slipped between his legs until she could take him in her hand.
Velvet on steel. She’d read that in a book once and had giggled, alone in her room. But now she got the description completely. The skin was so soft, but underneath that thin layer was a hardness that made her ache to be claimed. She wanted to part her legs and demand that he take her right then. Only if she did that, she would miss out on all the good stuff between now and then. It was not an easy decision to make.
He shifted away, leaving her longing to touch him again. Before she could complain, he tugged her nightgown over her head, then pulled down her panties. He bent over her breasts and took one of her nipples in his mouth.
The combination of moist heat and gentle sucking made her arch her back and bite down on a scream. Pleasure exploded with each tug of his mouth. His tongue teased her sensitive flesh until she was willing to offer anything if he just promised not to stop.
He used his hand to caress her other breast, mimicking the acts of his tongue with his fingers. She let herself fall into the sensation. Between her legs heat and moisture competed for dominance. She wanted him there. She wanted him to keep touching her breasts. She wanted everything he could give her and then she wanted to give it all back to him.
He shifted between her legs, then kissed his way down her rib cage and over the small mound that was the only sign of her pregnancy. She knew what he was going to do—he’d done it once before. That intimate kiss that had pushed her so close to losing control.
She’d held back a little, unsure she could give herself up to him while so vulnerable and exposed, and he’d stopped. While he’d brought her to her release with his fingers, and later by being inside of her, she’d wondered what it would have felt like if he’d kept on going.
She parted her legs for him, then closed her eyes in anticipation of his touch.
Her first warning was the soft whisper of air. Then he licked her from bottom to top in one smooth, gentle movement. A shiver of delight rippled through her. She clutched the sheets and arched her head back as he circled that one special spot, moving closer but not touching.
Delicious, she thought as her muscles tensed and the soles of her feet began to burn. Delicious and exciting and so incredible that she wasn’t sure how she was going to find the strength to hold back this time.
So maybe she wouldn’t. Maybe she would just give in to the whisper touch of his tongue moving back and forth over her swollen center.
Tension filled her. She drew in deeper and deeper breaths. It was as if every cell of her body had all its attention focused on that one spot and what he was doing there.
He moved faster—circling, teasing, sliding across. Everything felt out of her control. She was getting closer. She could feel her muscles clenching as she pushed toward her release. It was so close.
He slipped a finger inside of her. The unexpected action shocked her and she opened her eyes. For a second, she saw the top of his dark head as he pleasured her, then she closed her eyes again, almost embarrassed by what she’d seen.
But the picture of that intimate act stayed with her. The more she thought about it, the more aroused she got. Then he began to move the finger inside of her, sliding it in and out, almost as if he was rubbing her center from underneath while his tongue loved it from above.
She came in a wave of contractions that made her whole body tremble. She could no more have stopped herself than she could have escaped gravity. From head to toe, she experienced wild, intense pleasure that took her breath away.
She wanted to scream her release, but forced herself to hold in her cry. Then, while she was still caught in her release, Dev sat up and plunged into her.
He was thick and hard and filled her until she had no choice but to come again. She needed him, all of him. Without thinking, she grabbed his hips and pulled him to her.
He braced himself and
pumped into her over and over again. She parted her thighs more, then wrapped her legs around his hips, doing everything she could think of to pull him all in.
Again and again he filled her, sending more waves crashing through her. It wasn’t possible for her body to feel this much, she thought. Maybe she would never stop. Maybe they could go on forever.
But then he gave one last great thrust and her body shattered into such intense release that she knew she had reached the ultimate moment. His body tensed and she felt him let go inside of her.
She opened her eyes and found him watching her. They gazed at each other, naked and exposed, seeing the truth in each of their souls.
They were both breathing hard. Dev started to move, but she held him in place.
“Not yet,” she whispered. “I want to stay like this for another second.”
He smiled. “Pretty incredible.”
“The best.”
A muscle cramped in her hip and she had to move. In the logistics of postlovemaking, she started to giggle.
“It was hard not to scream,” she whispered. “I had to hold it in so I wouldn’t scare my sister.”
“I appreciate that,” he said as he settled on the mattress next to her and tucked her hair behind her ears. “Having Tiffany walk in would have deflated the moment.”
“It also would have led to a lot of questions. I’m glad I was able to control myself.”
He kissed her forehead. “I’m glad you weren’t.” He studied her. “You’re amazing. You can handle your family, my father, this house, school and you’re incredibly wicked in bed.”
“Wicked?” She liked the sound of that. “Only with you, Dev.”
The words slipped out and she would have given anything to call them back.
“Noelle, don’t,” he said.
“I’m not trying to go there. I don’t want to spoil this.”
“Me, either.”
But the words had been spoken and there was no calling them back. The mood shifted until she found herself saying, “I still love you. Nothing has changed.”
He shifted back onto his side of the bed. “I’ve told you not to.”
“Yeah, that’s going to work.” She raised herself on one elbow and faced him. “What are you so afraid of?”
“I don’t want you getting hurt.”
Which sounded very altruistic, but she wasn’t sure she believed him. “What more could you possibly want from a wife? What need don’t I fulfill?”
It was a dangerous question and an honest answer could emotionally devastate her. Still, she was willing to risk it and hear the truth.
“It’s not you,” he said slowly. “There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s me. I can’t love you.”
She stared at him for a long time and wondered if being told she wasn’t pretty enough or smart enough or sensitive enough would have been easier to deal with. This truth cut deep.
“It’s not that you can’t,” she told him. “It’s that you won’t.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
NOELLE KNOCKED ON her parents’ front door. She’d never done that before—she’d always just burst in. But this was different. Now she didn’t live here anymore.
Her mother answered, then laughed. “Noelle, you might be all grown-up and married, but you’re still my baby girl. You don’t have to knock.”
Noelle opened her mouth to answer, then shocked herself and probably her mother by bursting into tears.
Five minutes later they were both on the worn sofa in the small living room. There was a box of tissues in her lap and her mother’s arms around her.
“Shh,” her mom whispered as they rocked back and forth. “I’m here, honey. I’ll always be here. Whatever it is, we can fix it together.”
“I m-messed up,” Noelle said, her voice breaking with sobs. “I messed up so badly.”
“The first few months of any marriage are difficult. You and Dev will get through it. I know it seems impossible now, but in time, things will get better. The most important thing is you love each other.”
“We d-don’t,” Noelle said as she tried to control her tears. “I mean, I love him, but he doesn’t...”
Her mother straightened and cupped her face. “Of course he loves you. Why else would he marry you?”
Noelle swallowed, then cleared her throat. “Because he thought it was the right thing to do.”
She told her everything. She talked about dating Jimmy and how fast everything had moved. That he’d gone into the army and then been shipped overseas. She glossed over that single night they’d shared, then confessed her pregnancy and how Dev had found out only seconds after she’d seen the truth, herself.
“He took charge,” she said as she wiped her face with another tissue. “I’m not saying I don’t have responsibility in what happened. Of course I do. It’s just I was terrified and he was there, telling me exactly what we should do. He made it sound easy and sensible.” She clutched her hands around the damp wad of tissue. “How disappointed are you?”
Her mother smiled. “I’m not disappointed, Noelle. You gave in to a boy in a moment of passion and emotion. It happens. It’s happened for thousands of years. Smart girls make impulsive decisions that change their lives forever.”
“I thought I loved him,” she admitted. “Or maybe I was just trying to convince myself I did to make my actions seem less stupid. But I didn’t. I love Dev, only he doesn’t want me to. He says we have a deal and that’s the most important thing. Our agreement.”
“Tell me about the agreement,” her mother said.
Noelle explained the details of what Dev had offered. It was hard to admit she’d taken money for having a child she would have had anyway, but...
She stopped. Instead of being angry and shocked, her mother was smiling.
“What are you so happy about?”
Her mother hugged her. “You’re having a baby. My very first grandchild. I was kind of hoping I could be at least forty-five before that happened, but under the circumstances, I’m willing to go with it.”
Noelle blinked. “You’re happy about the baby?”
“Of course. Noelle, you have no idea how wonderful it is to have children. Your life will change forever, but in the best way possible. How far along are you? When are you due? Have you seen a doctor?”
“Three months, early March and yes, Dev and I have been to a doctor. We’ve also signed up for parenting classes and we have every book on pregnancy ever published.”
They hugged again. “Yay, you,” her mother said. “I can’t wait to tell your father.”
“I’m not sure he’ll be as understanding as you’ve been.”
“You might be surprised.” Her mother patted her arm. “Okay, where were you? You married Dev because of the baby. You know you could have come to us and told us what was going on.”
“I know. I wanted to...” She stared at her lap. “I started to, actually.” She explained about the day she’d come home and found her mother crying over the bills and having to leave the church and that she couldn’t bring a baby into the house.
“We would have found a way,” her mom said.
“I know. But I thought marrying Dev was an easier option. Only now I’ve fallen in love with him and he doesn’t want me to.”
“Tell me about that,” her mother said.
“I was so scared at first, but he made everything wonderful.” She talked about how they got to know each other and how the more they knew, the more there was to like.
“I couldn’t believe it was so easy,” she admitted. “We mesh. He even likes peanut butter cookies better than chocolate chip, just like me. He wants to be there for the baby. He’s kind and responsible and...”
“Incredible in bed.”
Noel
le felt herself blush. “Mo-om.”
“He must be or it would be a lot easier to leave.”
“That part of our relationship is fine,” she said primly.
Her mother laughed. “My daughter, the prude.”
“I’m not a prude. Sex with Dev is amazing, but you’re my mother.”
“Okay, fine. We’ll talk about that later, when you’ve had time to adjust to the fact that I do it, too.”
Noelle closed her eyes and groaned. “I know. I just don’t want to share details.”
Her mother laughed. “I won’t do that. I promise.” Her smile faded. “What do you want?”
“I want him to love me back. He says he can’t. I think he won’t. He’s had so much happen in his life. His mother dying, his dad leaving.” She talked a little about Jackson Hunter and his unexpected return. “Dev isn’t really dealing with him, although I’m hoping they’ll reconcile. After Dev’s grandfather died, he was responsible for raising Jimmy and that didn’t go well.”
She detailed how Dev blamed himself for his brother’s death.
“From what you’ve said, it seems to me that everyone Dev has loved has either gone away or rejected him or both,” her mother told her.
Noelle hadn’t thought of his past like that, but it was true. Everyone always left or died. Was that the problem? Did he think he couldn’t trust anyone who cared to stick around?
“What about his romantic relationships?” her mother asked. “Did you know much about them?”
“He dated a lot of beautiful women. Never for very long, though. Katherine told me once that he’d been engaged a few years ago. Supposedly he was crazy about her, but she wasn’t willing to marry him and deal with Jimmy.”
“Which means no one has been willing to stick around for Dev,” her mother said slowly. “Maybe that’s your answer.”
“What if he won’t give in? What if he won’t love me back?”
“Happiness isn’t a guarantee, Noelle. You have to decide what you most want and then be willing to work for it. You and Dev have only been married a few weeks. Before that, you’d barely met the man. Give it time. Have faith in him and yourself and the life you’re building together.”
Circle of Friends Complete Collection Page 16