“It’s not what I want,” she admitted, “but I think it’s the most sensible solution.”
She couldn’t tell what he was thinking. Did it matter? She’d long ago learned the only person who was going to take care of her was her.
He leaned in and kissed her. At the first brush of his lips, she desperately wanted to take it all back and jump back into bed with him. An action simplified by the fact that they were already in bed.
“It’s your call,” he said. “We can be just friends. But I refuse to forget what happened.”
She was neatly torn in two. Part of her applauded her rational, mature decision. The other part snorted in disgust and warned her she would be very sorry to be sleeping alone tonight.
“I won’t forget, either,” she told him, and meant it.
* * *
CRISSY ARRIVED AT her friend Noelle’s house in the early afternoon. She was still tingling from the previous night—and morning—and trying to deal with all the waves of feeling rushing through her.
For the past couple of years, her life had been relatively calm. She worked hard, grew her business, hung out with friends and avoided romantic complications. King Edward, her cat, was enough of a live-in companion. She didn’t need a man.
But in the space of less than twenty-four hours, everything had changed. She’d met Brandon and had slept with Josh. Both events had the potential to put her life into a wild spin. Not that she regretted either.
She walked up to the front door, but before she could knock, Rachel opened it and grinned at her.
“Welcome, my nonpregnant friend, for an afternoon of hormones, swelling and talk about birth and other fluids,” Rachel said with a laugh.
Crissy smiled at her. “You’re trying to scare me off and I refuse to show fear. Besides, your pregnancy is only a rumor. So far I haven’t seen any evidence of a baby.”
Rachel turned sideways and pulled up her loose sweater. Underneath, her jeans were unbuttoned and there was a definite tummy showing.
“It’s a rice grain,” Crissy teased. “Congrats.”
The two women hugged.
“I wouldn’t mind a rice grain,” Rachel said as she shut the door and started toward the family room. “It would be a whole lot easier to pop out than an actual baby.”
“But finding clothes would be tough, and what about the diaper situation?”
“Good point.”
Crissy walked into the family room of the elegant home and saw Noelle half sitting, half lying on the sofa. She was seriously pregnant, her belly swollen to the point of looking painful. But despite her awkward size, she looked beautiful and content.
“Renoir should be here to paint you,” Crissy said as she crossed to her friend, bent down and hugged her. “You look radiant.”
“I feel good,” Noelle said as she patted her belly. Her blue eyes glowed with happiness. “We’re nearly there.”
Rachel carried out a tray with three glasses and a pitcher of iced tea that Crissy assumed was herbal. She sniffed the air and detected the scent of something yummy.
“You didn’t make food, did you?” she asked Noelle. “In your condition?”
“I put frozen food on cookie trays and stuck them in the oven. Hardly hard labor.”
“She’s saving that for later,” Rachel said, her green eyes bright with humor. “Get it? Hard labor.”
“Sometimes you two make me feel old,” Crissy muttered as she dropped her purse on the floor by the chair then walked into the kitchen to bring back the snacks.
She’d known Noelle and Rachel less than two years, but the three of them had become very close. They’d met in a knitting class, randomly choosing the same table. Despite their differences in age and circumstances, or maybe because of them, they’d become close friends.
Nearly nine months ago, Noelle, nineteen and the sheltered daughter of a minister, had given herself to her soldier boyfriend. That single night had left her pregnant. When he was killed in Iraq, she hadn’t known what to do. But rescue had arrived in the form of the boyfriend’s older brother. Devlin Hunter had proposed a temporary marriage of convenience to give the baby a name and Noelle a head start at motherhood. The practical arrangement had quickly turned into a love match.
A few months later Rachel, a conservative kindergarten teacher, had had a wildly unexpected night of passion with an undercover cop. It, too, had produced a pregnancy. Rachel had been more than prepared to be a single mother, but Carter Brockett had other plans. When his family had meddled, they’d pretended to be a couple to throw them off. But the game had turned real and now the two were happily engaged.
Crissy joked that the way her friends had gotten pregnant so easily, she was only going to drink bottled water just in case. Not that she’d had cause for concern. It wasn’t as if sex had been a big part of her life. She hadn’t been with a man in—
She picked up the platter of tiny quiches and mini quesadillas, only to set it back down. Her stomach flipped over, her chest tightened and she felt a distinct tingling in her hands.
She and Josh had made love three times and neither of them had thought to mention or even use protection.
She wasn’t worried about her health. He’d been in a monogamous relationship for years and celibate since then. She knew she was okay, which was all good news. But what about getting pregnant?
“No,” she said aloud. “It couldn’t. Not so fast.”
She glanced at the calendar on the wall and did a quick calculation. It was a little early for her to be in a dangerous time. She was fine. Pregnant? No way.
That decided, she picked up the tray and returned to the family room.
Rachel had taken a seat in one of the overstuffed chairs, leaving the sofa for Crissy and Noelle.
“Does it hurt?” Rachel asked, eyeing Noelle’s stomach. “It has to hurt. I don’t like pain.”
“I feel a little overstuffed,” Noelle admitted. “But in a good way. The baby’s moving all the time now. It’s awe-inspiring to know there’s life inside of me. Of course, sometimes I’m terrified, too.”
“Of being a mother?” Crissy asked.
Noelle nodded.
“Don’t be,” Crissy told her. “You’re a natural. Have been from birth. You’ll do great.”
“I hope so,” Noelle said. She looked at Crissy. “Do you remember much about your pregnancy? Or should I not ask you that?”
She’d told both her friends about her past and her plans to meet Brandon.
“Almost nothing,” Crissy said. “I tried to block it out of my mind at the time. Then when I couldn’t ignore the situation any longer, I just didn’t think about it. I didn’t show much. The doctor said it was because I was so young.” She smiled at Noelle. “Although you’re still a baby, too.”
“I’m growing up fast.”
“Speaking of your pregnancy,” Rachel said. “Tell us everything.”
Crissy stared at her. How had Rachel guessed there might be a problem? That she and Josh could have, maybe, possibly, done a little life creating of their own? Was there a flashing sign over her head?
“Brandon,” Rachel added. “You were going to meet him yesterday? How did it go?”
Relief came quickly. Crissy shook off thoughts of being pregnant. She wasn’t. She would get her period and then she would give herself a stern talking-to on the subject of jumping to conclusions, not to mention the importance of birth control.
“It was good,” she said. “Strange and scary, but good. He’s a great kid. Funny and athletic. Basically a sweetie. I liked him.”
“Is that a surprise?” Noelle asked.
“I don’t know. There’s the whole issue of who I thought he was in theory and who he is in real life.”
“Do you want to get to know him more?” Rachel
asked.
“I do. But slowly, and I’m not sure about telling him who I am. Does he really need that information?”
“Would you want to know your birth mom?” Rachel asked. “I would. Family is everything.”
Crissy knew her friend’s past made that statement true for her. But Brandon hadn’t had to discover that the hard way. He’d been surrounded by love from the moment he’d been born.
“I don’t question my decision to give him up,” she said slowly. “But I don’t want to mess up what he has. His parents are amazing. I like Abbey so much. She’s a lot like you,” she told Noelle.
“Then she’s obviously a superior person,” Noelle said with a smile. “I know you’re worried about making a selfish decision, but this isn’t one. Brandon can have both you and Abbey in his life. When it comes to being loved, more is better.”
“I just don’t want to mess up,” Crissy said. “Abbey called this morning and invited me over to lunch one day. Just with her and the kids. Casual. I want to go but...”
“You should.” Rachel grabbed a couple of the quiches. “You have to forgive yourself sometime.”
“Technically I don’t.”
“Rachel’s right,” Noelle said gently. “It’s the only way to get on with your life. You don’t want to be stalled forever.”
Okay, sometimes friends were a pain in the butt, Crissy thought, both appreciative of the caring and slightly uncomfortable with the turn in the conversation.
“Enough about me and my problems,” she said. “What’s new with you two?”
“My mom’s giving me a baby shower,” Noelle said. “I’d really like both of you to come.”
“I’ll be there,” Rachel told her. “I love showers.”
“Me, too,” Crissy said. “The being there part. Showers aren’t my thing, but my love for you is big enough to overlook that.”
“I’m flattered,” Noelle said, then shifted on the sofa. “And while we’re on the topic, I was talking to Dev yesterday and there’s this guy at his office. He runs engineering, which sounds nerdy, but I’ve met him and he’s gorgeous. Funny and smart. And single.”
Crissy held in a groan. “How is that on the topic?”
“It’s not, but I didn’t have a good transition.”
“Thank you, but no. I’m not interested in being set up. I don’t date. I especially don’t first date. And a blind date is a whole new level of dating hell. I’m not going there.”
“But if you don’t start going out, you’ll be alone forever.” Noelle sucked in a breath. “I’m seriously pregnant. You have to do what I say.”
“Not really.”
Noelle looked at Rachel. “Help me.”
“No way. Crissy is the most together person I know. If she wants to stay single, that’s her business. Some women prefer not to be with a man. They’re happy on their own.”
Crissy had been pleased with the support, right up until that last statement. It made her sound like someone who was going to live a scary life of filling rooms with newspapers and cats. Which reminded her she hadn’t taken the Sunday paper out to the recycling bin—and she did own a cat.
“I’m not abnormal,” she muttered. “I like men. It’s dating I object to.”
“When was the last time you went out?” Noelle asked. “Was it even this year? Or last year?”
“Ask the more interesting question,” Rachel teased. “When was the last time you had sex?”
The two women grinned. Crissy didn’t know what to say. This time yesterday, the answer would have been depressing. This morning—not so much.
Rachel picked up her glass of iced tea, then put it down. She stared at Crissy. “Oh my God. What’s going on? You have the weirdest look on your face.”
Crissy touched her cheeks, not sure what she was doing. “Nothing. I’m fine.”
Noelle stared at her. “You’re not fine. You’re blushing. She’s blushing, right?” she asked Rachel.
Rachel leaned forward, peering. “You’ve had sex. Recently. You look smug and guilty.”
“I do not. Nothing happened.”
Rachel flopped back in the chair. “She’s lying.”
“I know. And to women in our condition.” Noelle looked disapproving. “Who is he? Start at the beginning and tell us everything. I have nowhere else I have to be today. I can outwait you.”
Crissy opened her mouth, then closed it. She knew if she told them she wasn’t ready to talk about it, they would both back off. But some part of her wanted their take on the situation.
“It’s Josh,” she said. “Brandon’s uncle. The one I met with first to talk about the whole me-getting-to-know-Brandon thing. He invited me to a party at Abbey and Pete’s house to celebrate the adoption of their new baby. Josh was really sweet and I liked him.”
“Apparently,” Rachel said. “So when did you get naked?”
Crissy ignored her.
“He was really nice to me at the party. I did okay until it was time to leave. Then I felt all these emotions crashing in. I barely got out of there before I lost it.”
Noelle reached out and touched her hand. “I’m sorry you had to go through all that.”
“It’s my own fault,” Crissy said. “I’m the one who’s been avoiding the fact that I have a son. Anyway, I got home and had a good cry and then Josh showed up. He wanted to know if I was okay. We talked and then he kissed me and well, things sort of went from there.”
“How was it?” Rachel asked.
Crissy grinned. “Amazing. Fabulous. That earthquake you felt last night? That was us.”
Noelle sighed. “The only bad part about being this pregnant is that I miss making love with Dev.” She covered her mouth with her fingers. “Oh. Did I say that out loud?”
Rachel laughed. “Yes, and I’m taping this conversation.”
Noelle turned to Crissy. “So this is good, right? You like him, he likes you. All positive.”
“I don’t know. It’s an unusual situation. I’m trying to get to know the child I gave up for adoption. Josh is his uncle. If we get involved and then it ends badly, it will be awkward and uncomfortable for everyone.”
Noelle shook her head. “You aren’t going to keep seeing him, are you?”
“I suggested that we just be friends,” Crissy said. “It makes the most sense. Brandon is my priority. I want to get to know him. Being involved with Josh would only get in the way of that. Josh agrees.”
Neither Noelle nor Crissy looked convinced.
“So you’ll still see him, but only as friends?” Noelle asked.
“We’re not going to date or anything, but I’m sure I’ll run into him.”
What she would never admit to either of them was how much she was looking forward to that.
“You like this plan?” Rachel asked.
“Yes. It’s the right thing to do. For everyone.”
“But you’ve been lovers,” Rachel pointed out. “Taking a step back after that is difficult. I know. Carter and I tried it. And didn’t make it work.”
“This is a totally different situation,” Crissy said. “I’m not pregnant with his baby.”
Her stomach flipped over again, but she ignored the sensation. She wasn’t pregnant. She was fine. Totally and completely fine. She had to be.
“I can handle things,” she insisted. “Josh is great and I’m happy to be friends with him. We get along. Romance isn’t required to enjoy each other’s company. I’m tough.”
Noelle smiled ruefully. “I can’t help thinking being tough isn’t going to help you this time, Crissy.”
CHAPTER FIVE
CRISSY DIDN’T THINK it was a big deal to be nervous for her lunch with Abbey and the kids as long as she didn’t act nervous around them.
> Casual, she reminded herself. Abbey had stressed that it was nothing more than a casual lunch. Brandon and Emma were home because it was teacher meeting day at school. They’d spent the morning playing with friends and Crissy was going to stop by and join them for lunch. No biggie, right?
Except she was both terrified and excited. It was a case of nerves plus.
Still, she forced herself to walk calmly to the front and ring the bell. She was braced and prepared. Or so she thought until Brandon opened the door and grinned at her.
“Hey, Crissy,” he said. “I told my friends how good you were at football and they didn’t believe me.” He sighed heavily. “I didn’t bother telling them you were wearing those high heels. That would have made them laugh. They just don’t think a girl can be good at football.”
Her heart stuttered in her chest as she stared into a face that shared features with her own. This was her son. Her baby. Twelve plus years ago, she’d given birth to him. He was alive because of her body. The information was both amazing and hard to believe.
“You know the truth,” she said with a smile. “Sometime I’ll come play with you and we’ll blow them away.”
“Yeah. That’ll show ‘em. Come on. Mom made soup. It’s really good and the hard part is it cooks forever. I’ve been telling her I’m hungry for days, but she says we have to wait until it’s ready.”
She followed him into the kitchen and found Abbey putting what looked like rolls into the oven. But not any kind of store-bought, cook-for-a-few-minutes rolls. These were freshly made or risen or kneaded or whatever it was people did to make bread.
She laughed, then smiled at Abbey. “I just realized I don’t even know how to make bread. I’m totally useless in the kitchen.”
“Bread is nothing. I can show you, if you’d like. The way you work out, kneading would be easy. My hands always get tired.” She put the cookie sheet in the oven, closed the door, then straightened and walked over to give Crissy a hug. “How are you?”
As all three kids were in the room, Crissy only smiled and said, “Good.” No point in admitting her nerves in front of an audience.
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