“We were coming for you,” said Lachlan.
“I knew you’d get out of there,” said Felicity.
I smiled at them. “Uh, could someone get me a robe or some clothes or something?”
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
We waited for Alastair to show up for the rest of that night, none of us getting a wink of sleep. We stayed awake until noon the next day, and then—exhausted—we began to sleep in shifts, leaving someone awake to watch for him.
He didn’t show up that day.
Or that night.
Or the next day.
Or for a week.
Lachlan was in touch with the police, who had investigated the burnt-down house. There was no body in the ruins, but I didn’t expect there to be, since I’d seen Alastair escape through the window.
They searched the bay, but it wasn’t like dredging a lake or something. The bay, though not as volatile as the sea, was still subject to the tides. Water came and went from it. Currents of water were swept off to sea, and if a body had been in the water, it might have been carried off by now.
I knew that there was no body. He had jumped into the bay and shifted into a dragon.
Then… he had left. Why, I didn’t know. But he wasn’t gone for good. I didn’t believe that for a second.
I called Elizabeth, thinking for certain that she’d heard from him. But she was only angry with me for “spreading lies” about her brother. The way she had it, Alastair had never laid a finger on me, and I’d made it up because I was a huge slut who wanted out of the marriage to have sex with vampires. After listening to her spew this vitriol at me for five minutes, and becoming relatively certain that she didn’t have any idea where Alastair was after all, I hung up on her.
So, I waited, getting tenser by the day, sure that he was going to show up at any moment, and trying to make sure that I was prepared for him.
I went back to Connecticut, went to my family’s vault, and got more artifacts to make talismans for protection.
I had Ophelia renew the wards on the hotel.
And another week went by.
Still no Alastair.
I didn’t like this, because I knew what was going to happen. I was going to settle into a wary relaxation. I wouldn’t worry about Alastair at every second, but I’d be thinking about him at the edge of my subconscious all the time. It would mean that I could never really be truly carefree, and it would mean that I was never really ready for him, because he would still take me by surprise when he arrived again.
But we couldn’t find him. He was gone. And I couldn’t dwell on it.
So, I tried to busy myself working on the hotel. I hired contractors to do repairs. I met with a public relations firm to ask about ways that I could minimize the fact that my hotel had been the site of magical attacks perpetrated by a man who was still at large. They weren’t extraordinarily encouraging. They said I should drop my rates.
I did.
And I was astonished to find that we were booked up for the first week of the season in advance. Apparently, a beach front hotel was a beach front hotel in Sea City. Now I just needed to make sure that the hotel was ready by then, completely repaired and completely safe.
Everything was returning to normal, as galling as it seemed.
Still, I had nightmares. I dreamed of Alastair hurting me, forcing me, of his face looming large in my vision, laughing and calling me names and telling me that I was his.
I woke up screaming.
When Lachlan tried to comfort me, I wouldn’t let him touch me until the dream had fully passed from my system.
Lachlan didn’t like it.
One night, we were awake after I’d had one of the nightmares, and I had shoved him out of the bed, shrieking that I didn’t want him near me.
He got up and went out to sleep on the couch.
Two minutes later, I felt guilty. I padded down the hallway and went into the living room.
He was lying on the couch, staring at the ceiling.
I sat down next to his feet.
He pulled his knees up away from me.
“Come back to bed,” I said. “I wasn’t awake yet.”
He scooted up the couch, so that he was half-sitting up. “I don’t think that you’ve dealt with what happened to you, Penny.”
I sighed. “It’s not like that.”
He raised his eyebrows. “What do you mean?”
I raised my gaze to the ceiling. “It’s not like something you deal with once, and then it goes away.”
“But you’re having these nightmares,” he said. “And I can only think it’s because it’s got to come out somehow. I think when you’re awake, you’re just shoving it all away and acting tough—”
“No,” I said. “I’m not doing that.”
“You are.”
I chewed on my bottom lip. “You’re annoyed because we haven’t had sex since it happened.”
“I’m not,” he said. “Not even a little bit. I don’t even think I could. I’d just picture you with him and it would be…” He glared at me. “Don’t think that. There is no pressure on this end. Not from me.”
I put my hands in my lap. I was quiet for several moments. Then I took a deep breath. “Look, I do think about it when I’m awake. I’m terrified that Alastair is coming back, and I don’t know how to deal with the uncertainty of all of it. I’m having these nightmares because I can’t stop thinking about him, not because I’m running from thinking about him.”
“You say that, but—”
“And the thing is, these nightmares aren’t new. I’ve had them ever since I left him.” I let my shoulders slump. “Not this frequently, but… The thing about being abused the way I was is that it’s the gift that keeps on giving. It doesn’t ever really go away. You just figure out how to live with it.”
He didn’t say anything.
I waited.
He still didn’t say anything.
“What do you want me to do?” I said.
“I feel guilty about us jumping into all of this,” he said. “I feel like you use me to run from your pain.”
“I’m not running from it,” I said. But the truth was, I didn’t know what else to do with pain. It was bad, and I didn’t like it. Was there anything to do besides get away from it?
He massaged the bridge of his nose. “I think you might be running, though. Look, I’ve been here with you every night for weeks, because I care about you, and you said you needed me.”
“But?” I swallowed.
He sat up straighter on the couch. “I just wonder if it’s too fast.”
I twisted my hands together. “Oh.”
“It’s only that we slept together before we’d even been on a date, and the day after we did go on a date, you got assaulted by your ex-husband, and then we found out that we had some blood bond and…”
“Yeah, it’s been crazy. But you and I together, it’s a good thing. Do you want us to not be together?”
“I’m not saying that.” His eyes widened. “No, I don’t mean that at all. I want to be with you.”
“Okay, then, what are you saying?”
“We work together. We eat together. For the past two weeks, we’ve spent every night together. I think, maybe, we should make a concerted effort to, uh, not be together once in a while. Because of healthiness and stuff.”
I nodded. “Sure. Doesn’t sound crazy.”
“And maybe you should see someone? About the nightmares?”
“Someone?”
“You’re a consultant for the department, so you could probably see the department therapist,” he said. “She’s good. You’d like her.”
“How do you know this?”
“Because I see her sometimes,” he said. “So you don’t have to feel ashamed of doing it or something. I can even help you set it up.”
I licked my lips. “Okay,” I said quietly. “Actually, it might be really nice to talk to someone about it.”
He let out a low, steady breath. “Goo
d.”
I smiled at him. “Can we go back to bed now?”
He arched an eyebrow. “I don’t know. You going to throw me out again?”
My smile widened. “You’ll have to take your chances.”
He pulled me to him.
I closed my eyes and felt safe and warm in the circle of his arms.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
“So, I told you I could dress this down,” said Felicity, swishing the skirts of the dress she was wearing. It was the one she’d taken from me, that I’d bought for the party with Lachlan. She was wearing flip flops with it and a jean jacket.
“Looks good,” I grinned.
She sat down at the table where I was sitting with Connor. She was holding a bright green drink in a martini glass. It was practically glowing.
“What do you have there?” Connor asked her.
Felicity took a sip. “Oh my God, you have to try this.” She handed her drink across the table to me.
I accepted it, wrinkling up my nose. “I don’t know about this.”
Connor snatched it from me and took a drink. “Whoa. What is that?”
“It’s the melon,” said Felicity, giggling. “Come on, Penny, taste it.”
“It looks… sweet,” I muttered. The past few days, I’d been totally turned off by things that were too sweet, even taking my coffee nearly black. But I took the drink back from Connor. I took a tiny sip. It was exceedingly sugary, but it did taste uncannily of honeydew melon. I drew back, staring at it. “What the hell?”
“It’s awesome, isn’t it?” Felicity grinned.
“I’m ordering one next,” said Connor, downing his cranberry and vodka.
I sipped my wine. “I think it’s weird. How’d they make it taste so much like melon?”
“It’s those new liqueurs,” said Connor, getting up with his empty glass. “They do some crazy stuff in the lab that like replicates the taste molecules or something.”
I snorted. “Taste molecules? That’s a thing?”
He shrugged, heading back for the bar.
“Hurry back,” I called after him. “We have to toast.”
Felicity took a gulp of her drink.
“Save some of that for the toast,” I said.
“Sorry, it’s just so delicious,” she said.
“Why do I get the feeling that I’m going to be peeling you off the floor later?”
She laughed, a wicked glint in her eyes. “I thought that was the point. I thought we were supposed to come out and have a girls-plus-Connor night and get incredibly sloshed and dance like sluts until three in the morning.”
Sluts. Alastair called me that.
I took a deep breath, shoving the thought aside. “Yes, okay, that is the idea, I admit. Still, if you want to make it until three in the morning, you might want to pace yourself.”
Lachlan wasn’t right that I was running from dealing with my problems with Alastair, was he? I had made an appointment with the therapist, but it wasn’t until next week. I hadn’t been to a therapist since after my parents died, and I didn’t know how much different it would be to talk about abuse instead of grieving.
“Pfft, pace myself.” Felicity waved the idea away. “You pace yourself.”
“I am,” I said.
Connor came back with one of the green day-glo drinks. He sat down. “So, what are we toasting?”
“The hotel reopening, of course,” I said.
“And booking the first week of season solid,” said Felicity. “Even though we’re the magic attack hotel.”
I snickered, raising my glass. “To crushing it, even as the magic attack hotel.”
They raised their glasses and we clinked. We took a drink, grinning at each other over the rims of our glasses.
Connor set his glass down. “I want to dance.”
“Not drunk enough,” said Felicity, downing the rest of her drink.
He turned to me. “You?”
“Also not drunk enough.” I took another sip of my wine.
“Girl, drink up,” said Connor. “At that rate, you’re never going to be drunk enough for the dance floor.”
I peered out. “There’s no one dancing out there anyway.”
“So?” said Connor.
I just shook my head at him. “You don’t feel embarrassed about dancing alone in public?”
“Have you seen me dance?” he said.
“Sure,” I said.
“Then you can see why I’m not embarrassed.”
Felicity laughed. “Seriously, Penny, drink up.”
I surveyed my wine glass. “I don’t know, guys. I’m not really up for drinking a lot of this, I don’t think.”
“Why not?” said Connor. “This whole thing was your idea. You invited us.”
“Yeah, don’t turn into a lame-ass on us all of the sudden.” Felicity downed the rest of her green drink. “I need another of these.” She shot up out of her chair.
“I’m not trying to be a lame-ass,” I said. “I want to have fun and all, it’s just… the taste of the wine…”
“It’s too dry, isn’t it?” said Connor. “You hate dry wine. I wasn’t sure why you ordered the house red, anyway.”
“No, it’s not that.” I bit my lip.
“Maybe I should order you something else, then,” said Felicity.
“Maybe,” I said. “Nothing sweet.”
“So, maybe a beer?” she said.
I shook my head, making a face. “No, that sounds disgusting. Honestly, the taste of any kind of alcohol is sort of turning my stomach right now. I think I’ll just get like a plain energy drink or something. That’ll make me bouncy, and I’ll want to dance anyway.”
Felicity’s eyes were wide. “Oh, no, Penny, I don’t think you should get an energy drink at all.”
“No?” I lifted my wine glass. Maybe if I had another sip—
Felicity grabbed the glass and pulled it away from me. “Don’t drink that either.”
“What?” I said.
“Yeah, what’s up with you?” said Connor.
“I remember the last time that you thought things tasted disgusting,” said Felicity.
And suddenly, so did I. The force of the memory made it hard to breathe.
“Finish your drink, Connor,” said Felicity. “This girls’ night is moving back to Penny’s apartment.”
“What?” he said.
“With a pit stop at the drug store,” she said.
* * *
I stood at the sink of my bathroom, clutching one of the pregnancy tests we’d picked up at the drug store. I shook my head at it and then I dumped it in the sink with the others I’d taken.
“Penny?” called Felicity from the other side of the door. “Anything yet?”
“It’s positive, just like the rest of them,” I called back.
I looked at myself in the mirror. I was shaking. I’d told myself so often that Alastair hadn’t finished what he started. That when I was unconscious, nothing had happened to me.
But now, the evidence was staring me in the face.
Do you really think I stopped, Penny?
I let out a noise, something between a sob and a groan.
“Penny?” called Felicity.
The door handle jiggled. “Let us in if you’re not peeing anymore,” said Connor.
I sighed, and then I went over to open the door.
The two of them crowded inside.
Connor went over to the sink and started pulling the tests out. “Yup. Every single one. Positive.” He grinned. “This is awesome, Penny.”
Felicity gave me a questioning smile. “It could be awesome, right?”
I rubbed my face.
“Because,” she said, “you want a baby. I know you want a baby.”
“I’m so good with kids,” said Connor. “Seriously, I used to take care of my nieces and nephews all the time back when I lived with my mom and my sisters and their kids. I was everyone’s favorite uncle. And a little dragon baby will b
e so cute. This is way cool.”
Felicity took both of my hands. “What are you thinking here?”
I didn’t answer.
“You’re not happy?” said Felicity.
I looked at Connor. “You shouldn’t get your hopes up. Because I’ve never carried a baby to term before, and it’s fairly likely I’m going to lose this one too.”
Connor’s face changed from one of delight to one of concern. “Oh, Penny, I didn’t know. Still, don’t say things like that. Try to stay positive.”
“Not having Alastair beating the crap out of you might make a difference,” said Felicity with a hard note to her voice.
“He didn’t cause the miscarriages,” I muttered. I pushed past them, out of the bathroom.
“Wait a second,” Connor said in a different voice. “Lachlan’s a vampire. How did this happen?”
I headed down the hallway to the living room. “I told myself it didn’t happen. I don’t remember it happening. I was unconscious when it happened, I guess. When Alastair…”
“Oh my God.” Connor was grabbing me, stopping me, turning me around. “Sweetie, I’m so sorry.”
I shook him off. “It’s fine.”
“It’s not fine,” he said, grabbing my hand. “It’s definitely the opposite of fine. And here I am going on and on about babies, and you must not even be sure that you want a baby that came from something so terrible.”
“All my babies came from Alastair,” I said. “That doesn’t matter to me. If I could have a baby, if I could keep a baby alive, then I wouldn’t care what suffering I had to go through first. No, that’s not why I’m upset.”
“It’s just that it happened at all,” said Felicity. “That Alastair did that to you at all. Because you tried to tell yourself that it hadn’t happened.”
I nodded. “Exactly.” I’d tried to tell Felicity and Lachlan that too. I’d insisted, over and over. And the results from the test I’d had done at the hospital weren’t in yet, so I’d been able to keep convincing myself that I really was okay.
Connor folded his arms over his chest. “If Alastair wasn’t missing, I would go find him and twist his head off. That bastard should be dead.”
“You sound like Lachlan,” I said, feeling tired. “Oh, God. Lachlan. What the hell am I going to tell Lachlan?” I started back up the hall.
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