Snatching a pair of sweats out of her top drawer, she raced into her shower as her mind tried to recall any memories of arriving home last night. She couldn’t remember getting out of her dress or even how she got into her house.
She didn’t have time to wait for the water to heat up so, she stepped into the glass enclosure and let the ice-cold stream hit her skin. A shiver ran down her spine all the way to her toes as a faint memory floated through her brain.
Josh was carrying her and she kept saying, “Anniversary.”
Why would I say…?
The alarm.
Without other memories to complete the picture, she started to Sherlock Holmes the night. She must’ve fallen asleep in his truck. He carried her inside and the alarm must’ve gone off.
Crap. Now he knew that her password was their anniversary. Would he read something into that? She knew she would if the shoe was on the other foot. She’d be reading all kinds of things into it.
She had a sick feeling in her stomach as she grabbed her shampoo and scrubbed it into her scalp with a little more force than she normally used. Bailey never liked being vulnerable around anyone. There was only one person who’d ever been the exception to that rule.
Josh.
But that was a long time and a world of hurts ago. And unfortunately, time doesn’t heal all wounds for everyone. She’d learned that the hard way.
When she first moved back home, she’d hoped that she and Josh would at least be cordial to one another, maybe even friends one day. Neither of those things had happened. The first words that Josh had spoken to her in all the years she’d been back had been last night.
“Put this on.”
And then the entire night she felt like she was an emotional yo-yo and Josh had the string tied around his finger. She was up, then down, and then back up again. But those moments where he’d relaxed and talked to her again had been magical.
Regret was a wasted emotion in Bailey’s book. She tried to view life as a learning experience. Everyone made mistakes. The key was to learn from them, grow, and move on. Beating yourself up over things in the past didn’t serve any constructive purpose.
But, there was one exception to that rule. One thing she wished could be different.
She remembered it as if it were yesterday. Actually, better than if it were yesterday, because she barely remembered yesterday.
16 Years Ago
It was a Tuesday night. Rain was falling against the window. Bailey sat at her desk studying for her physics midterm when there was a knock at the door.
Her head fell back in a sigh. She was sure that it was a guy looking for her roommate, Raina. Raina had an active social life. Bailey ignored the knock in the hopes that he’d leave, and continued writing notes for her exam.
The knocking continued and so did her ignoring it. That lasted several minutes until she heard her name.
“Bailey.”
“Josh?” she whispered in disbelief.
She froze, unable to move. Two years had passed since she’d left Harper’s Crossing. In that time, she and Josh hadn’t been in contact. Or, at least she hadn’t. He’d called and written countless times, but she’d ignored them all.
Bailey had made the decision to leave her past in the past and she had no desire to come face to face with it now.
“I know you’re in there. I saw you in the window when I pulled up.”
She glanced up from her notes and watched as drops of water fell against the glass. Her second story window was easily visible from the parking lot of her dormitory.
She stood, totally unsure of what she was going to say, but knowing that she didn’t have a choice. Her legs were noodles as she walked across her dorm room. Her rapid breaths were all she’d been able to hear.
Dread swallowed her whole as she reached for the doorknob. There was only one way this interaction could end. With Josh hating her. She’d made decisions that she couldn’t take back and wouldn’t even if she could. Those decisions cost her Josh, even if he had no idea.
She knew what she had to do. Ignoring him hadn’t worked so there was only one option left. She had to force him to move on, even if she knew she never could.
Josh deserved to be happy. And circumstances had dictated that there was no way that could be with her. The only thing she could do now was take away any hope he had of them ever being together again.
She knew Josh. If he believed there was even the tiniest of chances that they had a future, he’d never stop. He’d never let her go. So, she had to make him. She took a deep breath and did the only thing she knew to do even though it ripped her heart out of her chest to do it.
That night was the only time she’d ever lied to Josh. Never before. She’d left town carrying a secret. Literally. But she hadn’t lied to him about it.
Bracing herself, she opened the door. The look in his eyes almost completely derailed her mission. There was so much relief, so much hope, and so much love in his stare.
“Bailey,” her name sounded so sweet coming from his lips.
She pulled herself together and summoned up her best Meryl Streep as she gave the performance of a lifetime.
“Josh.” Her brow furrowed. “What are you doing here?”
The pain that flashed across his face nearly brought her to her knees. Hurting Josh caused her physical pain. But there was no other way.
“I came to see you,” he reached out for her, but she pulled away.
If he had touched her, she wasn’t sure that she could’ve gone through with it.
“Why?” she’d asked, pretending to be genuinely confused and proceeded to lie through her teeth telling him that she wasn’t even sure she’d ever loved him and that all he’d ever been to her was a distraction.
Then she walked past him, down the hall, and out of the building and ran to the garden and cried. The rain washed away her tears but she was sobbing so hard that her body convulsed. She stayed in that garden until the sun came up and she knew that Josh was long gone. Then she went back to her room and finished studying for her exam and she’d spent every day since trying not to think about the look on his face or how both of their hearts broke that day.
A queasy feeling settled low in her belly as she rinsed her hair and shut off the water. She tried to ignore it as she towel-dried her hair, then she finished drying off and threw on a fresh pair of underwear and sweats.
Nothing could change the past. That was a truth that she knew all too well. And there were some decisions that had lifelong consequences. The fact that she had to make that decision at fifteen didn’t quite seem fair to her in the grand scheme of things, but no one ever said life was fair.
As she grabbed her bag and threw in a few things she’d need for her shift, she reminded herself that she was lucky to have a life that could be unfair. Each day was a gift that was not guaranteed.
So what if she didn’t get her happily ever after? If last night had showed her anything, it was that she hadn’t built Josh up into something that he wasn’t. He’d been everything she’d known he was and more. She’d known what true love was and she’d had it. That was a lot more than most people could say and she was grateful for it.
She rushed to her kitchen to grab a can of wet food for Felix and stopped up short when she saw a bag sitting on her island from The Daily Grind coffee shop and her keys sitting beside it. She opened the brown bag and her mouth watered when she saw what sat at the bottom. It was her favorite, a blueberry bagel. Beside the bag was an insulated mug with the shop logo on it and a receipt wrapped on it with her drink of choice: a double-shot dark roast with skim milk.
How did he know my order? she asked herself as she lifted the lid to her mouth and sipped the much-needed caffeine.
Meow, Felix sounded as he wove between her legs.
She set the cup down and turned to open the cupboard to get his cat food when she noticed a sticky note on it.
Felix was hungry so I gave him a can at noon.
Josh
had been back to her house today?
No wonder the coffee still tasted fresh.
Since her boy had already had his wet food, she grabbed the dry food instead. He protested with a loud meow as she poured the dry food into his dish.
“You already got fed today, buddy. And Dr. Taylor said that you needed to drop a few pounds.”
As she pressed the numbers on the pad to set the alarm, she couldn’t help but wonder what Josh thought about her code. She tried to shake off that thought as she leaned down, gave Felix a kiss, grabbed her bagel and coffee, and headed out the door that led to the garage. She pressed the opener and clicked the fob on her SUV. As she walked around to the driver’s side of her Range Rover, which was the single luxury item she’d bought for herself, the electric garage door rolled up and she saw Buford sitting in her driveway.
Josh.
He must’ve dropped it off at her house.
And knowing him, he repaired it before he did.
She was beyond late and didn’t have any time to waste, but she just had to know. She headed out of the garage and hopped in Buford. For some reason her heart was pounding as she inserted her key in the ignition. She turned it and sure enough, the engine roared to life.
Josh.
How could she not be in love with him?
* * *
Ralph Ramos knocked on the hood of the GMC Josh was working under. “Goodnight, twinkle toes.”
He had a feeling it was going to be quite a while before he lived that nickname down. The town’s Facebook page had gone live during the event and unbeknownst to him, every guy in the shop had seen at least some of it.
“Night Ramos, thanks for today.”
Ralph had stayed late and helped Josh get caught up after missing the entire day yesterday. Together they’d also spent the entire morning working on Buford.
He let out a laugh, “No, boss, thank you for the overtime.”
Josh grinned, knowing that Ramos would’ve stayed, overtime or not. He loved working on cars as much as Josh did and all the guys in the shop had been itching to get their hands on Bailey’s classic pickup since Josh had it towed the night before. When he came in this morning they’d been circling it like sharks. Bailey’s Grandpa Amos had done all of the work on the Ford himself and Bailey hadn’t brought it into the shop since she’d inherited it. He chose Ralph because the man had been there since his uncle had opened Scott Automotive.
“Night, Luna.” Ramos called out to Josh’s two-year-old yellow lab who was curled up in her bed under his desk in the office.
Luna was his, but the entire shop had adopted her. After Ramos dropped off Josh’s truck at the country club, he’d gone back and picked Luna up and she’d spent the night at his house so she wouldn’t be alone.
The shop door shut at the same time Josh’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He was flat on his back on a creeper so he rolled out from under the engine and pulled it out. It was his pops.
“Hey, Pops.”
“Did you get my messages?”
“Yes.” Josh’s dad had left him several messages. He’d planned on calling him back, but had been putting it off since he knew how the conversation would go. “I’ve been busy.”
“Yeah, no shit, Fred Astaire.” His dad chuckled. “Saw you on my phone.”
“You did?”
“Everyone did.”
“How ya feeling?” Josh changed the subject.
“I’m fine. I told Reggie that I need to get out of here.”
His dad refused to call anyone younger than him by their title. It used to bother Josh, but now he shrugged it off.
“And what did Dr. Burns say?”
“Nothin’. He never says nothin’.”
Josh seriously doubted that. Dr. Burns probably just hadn’t said what his dad wanted to hear so he’d tuned him out.
“I’ll come by and see you tomorrow.”
“Bring a pack with ya.”
There it was. The reason his dad had been trying to get a hold of him. And the reason Josh had been avoiding his call.
“No. You can’t smoke in the hospital and you shouldn’t smoke at all.”
“Just bring the pack,” his dad barked before disconnecting the call.
Josh shook his head as he started to put his phone back in his pocket. Before he did, it vibrated in his hand and the screen lit up with a message from Heather. She was asking if he wanted to go to karaoke on Tuesday at The Grill and grab dinner beforehand. They’d talked about going the last time they’d hung out.
His fingers hovered over the screen but he hesitated. It didn’t seem fair to Heather to go hang out with her when he was consumed with another woman.
Not a day went by that Bailey wasn’t on his mind. But over the years he’d managed to at least move her to the back of his mind. Sadly, that was no longer the case. After the time they’d spent together, she was cemented firmly in the forefront.
Every time he closed his eyes he’d see her. Her mouth. Her neck. Her smile. He’d hear her laugh, sigh, and say his name. Scenes from last night played on a constant loop in his head. The look in her eyes when she’d turned and seen him standing in the lobby holding her purse. The way she’d stared up at him when he held her in his arms as they danced. And the way her body twisted as she struggled to pull her dress off after he laid her gently in her bed. There’d been arms and legs everywhere before he stepped in to help her. It had taken less than thirty seconds to unzip and remove her dress and even less time than that to cover her up with an oversized shirt he’d found in her drawer. But those moments were branded into his consciousness.
Bailey’s body had always been a masterpiece that he’d forever be in awe of. He’d done his best not to look, but in the time it took him to find the T-shirt and turn back around, she’d removed her bra and he’d practically swallowed his tongue. His hands trembled as he helped her into her shirt and he hadn’t been able to erase the visual imprinted in his consciousness all day.
He’d been consumed with her. He’d even stopped by The Daily Grind this afternoon before he’d gone to drop off the truck. The coffee shop sat across the street from the auto shop and he knew that Bailey frequented it. He’d seen her meet friends there and stop in before and after shifts at the hospital. When he’d asked the barista if she knew Bailey’s order, she grinned and said that she’d seen the two of them on the live stream and she thought they made a cute couple.
It was like a slap in the face that he chose to ignore at the time, because he was in a hurry to return Buford. But now, her words fed the simmering anger that had been burning inside of him since the day he left her dorm room all those years ago. They had been a cute couple. She’d been his world and he’d been her distraction.
He looked down at his phone. Which was exactly why he should go to karaoke with Heather. He needed to move on with his life so that’s what he was going to do.
Chapter 10
Relief and dread were odd emotions to feel about the same turn of events.
Bailey exhaled slowly as she pulled into the parking lot of Scott Automotive. It was late. Close to one a.m. After she left the hospital, she’d driven by Josh’s house and she had an overwhelming impulse to speak to him. The lights were off but she’d knocked. There’d been no answer. So she thought she’d check the shop and if he wasn’t there she’d go home.
He was there.
She wasn’t sure how to feel about that.
She parked and checked her reflection in the rearview mirror. She wasn’t going to win any beauty pageants, but the sleep she’d gotten had done her some good. There were no bags beneath her eyes and her cheeks had some color in them. Of course, her rosy complexion might have more to do with the person she was here to see than the sleep she’d gotten.
As she got out of her SUV and walked across the pavement, she was still wearing the sweats that she’d thrown on when she was running late. She always kept a spare set of slacks and button up in her locker at the hospital and she was really
regretting throwing these back on when she’d changed out of her scrubs to leave. She wondered if she should run home and put on something else.
No. She shook her head.
This wasn’t a social call. She was just there to thank Josh for returning Buford, for the coffee and bagel, for getting her home safe, and maybe also to ask him how she’d ended up getting out of her dress. Not that she cared if he’d been there or even helped her, though he must’ve because there was no way she could’ve gotten the zipper down otherwise. She’d used a hanger to pull it up and she doubted she had the dexterity for that.
Stop, she chided herself for getting off track.
She needed to get a grip. Hoping to do just that, she automatically began the ritual that she’d been doing since the first time she cut into a cadaver in medical school.
Deep breath.
Clear mind.
Focus on the task.
Thank Josh. Ask him what she owed him for the work he’d done on Buford. Get out before she fell even more in love with him.
Those were her objectives.
Steady hands were a prerequisite for any surgeon, but as she reached out to open the door, Bailey noticed that her hand was visibly trembling. There had only been one other time that she’d experienced that phenomenon and the result of her actions that day forever changed her life. The first time it made sense, the stakes had been high. Life and death. Literally.
This time, there was nothing at stake. She owed Josh a thank you, several thank yous, as a matter of fact.
So why am I shaking like a leaf?
The answer materialized immediately and it caused her gut to churn like an old-timey ice cream maker.
Bailey had no idea which version of Josh she would be faced with. Would she get cold, impersonal, and detached Josh? Or would she get warm, engaged, and connected Josh?
From the first time they’d met, she’d been drawn to Josh. To be fair, he was the cutest boy she’d ever laid eyes on. But mostly it was because when Josh looked at her, it felt like the sun was shining on her after a long, freezing winter. She’d come to learn years later that when he wasn’t looking at her, the chilling shadow he left was an awful, bleak place to be.
Just One Night - Josh & Bailey (Crossroads Book 13) Page 8