I had no idea. That’s what he meant when he told me we had more in common than he’d realized? Because he grew up without a dad too? I had so many more questions to ask. But I could tell from the wavering in his voice that this was hard enough. I needed to let him get it all out.
“Go on,” I said.
“I intervened on the fight Hannah was having with this guy, and he went crazy. He told me to mind my own business. But Hannah clung to me, told me that the guy was stalking her. She wanted to get away from him. So, I blew up. I was pretty highly strung in those days. Overly aggressive. All you had to do was look at me the wrong way and I would be ready to fight. I threatened the guy. I wanted him to hit me. So I could hit him back. But he didn’t, he walked off...”
Julian placed the pin down and relaxed into his chair. He closed his eyes as he remembered the rest. “Two nights later, Will and I were sleeping on a park bench. Will had wandered off to find a water fountain, and I was alone. Two guys came out of nowhere and started hitting me. They told me that Hannah’s guy had sent them to teach me a lesson. They didn’t know that I was an amateur boxer. I beat the shit out of one of the guys, so much that the other guy fled. I should have stopped it there, but I didn’t. I hit him over and over again until my knuckles were covered in blood. If Will hadn’t shown up and pulled me off the guy, I don’t know what I might have done.”
He sighed as he opened his eyes. “The guy was okay, but his injuries were serious. He was in hospital for a long time. I was charged and sent to prison for three years. It was a mistake and I regret it everyday. I regret everything about that time in my life, except for saving Hannah that day on the street.” He looked me straight in the eye. “The man she was arguing with… the man who sent two guys to beat me up… was Cole Gallagher.”
I stared at him, my lips slightly parted. It was all I could manage. Inside, I felt like I’d been winded. I’d always been confused by Julian. The idea of this professional, kindhearted man having emerged from an angry street kid was almost impossible to accept. It was as if they were two different people. But they were, in fact, two sides of the same coin.
“Wow. No wonder you hate the guy.” I shook my head. “And you and Hannah… I got the impression from the letter that you two have something going on.”
“We did. She stood by me during the trial and when I went to jail. We wrote to each other, almost obsessively. She was the only thing that kept me hanging on. She was my everything. She was all I had left to look forward to.” His eyes became glassy. “The time we spent together before I went to jail went by so quickly, but we fell in love. When I was in prison, all we talked about was how great everything would be when I got out. We planned a life together, but I guess it wasn’t meant to be.”
“What happened?” I swallowed, bracing myself for the answer. Somehow I felt like I didn’t want to hear it.
“Hannah…” He stuttered on her name. “Disappeared two months into my prison sentence.” He looked up at me, the corners of his eyes were red. His voice wavered. “She is presumed dead.”
I looked down at the table, barely able to take in the information I’d heard.
Did I hear him correctly?
She was gone?
“I can’t imagine. I’m so sorry…” I bit my lip. “What happened to her?”
“That’s the mystery. All I know is that she was last seen with Cole. A waitress, and a bunch of people at a bar saw them together, arguing. I don’t know what she was doing with him. I don’t know if he was stalking her. She never mentioned it in her letters. I know with every fiber of my being that Cole Gallagher made her disappear.”
I hitched my breath. “You think he killed her?”
Julian nodded.
“Of course. You were talking about her on the phone the other day. I overheard. Was that the police?”
“Yeah, detective douche bag. They say they have no leads, and pending any new evidence, the investigation is stalled. They already cleared Cole, although I’m certain that has something to do with the fact that he is old friends with the District Attorney.”
“I can’t believe it.” My brain struggled to catch up, placing all the pieces in the jigsaw puzzle together. “So you’re watching him? To find evidence?”
“I’m waiting for him to slip up. It’s just a matter of when.”
“And if he doesn’t? At what point do you stop, I mean, it’s been how many years?”
“Too many. But I’ll wait forever if I have to.” The look in Julian’s eyes was foreign to me, it was pure contempt. I couldn’t blame him. I would hate Cole too. Anyone would.
I couldn’t imagine what it was like for Julian to see Cole walking free while the love of his life was gone forever.
I sat up straight in my chair. I don’t know what came over me. Maybe it was the rage that fueled me. “What can I do? Let me help you.”
He shook his head. “No way, Lola. It’s too dangerous. I can already tell that he has a thing for you. I can’t risk someone else getting involved.”
“But I’m already involved! After tonight, after what you’ve just told me, how do I go on with my life knowing this information. I thought maybe he was sleazy, but now I know that he is downright dangerous.”
“And that’s why I can’t have you near this.” His voice was sincere, and I knew that I couldn’t push any further. At least not right now.
Julian rose from his chair. “I need to get some air. I’ll get some dinner. You like Thai food?”
I picked up my work without looking at him. “Sure.” My voice was flat.
I was in no mood to eat after his story, but I had a feeling he just needed to clear his head. He offered me one last somber look and then walked out of the design studio.
Chapter Eighteen
Lola
I was almost halfway done with the sewing machine when Julian came back with dinner. When we stopped to eat, Julian seemed desperate to change the topic. He asked me what life was like growing up in the commune. After a few minutes of regaling him with stories of Noah and my antics as children, my heart lightened.
“It was the gardening that I hated. Momma used to say I had the touch of death. I couldn’t get anything to grow, which no one understood because my mom is an amazing gardener. She’s in charge of the vegetable farm at One Tree.”
“So, everyone at the commune has a different job to do?”
“Exactly.”
Julian smirked. “And yours wasn’t vegetable gardening.”
“No. It turned out I was good at cooking, so I worked in the kitchen. I didn’t mind doing it.”
Julian looked surprised. “Cooking, huh? I never would have pegged you for the amateur chef type.”
“I can see how you’d get that impression… A cook probably shouldn’t be as clumsy as I am.”
We both laughed. As we grew silent, it was apparent that a level of comfort had grown between us. I felt like we could talk about almost anything. Even though our lives had so very little in common.
“So, you and Noah…” Julian’s voice sounded casual, but the intensity in his eyes told me otherwise. “Have you two always just been friends, or were you in a relationship?”
That was a question that had a complicated answer. “Well… No. I’ve actually never had a relationship before.”
A mischievous smile crept across his lips. “Don’t tell me you’re a virgin?”
“No, of course not.” I tried not to laugh through the words.
“So why no boyfriends?”
I sighed. “Haven’t found the right guy, I guess…”
“Or you’re waiting for Noah to come around?”
I stared at him. Why was something that was so obvious to everyone else, so entirely oblivious to Noah?
“I lost my virginity to him.” I swallowed. “It was after a dance we held on the commune to celebrate Noah getting his book deal. We snuck a few ciders and got a little tipsy. One thing led to another. We kind of pretended it didn’t happen af
terward. Then Noah moved to New York to write while I was still finishing my final year of home school.”
Julian offered a bitter smile. “So, you came to New York for him…”
I felt hot. Almost like the room had become too small. “I did. I thought…”
“That he’d want to be with you?” Julian finished my sentence.
My gaze fell to the floor.
Julian let out a sigh and leaned back in his chair. “The first one is always the hardest.”
I looked up at him, my eyes questioning his meaning.
“First loves,” he said. “First heartbreaks. They’re always the hardest to get over. They stick.”
“Yeah, I guess.” I tilted my head. “But I don’t regret moving here. I have a life here now. I wouldn’t change it for the world. I only wish that my mom was as accepting as Noah’s parents were when he moved here. It’s like I constantly have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I’m doing the wrong thing. That I’m letting her down. Proving her wrong is the only thing that keeps me going when I feel like giving up.”
Julian rubbed his jaw. “Families can do that to you. My brother, Will, had real resentment towards my mom because of the way we grew up. They mended bridges. It took a while, but they’re in a better place now.” He leaned forward. “The thing is, she might not agree with your decisions, but she’s your mom, and she loves you more than anything in the world. I bet if you needed her, she would be there.”
His voice was impassioned as if he was speaking from personal experience. This man was full of surprises.
“That’s very mature of you.”
He smirked. “It is, isn’t it?”
* * *
By the time the sun rose over the surrounding buildings, I had finished mending the gown.
“Okay, you can turn around now,” I said to Julian.
I strutted over to him in the dress, then made a theatrical twirl. Julian chuckled, his arms folded across his chest, with his white button-up shirt rolled up to the elbows. His collar was loose, and his hair a mess. We were exhausted… if not a little delusional at that point.
“So, if you already had it on the manikin… Why do you need a try it on again?” he asked.
I offered a playful grin. “Because I have to check the most important thing…” I spun around again, almost toppling over when I bumped into a chair. But I recovered in time to face Julian. “The spin. The whimsy. This dress is all about the twirl.”
“It moves beautifully. I think you’ve got the twirl down pat.” Julian grinned.
“Good,” I said as I walked over to him. “But now that I have it on, I need to fix this seam here around the back.” I pinched material between my thumb and forefinger as far as I could reach around. “Looks better like this doesn’t it?”
He paused for a moment before clearing his throat. “Yes. I mean, it looked good before. But that’s even better.”
“Can you pin it for me like you saw me doing before? I can barely reach.”
He didn’t answer immediately. His eyes raked down my body until they arrived at the small of my back, where I was pinching the material together with my fingers.
“Please?” I asked.
Julian nodded, but he seemed hesitant as he stepped toward me. I handed him a pin, and he took hold of the fabric. His fingers brushed my own as we held the seam in place.
Heat rose through my chest and dripped down my shoulders. I could feel his breath against the nape of my neck.
I became hypersensitive to his touch, as he worked the pin through the material like I asked him to do.
“Did you get it?” I sounded breathless.
He didn’t answer for a moment. Nerves fluttered in my stomach. It was sensation overload… It was almost agonizing to be so close.
“Yes. Done.” Julian’s voice was rough.
“Thank you.” I don’t know why I whispered.
More than that, I didn’t know why neither of us could move. We stood paralyzed, with him standing so close to my back that I could feel his heat.
Was I waiting for him to do something? Yes…
The second the thought entered my mind, I was pining for it.
He was thinking the same thing. He traced his fingers down the back of my neck until he reached my shoulder. I shuddered, not because I didn’t want him too, but because it felt so damn good.
I turned around, and the gaze that stared back at me made my knees buckle. His eyes darkened, but at the same time, a fire burned inside them. Did he know what he had just started? Did he know that at that moment I wanted him more than I’d ever wanted anybody?
His heart pounded against my chest. He was entranced by my lips. Only this time, there was nothing to draw us out of the moment.
He leaned his face down, and I lifted my head, nuzzling my nose against his. It caused him to let out an indecipherable sound from the back of his throat. He lowered his lips to mine, taking them into a delicate, soft kiss. It was so pure, yet so intense that it forced my eyes to flutter closed.
We parted for a moment, staring into each other’s eyes before diving in again. This time I needed more. I pushed my mouth against his, and in response, he pushed my lips open with the force of his tongue. As soon we made that deeper contact, I couldn’t help but moan into his mouth, which only seemed to drive his determination further.
He gripped my jaw, his other hand at my waist, while his tongue explored the depths of my mouth. I gave it back to him in equal force. Wanting nothing more than to utterly consume him.
As the frenzy subsided, we broke apart and caught our breath. For a split second, I thought he would kiss me again, but instead, uncertainty washed over his face.
He caressed my jaw.
I could almost pinpoint the second that the intensity faded, only to be replaced by a look of remorse. He looked down at the ground, his mind racing a million miles a second.
“What’s wrong?” I whispered.
He looked back up at me and swallowed. And that’s the moment he slipped away.
He stepped back. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done…” He could barely look me in the eye as he strode over to a nearby chair, collecting his jacket, which hung over the back. He flipped his eyes to me for a split second. “I should go. You’re practically done.”
I chased after him as he made his way to the door. I grabbed his arm. “What are you talking about? What are you doing?”
When he turned back to me, he brushed his fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry, Lola. We shouldn’t have done that. It’s just… when I’m around you…” He trailed off and then stopped to compose himself. “I have an early morning meeting.” He glanced down at my gown. “The dress looks good. Good luck today. Anzai will be here in an hour.”
Like that, Julian walked out the door and down the corridor until he was out of sight. I leaned against the doorway and tried to take stock of what just happened. In the distance, I could hear his footsteps echoing in the stairwell as he made his way down to the street.
I couldn’t help but feel like I’d somehow messed up. I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up… that man was in no shape to be with anyone.
I remembered the pain in his voice when he spoke about what happened to Hannah. He loved her, and probably still did.
Maybe now I understood what Minty had warned me about. Julian wasn’t as strong as he made himself out to be.
As annoyed as I was that he had just walked out, I knew I could never truly understand the depths of his pain…
Nor could I ever compete with a ghost.
Chapter Nineteen
Lola
That morning, after submitting my dress for the showcase, I headed down the steps that led to the central courtyard at my college campus. I stopped in my tracks when just ahead of me, sitting on the steps, was none other than Minty. She stood out like a sore thumb in her short body con dress and Italian leather boots.
“Hey, Lola!” Minty skipped towards me as if nothing
had happened.
“Hi. What are you doing here?” I continued walking toward the courtyard, with Minty struggling to keep up.
“I need to talk to you.”
I didn’t respond, as I focused on making it to my first morning class.
Minty grabbed my elbow, forcing me to stop and listen to her. “Earth to Lola! What’s wrong?”
I scraped the sole of my shoe against the course pavement. When I looked up at her, she looked remorseful.
Shit. I couldn’t stay mad at her. And what could I blame her for… doing her job? Going on a paid date with a guy I liked?
The thought struck me like lightning. Julian. A guy I liked. That thought was proof enough that I was sleep deprived. Julian was a client. Minty’s client, too. I didn’t own him.
“Sorry, I’m just exhausted.”
“Yeah, I guessed you would be.” She looked around to see if anyone would overhear us. There was no one within earshot. “Are you okay? After last night?”
“So you know what happened?” I asked.
Did Julian tell her? Had they been in contact again?
“No.” Minty shook her head. “I don’t know anything. After the ballet last night, Julian put me in a taxi straight away and said he had to go look for you. I didn’t understand what was going on.”
I sighed. There I was, jumping to conclusions again. God, I needed to get some sleep.
She asked again. “So, what happened?”
I gestured for her to sit with me at a nearby bench. We sat for a few minutes as I explained to her everything that had taken place the night before. Including what Julian had revealed about Cole’s past, Hannah, and the kiss.
By the end of my explanation, Minty’s lips were parted. She looked at me as if I’d just made the whole thing up. Maybe I had made the entire thing up. Perhaps it was all a lucid dream.
“Wow. It all makes sense now.” Minty stared off into the distance for a moment. “It makes perfect sense.”
Obsession: Seven Vices Series Page 10