by Bobbi Smith
“What do you think?”
Her voice surprised Jack. Her nearness angered him even more, for it proved to him just how distracted he was. He hadn’t even heard her walk up, and he was glad she wasn’t one of the Sheldons.
“We should still be able to make it into Eagle Rock today.” He didn’t even turn around to look at her as he spoke. “But we’re not going anywhere for a while.”
Amanda stared at his back, expecting him to say more. When he didn’t, she returned to the wagon. It was going to be a long wait for the river to go down.
Amanda was thrilled when Eagle Rock came into view late that same day. It wasn’t a moment too soon as far as she was concerned. Every inch of every mile since they’d started out again after the rain had been hellish. They’d had to battle not only the mud, but the threat of possible quicksand, too.
Other than to make a few comments on the condition of the road, Jack hadn’t spoken to her since they’d been on the move again, and that had been fine with her. He’d said it all when he’d left her in the wagon.
They delivered the load in town, then spent the night at the small hotel there. Amanda skipped dinner, just so she could avoid being with Jack. They started home at first light and arrived in San Rafael at dusk.
Her home town had never looked better to her than it did as they drove in. Amanda couldn’t wait to get back home and see how her father was doing. She said little to Jack as they arrived at the station and left the wagon and team with the hands who were working that night. Jack was still in the stable when she left, and she didn’t care. It didn’t matter to her if she never spoke to him or saw him again.
Eileen met her at the door. “Thank heaven you’re back!”
“Why? Is something wrong?” She could tell her friend was deeply troubled.
“Yes. Your father’s taken a turn for the worse. He’s developed a fever.”
Amanda turned her worried gaze toward the stairs. “How bad is he?”
“I just checked on him a few minutes ago, and he seemed to be resting peacefully for now. But the doctor was here earlier and said he’d done everything that could be done to bring the fever down. He said it’s just a matter of having to wait and see if your father has the strength to fight it off.”
“Of course he does,” Amanda stated immediately. “I’ve got to go see him.”
Eileen said nothing more as Amanda hurried up the stairs. She would give her a few minutes alone with her father and then follow to make sure they were both all right.
Amanda’s heart was in her throat as she all but ran down the hall to her father’s room. He couldn’t be worse! He couldn’t be! He’d been getting better when she’d left him. She would never have gone away if she’d thought he was going to get worse.
She paused outside his door to collect herself. Her hands were trembling. She clasped them together to steady herself as she quietly opened the door and looked in. Dan was lying motionless on his bed. His face was flushed from the heat of the fever. Amanda crept forward, not wanting to disturb him if he was asleep.
“You’re back,” he said in a hoarse voice as he became aware of her moving toward him.
“I thought you were sleeping.”
“No, just resting. I’ve missed you. How did your trip go?”
He sounded so weak that Amanda had to fight desperately not to cry. Here he was seriously ill, and all he was worried about was the stage line.
“Jack and I did just fine. We got caught in a storm and were a little late getting into Eagle Rock, but we still kept close to schedule.”
“Good . . . good.”
“The doctor says you’re going to be just fine,” she lied, wanting to cheer him.
“I hope so . . . but this fever . . .”
“I’m back home now, so I can help take care of you. We’ll have you up and around in no time.”
He gave her a fading smile that unnerved her as his eyes closed. “I just feel so tired.”
She kissed him lightly on the cheek and left him. When she’d made it to the hall and had closed the door behind her, she knew true desolation. She had thought he looked bad the first day she’d gotten back from Philadelphia, but today he really was worse. He had lost weight and the ravages of his injuries were showing in his drawn features.
Amanda stood in the hall breathing deeply, trying to steady herself. She wasn’t going to give in to the tears that threatened. She had to be strong.
Making her way slowly back downstairs, she found Eileen in the hall just about to come up after her.
“How was he?”
“Not good. He’s so weak, and he looks awful,” she answered honestly. “I can’t believe that he’s gotten so much worse in just two days.”
“I know. It’s a terrible thing. There’s little we can do but pray that he pulls through. Can I get you anything? Are you hungry?”
“I would like something to eat, but first I’d like a bath.”
“I’ll see to it. Go on up to your room.”
“Thanks, Eileen. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“I’m glad you don’t have to find out.”
“Me, too.”
Half an hour later, Amanda was feeling a little refreshed. She’d taken a warm bath and changed into clean clothes. After eating a light meal, she slipped outside to stand on the front porch and enjoy the peace and quiet.
It was a dark night. Clouds blocked the nearly full moon from shedding its silvery light over the land. Her thoughts were as dark as the night as she stared off across the silent landscape.
It had been a hellish few days. First, she’d made a fool out of herself with Jack. The humiliation she suffered was great. It hurt to realize that she would have given herself to him, and yet he had put her from him. Then, she had come home to find that her father’s condition was deteriorating. It was almost more than she could bear.
Guilt ate at her. She should never have left her father. She should have stayed at home with him. Maybe if she’d stayed at home, he would be doing better instead of going downhill as he was.
Tears threatened, but she fought against giving in to them. She felt it would be a sign of weakness on her part if she cried. Things were bad, but she could handle the situation. She wanted to be a man’s equal, so she’d better be ready to shoulder a man’s responsibilities.
Amanda had been standing there for only a few minutes when she saw a man approaching. It wasn’t until he drew closer that she recognized Ted.
“Amanda?” He said her name quietly as he saw her on the porch. “What are you doing standing outside all by yourself?”
“I was just enjoying the night. How did your trip with Isaac go?”
“We just got back, so I thought I’d come here to check on your father. How’s he doing? Is he up to talking to me?”
“He’s not doing well tonight. He’s developed a fever.”
“Is it serious?”
“As weak as he is, it could be very serious.”
“I’m sorry. Things are awfully tough for you right now. I wish I had something good to tell you.”
She heard hesitation in his voice. “Is something bothering you?”
“Well, yes.” He came to stand before her on the porch and leaned back against an upright post. “Mike, one of our drivers out of Comanche Pass, quit while we were there.”
“Another one?”
“Another one,” he confirmed regretfully.
This news was the final straw to Amanda. She had put up with Jack’s rejection. She had learned her father’s condition was deteriorating, and now another driver had just quit. Tears welled up in her eyes, and she could no longer deny them.
“Amanda—” Ted was shocked to see that she was crying. He took a step toward her. “I’m sorry.”
“So am I.”
Ted was gentle as he took her in his arms. Though he held her tenderly, he was secretly pleased with what had happened. He couldn’t have planned a better way to get some time alone
with her. Here she was in his arms, crying on his shoulder, needing his support. It was perfect.
“I’m sorry,” Amanda managed brokenly as she tried to pull herself together. It was so comforting to have Ted to turn to, and tonight she needed that.
“It’s going to be all right, you know,” he reassured her.
She drew a shuddering breath. “I hope so. It’s been such a bad day. First, learning that my father’s worse, and now another driver’s quit—”
“I’m here to help you, Amanda. We’ll work it out. Don’t worry.”
Amanda felt stronger and drew back to look up at Ted. She’d known he was nice, but she’d never realized just how nice. “Thank you.”
“I’m glad I could help,” he said softly. Gazing down at her in the darkness, he could see how lovely she was. He drew her closer and kissed her.
Amanda was tentative at first, a little surprised by his forwardness, but then she relaxed and accepted his embrace. Memories of Jack’s heated kisses seared her as Ted’s lips met hers. Jack’s kiss had left her wanting more of him . . . needing more. Ted’s kiss was gentle and not overly demanding. It was . . . nice. There was no rush of wild passion, no desperate desire. When at last he ended the embrace and released her, she was not bereft as she had been when Jack had let her go.
And that bothered her.
This was Ted. She liked him. He was a nice man, a gentle man. He treated her with respect and seemed to genuinely care about her as a person. Why, then, wasn’t she responding to him as wildly as she’d responded to Jack?
“Amanda, you are so beautiful,” he said softly as he sought her lips again.
This kiss was more demanding as he allowed himself more freedom with her. When at last they broke apart, he apologized for his boldness.
“I’m sorry, Amanda. I shouldn’t have—”
“Don’t apologize, Ted. There’s nothing to be sorry for,” she told him as she touched his arm.
He drew her back, close into the circle of his arms, and she rested lightly against him. His touch was warm, but it evoked no rapturous response from her.
“I know things have been difficult for you lately, and I want to support you in any way I can,” Ted said.
“You have, more than you’ll ever know.”
“Is there anything else I can do for you? Or my mother can do?”
“All I need or want is for my father to get better soon. That’s all that really matters.”
“That would be wonderful,” he agreed. “I was on my way up to see him. That’s why I came over tonight.”
“He was sleeping when I left him. It would probably be best if we just let him rest.”
“I’ll come back in the morning.”
“I’ll be looking forward to it.”
“See you then.” He kissed her once more, and then moved away. “Good night.”
“Good night, Ted.”
He was smiling to himself as he disappeared into the night. Things were going very well indeed. Amanda watched him go.
“That was very touching,” Jack drawled, speaking up from where he’d been standing in the darkness watching her with Ted.
Chapter Thirteen
“How dare you spy on me!” Amanda gasped in outrage at the sound of his voice so near.
“I’d hardly call it spying when you’re standing right outside in front of God and everybody,” Jack countered harshly.
“I hardly think everybody was watching.”
“I was.”
“You must lead a very boring life, if you don’t have anything better to do than watch me,” she snapped.
“I didn’t come here to discuss my life. I came here to see your father,” he answered flatly, trying to control the fury that was still raging inside him. The power of his reaction to the sight of her in the other man’s arms surprised him.
“If you were listening, you heard me tell Ted how my father was, so you can go ahead and leave.”
“I’m afraid I missed the more serious parts of your discussion. How is he?”
She glared at Jack, seeing his confident, knowing expression and almost hating him for it. “He’s not doing very well. He’s developed a fever.”
“Has the doctor seen him?”
“Yes, and Eileen says he’s doing all he can.”
Jack nodded. “I need to speak with him, but I’ll come back tomorrow. Maybe he’ll be feeling better by then.”
Amanda didn’t respond as he walked away. She was just glad to see him go. The last thing she needed or wanted was to be around Jack.
Jack was furious. Just the day before, Amanda had been in his arms, and now she’d turned to Ted. Images of her kissing the other man would not go away, and Jack grew angrier with every step he took.
The sounds of a piano player’s raucous tune drew him, and he crossed the street to enter the saloon. It had been a damned long time since he’d had a drink, and tonight, by God, he was going to remedy that. He ordered a bottle and a glass and went to sit at a table in the back where no one would bother him.
Jack opened the bottle of whiskey and started to pour out a healthy portion. Then he stopped, cursing himself, as he stared at the amber liquid that could grant him peace—at least for a little while.
The last time he’d been driven to drink was when Amanda had evoked memories of El Diablo. But this time . . . This time, it was Amanda who was affecting him.
Yesterday, it had taken all of his considerable will power to deny himself the joy of making love to her in the back of the freight wagon. He had been aching with desire when he left her. He had stopped because he was there to protect her, not because he didn’t want her.
The knowledge that he desired Amanda startled him. After Elizabeth, he’d sworn he would never allow himself to care for another female again. But somehow, his little suffragist had shattered the ice that had encased his heart, just as surely as she’d smashed those bottles back in The Palace in Philadelphia.
Jack scowled at the bottle of liquor on the table before him. For all those long months after El Diablo, he had drunk himself into a stupor to forget Elizabeth and her deadly betrayal. He no longer felt that frantic desperation that had driven him to lose himself in whiskey. He had healed . . . in his body and in his mind.
The realization amazed Jack. At one time, he had longed for death. He had thought he would never recover, but as he stared at the powerful liquor, he knew he no longer needed its oblivion. He could deal with his life again.
And then he thought of Amanda in Ted’s arms, and he swore under his breath.
“Damn it!” In irritation, he shoved the glass and whiskey away from him.
“Oooh, you look like you need some cheering up,” a sultry, feminine voice said.
Jack glanced over his shoulder to see a buxom, raven-haired bar girl watching him with interest. “You in the mood to do the cheering?”
“You bet, handsome,” she told him. Tall, dark and handsome was what she liked, and he was perfect. She’d been eyeing him since he’d walked into the saloon, and she’d already told the other girls working there that he was hers if he was so inclined.
Jack’s black mood needed relieving, and since he was swearing off liquor, the thought of a warm and willing woman was tempting. “What’s your name?”
“Susie,” she answered as she slid into the chair next to him. “What’s yours?”
“I’m Jack.”
She smiled at him, liking the intensity she sensed in him. She rested a hand on his knee and leaned closer so he had an unobstructed view of her cleavage. “It’s nice to meet you, Jack. Pour me a drink?”
She pushed her glass toward him and he obliged.
“You can have the whole bottle if you want it.”
“Thanks. I like generous men. You ready to go upstairs, or do you want to drink some more?”
“Let’s go on upstairs. I’m done drinking.”
“Come on, sugar,” she said, rising. She picked up her glass and slipped an arm aro
und his waist. “I’m going to show you a good time when we’re alone.”
Jack didn’t say a word. He got the bottle and walked with her up the steps and into the bedroom she used for her customers.
The bed was rumpled and the room smelled of whiskey and stale perfume. Jack knew if he’d been drunk, it wouldn’t have bothered him, but sober as he was, it tempered any thoughts he’d had of making mindless love. Still, he wanted to put the memory of Amanda and Ted from him. He wanted to seek his pleasure with a willing woman who knew what he needed and wanted, and gave it to him without question. There would be no recriminations with Susie. There would be no regrets.
Susie was unaware of his mood as she began to undress enticingly before him. She knew the cowboys liked her a lot, and she expected this one to be no-exception. She’d learned early in life how to please a man, and she made good use of her talent.
Jack placed the bottle of whiskey on the small dresser. He stood just inside the closed door, watching as Susie slipped out of her dress and stood before him clad only in her corset and stockings. She did have a lush figure, and, had he been so disposed, he would have appreciated the fullness of her bosom and her rounded hips.
But even as he watched Susie moving seductively in front of him, another woman controlled his thoughts. In his mind’s eye he saw only Amanda as she’d looked in his arms the other day, her eyes heavy-lidded with newly awakened desire, her cheeks flushed from the passion he had aroused in her.
The intrusive memory made him frown.
“Did I do something wrong?” Susie asked, wondering why he looked so fierce.
“No,” he answered uncomfortably.
She went to him and linked her arms around his neck, pulling him down for a hot, wet kiss. Jack accepted her kiss. She was a pretty girl under all her make up, and he was a man who’d been a long time without a woman. He should have responded hungrily to what she was offering. He should have stripped off what was left of her clothes and enjoyed himself with her on the rumpled bed. A few years ago, nothing would have bothered him or stopped him.
But that was before Amanda.
Susie ended the kiss and took his hand, wanting him to get into bed so they could get real serious real fast. “Come on, honey. Time’s a-wastin’.”