by Lower, Becky
• • •
Temperance was grateful the horse could tell its way home, since she was crying too hard to pay attention. The steady beat of the horse’s hooves did little to soothe her. There she was, thinking that Basil loved her and wanted to marry her, when in actuality, all he could offer her was to be his mistress. He wanted her as much as she desired him, but he would never make an honest woman of her. He’d buy her nice things, and probably install her in a pretty flat somewhere, but she could never lift her head in town again. He realized this and, to preserve her dignity, ever so politely, backed off from her and told her if she wanted to marry, Jake was her man and to leave him alone. She was humiliated, but more than that, her heart broke into shards around her, from which she would never heal.
Why would he do that? They enjoyed each other. At least she thought so. Her mind hurried back to the night she’d accompanied him to the tavern, posing as a man, and was exposed within fifteen minutes. He had hauled her out of the bar over his shoulder, and she punched him in the eye when he set her down. Now, that had been fun! And then she recalled the night she spent in his apartment. He could have taken her then. She wouldn’t have resisted, but he was a perfect gentleman. It was her scandalous decision to lie beside him and cover them both with the blankets.
Obviously, he merely considered her a friend or potential mistress, someone to laugh with, and possibly to bed, But not someone to take seriously, not a woman to take home to meet his mother. After all, he was a professional businessman from a wealthy family and her family didn’t have two coins to rub together. Basil was right. She was better suited to Jake. If only Basil hadn’t kissed her as if he was starving and her lips were a feast. If only he hadn’t placed his mouth where no man had ever touched her. If only she hadn’t become embarrassingly damp in strange places the minute his tortured gaze caught hers.
He had so disarmed her; she was unable to fend him off, even if she wanted to. And she most decidedly didn’t. She wanted to drown in the sensations he was pulling from her body, and become tangled up in his embrace. She wanted to taste the salty spice of his skin and watch his eyes cloud over in a fog of ardor for her.
As one mile rolled into the next, Temperance gained some control over herself, and calmed down. She inhaled the crisp winter air, which helped clear her mind. She needed to formulate a course of action between now and when the wagon trains pulled out of town in late March or early April. Crying was going to get her nowhere.
She dried her tears, took several deep breaths as she straightened her clothing where Basil’s fevered hands had exposed her, and began to think. Obviously, she could never return to the bank. Or see Basil ever again. She was afraid he’d be able to read what she was thinking in her eyes, and she never wanted to put herself in that position with him again. What she needed to do was to make Jake fall so deeply in love with her that he could never leave her behind. But without the spark that sizzled in the air when she and Basil were in the same room, it was going to be difficult to create some excitement between her and Jake. Maybe Ginger would be able to give her some advice. Or her mother.
No, she could never talk to her mother about this. Her cheeks burned as she relived the way Basil had tormented her mouth with his tongue, and then used that same wicked instrument on her breast. He stole her breath as well as her heart. No, her mother would never know about her encounter with Basil.
She’d find a new job to make up for the loss of income from cleaning the bank. Certainly, there had to be some job in town where she would not have to come face to face with Basil. So, she’d work, she’d continue to serve food at the public house and hope he would at least respect her enough not to show his face there. And she’d make Jake fall in love with her. That was her plan.
As she led her horse to the small stable behind the restaurant, she wiped the remaining tears from her eyes. She dismounted and straightened out her homespun blue dress, made certain all her buttons were again buttoned, and straightened her spine. Never again would she make herself vulnerable to a man. She would be in charge from here on out. Lifting her chin, she took another calming breath. The night air was permeated with the delectable aromas coming from the restaurant. Temperance walked inside to begin her nightly shift. If Jake was a patron this evening, she’d surely make the most of her moments with him. Basil Fitzpatrick would not get the best of her.
• • •
Winter was winding down, and they soon would only need wood for the cooking stove rather than for heat, but her mother insisted that the wood supply be returned to the same level it had been when they took up residence in the hunter’s cabin. So Temperance went back into the yard alone, to chop some wood while there was still daylight left.
Working alone matched her mood and gave her time to think. Her technique improved with each log she split into halves and then quarters. She’d make short work of the pile of logs in front of her. Picturing Basil’s head on top of the block of wood as she split each piece with her axe made Temperance’s job go faster.
Or so she thought. The next log proved to be stubborn. Instead of whacking through it with one or two blows, it refused to split. She gritted her teeth, narrowed her eyes, thought of Basil’s head mounted atop the pig-headed log, and brought the axe down with a mighty force. She finally was able to hear the crack of the wood as it gave way and fell into two chunks on either side of the stump she was using for a table.
“Take that, Basil Fitzpatrick,” she growled in triumph.
“So is my brother causing you problems?”
Temperance whirled around to see Ginger holding baby Samuel as they stood in the yard. She had been so intent on her task, they had managed to sneak up on her. A telltale blush crept up her face as she realized Ginger had overheard her remark to the recalcitrant log, and she put her hands to her cheeks in embarrassment.
“What has he done now?” Ginger laughed as she wrapped Temperance in an embrace.
To her horror, Temperance began to cry. “I’m sorry,” she exclaimed as she wiped the tears away, angrily.
“No, no, honey. Nothing to be sorry for. Let’s go into the house and warm up and you can tell me all about it.”
“No! I can’t talk about this in front of my mother.”
“Then you’ll come with me back to my house. I can’t leave you here alone, crying your heart out over something my idiot brother has done to you. Let’s go tell your mother that you’re coming home with me for awhile.”
Temperance wiped the tears from her face. “All right. I do want to talk to someone about it. I’m so confused.”
Ginger grinned. “Basil does have a way of confounding people, so I’m not surprised.” She stood back at arm’s length and studied Temperance. “Are you under control enough to head inside?”
Temperance nodded. Ginger gave her one more speculative gaze and glanced at her dress. “What happened to your skirt?”
Once more, Temperance’s face blushed, this time in embarrassment for her attire, not her thoughts. “I got too close to the fire the other night at the restaurant, and burned my dress. It’s fortunate that I noticed and put it out before it did more damage, but I ended up with this huge scorch mark on my dress, which needed to be patched.”
“Well, my goodness. We can’t have you racing around St. Louis in a tattered dress. I’ve got plenty that I don’t wear. I’ll give you one. It’ll be a mite big for you, but it looks as if you’re handy with a needle and thread.”
“I want no special favors from you, Ginger. That’s not why I enjoy your company.”
Ginger wrapped her arm around Temperance’s shoulder. “After helping me with Samuel’s birth, it’s the least I can do, for God’s sake. We are sisters, even though not related by blood. And, we both agree, Basil drives us crazy. How much more do we need in common?”
Temperance reached out for little Samuel, inhaling his sweet b
aby scent. His gurgling reply was all the affirmation she needed. Despite her low feelings, she smiled. For the first time in a long time.
• • •
The two women kept up a steady stream of conversation on the ride back to Ginger’s new home, but studiously avoided talk about Basil. When they arrived, Ginger put a kettle on for tea before heading to her armoire and her clothes. She pulled out dress after dress, taking Temperance’s breath away. Why one person needed so many clothes, she couldn’t fathom. She had two — her now burnt dress and her serviceable blue homespun. The fabrics used in the construction of Ginger’s dresses were not homespun, far from it. They were made from silk and satin, and the finest wool, all adorned with the most beautiful lace. Temperance ran her fingers over the dresses, luxuriating in the feel of them. She sighed softly.
“These are much too fine, Ginger. They are lovely, but I need something that will hold up. I can’t imagine what people would think if I wore one of these fine dresses while I worked at the restaurant. Why, they’d probably assume I was a kept woman.” Her tears threatened to spill from her eyes again.
Ginger sat on the bed beside the mound of dresses and took Temperance’s hand. “Tell me my brother wasn’t so stupid as to proposition you to be his mistress.”
Temperance removed her hand and stood. She began to pace the room. “Not in so many words, no.”
“What did he say?”
“That if marriage was what I wanted, Jake was the better man for me, and to leave him alone.”
Ginger pounded the bed with her hands. “He’s so infuriating! Good Lord, Temperance. I’ve seen him with you. Basil loves you with all his heart, but he’s just idiot enough to let you get away from him.”
“He doesn’t love me enough to marry me.”
“Yes, he does. He just doesn’t know it yet. And I’m afraid by the time he figures it out, you’ll be married to Jake and on your way to Oregon.”
“Possibly so. But I think you’re wrong about the depth of his feelings.”
“Forgive me for being indelicate, but what were you two doing when he told you to leave him alone?”
Temperance stopped pacing and turned to Ginger. “We were, uh, fighting. I was angry because he was acting as if we were mere acquaintances, when we spent months together building what I thought was a solid friendship. Then, suddenly, we weren’t fighting anymore. We were kissing.”
“Ah, I see. Did he do more than kiss you?”
Temperance’s head rose. “He did not take my virginity, if that’s what you’re asking. He stopped and pulled away, telling me to leave. He wants nothing more to do with me.”
“Oh, but that’s where you’re wrong. So wrong. He wants you to leave him alone because he can’t trust himself if you get within fifty feet of him. He figures that out of sight will be out of mind. But love doesn’t work that way. The stupid man.”
“Well, there’s nothing to be done about it. I haven’t returned to the bank since this happened a week ago. I found a new job, at the laundry in town, and I don’t have to deal with the public at all. I’m confined to a back room. He came in once while I was there, and I was glad the wall was between us. But just hearing his voice … ”
Ginger rose from the bed and wrapped her arm around Temperance. “You have it bad, don’t you? Just as I did for Joseph. Listen, I know my brother. Give him some time, and he’ll figure things out. It took him months to see that Joseph and I were meant for each other.”
“But time is the one thing I don’t have, Ginger. If we’re to fulfill my father’s wish for our family, and my promise to him, I need to turn my attentions to Jake, not wait around for Basil to come to his senses. Jake’s my only hope to get us to Oregon.”
“I know you made a solemn promise to your father before he died, and that’s not to be taken lightly. But is it what your family wants? Your mother’s going to deliver her baby within weeks of the train setting off, your father’s buried on this land, Prudence and Etienne are thick as thieves, your other sister and brothers are thriving at school and making friends. Yes, war might be on the horizon, which would make your brothers have to decide whether to take up arms. But do you really want to uproot the family once again?”
“But I can’t stay here, in the same town as Basil.” She caught the note of desperation in her voice, and shook her head. “Besides, it was Da’s conviction that we’d be better off in Oregon that got us this far. We must complete his journey.”
Ginger dropped her arm from Temperance’s shoulders and went back to the armoire. “Well, then, if you’re determined to do this, you must have better clothes to entice Jake. Here’s the one I was looking for.” She turned in triumph with a dress in her hands. “I thought the color would look good on me, since I have green eyes. But there was always something not quite right about it. I think the color of your eyes is much closer to the fabric’s hue than mine. Here, try it on.”
Ginger thrust the soft woolen dress at her. It was a lovely long-sleeved moss green shirtdress that buttoned up the front, and had a cream-colored lace collar. Temperance had never seen, or touched, such a beautiful dress. Her eyes sparkled as she held it up in front of her.
“Are you certain?”
Ginger gazed at her. “Just as I thought. On you, it’ll look gorgeous. No man in his right mind will be able to resist you.”
“But Basil’s not in his right mind, is that what you’re saying?”
They broke into peals of laughter. “Believe me, Temperance, if he sees you in this dress, he just might ravish you and then you’ll have to marry.”
“But that’s not what I want. I mean, the ravishing part would be fine, but I want no man to come to me because he has to. I will only marry if the man truly wants me. Life can be hard, and it would be unbearable if I was married to someone who didn’t love me.”
“Something you should keep in mind, then, as you set your cap for Jake. You know, sometimes plans change, even if you don’t want them to. It’s wonderful that you care so much about your father’s final wishes. But think about what he would want now, if he were still alive. Would he take your mother on the road, knowing that she was about due to deliver a little one? Would he take the children from the friends they’ve made, yet again, for a perilous journey across the vast wilderness? I think he would stay, at least for one more year. And by next year, Justice will be old enough to be considered the head of your family, and perfectly capable of leading the wagon. I applaud what you’re trying to do, but I’m certain your father wouldn’t be upset if you waited one more year. What harm can come from waiting?”
Temperance couldn’t hide from Basil for an entire year, and wondered, what harm indeed?
• • •
She never returned. Not that he expected her to, but still, it was not Temperance’s style to walk away from part of her livelihood without at least giving notice. Basil spent a large part of the next few weeks gazing out windows, and waiting each evening, his ear cocked for the sound of her horse’s hooves coming into the alley behind the bank. Nothing.
He should ride out to the restaurant and try to put things right. After all, they had been friends — good friends. He missed her. Surely they could return to the way they had been, or better. He wanted her to come to him, to acknowledge the strong attraction between them, and spend time with him again. His senses heightened every time he was within range of her, and he could sense her emotions were rioting out of control in the same manner his were. He could see it in her eyes. But they could keep their feelings at bay for the sake of their friendship, if they both acknowledged them. And if he could control his animal impulses. He told himself that, but he wasn’t so certain he could, if he got a chance to see her again. Not after getting a taste of her.
So he waited. He wanted to just catch a glimpse of her in town, walking down the street, maybe, so he could gauge his re
sponse. She never came back to town. At least not into his line of vision. He never thought he could feel so hollow.
Instead of stopping at the public house that evening, despite the fragrant smells in the air as he passed by, Basil kept riding, ending up at Joseph and Ginger’s new home. He wasn’t yet up to a public confrontation between himself and Temperance, but he was hungry. Their house had turned out beautifully, sitting high on a hill overlooking the valley, which led to Joseph’s parents’ home. He turned from the door, and surveyed the view from the porch. He could see why Ginger insisted on this large porch. It was a good place to sit and sort out your thoughts. But his thoughts were swirling about him in such a riotous pattern, no amount of porch time would put them to rights. He waited the few moments until the door opened.
“Basil! What a surprise.” Ginger had her hands full of baby Samuel, but she grabbed onto Basil’s coat and reached up to give him a kiss on the cheek. “Come on in. We were just about to sit down for dinner, so your timing is perfect.”
“I don’t want to impose … ”
“Right. That’s why you’re here, isn’t it?”
Basil lifted his hands. “I can’t go to the public house anymore, and I’m a lousy cook on my own.”
Ginger sighed. “Such a dilemma, and entirely of your own making. Here, hold Sammy and go talk to Joseph in the living room while I put out the food.”
Within minutes they were all seated at the table, which was loaded up with fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, rolls, and green beans. The two men filled their plates and dug in. Ginger studied Basil as he ate.
“So, are you going to stuff your mouth all evening to avoid talking about it?”
He glanced up from the delectable mound of mashed potatoes he was demolishing. “Talking about what?”
Ginger sighed. “Joseph is right. Sometimes you just are plain stupid.”