by Ava Walsh
“That’s why you were drinking,” I said, and he nodded in shame.
“I don’t miss Lauren or even have any feelings remaining for her,” he told me as he met my eyes. “My pain was for Logan, and it tormented me that night. I didn’t know what to do about it until I got home. I saw you here, and I was so at peace knowing that you were here with him. I didn’t want you to leave so I carried you to the bed so you wouldn’t wake up. I just needed to work it out somehow, but I was so angry with myself the next morning. I trusted that you would get up with him to let me sleep, but that’s presumptuous of me to do. I couldn’t apologize enough.” I saw regret cloud his handsome face. I reached out a hand to touch his arm.
“Lance, stop this. You’ve been doing this on your own for a while now, and you deserve a break. I didn’t mind doing that for you at all. Logan is a wonderful child.” I smiled as he stared at me with something in his eyes. “You do pay me generously, as well. I don’t know any daycare that charges that.”
“You deserve it. You’re doing Logan a world of good. I gave you a raise from what Kathy was making, to be honest.” I raised my eyebrows. “I was going to fire her if she didn’t leave. I knew from word of mouth that she was on the phone more than she was interacting with him. She didn’t put him first and once I knew that she was looking to move into the city, I was prepared to hire someone else. I just didn’t think she’d quit so fast.” A smile crossed his face. “When Irene mentioned that she was getting her niece at the airport and what a doll she was, I hoped that you would be the answer to my prayers. You were… in more ways than one.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“I came home that night to what I realized I wanted. It wasn’t Lauren or anything that she might have convinced me to want. It wasn’t what she seemed to want with someone else. I had my home with my son and you in it. It felt right once I got drunk and worked that through my head.” He watched my eyes widen and reached up to cover my hand with his. “I know that you are here from an entirely different place–starting over. I know that you’ve suffered a loss. I also know that you’re beautiful and kind and that my son loves you. He told me that the first night that he met you, Brie.” My heart started pounding, and he moved his hand to stroke my cheek. “I got wise to my feelings a few days after that, but it seemed too soon to tell you. Even after the rodeo, it seemed too soon to me.” He smiled and looked into my eyes. “Is it still too soon?”
“Oh, Lance.” I stared at him and then down at the ground. “I like you as well… so much. I thought I was foolish for thinking such things.”
“Why?” he asked as I tried to sort through my mixed emotions.
“You’re a handsome, successful ranch owner. You have an amazing son. I didn’t know what I had to offer you, especially after just a week,” I replied as he chuckled.
“It’s fast, I know. From here, we’ll take it only as fast as you’re ready for. I don’t want to rush a thing, but I do want to get to know you better.” Lance smiled at me as he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “For the record, you have a lot to offer, but I also have baggage that you might not be ready for. A son is a lot to take on for a girl.”
“Not when he’s as sweet as Logan, and you’re his father.” I smiled weakly. “I’d like to give this a try.”
“Good,” Lance said. He licked his lips and stared at me.
My body felt like it was flying right up into the sky as I stared back at him. There were so many fears rushing through my mind as I wondered how this would work and what I should do. I was new to relationships and Lance…well, he wasn’t. He had a son. He had a ranch and so much going on. I felt like I was nothing compared to him.
We moved to a chaise lounge that was wide enough for both of us, and that was saying a lot. We sat together and sipped our beer as we chatted about our pasts and looked up at the stars. After a few hours, we went inside and had more cookies before turning on a movie and snuggling on the couch.
“Irene wanted this, you know. She told me that tonight,” I confessed to him as I looked at him with a soft smile.
“I sensed that. She wants the best for Logan and me.” He smiled as he moved closer to me and looked into my eyes. “Can I kiss you, Brie?”
“Yes,” I whispered as he moved forward just enough to brush his lips against mine. They were so full and soft, and it made any of the stupid kisses that I’d shared with anyone before pale in comparison. I felt my innocence strong in my bones, threatening the joy that I felt before I shoved it down. His lips claimed mine again, and I whimpered as he tilted his head and teased my lower lip with the tip of his tongue.
We made out for a while on his couch, the heat growing thicker in the room as I sensed his restlessness. Lance pulled away and took a deep breath. I rested my head on his shoulder and breathed in his scent: a mixture of something outdoorsy and musky. I could smell the ranch in his hair, and I found it intoxicating.
“You taste so good,” he said.
“So do you,” I breathed as I told myself to tell him that I was a virgin and might not be able to offer him what he needed, what he wanted.
Chapter Ten
It grew late as we kissed and tried to focus on the late night television before he gave me a long look. “I don’t want you to leave.”
My eyes widened, and I leaned back. “Lance, I…”
“I’m not asking for anything, not yet. Your speed. I just don’t want you to leave. This feels nice,” Lance told me and I looked around the room.
“The couch is comfortable,” I suggested before I blushed. “Oh my word, that sounds so bad. I just don’t want to leave, either.”
We agreed to slow things down a little, and I went home that night with an invitation to have lunch the following day. The kiss that he gave me before I walked away burned my lips and made a permanent memory in my heart before I stumbled back to Irene’s house.
What was I doing? Was this wrong? Was this right?
I changed into a sleep shirt, dropped onto my bed and stared at the ceiling.
Never had I wanted a kiss from a man before. In fact, it was quite the opposite. I found myself wanting nothing more from them at all. The way that Lance kissed me was gentle and soft and hardly pushy at all. My body wanted more as our lips met and our tongues danced together. My skin heated up to the point of burning, and I felt things inside that were almost entirely new to me.
I heard my phone vibrate on the table by the bed and reached for it with a smile.
Lance: I wish you were here.
Me: It’s only been a few moments, Lance.
Lance: I miss your lips already.
Me: Can I be honest with you?
I was so scared to send that, but I’d feel better if I was up front with Lance from the beginning.
Lance: Sure, what is it?
I took a deep breath.
Me: That wasn’t my first kiss, but anything else would be a first for me. Does that bother you at all?
That was so scary, and I waited with bated breath for his response.
Lance: No, Brie. That’s sweet and smart, and I’ll give you all of the time in the world to make that decision.
Thank goodness.
Me: You’re making me think it over with the way you make me feel.
Lance: Come back over and let me hold you. No pressure. I just want to feel you in my arms.
Me: Yeah?
Lance: My bedroom door is the French door just across the yard from yours. I’ve seen you outside.
Me: I’ll be there in a minute.
I took a deep breath and held in the scream that was ready to come out. I changed into leggings and another shirt, slipping my feet into the same sandals before I left through the front door and made sure that it was locked. I felt like I was in high school chasing after my first crush. I noticed the doors that he’d indicated opening as I approached and Lance stepping outside in a pair of shorts. I lost all train of thought for a moment. “Do you know how handsome you are?
” I asked him as he pulled me into his arms.
“I don’t know about that,” Lance told me as he looked down at me and kissed me. He grinned as he took my hand and pulled me into his room. “I just saw the blinds move. I think we’re busted.”
“Oh no! What must they think of me?” I asked as he closed and locked his door.
“You said that she wanted this,” he reminded me as I stared at him.
“It looks like I’m here to… you know!” I told him. Lance laughed.
“Mike and Irene know that I’ll take care of you, and so do you,” he said and brought his lips down to mine. I shut up and kissed him back. He covered my cheeks and lips with soft kisses and led me to his bed. “What about Logan?”
“He’s three, Brie. I don’t think he gets the logistics quite yet, and he adores you. If anything, he’ll be thrilled.” Lance fell back, and I took him in slowly, all muscles and sun-kissed skin.
I moved over him, draping my legs around his waist before I shyly kissed him. I didn’t know what to do, but I wanted to show him I was ready. Lance slipped an arm around me and rolled me onto my back. He kissed me tentatively and pressed against my body. He was solid–all man. I breathed through the slow kisses that he was teasing me with.
After a while, he took me into his arms before we went too far. “Have you been with a lot of girls?” I asked him, scared of the answer while knowing that I needed it so much.
“I’m not that type of guy. I’ve been with four, and they were all women that I was in a relationship with. I don’t do one-night stands, Brie. I need to feel something for the person, and preferably they feel something for me.” Lance stared at me as he spoke and stroked my hair back. “Why haven’t you been with anybody?”
“I was always focused on school and worried about Mom. She worked so much to keep our tiny place that I’d never let myself relax. There was never anyone worth trying for, just a few clumsy kisses along the way that never went anywhere,” I replied as I moved closer and memorized his heat. “I think that you’re worth trying for, though.” I kissed his neck and he shivered. “What about the fact that I work for you?” I asked him. He sighed and looked at me.
“I knew that you were worried about that. To me, it doesn’t matter. I can still see you and pay you for taking care of Logan. I own this place and it’s doing well, Brie. The house is paid off and I keep everything else within reason.” He studied my expression.
“Wouldn’t taking care of him be something I should do anyway when I’m seeing you?” I asked and he laughed.
“It’s still time out of your day, Brie. I am not the kind of guy that is going to shove my kid at someone much of the time because I’m dating her,” he told me. “That’s something you figure out pretty early on when you are a single parent. I’m lucky enough to be doing well and not have to worry about finances.” He looked at the clock. “It’s coming up on three in the morning, and we both know how early he wakes up. Let’s try and get some sleep. Sound good, beautiful?”
“Yes,” I whispered as I closed my eyes and let my heart free fall. I knew that this was fast, but I was already crazy about this man.
Chapter Eleven
Logan came padding into the room the following morning at seven, giving us a much-needed extra hour of sleep. He didn’t seem fazed to find me with his dad. We all got up and found a cartoon on the TV while Lance and I cooked breakfast and made some coffee. It felt almost too comfortable to me and I wondered about that as we sat down at a small table by the window to eat together.
Logan chattered to us about the horses and the cows while I sipped coffee and watched him. As crazy as I was about Lance already, this sweet little boy had made his way into my heart from the very first day. I quietly imagined everything working out – becoming a family down the line. We took him for a walk after eating and watched him run ahead of us through the fruit trees while Lance held my hand.
“Do you want kids?” he asked me. I looked at him in surprise. I wondered if he wanted more.
“I haven’t thought about it too much, but in the right situation… yeah. I always wanted a little brother or sister, but that was not my mom’s cup of tea,” I told him as he looked at me for a long moment. “She wasn’t a family-person like Irene is.”
“You wish that she was?” I looked at Logan for a moment, seeing him climbing a small tree.
“No. I loved Mom the way she was. I do wish she’d have brought me here, though. I wish I had known Irene growing up instead of Mom’s friends. They were great and took care of me, but they’re not family. At least, not to me. Now I feel like I have one. Yet, I wish she were here to enjoy it as well. But she might not have liked it here. Maybe that’s why she never brought me here−she was too much of a city girl.” I shrugged and smiled. “Life is funny that way, though. I guess you know that better than anybody else.”
“I do. I was devastated losing Mama, but Dad became my everything. I followed him all over the ranch, hell bent on learning everything. I’m glad I did, with what happened. It was just a shock that it happened right after Logan was born and I was trying to juggle everything. I spent those months getting to know the business side of the farm as well as the day-to-day stuff.” Lance said, looking over at me as I squeezed his hand.
“You did a great job. He’s a good kid.” I smiled at him. “Do you want more kids?”
“I want to feel right about it if I do. I never felt that way about Lauren since we were only together for seven months when she got pregnant. While I’m not casual about sex, I’m also not smart in some cases. I think Logan was a bit of a reality check for me. But I wouldn’t change a thing.” He smiled at his son, and I felt my heart melt into a puddle in my chest. We made our way to the end of the trees and turned around as we talked about what to do with the rest of the day.
“Have you taken Logan to the movies? It’s the cutest thing,” I told him as his face changed into a slow smile.
“Just a couple of times. We were shorthanded for a bit, and I was working a lot. Want to do that and maybe grab a bite or something after?” Lance asked, and I nodded.
“I’d like to shower and change into some clothes first if that’s okay?” I asked.
“Of course. Want us to come with and field questions?” Lance teased as he bent over to catch Logan, who was running towards us. He flew into Lance’s arms, who spun him around and asked if he wanted to go see a movie with us.
“I suppose. We might as well get this out of the way, right?” I agreed as I watched them, fear suddenly gripping me. What if we didn’t make it?
“I’m sure that Mike and Irene will be over the moon.” Logan reached out for me, and I picked him up as Lance shook his head. “I swear that he’s not like that with everybody. He took to you fast. You have both of the Burke boys at your feet, Brie.”
I laughed as we made our way to Irene’s house, Logan still in my arms. I walked in and asked if everyone was decent, getting laughter and an invite inside from the living room. “I have company,” I told them as we all walked in and the couple greeted us. “Where’s Sarah?”
“Taking a nap,” Irene told us in a glum voice. “Hey there, Logan! How are you?”
I set him down, and he went over to tell her about the movies while Lance took a seat on the sofa across from them. They talked easily while I showered and threw myself together in the bathroom. Today I wore a lovely plum dress with thin shoulder straps and a full skirt with a white cardigan. I considered this a date, and I wanted to dress appropriately, though I kept my makeup light and natural. I slipped my feet into a pair of white flats and went back into the living room to see Lance speaking to Mike and Irene with a serious expression on his face. He glanced at me with warm eyes and smiled.
Lance was perfect, and I couldn’t believe that he wanted me.
We headed back to Lance’s house so he could take a shower. On the short walk there, he told me that they both gave us their blessing and that Irene cried a little bit about us. I smiled and
hugged him once we got back to the house before his brief shower.
Going to the movies was perfect and felt natural. We got popcorn and sat with Logan in between us as we held hands over his seat. I knew that it could be awkward dating a single father, but it felt natural with Lance. It could be because I’d been watching Logan, but it felt like more than that. It felt like this was meant to be. After the movie was over, Lance decided that he was starving and took us to a BBQ place around the corner. He and Logan split a plate of ribs and I had some chicken. Logan bounced back and forth between us, trying everything that he could. He had a healthy appetite.
We headed back to the house so Logan could take a nap. I sat with Lance on the couch and we snuggled. “Is this supposed to feel this normal?” I faced him with a smile. “This good?”
“It can be simple sometimes, Brie. I don’t want drama and complication, just a woman that can be with my son and me and be happy. I plan on treating you like a queen because you’re a special girl.” He leaned forward and kissed me as I breathed in lightly. “I knew it from the moment that I saw you.”
“I’ve read about romances on farms in books. It always sounded so cheesy, but I think I believe it now.” I laughed and put my head on his chest. We actually fell asleep ourselves and woke up when Logan started pulling on my hand to wake us.
“Nap too?” he asked sleepily. I nodded and reached out for him. He crawled into my arms and Lance reached around both of us. I looked up, wondering if Mom could see me now. What would she think?
I took Logan to the playroom as Lance slept a little bit longer. He worked hard and deserved it. Logan played with his figures as we listened to the radio and I organized his books on the shelf. I wondered if there was ever a second that this room was organized.
I looked up to see Lance watching us from the door with a soft smile on his face. “Hey there,” I greeted him as he walked in and sat beside me.
“You let me sleep again,” Lance said, kissing me softly.
“Every queen needs to respect her king,” I responded as our lips met again. Logan came over to hug his dad, and I watched and wondered if there would ever be a point where this was uncomfortable for him–or me for that matter. Would there ever be jealousy? Logan had had Lance to himself for a couple of years, and he might resent me somewhere along the way.