by Cross, Amy
***
With his wife's arms still around his waist, Alex looked out the window and watched as rain continued to beat down across Bowley.
IV
“Hey!” Ben said, stepping forward as soon as the door was opened, and immediately putting his arms around Beth. “Long time, Sis! How're you doing?”
“I'm good,” she replied, struggling a little as he held her tight. “I'm almost being crushed right now, but apart from that...”
“Let me look at you,” he continued, releasing her and taking a step back. “My God, what's your secret? You've hardly aged at all! In fact, you almost seem to have got younger. How do you manage to maintain such wonderful skin?”
“Flattery will get you everywhere,” she muttered, “or at least, it'll get you a seat at the dinner table tonight. I just got back from work and Bob's fetching Lucy from school, but it's Shepherd's Pie. How does that grab you?”
“Homemade or frozen from the store?”
“Frozen from the store, just the way you like it.”
“I've missed your microwaving.”
“You'll be in the spare bedroom,” she told him, as she headed through to the kitchen. “We finally cleared all the clutter out, so you won't have to pick your way past boxes of crap this time.”
“Thanks for letting me crash here at such short notice,” he replied, stopping in the doorway and watching as she started sliding frozen food out of boxes. “I know I should've given you more warning, but the truth is, I really wasn't sure I was coming back until a few days ago. I was planning on another lonely Christmas all by myself, but you know how it is, sometimes life just gets up and gives you a slap, and you have to move along.”
“No,” she replied with a frown, “I don't know how it is. Not like that, anyway. Where exactly have you been for the past nine years, anyway?”
“Here and there.”
“Obviously somewhere without phones or email access.”
“Sorry.”
“Jack thinks maybe you were in prison.”
“He does?” He smiled for a moment. “Let him think what he likes. It's not true, but let him. He always thinks the worst anyway.”
“Appetizing?” she asked, holding up a frozen Shepherd's Pie and then tapping it against the side of the microwave. “There's salad to go with it.”
“From frozen?”
“Homemade, you'll be shocked to learn.”
He watched for a moment as she grabbed some cups from the side. The last time he'd seen Beth, she'd been dating Bob and worrying about becoming overly domesticated, and now she was sorting out dinner for the family. He'd lied to her earlier when he said she looked younger; the truth was, he'd been shocked when he'd seen how much she'd aged in just nine years, and he couldn't help feeling that her skin seemed a little tired.
“So has he started grumping about me yet?” he asked finally.
“What do you mean?”
“I know what Jack's like,” he continued. “I know what he thinks of me. Not the details, maybe, but I sure know the gist of it.”
“He's glad to have you home. Tea? Coffee?”
“Tea.” He paused. “It's very nice of you to lie for him, Beth, but there's really no point. When I bumped into him last night, the look on his face... You'd think he'd walked into a room and found Charles Manson waiting for him.” Another pause. “Has he mentioned it yet?”
“Ben -”
“Sure. He has.”
“Is it going to be like this all the way through Christmas?”
“I was just wondering if he's started ramping up the speculation,” he continued. “I know what happened the other night. That barmaid, the one from the Monument, was found dead. If it helps him build a circumstantial case against me, I should admit that I'd spoken to the young lady in question not long before she came a-cropper. I'm sure that makes me at the very least a suspect. Come on, Beth, don't lie to me. I know Jack will have already put two and two together and come up with forty.”
“He's... mentioned it.”
“He's done more than mention it.”
“You know what he's like,” she replied diplomatically. “He's a journalist, so of course he's going to look for patterns when it comes to these things.”
“So he thinks I've claimed another victim?”
“He didn't say that!”
“But he's thinking about it,” Ben continued. “There's no need to try to protect me, Beth, I know exactly what he's been going on about. Let me guess... He didn't exactly jump for joy when he heard I was coming home for a visit, did he? And then when that poor woman was killed, he probably accepted, albeit reluctantly, that his favorite pet theory was dead in the water. Then he bumped into me and found out I'd been in town for a while already, and all his lights came back on!”
“Why did you do that?” she asked, turning to him. “You've got to admit, it comes across as being a little...”
“Sneaky?”
“Weird.”
“I just wanted to hang out for a few days without all the family crap. Besides, I need to talk to Jack about something important.”
“Like what?”
“I...” He paused. “Let me talk to him first. I'll tell you after, but I need to tell Jack before anyone else finds out.”
“Are you in trouble?” Beth asked. “Are you -”
Hearing the front door opening, she turned and looked through to the hallway just in time to see Bob ushering Lucy inside.
“Is that my niece?” Ben asked. “The one I've never met?”
“Lucy!” Beth called out. “Come and meet your uncle!”
“I'm really sorry I didn't get home before,” Ben continued. “You know I would've done, if I'd had time, it's just that things got a little complicated and -”
“Hey,” Beth said as Lucy made her way through. “Sweetheart, I want you to say hello to your uncle. This is Ben, he's my brother. You remember me talking about him, don't you?”
“Nice to meet you, Lucy,” Ben said stepping forward and holding out his hand for her to shake. “Your mother has told me a lot about you.”
“Liar,” Beth whispered.
“Are you really Mummy's brother?” Lucy asked with a frown. “If you are, why don't you live nearby, like Uncle Jack?”
“Well,” he replied, crouching in front of her, “some people just like to go out and explore the world. There are a lot of places out there, places I want to see. I guess I'd just get itchy feet if I stuck around the old hometown like your mother and Jack.” He smiled. “But I promise you, from now on, whenever I go anywhere fun, I'll always send a postcard home.”
“Do your feet really itch?”
“Sometimes,” he said with a smile. “If I've been walking a lot. Or, sometimes, if I've been in one place for too long, they kinda start going all funny.”
“What kind of funny?”
“The kind that makes you wanna get up and just run around like a monster!”
She laughed.
“And then,” he continued, “I kinda have to... I have to get going for a while, you know? See the world.”
“All of it?”
“As much as I can. Of course, I have to work along the way, too, and it's not always easy to find a job, but I manage. I work in kitchens, or picking fruit, or just general dogsbody stuff.”
“Uncle Jack says those are the kind of jobs people get when they don't do well at school,” Lucy told him.
“He does, does he?”
“And then do your feet stop itching?” she asked. “If you keep traveling around?”
“Sure.” He smiled. “Unless it's a fungal infection, but that's a whole 'nother story.” Spotting movement nearby, he turned, just in time to see Bob entering the kitchen with all the enthusiasm of a man heading to the gallows. “Hey there, favorite brother-in-law. Did you manage to get your friend home this morning?”
“What friend?” Beth asked, turning to Bob.
“I bumped into Ben earlier,” he replied
uneasily. “I was just giving a colleague a lift and -”
“He had this hot little thing in his car,” Ben continued, turning to Beth with a broad grin. “Low-cut top, bedroom eyes, the works. It's a good job I know he's such a faithful guy, 'cause frankly, most men would've gone weak at the knees if they were within twenty feet of that girl. I mean, I can't say it in front of the kid here, but the girl he had in his car was in full possession of all the attributes that usually make men start gawking.” He turned back to Bob. “What was her name again? Did you even tell me? Crap, I don't remember.”
Lucy giggled.
“Language,” Beth hissed at Ben, before looking over at her husband again. “So you gave someone a lift back from work, did you?” she asked bitterly. “Wouldn't happen to be that Candy girl, would it?”
“Actually, it was,” Bob replied, starting to loosen his tie before thinking better of it and untucking his shirt instead. “I... She was tired, and I thought I'd take her to her door, that's all. She was going to get the bus, but it didn't show up and I was pretty much going up her road anyway.”
“I bet you were.”
“What's that supposed to mean?”
“Hey,” Ben interjected, “I was just making a bad joke, I certainly didn't mean to imply anything untoward. Beth, it really was innocent, I swear. I could tell, and anyway, Bob here's a good guy. He's not the kind of low-life scum you have to worry about, who'd go running around with younger ladies behind anyone's back. He loves his family.”
“Absolutely,” Bob replied, forcing a smile. “I was just being a gentleman, that's all.”
“Do you want to see our Christmas tree?” Lucy asked, staring up at Ben.
“Of course, sweetheart,” he replied, as the girl took his hand and led him through to the front room. “Sorry,” he added, glancing back at Beth and Bob, “looks like I'm being led away.”
“Mummy and I decorated it,” Lucy explained as they reached the tree. Reaching down, she flicked a switch and the fairy lights began to sparkle. “Do you think it's pretty? I think it's really pretty, even prettier than last year's.”
“I think it's absolutely beautiful,” Ben replied. “You know, it's been a long, long time since I saw a tree like this.”
“Don't you have a tree at your house when it's Christmas?”
“I'm afraid not,” he told her. “Where I live, there isn't really a lot of room for things like that. Besides, I haven't got anyone to help me decorate it, so I'd just end up getting the whole thing wrong. I'd probably plant it upside down, something like that.”
“Mummy says I'm good at decorating trees.”
“You are.” Frowning, he stepped forward and peered up at the angel, which appeared to have been wedged on hard enough for the top of the tree to burst out through its head.
“That's Candy,” Lucy said proudly.
“Candy, huh? And what exactly happened to Candy?”
“Mummy put her on,” Lucy explained, “and it went a bit wrong, but she said it's funny so we should leave it.”
“She did, huh?” After staring at the angel for a moment, he turned and looked back through toward the kitchen. He could hear Beth and Bob keeping their voices down as they had a hushed, urgent-sounding conversation. “Well. It seems like your mother has some pretty strong thoughts about Candy, doesn't it?”
***
“Are you coming or not?” Jack asked, standing on the steps and looking up at his father, who was just reaching the front door. “Dad, make your goddamn mind up -”
“I'm not coming,” Harry snapped, pulling the door open and stepping back inside. “Go to hell, the lot of you!”
“Don't you think this'd be a good opportunity to make peace?”
“I'm not making peace with anyone,” Harry replied, pushing the door shut. “Not at my age. You can all fuck off.”
“Hey!” Hurrying up the steps, Jack held the door open at the last moment and followed his father into the hallway. “You've got to see him, so why not do it today, in a big group setting? Get it over with!”
“I'm not getting anything over with,” Harry muttered, as he leaned his cane against the wall. “You go. Enjoy yourself. Have fun over Christmas. I'll be fine here, I've got the Christmas Radio Times, I'll just hibernate until New Year.” He paused. “Unless the bastard's staying for that too.”
“I have no idea,” Jack said with a sigh, “but seriously, you can't ignore the whole family over Christmas just because Ben -”
“Watch me!”
Jack stood for a moment and watched as his father shuffled along the hallway, heading for the spare room where the computer was kept.
“Dad...”
“You'll be late!”
“What should I tell everyone?”
“Tell 'em the truth! Tell 'em I don't give a damn! And tell 'em if they don't like that fact, they can stick it where the sun doesn't shine!” With that, he went into the spare room and slammed the door shut.
“Fine,” Jack muttered. “I'll tell them you're a miserable old fart who'd rather sit and watch porn all Christmas instead of spending time with his family, and who'd rather be alone instead of...” Sighing again, he realized there was no point. Instead of going and knocking on the door, he turned and made his way down the steps, heading back to his car. “It's not like I want to go,” he added as he climbed into the driver's seat. “Jesus Christ, I just want to curl into a ball and wait for Ben to leave again.”
Pausing for a moment, he looked back toward his father's house.
“Maybe you've got the right idea after all.”
***
“Be nice,” Beth said half an hour later, as she pressed an ice-cold can of beer into Jack's hand. “I mean it this time. Be. Nice.”
“I'm always nice.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Do I have a history of being unpleasant?”
“He hasn't done anything wrong,” she continued, glancing over her shoulder to make sure they were still alone in the kitchen, and in particular that there was no way Ben could overhear them. “He's been polite, friendly, sociable and pretty much normal all afternoon.”
“He has?”
“He has.”
“Well don't you think that's a little weird?”
“Maybe he's making an effort,” she replied, drying her hands before heading to the door. “It wouldn't hurt you to do the same. If not for Ben, then for Mum. She's having a great time.”
“I'm glad someone is,” Jack muttered, leaning back against the wall and taking a swig of beer. He could hear everyone talking in the front room, and somehow he was already able to pick out Ben's voice, drifting across the rest of them as if it was somehow separate. He knew he had to go in and socialize soon, but he figured he could afford a few more minutes of solitude first. Sometimes, even without Ben around, the family could be a little overwhelming.
Checking his watch, he couldn't help but feel annoyed that Jane was going to be late.
“Hi Ben,” he whispered, trying to psych himself up by preparing for the inevitable. “Hey Ben. Hey, brother.” He sighed. None of the possible openings felt natural. “How're you doing, man? Long time, buddy. What's -” Sighing again, he looked down at his beer. “This is hopeless. It's just -”
“Hey bro,” a voice said suddenly.
Turning, Jack saw that Ben was standing in the doorway, grinning at him with the same laconic smile that seemed to be permanently stuck to his face.
“You out here all alone?” Ben continued, taking a step closer as he took a sip of beer. “What's up? Need to recharge your batteries for a few minutes before you go in and face the clan?” Holding his beer out, he bumped it against Jack's and then wandered toward the sink. “I know that feeling. The only difference is, you can reset your brain by hanging alone in the kitchen for a few minutes, whereas I need to go a little further, for a little longer.”
“For nine years,” Jack pointed out.
“Yeah.” He chuckled. “For nine year
s.”
Looking over at the door, Jack listened for a moment as he heard his mother laughing. Everything sounded so normal in the other room.
“Let me guess,” Ben continued. “She hasn't seemed so happy for years? Her eyes are all lit-up now that the prodigal son has come home?”
“Don't flatter yourself.”
“I was joking.” Ben paused, watching Jack carefully. “Can't you take a joke anymore? Hey, where's Janey? I'd have thought you'd call her in for back-up at a time like this. Don't you need all the support you can get?”
“She's working.”
“Big case? I heard about the unfortunate situation with the woman from the bar. Have you ever noticed how shitty things often happen around here whenever I come to town?”
Jack took another sip of beer. “It crossed my mind once or twice.”
“At this rate,” Ben continued, “I'm gonna end up with a complex. You know, thinking that maybe it's somehow my fault, that I have this bad energy or, God forbid, something else is going on.” He paused, keeping his eyes fixed firmly on Jack. “Aren't you gonna ask me, brother?”
“Ask you what?”
“If I...” He smiled. “You know.”
“Ben -”
“I need you to ask me.”
Jack sighed.
“It's so hard,” Ben continued, as people laughed in the next room. “Do you have any concept of the weight that's on my shoulders right now? All these sounds of a happy family, the way they're laughing and talking, it all just makes me want to...”
His voice trailed off for a moment. His smile was gone now and he seemed to be struggling to find the right words. Finally, he muttered something under his breath.
“Make you want to what?” Jack asked.
He shook his head. “You wouldn't understand. No-one does.”
“Try me.”
“Really?” Ben paused, eying his brother skeptically. “You might think it sounds odd,” he continued, his tone suddenly shifting as the usually ever-present smile left his lips. “Then again, fuck, you've had me pegged as odd since we were kids, so I guess it won't exactly be a newsflash. I just...” He paused again, as if he was contemplating the sound of everyone else having fun in the front room. “What do you hear when you hear them? You know, that lot in there, having fun.”