Jenna shook her head as another explosion rocked the building behind us and emerald fire burst from the windows above. Molten glass rained down on us as we darted forward. I threw my hands up over my head and neck in an effort to ward off the doom falling down upon us, but it never came.
A quick glance over my shoulder told me why. The building was being pulled in upon itself. Steel girders were buckling and bricks were tearing free of the structure in a spray of green light. I wasn’t sure what Van was doing in there, but it seemed like he was tearing the building down piece by piece and hurling it at whoever was inside.
“That won’t hold Dracula for long,” Sam said, moving next to me. “Your buddy is strong, but he isn’t that strong.” Sam turned and began hurrying away. “Let’s go.”
“He said we needed to get to Persephone,” I said, catching up to him. Jenna was right beside me, both hands gripping her machine gun. “Any idea where she is?”
“Yeah,” Sam said, visibly paling. He pointed to one of the taxi cabs stopped at a red light a few dozen feet away. Plastered across it was an ad for ladies’ mud wrestling and written next to it in flowing script were the words. “Title bout: Helen of Troy vs. Persephone. One night only!”
“I’m starting to hate this place,” Jenna grumbled as Sam sprinted over to the cabbie and banged on the glass. He seemed remarkably calm for what we’d just gone through, which may have been because there were no pteranodons circling overhead.
“I agree with you,” I said, shaking my head. “I usually feel like I have more control over what’s going on. I feel like this is just going from one bad thing to the next.”
“Agreed,” Jenna replied as Sam swung the back door of the cab open and gestured for us to come over. “Part of me feels like the only constant in this is you. You’re like a fucking danger magnet.”
I would have laughed if it didn’t feel true. While I’d have rather had Ricky, my girlfriend at my back because Jenna had shot me and left me for dead, I was still glad she was with me. If I’d had to face Hell alone, I wasn’t sure what I’d do. Probably gotten in a lot more trouble.
“One ride to Persephone’s house of pleasures coming up,” Sam called before moving around and leaping into the shotgun seat next to the cabbie.
“Do you feel like you’re going to regret this too?” I asked, motioning for Jenna to get in first as we jogged over to the taxi. Horns were already starting to blare, but clearly our taxi driver gave exactly zero fucks now that he had a paying fare.
“Yes,” Jenna said sliding into the seat. “But as long as I’m with you, I think it’ll be okay.”
11
“Weighing in at a hundred and seventeen pounds, wearing the blue and white, reigning MWF champion, Persephone!” the announcer said as we shoved our way past the throngs of fans on their feet inside the Mud Hut.
“I still cannot believe how much the scalper wanted for the tickets,” Sam grumbled, glancing at me as we shoved by a big guy with a red rhino horn and found out seats in the third row. It gave us a good view of the ring, which looked like a professional wrestling ring, only instead of having a mat, it was a two-foot-deep hole filled with viscous mud.
“You’re getting a get out of Hell card. No one said it would be free,” I growled, glancing at him as the lights darkened and blue and white fireworks lit up the arena.
“That doesn’t mean I want to spend more than I have to spend,” Sam harrumphed as I turned my eyes toward a huge ramp where a woman with raven black hair and dressed in a white and blue bra and panties set. She had her back to the crowd and one of her hands was holding a microphone. She began to shimmy, stepping backward as her entire body moved with the pulsing base of heavy bass and generic rock music. She spun on one heel to face the crowd and as she did, she brought the microphone to her lips.
“Are you ready?” she cried in a voice that was like a tongue licking sensually across my skin. She pointed one slender hand toward the ring, and I followed to see the prettiest blonde girl I’d ever seen. She was tall with bronze skin and dressed in a skintight black and gold bikini that left very little to the imagination. I mean, it covered everything, but wow… barely would be an understatement. “Because I’m about to wreck the face that launched a thousand ships!”
“What’s that? I wasn’t paying attention because I was too busy staring at that pomegranate seed stuck in your teeth,” Helen called back, making a thumbs down at Persephone as she marched forward.
Persephone opened her mouth to say something, but before she could, Helen cut her off with a wave of her hand.
“Seriously. It’s huge and right in front. You need to look in a mirror or something?” Helen rolled her eyes, and as Persephone tried to say something else, Helen mimed checking her own perfect teeth.
A snarl rippled across Persephone’s face moments before she dropped the mic and sprinted forward. She dove through the bottom rope and slid through the mud as Helen came toward her. The Greek demigoddess ducked a kick as she came to her feet in time to rebound off the ropes and come back, slamming her forearm into Helen’s chest with so much force the girl was flung backward into the ropes halfway across the ring.
Helen rebounded off the ropes and stumbled forward as Persephone leapt through the air. Helen dropped to the ground at the last second and Persephone flew over her and hit the ground hard.
“Is that all you’ve got?” Helen cried, leaping to her feet and grabbing Persephone by the back of her muddy bikini top. As she lifted, muscles straining, Persephone slipped out of her top, revealing her puppies to the world. Helen, didn’t let up despite Persephone’s perfect bosom being revealed to all comers. Cameras all over the arena flashed as Helen jerked the demigoddess roughly to her feet and flung her into the turnbuckle as the bell sounded.
Helen stopped, turning to look at the referee in confusion as Persephone wobbled forward in a daze. She didn’t even have the sense to try and cover herself as a couple black shirted security people ran forward, leapt into the ring, and covered her with a towel.
Helen approached them, looking pissed as hell, but before she could do anything, an announcement came over the loudspeakers.
“Due to a wardrobe malfunction, tonight’s matchup has been canceled.” A collective groan went up from the crowd as Persephone was led from the ring. Helen stood there pissed off. Her chest heaved with anger, and as she stomped around the ring, someone tossed her a microphone.
“Oh, come on. After delaying our fight by hiding in Olympus for half the year, she’s pulling this? It’s not like we haven’t seen her strip down before!” Helen growled, glaring at Persephone’s retreating back. “I came here for a shot at the title.” Persephone disappeared through the curtain as Helen stewed in the center of the ring. “This isn’t fair,” she continued, getting up on the turnbuckle and staring out at us. “I came for a fight!”
Egyptian rock music exploded from the speakers and I along with everyone else, turned toward the entrance to see an ebony-skinned woman clad in gold step through the curtain flanked by two bare-chested guys with heads like falcons.
“Finally.” The golden girl raised a microphone to her lips. “Cleopatra has come back to MWF!” As she said it, the crowd exploded into cheers. She slowly put the mic down and glanced at Helen. “You want a fight, Helen? Because if you do, Cleopatra will be happy to slap the taste out of your mouth.” Her lips curled into a sneer as she glanced around the room. “Unless you’re too scared to go one on one with the great one.” She waited for half a second before raising the microphone again. “So what’s it going to be? Are you ready to get your ass kicked in front of the millions and millions of Cleopatra’s fans?”
Helen stood there, a smirk playing across her lips before extending one hand and curling her fingers toward herself. “Just bring it.”
Cleopatra tore forward, and as she did, one of the burly security guards stepped up to us and tapped Sam on the shoulder.
We glanced over, and I wished I’d been allowe
d to bring my shotgun inside because if we were about to get into a fight with security, it’d have been nice to have a weapon. Unfortunately, there’d been metal detectors and after I’d watched them pull a gun out of some dude’s rectum, I’d decided to leave it behind.
“Yes?” Sam asked, only half looking at him as Cleopatra and Helen began to wrestle in the mud-filled arena.
“Persephone will see you now,” he said, glancing at the three of us. “Hurry up.”
“But it’s the best part,” Sam whined, but I was too busy following along behind the guy. I wasn’t sure what was going on with security, but it made me wonder if she’d seen us and decided to pull that clothing stunt to get out of the ring. Either way, we were going to see Persephone. I just hoped she wouldn’t just shoot us in the face.
“Come on,” Jenna said, grabbing Sam by the arm and pulling him forward. “Let’s go.”
“Are you seriously telling me to ignore Helen of Troy mud-wrestling Cleopatra?” Sam asked, mouth hanging open incredulously.
“Tell me, Cleopatra, do you like your coffee like how you are?” Helen’s voice boomed behind us as we made our way toward a door in the side of the arena flanked by security guards. “Weak?”
I didn’t hear her response because the door behind us shut, sealing us inside a long narrow hallway with fluorescent lighting. The smell of cheap bath soap and sweat hung in the air as we were moved forward through the room with one security guard in front of us and two behind.
The air was hot and thick with humidity, so that by the time we reached the far end of the hallway, I was sweating. It sucked.
“Miss Persephone will see you now, but if you do anything she dislikes, I will punch your teeth through your ass, comprende, pal?” the security guard, a big guy with a buzz cut and a scarred eye said as he fixed his good eye on Sam before raking it over Jenna and me.
“Yeah, don’t bother the golden girl,” I replied, waving him off as we stepped into the room and immediately wished we hadn’t.
Persephone was in the shower, and the only thing obscuring our view of the naked demigoddess was a semi-opaque screen covering the shower from her upper thigh to shoulders. Steam billowed out from the water as she ran suds through her raven locks in an effort to get the mud out.
“Why have you come here, Sam?” she asked, not bothering to look at us as she stepped under the triple showerhead and turned to face us. Water cascaded down her perfect nose and dripped off her chin before flowing over the tops of her breasts in a way that made very uncomfortable thoughts fill my brain.
“Van said we need to talk to you,” I said before Sam could speak because he was too busy grinning like one of those cartoon wolves whose eyes had popped out of his skull. “I’m not sure why.”
She ground her teeth together and turned away from us so she was looking at the wall. “You must be the live ones then.” She huffed a breath and shut off the water. “Make sure you don’t eat or drink anything down here or you’ll be stuck forever.” She added as she spun around and wrung her hair out with her hands.
“I thought that was a Greek thing,” I said right before Jenna smacked me in the chest. Hard.
“Hades, Hell.” Persephone shrugged and grabbed a towel off the rack and slung it around her lithe frame. “It’s the same.”
“So any other useful information for us?” Jenna asked, and from the tone of her voice I could tell she was mad, though I wasn’t sure why. She didn’t sound jealous, at least, I didn’t think she did.
“Yes.” She stepped out of the shower wrapped in only a thin towel and sauntered toward us. “I know where Asmodai is, and I can help you reach him.” She stopped just shy of Jenna and that’s when I realized how short she was. Maybe five feet on a good day. She’d just seemed huge because her presence seemed to fill up the room.
“What’s the catch?” I asked. As she turned toward me, a smile I didn’t like even slightly on her lips. It was the look a cat might give a mouse.
“I want his territory after you kill him.” The way she said it made me extremely unhappy. She was totally serious, and what’s more, it sounded like another bargain. While I didn’t care about Asmodai or his territory one bit, I was worried taking a deal might make me stick around longer than I had to. And, let me just say, I was not interested in doing that even slightly. All I wanted was to get out of here and take my girlfriend on a date. Maybe to a fair. You know, something classy.
“Oh, so that’s not a big deal,” Jenna sighed, annoyance filling her words.
“It’s not a big deal at all because you’ll be topside.” Persephone followed it with a laugh that made me look around to see if songbirds had been summoned. None had. “Besides, my plan is super-duper guaranteed to get you right up next to the big demon.” She held out one picture perfect hand to each of us. “Deal?”
“Is this like a ‘deal’ deal?” Jenna asked while giving me a “I don’t have a better idea” look.
Well, that was good enough for me. It wasn’t like I had a better way to get to Asmodai, and she was right. We wouldn’t be here to sort out the aftermath anyway.
“Deal,” I replied, taking the demigoddess’s hand and shook it. What can I say, in for a penny, in for a pound, right? As I did, the lights in the room flickered. “Assuming you can keep it from Mammon. If he lays claim, that’s on you.”
“Agreed,” Persephone purred, moving past us and heading toward the exit, her hips swaying as she walked. She raised one hand and beckoned us to follow. “Hurry, we have to get ready. We don’t have a lot of time before the party starts.”
12
“Well, you certainly clean up nice,” Persephone said, looking me up and down while I stood in front of her, arms out in the air as her team of fairy stylists fawned over me. I’d never felt so poked and prodded in my life.
“Have I told you that I hate you?” I said, glaring at Persephone right before one of the glittering fairies attacked my cheeks with blush.
“Not in the last thirty or so seconds,” she mused, rubbing her chin as she walked around me, eyeing me like a piece of meat. I stood there in a pair of slacks and a long sleeved muscle shirt so tight, they were more of an idea than actual clothing. I wasn’t sure how, but the clothing made me look way buffer than I normally was. It was sort of like being airbrushed in real life, which was sort of cool.
That said, having a swarm of demonic fairies apply makeup, was wearing on me. Persephone had taken Sam, Jenna, and I into three separate dressing rooms, which is where I’d spent the last hour or so getting poked and prodded by her demon spawn henchmen.
“Well, I do hate you,” I growled as another fairy ran some gel through my hair before yanking it into a bunch of spikes with her tiny hands. I resisted the urge to pull away because their touch was ice cold and sort of scratchy in a way that made me think of a cat’s tongue.
“Noted,” she purred, giving me another once over. “The problem is your arm.” She gestured to my black as soot right hand where it extended from the blue muscle shirt. “I can give you a glove, but that’s going to look sort of weird.” She tapped her chin again. “Unless you can moonwalk.”
“I don’t think that’s going to work for me,” I replied, shaking my head and dislodging the tiny hell-fairy.
“Listen, buster. If you move again, I will fucking cut you,” the tiny creature growled in my ear before fluttering in front of me and crossing its arms over its chest.
“Yeah, yeah. Mean fairy. Try to come up with a new idea.” I rolled my eyes, and she huffed at me.
“She’s just trying to do her job,” Persephone said with a sigh. “Anyway, I’ll get started on a spell to cover up your arm, but it won’t be fun.” She spun on her heel and exited the room.
“I don’t see why this is necessary,” I called after her even though I knew it wouldn’t do any good. Asmodai was having a party, and if we were going to show up as part of Persephone’s entourage we needed to look the part. It was ridiculous, and I was sure we’d get
spotted in a second, but what choice did we have? It’s not like trying to blend in was a bad thing.
Still, I could have done without the eyebrow sculpting. I mean, I had standards. Then again, the pedicure had been strangely nice. Once I was out of here, I might have to keep those up.
“All done,” the angry fluttering Hell-moth said as she scowled at me once more and flipped a lock of crimson hair out of her face. “In the future, try not being so ugly.”
“I do not believe in fairies,” I said, glaring back at her.
She snorted like I was an idiot, smoothed her hands on her pink vinyl dress and fluttered away, leaving me to feel like I’d just been snubbed by a teenaged girl. I stood there, unsure of what to do, until she stopped by the doorway and glanced at me over one shoulder.
“Are you coming?” she asked in a way that told me she really didn’t care either way.
“I suppose,” I said with a shrug.
I had to hand it to Persephone. As I moved toward the fairy, I could barely feel the guns strapped under my shirt nor the blades sheathed on my wrists, let alone see them. Whatever glamour she’d put on this clothing was awesome, and I was totally keeping it.
“I suppose,” the fairy mimicked, still glaring at me.
I ignored her because she was a stupid fairy. Besides, that seemed to annoy her more, so bonus points. A moment later, we were in the hallway, and I found myself staring at a woman wearing a blue dress so tiny, it barely covered anything at all. She was tall and pale and had oddly familiar tattoos emblazoned across her arms.
“My eyes are up here,” Sam said, and I immediately gagged in my mouth. I wasn’t sure how he’d done it, but as my eyes found his face, I realized he was quite womanish now that he’d shaved off his beard. No wonder he grew it out.
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