“Jesus,” she whispered. “Young? Are you kidding me? You were almost fifty when I found out.”
His jaw had gone tight and he shifted from foot to foot. His burning cheeks matched her own now. “For God’s sake, Veronica, I’m trying to enjoy a birthday visit from my granddaughter. This is outrageous. It’s all over with, anyway. Why the hell are you rehashing crap from so long ago?”
“It’s not rehashing,” she countered. “This is the first time I’ve even mentioned it. How can that be rehashing?”
“Well, it’s certainly old news with no bearing on anyone’s life anymore. Your mother and I are divorced. That was what she wanted. The marriage is over, so how could this possibly matter now?”
How, indeed?
Veronica thought of what she’d done that morning. Of how much she’d loved it. If Micah had agreed that they needed to end it, if they’d gone their separate ways, would he have been her last lover or would she have moved on to another? And another? Just like her father. Anything so she wouldn’t be her mother instead.
“Veronica.” He sighed out her name like she was an unpleasant task he had to get over with. “Look, I grew up in a different time. I’m sorry things got so . . . messy. I’m sorry I hurt your mother. And if I hurt you, I’m sorry for that. All right?”
All right? No, it wasn’t all right. Not even close. How could he just offer an apology like someone delivering a casserole because of an illness in the family? I hope everything is all right . . .
“It’s done now,” he said. “There’s nothing I can do to change the past. I just hope your mother is happy and at peace. She deserves that.”
Yes. Her mother was happy and at peace. But Veronica? Well, she was her father’s child, apparently. Never satisfied. Never content. Maybe she should confide in him. Maybe they could laugh about it and exchange tips of the trade.
“Mom’s great,” she murmured. “Mom is just fine.” She looked to Sydney, still alternating between watching TV and the toy. “I need to run a few errands. I’ll pick her up in an hour if that works for you.”
“Sure. Absolutely.” His face shone with relief that this was over. They’d never speak of it again. Not if he had anything to do with it. “Love you, pumpkin.”
He pulled her into his arms before she could brace herself, and his scent overwhelmed her. Crisp laundry, Irish Spring soap, subtle aftershave.
Veronica closed her eyes and let him envelop her. Her hero. She breathed him in and let the ache swell inside her. “I love you,” she whispered into his chest, and it was true. She loved him in spite of his selfish, roving charm. Or she loved him because of it—how could she ever know?
She pulled back and turned away. “I’ll text when I’m on my way back.”
“Great. See you soon.”
No. No. She didn’t think she would be visiting again for a while. She had mirrors at home that she could use if she wanted to see more hard truths.
CHAPTER 18
“Neesa is throwing a party for me at King’s!” Johnny called from the living room as soon as Veronica walked in.
Her head jerked back in shock to hear him shouting his lover’s name at her. “What?”
“King’s! Tonight!”
She frowned at Johnny, but he was looking at the TV screen as a cartoon car rounded a corner and crossed a finish line. “Nailed it!” he shouted.
“Dad!” Sydney called out as she finally walked in behind Veronica. “Look what Grandpa got me!”
“Bring it over here. Then I’ll kick your butt at Mario Kart.”
“It’s on!” Sydney cried; then Old Man joined in with barking, racing back and forth between the living room and kitchen. Eventually they both jumped onto Johnny’s lap.
Veronica just stood there, Walmart bags in hand, and shook her head again. “I’m tired,” she said. “I’m not going to a party.”
“What?” Johnny called.
“No party. I’m tired.”
“Come on! Since it’s the brewpub, even Sydney can go.”
“Party, party, party!” Syd shouted, simultaneously logging in on-screen and picking a car to race. “Come on, Mom!”
Come on, Janet . . .
Jesus. More echoes of childhood? Hadn’t there been enough today?
“Fine. Great. But we’ll take separate cars. I’m not keeping Syd out late at a bar.”
Both Johnny and their daughter made raspberry noises, but neither of them objected.
A night on the town with Johnny and his lover. She wasn’t sure she was up to this. But she was a little curious to see whether it would be obvious when they were together. How long had it been going on? Would things look different now?
She dropped the bags of new hand towels and cleaning supplies and other household miscellanea on the counter. “I need to shower. What time?”
“Seven.”
It was already six. But she’d be damned if she’d greet Neesa in her current rumpled state. She might not have six-pack abs, but she could at least be clean.
She raced through a shower and then put on skinny jeans and a flattering sweater and more makeup than she usually wore. Still competing. Always competing.
Before leaving the quiet safety of the bedroom, she checked her newsfeed for any updates on Tanner Holcomb. There was nothing from the family, but police revealed they had scent dogs searching the trailhead area where Tanner had been found to see if they could track his path.
Veronica slipped on heeled boots and left her bedroom with a wistful sigh. She’d been looking forward to a hot bath and a good book.
Johnny was waiting in the kitchen, head bowed and eyes glued to his phone.
“Ready?” she asked. He didn’t respond. “Johnny?”
His head jerked up, brows snapping low. “What?” he barked.
“Calm down, I just asked if you were ready. Are you okay?”
“Of course I’m okay.”
“Well, you seem really tense. Maybe we should stay home.”
“Mom, no,” Sydney whined from the hallway. She’d changed into her sparkly rainbow flip-flops, and she’d even dabbed clear gloss onto her lips. No way was she going to miss this evening.
“Okay, I was just kidding. Time to party, kid. Let’s go.”
“I want to ride with Dad,” she said predictably.
Veronica glanced at her grumpy husband and shrugged. “Knock yourself out. I’ll meet you there.” Maybe he’d been counting on her bowing out so he could spend time with Neesa. Too bad.
She backed out quickly so Sydney could get into Johnny’s truck more easily, then honked her horn and waved. Sydney waved back with the enthusiasm of an extrovert who was about to stay up late and listen in on adult conversations no one realized she could hear. Veronica turned up her music to try to get in the mood herself.
King’s was one of a million Denver-area brewpubs, but it was near Johnny’s gym, so it was a go-to hangout. She knew exactly where the party would be as soon as she pulled up. King’s Backyard.
The Backyard wasn’t a yard, of course; it was an outdoor seating area with a fire pit and lots of room to play cornhole and shuffleboard. Johnny loved it. Veronica spotted Neesa as soon as she walked through the doors. Steeling herself, she headed toward Neesa and the group of tables populated with a few people she recognized from the last party.
“Hey, Neesa,” she said with as much warmth as she could muster.
“Hey, girl!” Neesa called as she popped up for a hug. It was too bad she was gorgeous and twenty-six and sleeping with Veronica’s husband, or maybe Veronica could have liked her. She certainly had a great smile and a positive attitude.
“Grab a beer and a seat! Where’s the man of the hour?”
“Heading in right now, I think.”
“There he is!”
Veronica grabbed the beer and the seat and settled in for reconnaissance.
Neesa raced over to hug Johnny as soon as he stepped outside. When he let her go, she hugged Sydney with just as much ent
husiasm. Veronica then heard her gasp and say the word kidnapping far too loudly. Neesa was fun and pretty and so excited. Her black hair was normally pulled into a sleek bun that accentuated her cheekbones, but tonight a perfect thick braid draped over her shoulder and she looked even prettier. Damn it.
Veronica glanced around to try to find Neesa’s husband. He wasn’t at the tables. Maybe he wasn’t coming, and Veronica had been meant to stay home too. But then she spotted him leaning against the outdoor bar, looking intimidating and serious.
She actually shivered a little at the sight of him. He wasn’t ugly. Far from it. K.C. was a big white guy whose arms were covered in tattoos. His brown hair was nearly shaved, and he kept his beard trimmed close too. He was muscular, but in a more workmanlike way than Johnny. Not chubby at all, but solid. And definitely mean-looking, with a piercing green gaze.
Did Neesa like Johnny just because he was so different from her husband, with his flat mouth and hard eyes? K.C. caught Veronica watching and raised a beer in her direction. His expression didn’t soften even when she smiled back far too widely.
Johnny had used K.C.’s garage before, but Veronica preferred the friendly national chain down the street. They had coffee pods and Wi-Fi and no ex-cons as far as she knew.
Half a beer and a whole bowl of tortilla chips later, Veronica relaxed a little, tapping her foot to the rock music as Sydney danced near the shuffleboard tables. Neesa was hanging out with her husband now, and they made quite a striking couple. He was a good ten years older than she was and nearly a foot taller, even with her stacked heels. Her brown hand curled over the black and blue lines of the dragon on his forearm as Veronica watched.
Johnny was a little quieter than normal, sitting at the table next to Veronica instead of making the rounds. Maybe he didn’t like seeing Neesa with her husband. Most of the rest of the party had broken up by gender, the men playing cornhole and the women laughing together nearby. Veronica watched them wistfully.
She needed to get back to that. She needed real friends. Maybe now that she’d accepted the state of her marriage, she could give up this twisted view of other women she’d had for too long. It was no accident that her only good friends were her lesbian sister and her sister’s wife. Veronica didn’t have to worry about them. She didn’t have to be jealous.
But that needed to change. She needed to set a good example for Sydney. Hell, maybe she could even be friends with Neesa.
No, that was a bridge too far, Veronica decided when Neesa bounced toward their table. She wasn’t at that moment of transcendence yet.
“So have you two talked?” Neesa asked cheerfully, and Veronica blinked in shock.
“What?”
Johnny shook his head. “Haven’t had the chance yet.”
“Johnny, come on!” Neesa said.
Veronica sat up straighter. “What’s going on? Talk about what?” Were they going to do this here? Just get it out in the open? Work out some sort of strained open-marriage agreement?
Neesa cleared her throat. “You know Johnny and I started working together last year . . .”
Good Lord. Veronica glanced toward Sydney, who was only four feet away.
“Well . . .” Neesa looked at Johnny as if hoping he’d jump in. When he didn’t, she took a deep breath that strained the buttons of her crisp shirt. “We’re thinking of starting an interval training gym.”
“A what?” She’d been doubtful Neesa would have proposed some kind of marriage swap right here in public, but she certainly hadn’t expected this.
“The start-up costs wouldn’t be huge, not compared to other kinds of gyms. We’ve been talking about it for a few months and—”
“A few months?” She turned to face Johnny fully, but he was looking at the table. “You haven’t said a word about this to me.”
“Johnny was a little nervous about bringing it up because of money, I think—”
Veronica cut a hand through the air. “I don’t need you speaking for my husband.”
“No, of course not. I get that. I’ll let you guys talk it out. But I’ve got a lot of numbers nailed down and maybe we could all get together for dinner or something and talk through it.” She actually reached out a hand to Johnny’s shoulder as if to give him strength in the face of his mean wife.
Veronica glanced toward K.C., still holding up the bar, but he was looking over the crowd and paying no attention to them.
“I think you should go,” Veronica snapped, and felt a hot surge of ugly triumph when Neesa’s hand pulled back. “I need to talk to my husband.”
So much for female bonding.
Neesa smiled nervously and gave a little wave before she left. Johnny slumped farther in his chair.
“A gym?” Veronica snapped. “You’ve been discussing this for months and you never mentioned it to me?”
“I knew what you’d say.”
“Did you know what I’d say because we have no money and can’t possibly afford to start a business?”
“Yes.” He sighed.
“Mom,” Sydney said. She’d moved closer while Veronica was distracted. “Don’t fight, okay?”
“We’re not fighting.”
“Well, then, stop frowning.”
Jesus. Veronica closed her eyes. She breathed deep. None of this mattered. There was no money for a gym. And she knew exactly what had happened. Johnny didn’t like to tell people no. He certainly wouldn’t want to tell his beautiful girlfriend no. So he’d let Neesa talk and plan until it had become too much for her to bear and she’d spilled the good news to Veronica. The good news about a gym Johnny could never possibly afford.
“We’ll talk about it later,” he said. “It’s a good plan. I think it could actually work.”
Veronica blew out a long breath, then glanced at Sydney’s pleading eyes. “Sure, Johnny,” she finally said. “Fine. We’ll talk about it later.”
He smiled. “Great.”
Veronica took the rest of her beer and headed toward the small group of women who’d started playing shuffleboard. “Hey,” she said to an older woman she’d never met before. “I’m Veronica.”
They shook hands, and Veronica tried her best not to watch Johnny for the rest of the night, but she couldn’t help noticing that when K.C. disappeared toward the bathrooms, Neesa made her way back to Johnny’s table. She sat down and talked to him as he frowned at his phone. Her hand slid to his shoulder and, just like that, Johnny put away his phone and smiled again. He got up and they walked toward the cornhole area, laughing. Veronica turned her back on her husband and forced herself to forget about him and have fun.
CHAPTER 19
Sunday dawned gray and rainy, an unusual occurrence in Colorado. The mountains usually scraped any clouds wide open in torrents of flooding water and explosions of lightning that passed as quickly as they began. But this was a strange, gentle drizzle that made Veronica feel she was somewhere else, somewhere sluggish and dreamy.
She heard Johnny making breakfast and Sydney giggling over the clatter of forks, but when Johnny stepped back into the bedroom she faked sleep.
“New clients,” he whispered. “I’ll be gone a few hours.”
She grunted and turned over with a sigh.
Once she heard the creak of the garage door and the rumble of his truck pulling away, she opened her phone to check her texts. Nothing. She got up to slip her hand into his shoe. No phone there. He’d taken it with him.
Whatever. He was out of the house and happy. What more could she ask for?
So much, a little voice whispered in her heart.
She shook her head. She had everything she needed right now. Wanting more had created most of these problems in the first place. Today she would be satisfied.
Though not as satisfied as yesterday afternoon at Micah’s.
Smiling to herself, she padded to the kitchen to brew a pot of coffee and feed Old Man. Sydney wandered out and flopped onto the couch, so Veronica grabbed a blanket and joined her. Old Man
curled up close too, and in that moment life felt perfect.
It was hardly a cozy scene of yesteryear, with Sydney on the tablet and Veronica reading the news on her phone, but was it so different? Would it mean they were closer if she were reading a newspaper and Sydney were drawing in her sketch pad? Impossible to imagine she could feel any more connected to her little girl than she did right now.
She kissed her daughter’s head and cuddled her closer. The rain pattered like tiny fingers on the living room windows. They were safe here. Shrouded from the world. Old Man heaved a sigh and settled into sleep.
“Want to play Scrabble?” Veronica asked.
“Maybe later. I promised Jenn I’d meet her online at ten to play Wizard101.”
“Got it. I should get some chores done then. No point in leaving the house today. Maybe you could play your ukulele for me later while I make some soup. Does that sound good?”
“Sure.”
Sydney finally wandered away to hang out with someone her own age, and Veronica made herself stand up and stretch. Her lizard brain wanted to huddle close to warmth and leave chores for a safe, sunny day, but tomorrow she’d return to work and no chores would get done. Today she could clean the living room and put up Halloween decorations. Then she’d feel accomplished enough to spend the rest of the day reading.
In fact, she’d finish her new book without even mentioning it to Micah. He was busy. He’d explained that to her. She would do him the courtesy of understanding and respecting that and not reaching out for reassurance.
She’d had an extra day with him this week. Two, actually. And she’d see him again on Wednesday. She didn’t need constant reassurance in the meantime. She wanted it, to be sure, but she didn’t need it.
Cringing at her own ridiculousness, she put on some music and set in to decluttering their small living room. It accumulated layers of junk so slowly, it was almost unnoticeable. Small things put down over the days and never picked up again until one day you had half the space you’d started with. She did her best not to see it for weeks, but even she had been noticing lately.
She put on her Regina Spektor playlist and gathered pens and pencils to return to kitchen drawers and stacked old flyers and magazines to drop in the recycling bin.
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